All of you
by quickquotetales
Summary: What if instead of friendship Jo and Alex had dove into a heated sex affair in the beginning of season 9 alongside... Heather, Leah, Susan, Stacey, Tina, Irene...? Very M-rated after introduction... very AU post 9x06. A sex affair turning into something nobody had ever anticipated... NOW COMPLETE!
1. Forever, no never

**[In the course of 9x03]**

[Leah]

_You know what? I could lie here forever. As in… forever. The used bedding underneath me and the stuffy air in this room, it's not that bad, it tells of… adventurous, exciting, and fulfilling _love_making. The view through the hazy unwashed windows – not so bad either, you know, the thing about an unclear perspective lets you never give up on hope, cause there's always that surprise factor. The mattress hundreds of doctors have rested on – it's not bad either. It snuggles up to my body, mirrors my shape perfectly. Speaking of which… That hand, those fingers, those strong, manly fingers running up my upper arm…oh how perfect. I could lie here forever, I swear. I have never touched fingers like his. I've never breathed air like he breathes. I can feel his sixpack pressed up against my back. I can feel goose bumps building on my skin underneath his touch. I believe this is my forever. I can see that. I can see us lie like this until well… someday very far from now. I just… I can see it right before my eyes. This is perfect. He is perfect. I could lie here forever. I smile to myself. _

"You up for another round?" his husky voice breaks the silence.

"Hmmm, I don't know, I'm sleeeeeepy…," Leah replies, sliding around to face her lover in the small but not uncomfortable on-call room bed, smiling at him, throwing her arms around his neck. "You wore me out, stud," she tried sounding seductive. There was a pause. "We should probably…rest up a bit,…together I mean," she suggested. Alex smiled at her crookedly… _self-conscious maybe_?

"Um, you know what, though, on second thought, I have this patient I need to check up on," Alex excused himself smoothly, sliding out underneath the sheet and getting himself dressed. Leah was confused.

"Wait, what? Now? You just suggested another round…," disappointment was obvious in her voice.

"I'm sorry, you know, with Robbins on leave… I really… I mean I really wish we could spend more time together, I just… I gotta…," Alex seemed to be looking for the right words. "You know, as sorry as I am to break this up… but patients always come first," he argued masterfully, earning big admiring eyes and a sappy smile.

"You really _are_ the perfect guy," Leah gave him a huge smile, trying to catch Alex with her pointer. "Of course you must go take care of your patients. But don't keep me waiting for all too long," she winked at him. Alex forced out a thin smile before leaving the room hurriedly, steering away straightforwardly.

* * *

[Alex]

_Phew, what an exit. _

Alex walked up the corridor, thinking about the girl he had just been trying to escape from. _Ugh, those claws. What is it with all of them? Well, but then, he really couldn't blame them. At least he couldn't blame that Leah chick. He had actually called her back into the on call room. After that surgery. He had just needed to blow off some steam. He should have definitely called Brooks. Yes, she was weird. But she wasn't clingy. Well, but then again, maybe she would have turned out clingy if he had called her again after their couple of times of… fun. _

Alex smiled at the nurse that had just passed him, still deep in thought. _I don't know her, do I? No, she's new. Looks fine, though. A bit like that one nurse down in the pit… that E.R. nurse…what was her name? Kacey? Hmm…nah, doesn't sound right… dark, straight hair, lightly toned skin, long legs… oh, Stacy, that's it. _Alex smiled widely. _Ugh, yeah, totally, I should totally hook up with that one again. _

"Karev," a sharp voice reached way down Alex's subconscious and alarmed him. His eyes wandered towards where the voice was coming from and halted when meeting Dr. Bailey's eyes, trying to look innocent.

"Dr. Bailey," Alex gave her back questioningly, shaking his head at her.

"You never came to update me on that JRA patient of yours, I thought I had expressed very clearly that I had a personal interest in that case," she reprimanded him, looking for answers. Alex sighed.

"Sorry, Bailey, haven't seen the results myself yet," he gave her an apologetic look before passing her. _Alex hoped his intern had taken care of that already. He definitely needed Ortho on that one. _

"Wait, what?" Bailey turned around to look after him.

"Yeah, lots to do around the kids ward once the head of your department decides to lay low," he said with some resentment in his tone of voice. Bailey's face immediately changed to an understanding one, nodding.

"Have you heard from her at all?" she kept on asking, even though Alex was already walking away.

"Nah, I guess I'm the last person she wants to see or talk to right now," he admitted, feeling guilty. _Once again. _Bailey sighed.

"Just… keep me updated, alright?" she yelled after him, making him nod and take long strides, walking down to the next level swiftly. He walked up towards the nurses' station, spotting his intern. _Perfect. _

"Dr. Karev, I've rounded on your pre-ops and post-ops, I've run your labs, and I'm updating your charts right now," the intern told him eagerly.

"What about my consult for the JRA kid. Have you scheduled that yet?" he directed towards her, looking through some papers.

"Um, no," the intern stuttered. "I- I haven't had a cha—".

"Are you kidding me? Stop with the charting, do it now," Alex ordered, going through the girl's chart. _Seriously? That intern hadn't seemed to be too dumb, at least until now. Just do your job, really. _Alex slowed his doings and looked up when he thought to have heard a sob. _She's crying. Do something. Say something. _"…or don't."

"No, I'm, I'm sorry, I'll schedule-God, I can't believe I'm crying in front of my boss. I told myself that I wouldn't do this," she stopped short. "Look, I'm not supposed to be this person, I don't fail. I was valedictorian of my high school, graduated _cum laude _from Princeton, I was first in my class at Harvard, how am I not getting this?" _God, stop rambling, I was just asking for that stupid consult. _"I've somehow become the loser intern," she sobbed. _What have I done now?! _"I-I blew the appy with Dr. Grey, _you've_ been piling on the scut, so clearly I pissed you off somehow…," she tried her big thinking. Alex interrupted.

"You get scut because you're an intern," he started. _Who hadn't? Don't fret. _"That's what interns do, it's the best way to learn," he continued. _Well, and to get it done. _"And," he stopped, thinking. _Alright, Karev, time to explain yourself…. Hmm, how to say this? 'Callie said not to screw you, too?!' _"You haven't pissed me off," Alex tried.

"I haven't?" the intern looked confused. _What was her name again? Look at her badge. Preferably, without her noticing. Uh, yeah, Jo Wilson. Got it. _

"No," he stuttered, trying to think of words. "Dr. Torres may have told me not to…," _yeah, what, Karev? _"…flirt with you… because… it may be possible that I dated a couple of other interns…," _that sounded good, right? Classy… _

"You mean Heather," the intern named Jo stated.

"Yeah, her," Alex replied. _She was being specific. Great. _

"And Leah," she added. _Hmmm. _

"Loo-," he tried to explain, when she started piling.

"And Susan, Stacy, Tina, Irene, don't worry…about the flirting, I have absolutely no interest in you since you've already screwed every one of my friends…,"

"I should go," Alex replied. _Definitely, yeah. _He started walking away. _Phew, that was… embarrassing. And definitely not what he had hoped his 'attending image' would be like with the interns… maybe it was time to set a new example… _"8 a.m. tomorrow," he turned around swiftly, "I'm doing a Nissl, don't be late," he advised her, walking away.

_Maybe this wasn't so bad, right? She's an intern, she's scared. She's terrified. She's eager. She wants to learn… I mean, yeah, I just made a big fool out of myself… I mean… they should totally respect me more than listing all my one nighters to my face… but she'll forget, right? I mean… she still wants to learn… she'll prioritize, right? There's no reason to get all gloomy about that, right? I mean everybody sleeps around… except for those who're married around here… and not even those are safe probably… I don't know… Kepner and Avery are doing it for Christ's sake, why shouldn't I? It's natural, right? It's not about growing up… or… you know… I mean… I have been married before. I tried going that way… and see how that worked out. Namely not. It was fine. It's fine. Those interns should respect me for what I do in the OR not what I do in the on call room. Just because I am getting my needs fulfilled, they won't NOT wanna be taught by me. Right? What the fuck am I worrying about anyways? They have no idea. No freaking idea. I should be in Baltimore by now. I should have stuck to that job I was offered. I should have gone to Johns Hopkins. Nobody cares about me doing everything for Robbins anyway. Everybody's too busy with their own stuff to even look my direction. Robbins is pissed with me. Callie is pissed with me for some reason. Everybody's just pissed. I can totally pull off my own thing. They shouldn't care if I'm sleeping around. What is this whole thing anyway? Forever, pff, my ass. If they really think their marriages are gonna last forever, they're wrong. Forever doesn't exist. We're doctors for God's sake. Surgeons. We don't have time for forever. We experience the end of forever every freaking day. There is no such thing as forever. So why not live in the moment? Why not screw until it's done and then screw forever. It's pure logic. I take what I can get, enjoying my little lasting forever in those moments of bliss, and everybody else just screw themselves. I don't care what they think. They're wrong. No such thing as forever. I'm doing my thing. Forever! Bite me._

* * *

[Jo]

Jo adjusted her scrub top, inhaling deeply before wiping away the fake tear clinging to her eyelashes. _Phew, that was some strong luck back there._ Jo had almost thought she had overdone it a bit with the attending. The intern piled up the charts neatly before taking them all into her arms and walking away from the station. _Good thing tears creep everybody out. Especially people that don't like crying themselves. _She wasn't all too familiar with the Karev guy yet but she had dared making the assumption that he was just as shallow as he looked. Smart guy, uncaring for the most part, grumpy, antisocial apart from the socializing with the bigger part of the female staff around here that he obviously took great pleasure in. Driven, though, she thought. A loner. _Well, I'll see what he has to teach tomorrow. Not sure how he managed to get into Peds, though. Is he gonna be an asshole with the kids also? That doesn't mesh well… _Jo's mind flew all over the place. She could totally understand why he would sleep around… or… let's say, she could understand part of it. _He's good from what I've heard… ew, stop thinking about that! _Jo shook her head, irritated with herself and got comfortable on the spare bed at the tunnels, spreading the paperwork before her. _Why in the world would an attending Pediatric surgeon screw around the hospital like that? I mean, why would he do it that obviously? That carelessly? Doesn't he think about his job? His reputation? I mean, all I know about him as of this moment is what he's like in bed… I know nothing whatsoever about his work. Well, he probably wouldn't be here if he was a crap surgeon. This is a high profile hospital, top program. Getting in was a ridiculous hustle. Receiving a fellowship… well, there has to be something more to him than good…well… you know. _Jo sighed, scribbling down notes.

But much deeper than the Karev guy, Jo's thoughts kept circling her intern friends and the rest of the female staff that had been jumping between the sheets with the attending. _I mean… never! Never in my life would I have dared to even look at that guy… at least with someone watching… _Jo felt how a tiny blush crept up her neck. _What the hell? _Jo frowned about her own bodily reactions and looked up, rattling her brain. _Well, alright, I looked at him, too. However, I can't really say if that's because I knew stuff from all the others before that… or… would I have looked at him if they hadn't directed my attention there? Ugh, whatever… he's good-looking and yes, I was curious, but no… I would never. Never would I ever. God! How could you be so freaking stupid? Sleep with your boss? After you just made it into the program? It's hard… I mean, right? The program? It's freaking hard work! Am I taking it too seriously or are they carelessly flinging their careers around? Phew…. Never. _Jo felt as agitation set in her guts. _Just calm down. It's their careers, they're old enough… _Jo rolled her eyes at herself. _Why am I getting so invested in this? _

Jo scooted around, sitting cross-legged on the bed, leaning the back of her head against the cool stone wall, closing her eyes. _Never. _Jo wasn't stupid and she wasn't hallucinating, she was well aware of that. Still, it was daylight outside and she could hear the voice of someone right next to her ear that she knew had been six feet under for the better part of her life. _"Never say never, sweetheart. There's no such thing. Oooor… can you predict the future and haven't told me up until now?" _Jo heard the childish shrieking and laughter of the elementary school aged Jo, the chuckles of her late mother clear as day. She opened her eyes. _Never say never. You were right, mom. _Jo put her face into her hands and sighed dramatically. _You did tell me there was no such thing as never, and you proved it all too soon... "Never leave me again, mommy". _Jo sat up. _Really? Now you're talking to your dead mother? Jesus, Jo, you really should get some sleep in between your shifts… you're exhausted. _The intern scrunched up her face and tried to focus her tired eyes on the letters. _I know I shouldn't judge. I know, I know nothing about his or their motives. It's sex, for God's sake. I need some myself. Desperately! Still… my career is my top priority. I'd never… ugh… alright. I just really wanna know why they're doing it… I mean if it were… something serious… but it seems he's just screwing everything that walks… no feelings, no relationship… no forever or at least a part of that. Well, forever's overrated anyway…. I can't believe I'm even thinking about that. Forever, ha. Humbug!_

_Well, anyways, back to what I was doing… ugh. _


	2. Deeply shallow

**[Some time after 9x07]**

[Alex]

"I don't care which one of those idiots is coming to the conference. I don't even wanna go myself. Tell me again why you're making me?" Alex ranted away while walking down the hall besides Arizona. Said one just rolled her eyes.

"Alex, this is a great push for your career! You're a surgical fellow now! You need to establish your reputation!"

"Nobody will care about it anyways, we haven't done another case in months," Alex argued.

"Everyone will care! You have done a huge thing with bringing those orphans here, treating them! Nobody else will! And in talking about it before hundreds and hundreds of renowned doctors, you're making sure there's at least one voice out there that'll vote for you keeping the project up. You need this project, Alex, it's yours. You can't let it die just because Dr. Barnes tried to hand it over to UCLA! I'm helping you out here, just fyi…," Arizona sounded irritated.

"Yeah, yeah," Alex grumbled, putting back their last patient's chart.

"Have you been working on your speech?" Arizona inquired.

"What do you care?"

"You're representing me, _this hospital, _for God's sakes! I didn't put you on the speakers' list to make a fool of myself! I believe in you and your project, now go and at least act like you're grateful for that," his mentor reprimanded him.

"Whatever," he said. "How did you even get us in there?"

"I told you my mentor at Johns Hopkins is the best Pediatric surgeon in this country. And he taught me a lot, which again, I taught you, so he's curious about our work, too," Arizona smiled. "So, I want you to pick an intern _you_ want to teach," she pushed on, making him groan.

"Why can't I at least pick one of the residents? Interns are babies, most of them haven't seen an OR from the inside, and even fewer have been to the NICU. They can't even hold a baby, let alone treat one," Alex ranted.

"Because we need to excite some fresh meat for our department! We could use some. Come on, interns are all bright and shiny, they believe in miracles and they think we're magicians. Kids are lovely and all, usually the newbies always come running for Peds until they realize it's not all fairy tales and soft toys, Peds is hardcore. They lose interest soon after that… soon after realizing kids die too, and mostly, sick kids aren't cuddly or cute. So, we need to woo them with new ideas, sparkly surgeries, breathtaking inventions. They're supposed to be sitting through lectures and project presentations, four days, back to back, they're supposed to walk out of there and feel the excitement of saving kids, saving our future! They're supposed to want to get hands on immediately. And they should see and respect what you and I did and do here, they should realize what an amazing opportunity it is to learn from our hands," Arizona rambled on, her sparkly eyes flooded with the imagined enthusiasm she was hoping for in the new generation of surgeons. Alex had long since crunched up his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"You sure you're cleared for surgery? You seem a bit high to me," he snarked, making her flick his head. "Ow," he ducked away, chuckling.

"I'm gonna send you an intern to the NICU," Arizona called after him when he distanced himself towards his next destination.

"I won't need one," he gave her back.

"You need to start teaching, Karev, and that's an order," Arizona put on her strict voice.

"Robbins, the kid is dying, I'm afraid there is nothing to teach tonight," he shrugged his shoulder, looking at her sadly.

"There's always something to teach, Karev," Arizona smiled back sadly as well, commenting his opinion in a soothing voice. "Trust me, if we wanna teach them how to save them, we'll need to teach them to care first, and then get a handle on how things happen here, even at a terribly young age," she whispered. Alex rolled his eyes and turned his back on Arizona, directing himself towards the NICU. It was bad enough to have to accept that kids die sometimes, weren't cut out to survive this world, not even getting the chance to prove they can. He didn't need audience for that. The infant didn't either. Alex sighed when he had scrubbed and gowned himself and pushed the sliding door open.

"I'm taking over, you can go," Alex told the nurse who just nodded and walked away. "Thank you."

_This was gonna be a long night._

* * *

[Jo]

Jo was having a rough night. She had been on Medusa's service all day and all she wanted was go home and sleep. They had arranged themselves with all the attendings, Jo felt, but sometimes she still worried about Medusa. They had gotten to know her as the inapproachable, feared, brilliant surgeon she was, rough around the edges, mean, strict, demanding. On the other hand, Jo and the other interns had gotten so many insights into the attending's life, her family, her friends. She was a compassionate, caring and even nice person. And that all in one person. It was one hell of a ride with her, today hadn't been anything less. When she sat next to Steph on the bench in the interns' locker room and yawned, she only half-consciously heard the door open and somebody coming in rather slowly.

"Good evening, doctors," Jo looked up and faced Dr. Robbins. She hadn't really worked with her yet, seen her around though, couldn't judge her yet. She seemed nice enough, smiley even. "I know you've all probably had rough days today, hopefully successful ones, too," the superior beamed down at them. Jo flitted her eyes over at the others who seemed just as puzzled as she was. "Anyways, I know you've heard about the conference Dr. Karev and I are going to attend at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore next month, it was on the news board a few weeks back. There's still a few spots on the plane and we'd both welcome anyone of you who's interested in a nationwide Pediatric surgery conference. I know Dr. Murphy here has already signed up for this chance," Robbins acknowledged Leah with a smile, making Jo roll her eyes, knowing all too well about Leah's motives. "However, I was wondering if anyone else might be interested in this," she questioned them cheerily. Jo didn't know what to say. Sure, that sounded fun and interesting and definitely a chance to get an insight into more programs and projects and inventions but on the other hand, she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to go into Peds, if that was even the question at this point in her surgical career. When nobody spoke up, Stephanie cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Do we have to sign up right now?"

"No, no, of course not, deadline is Friday. However, I am not going to hand out the spots blindly, I would like to look at your skills and fit first, and since tonight Dr. Karev is treating a very special young boy, I was wondering if any of you wanted to get on his service and observe him as a preparation for what all is going to come up when going into Pediatrics," the attending explained. Stephanie nodded.

"I'll do it," Leah spoke up immediately, making Jo sigh again in exasperation. Robbins smiled at her.

"I believe you've been on Pediatrics twice this week already, I think we already have a picture of you, how about next time? Anybody else interested?" Again, she looked around the interns. Jo sighed. All she wanted to do was go to sleep. And not that she had headbutted with Karev again since the Santa incident but she could think of so many scenarios of how to spend her night without him in it. _But _first thing they teach you in med school – never let an opportunity slide, you never know if or when you might be able to grasp one again.

"I'll gladly do it," she decided after a second of thinking, putting her scrub top back on top of her long sleeved shirt. Robbins smiled at her sweetly.

"Great," she said, "come on up then," she led her out of the locker room and walked towards the elevators. "I'm glad you decided to come. You've shown a lot of potential as I have seen and I've heard even more from Dr. Karev," the surgeon glanced back at Jo who just raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You're surprised," Robbins chuckled.

"Um, yes, I'm surprised," Jo responded honestly. "Dr. Karev doesn't seem to be the best to actually notice an intern's existence, let alone her surgical skills," she pointed out, making the blonde laugh.

"Well, you don't know him very well. Maybe you can learn something about each other tonight. He's not all that grumpy and shallow as he seems, as I said to you before, he's one of the good ones. He can show you a hell lot of stuff if you are willing to observe and listen," the elder answered.

"Well, I never doubted his surgical skills, but it doesn't seem likely that he's actually talking about my _surgical potential_," Jo repeated again. _Robbins sure was wrong. Karev couldn't have said that about her, she wasn't even in his good graces. And she hadn't slept with him. _Robbins smiled.

"Well, he did. Unwillingly, I give you that," Jo had to chuckle about that. "But you know, he does have a teaching assignment with working at this surgical program, so I _make _him say stuff about all the interns," she winked at the intern. Jo laughed.

"Okay. So, what are we doing tonight?" Jo asked curiously.

"Dr. Karev will fill you in. Go scrub and gown yourself, Alex is inside the NICU. Try to take as much with you tonight as you can. As said, you're good, you should maybe think about investing yourself in this. After that you can decide if you wanna go on the conference as well," Robbins told her before walking off. Jo scrunched up her face and started scrubbing. _Robbins was being very cryptic. What kind of case were they going to handle? At this hour of night? And all that talk about Karev… weird. _When she was done scrubbing and gowning, she entered the NICU, making the only adult person in the room look back at her and sigh, irritated it seemed to her.

"I don't need you here," Karev was already looking back at the baby in the incubator, sitting in front of it, his hand on the kid's head.

"Dr. Robbins made a point in coming to our locker room and asking for an intern to learn from this case. I think _she_ thinks you need help," Jo just replied, standing next to him. "What do you need me to do?" Karev shrugged.

"There's nothing to do here, I swear," the attending told Jo dismissively. _Ugh, he is so annoying. _Jo sighed.

"Well, I'm here, so fill me in," she hissed at him.

"Shhhh," he hissed back, looking at her crossly. Jo's face changed to an apologetic one immediately.

"Tell me about the baby," Jo asked him in a quiet voice, trying to keep it steady. Her opponent sighed and rubbed his face.

"His name is Elijah," Karev started. "He was born by c-section at 27 weeks a couple of hours ago after his parents had a car crash," he elaborated. Jo nodded, feeling her chest squeeze tight. "He's had all the procedures done we could do…he's not stable. He won't make it through the night," the attending bowed his head, trailing away. Jo felt nauseous. _This was what Robbins had sent her here for? What the hell? That's screwed up! _Jo took a deep breath, trying to hide her emotions, looking at the tiny preemie, his eyes closed with the sticky patches, lying there all helpless. There was a long stretch of silence between them, Karev never looking up, just touching the boy's head softly, Jo standing next to him, trying to comprehend this situation. _This was going to be a long night._

* * *

[Arizona]

Arizona sighed as she sat down in the dark nurses' observatory ward, finally relaxing and resting her leg, watching Karev and Wilson in the NICU, undetected. Since she had been back, she had tried to steer straight ahead, go full speed, do everything at once, be cheerful, be enthusiastic, be convincing. She wanted and needed to be back to the game. And she needed Karev and many more surgeons to share that passion with her. She watched the intern's face meticulously. She hadn't shown any emotion yet. Arizona hat watched how the younger surgeon had walked into the NICU, full of hope and prospects, and had seen her face fall for a split second, but after that, Wilson had caught herself masterfully and now stood, observing the scene._ Karev and the babies_. Arizona had to smile. As much as this scene broke her heart, she had to smile. Alex was so good with the kids. So good. She had trained him so well. He was an amazing doctor and even though there were lots of things you could criticize about him, she couldn't take that away from him. He was a compassionate doctor. He would never let a patient down, not once. Not ever. Not tonight. Now he just needed to pass that wisdom. He needed to teach those who were just starting out. And Arizona knew he could do it. Masterfully.

"Why are you still here?" Arizona heard Wilson whisper. She had turned on the intercom a while ago. She watched as Karev looked up at the intern and sighed.

"…why do you think?" he asked her soberly. There was a short pause.

"So you can tell the parents you did everything you could?" the young doctor tried. Arizona smiled, and so did Alex, looking back at the sick infant.

"That's what Bailey teaches, right?" Arizona saw Wilson nod and there was another pause. Then Alex sighed. "Well, yeah, she's not wrong. That's important. But it's been apparent that we have done everything we could and the parents know that… but there's a much more important reason…at least in my eyes," he explained slowly, watching as the stats dropped very slowly. Jo's eyes followed Alex's, looking at the monitor.

"What's that?"

"You can't think of it?"

"So… you'll learn from this case and can save another kid?" Wilson sounded like she was taking a wild guess since she couldn't think of anything. Alex chuckled sadly. Arizona was intrigued. She didn't know the reason, either. Or, let's say, she couldn't think of a reason why Alex would again and again do this, sit with those babies. She had watched it a million times it seemed, as sad as that was, but she had never asked him why, just taken it as a fact. Of course, it was part of the job, but even Arizona tried to experience those hours as rarely as possible.

"Nobody should die in vain?" Alex looked back at her, smiling. "Yeah, admirable… and important, yes, but still… not quite there," he told her.

"What is it, then?" the doctor asked, sounding a bit impatient. Alex took a deep breath, running his fingers across the kid's head again.

"Nobody should die alone," he said eventually, silence engulfing them. Arizona's heart shed some tears upon seeing and listening to this scene. There was so much she had taught her mentee, but she had never needed to teach him compassion. Arizona observed as Wilson sat down besides Alex and put one of her hands inside the other porthole and gently rubbed the boy's feet. When Arizona had just decided to get up and get going, she heard Alex say one more thing and curiosity got the best of her. "You should go, it's late," he started, making Wilson look back at him. "There's surgeries you'll have to fight over early tomorrow morning," he just said without much emotion.

"I'll stay," the intern reciprocated straight-faced. Arizona smiled and sighed. _She had done well for tonight. Alex had already taught the intern. _She got up and turned off the intercom, stepping out of the room quietly and left.

* * *

[Jo]

"You don't have to. Dying alone is one thing, dying with an audience one very different thing," Karev told her steadily.

"You say death should be comfortable, right?" Jo decided to broach the subject again.

"As can be, yes," he retorted.

"Okay. So, this kid has basically heard us go back and forth a great chunk of his life. He's comfortable with it. We should give him this one last favor," Jo argued, making Karev chuckle sadly again.

"He really hasn't, you know," he said after a moment of pause. "You _just_ came here and we're not going at it much tonight," he said. Jo smiled.

"I can give you many reasons to snark at me, I know how it's done," Jo challenged him. When she looked over, he smiled. There was quite a pause before he responded.

"Most of the times you're not half bad. You're an intern, that makes you an idiot by definition," he elaborated. Jo pulled her eyebrows up and shook her head.

"Wow, you really are an ass, you know that?" she looked at him. _What an arrogant jerk! _The attending just laughed and then shook his head.

"I was an intern once, you know," he told her.

"You mean an idiot?" Jo came back strongly, both of them smiling.

"Uh-uh. God, I'm glad that's over. Anyways, what I was trying to say before you so rudely interrupted me," he told her with wide eyes and a put on glare. "You're halfway decent. I don't know if you're actually interested in Peds or if Robbins made you come… but even on those other days you were on my service… you're definitely not dumb. But you're new and young and inexperienced and I'm not very patient. And I'm generally a rude person," he pointed out.

"You don't say," Jo whispered back, surprised about his speech.

"Anyways, putting our differences aside, we shouldn't bicker. This is all he has of a life. It'd be a shame if we couldn't take a minute and focus on him instead of us," her superior told her. This took her aback. _Whoa, where had that just come from? _Jo bit her lower lip and nodded.

"Wouldn't have taken you for the caring one," she chucked out after a minute, not sure if she was in the position to say so, keeping her eyes steady on the boy.

"Wouldn't have taken you for the snotty one," her superior came back.

"What?" Jo tried not laughing. It really was inappropriate.

"I mean, at least before the whole Santa thing… with the crying and stuff… I thought you were the first to break under the pressure," he admitted. Jo didn't know what to say. "I judged you wrong. Peds might seem cute, but it's not. Not everybody can handle it. Handle _this_," he said. Jo nodded. They sat in silence for a long while before Jo spoke up again, not being able to mute the thoughts in her head.

"Where are his parents?" she inquired.

"Mother's still out. She's had it bad. Father's with her," Karev informed her.

"So, she never got to see him? Never got to hold him?" Jo was appalled. The boy's doctor shook his head quietly. "What about the dad, though? He's uninjured, right? Why isn't he here?"

"People mourn differently. People cope differently. He couldn't take it. Especially with his wife still unstable," Karev said emotionless.

"He's just a baby, though," Jo's heart was breaking.

"Don't judge him. He's probably doing all he can. Dealing with losing someone isn't something you can just demand from someone. People have to deal with it the best they can. Everybody's different," he repeated, irritating Jo.

"I know a thing or two about losing people, trust me," she snapped at him, making him look up at her in surprise, scrunching up his eyebrows. "Sorry, didn't mean to snarl," Jo apologized immediately. Karev nodded, a bit unsure about her lashing out. "I just… it's so sad," Jo commented weakly.

"I know. That's what we're here for. Or at least… that's what I'm here for. As said, nobody should die alone, even if it's too hard for his parents to be here. And at least he knows me by now. I was the one getting him out of his mom and treating him and I was with him most of his life I guess…," the other doctor narrated. Jo looked at the attending's profile. His face looked so steady, she couldn't see his eyes, though. She couldn't judge how much this affected him. But on the other hand, she hadn't even expected the words he had been saying to her all night. She had never expected that from him at all. They sat in silence for an hour or more, before Karev broke it again. "Do you believe in God?" he asked her boldly. Jo bit her lip and looked at him, not sure where this was going. She sighed and then shook her head slowly. He looked at her, acknowledging the answer. "Do you know any bible stories?" he asked her again. Jo frowned.

"Um, no, not really. Or maybe the basic ones. Why?" she asked him, insecurely. Karev looked away again, sighing.

"I don't know… it's just… when I talked to the dad, he told me something about some guy from the bible called Elijah… and about how his wife had always wanted their son to be called Elijah. He didn't elaborate. And I don't know anything about it. So… I was just wondering… who he was… or what it means… would have been nice to know what the parents thought about when picking that name," Karev's explanation died down slowly. They both yanked their head up to the monitor when they realized the boy's vitals were dropping a lot faster now. Karev got up, so Jo did the same. She pulled her hand back and watched as he opened the incubator and took the tiny boy out, hugging him to his chest. Jo felt how this was tearing at her heart. _Don't get emotional, _she reprimanded herself, _Karev just changed his opinion about you_. _This is good. You can show him that you actually are dying to be hardcore._ She stood there, silently, as Karev rocked the baby softly, whispering something soothingly until only a couple of minutes later she watched the flat line on the monitor establish itself and took a deep breath. Everything after that was kind of blurry for her, it's not that she blacked out or something, it wasn't as if she didn't shadow Karev the entire procedure through, but everything felt so unreal and to be perfectly honest, afterwards, she didn't have a clear picture what all they had taken care of. When they were strolling towards the locker rooms, she could feel the attending nudge her arm softly, making her realize he was talking to her. "Anyways, thanks for staying," he just said, making her nod. They stood there, awkwardly.

"Why?"

"Why did Robbins make you stay?" Jo nodded. "To prepare you for the worst. Saving kids' lives is great. It's very rewarding. Not saving kids' lives...well it's... there's times you'll admit kids that are terminally ill and probably dying before you even have the chance to look twice and get a second opinion. It's hard and it's devastating. But it is the way it is. Murphy broke down crying the other day. I can't blame her, it was a horrible case. And being a doctor, being a Pediatric surgeon, doesn't mean you can't have feelings, it doesn't. But you'll need to be prepared. That's all we're saying. And Robbins wanted to make sure that you knew, I guess," the man told her. Jo nodded again. Then he looked away, blushing slightly, making her frown.

"What?"

"Well… and I _might_ have told her… that I thought you were a crier…," he confessed sheepishly. Jo rolled her eyes and smiled. "But I never told her to put you on this case," he defended himself. Jo smiled.

"It's fine. I'm glad Elijah didn't have to die by himself. I think he had good company," Jo smiled sadly, and then winked at Karev. He nodded. They parted ways for the night but their conversation stuck with Jo for much longer. She couldn't draw an even picture of the attending. She couldn't figure him out. He was being an asshole, and the next moment he was being such a sweetheart. He was screwing around the hospital, not caring about his reputation, about respect, not even about the girls, but then he worried about one person being a crier and the other one being suitable for the job. He was rude and partly impossible towards his colleagues, but so gentle with those kids. He was cranky and snarky and annoying as hell but then he was just sitting there and being the most understanding and open-minded teacher to her. She couldn't wrap her head around it. It was Santa all over again. And all those situations after that one. Many more of the cranky ones than the teaching ones. But she just couldn't wrap her head around it. Every time she had made her mind up, thinking he was an okay guy, he smashed that image right back in with some stupid ass comment or behavior, every time her mind had settled with the asshole card, he was being so kind and almost… caring. How was one person supposed to make sense of all that? Jo really wanted to just hate him. But she couldn't.

_Maybe, just maybe, he's a whole different person than you think he is. _


	3. High above

**[Next Month]**

[Jo]

Jo wriggled herself around in the uncomfortable plane seat. It was squishy, it was smelly, it was tiny and uncomfortable. People bustled around nervously, trying to cram stuff in the overhead storage area, standing in each other's way, grunting at each other. The flight attendants bolted from one end to the other, making sure everybody had their seats right. _It was just a 5 hour flight, don't fret everyone. _At least the flight attendants' suits didn't make her wanna puke or tear out her eyes. Jo was unhappy. She usually didn't mind flying. She was used to traveling by _herself_, though, and as low-key as possible. She would always get an aisle seat, put in her headphones, close her eyes and go to sleep, not waking until they were landed safely again. But this time everything was different. Eventually, she had agreed to go on the conference. She liked Robbins, she could deal with Karev, Peds was interesting enough, and as pondered before, this really was one of the big chances. And she had needed an out badly. She knew the days at Johns Hopkins wouldn't be vacation but she sure needed some down time, some time to lay low. Leah had kind of ruined that plan with immediately scheduling lectures for them together, being all excited and enthusiastic. Furthermore, for some reason she couldn't quite grasp, the hospital had booked flights for them traveling as a group, even though she had planned to at least do the _trip_ alone, if she wasn't supposed to vanish from Leah's side during those Baltimore days already. Now she was sitting in row 21 which was pretty much in the middle of the whole aircraft, making her feel constrained from every angle. Also, Leah had insisted on taking the aisle seat, since that's what the ticket said and she didn't wanna be in that peculiar situation of having been in a plane crash and upon somebody finding them, thinking she was dead, when really, Jo was dead. Jo had rolled her eyes and shaken her head at the stupidity of her colleague but then stopped short when she saw Arizona Robbins' expression when she turned to face them, looking appalled.

"Shut your trap, will you," Alex Karev just snubbed towards Leah who looked completely aghast about herself as well.

Now Jo was squeezed in between a guilty looking Leah Murphy and an Ortho intern called Miles Petersen who had explained to her, back at the waiting lounge at the airport with unbelievable long-windedness why he was going to the conference and how the information given from the Pediatric department could benefit his work in Orthopedics. Row 22 hosted their current chief resident, a buttoned-down, straight-faced, no-nonsense redhead who could only be a year or two older than Jo, she was sure. Her name was Dr. Megan Woodard. Sitting with her were a couple more interns she had never really gotten as close to, but she knew their names were Dr. Shields and Dr. Velasquez. Said doctors were chattering incessantly about some party they had been to the other night, while Dr. Woodard was studying the Hopkins program sheet it seemed from what she could tell. The seat right in front of her was taken by Dr. Robbins who seemed quite still and a bit nervous. No surprise there. Jo didn't know much about that infamous plane crash but she sure knew who had been in it. Robbins was one of them. Sitting next to the attending was Alex Karev, occupying the aisle seat, looking down on his phone. Jo sighed, trying to blank out the chattering from behind and the fidgeting besides her.

"Will you stop?" she snarled over towards Leah when she wouldn't making her look up, startled, but also making Karev turn his head and look at her seemingly madly. Jo narrowed her eyes at him and shook his head in a small motion, telling him to mind his own business, making him roll his eyes and face forward again. Leah looked like her eyes were glazed over. "What's the matter with you?" Jo asked, not knowing if she should be concerned or not. Leah started fidgeting again, looking for words.

"It's just…," she looked up, nodding towards Robbins. Jo rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Forget it, nothing you can do now," she said, meaning to turn back but Leah grasped her arm furiously.

"You think I should apologize? What I said…it was very insensitive…don't you think?" Jo chuckled humorlessly.

"You think?"

"You know we can hear you, right?" Karev snarled back towards them.

"Oh, no," Leah put her hand over her mouth. "Dr. Robbins I'm so, so sorry, I really didn't mean to… I wasn't thinking… of course I didn't mean we're gonna…," she rambled desperately, having leaned forwards while Robbins tried to ignore her.

"Stop talking _now_," Jo told her sharply, while Karev lashed out at the very same time.

"Shut up," he said.

The rest of the flight was pretty uneventful, Jo listened to Leah talk about the upcoming week while her thoughts repeatedly trailed over towards the attendings, catching snippets of conversation here and there, overhearing them talk about their respective lectures and presentations, Karev snubbing about the aircraft staff, Robbins making use of the in-flight Wi-Fi, video chatting with her daughter Sofia. When they landed, they all got out as quickly as possible, everyone's mood having hit a low, and looked for the shuttle that had been promised to them back in Seattle. When they found it, Jo watched Karev help Robbins into the minibus which was rather difficult with her leg and then get in next to herself, sliding the door close. Jo still couldn't figure him out and she also didn't know why she kept thinking about it that much. It didn't surprise her too much, though, she had always been a person who was drawn to… somewhat inscrutable, complicated, hard-to-figure-out characters… she just liked the unpredictability, the adventure of it… but it really wasn't any fun when that person turned out to be your boss. Jo sighed, shaking her head slightly, getting those thoughts out of her mind. _Just... keep it in, alright?_

* * *

[Alex]

_Ugh, what the hell are you looking at now?_

"What?" he barked over at the intern staring at him. _And this time it wasn't even the whiny one. _Alex watched as Wilson startled, seemingly having been zoning out on him, and blushing slightly. She shook her head at him, crossing her legs swiftly, making Alex feel the cold air engulf his thigh which had just a moment ago rubbed against Wilson's.

"Sorry," she mumbled sheepishly, her gaze now resting straight-ahead, staring at the dark street. Alex kept looking at her for another second before realizing the Murphy chick was staring at him, too, from besides Wilson.

"What?" he snorted, getting annoyed. Wilson, who hadn't realized he was talking to Murphy, yanked her head around and looked irritated.

"I didn't even do anything, jerk, stop barking at me," Wilson barked back. Arizona turned around from her seat next to the driver and looked at them sharply.

"Wilson, might I ask for a little more respect," she inquired, making the intern shake her head and very obviously trying to swallow her anger down.

"It's fine, I wasn't talking to her," Alex defended her for a second, making both of them look at him. While Arizona reprimanded him, Wilson looked around to see Murphy blush wildly.

"Do not talk to your colleagues like that," Arizona's voice was furious, but her eyes were even scarier. Alex rolled his eyes and looked out the window, watching the dark, dirty streets go by. _Baltimore. Great. Now he was here. Without actually being here. Why had he let Arizona convince him again? This is just… this is just… rubbing it in. He could have been here. He could have done his fellowship here. Johns Hopkins. This was it. And all he was doing was give a freaking speech. _Alex's thoughts were running wild, not even realizing time and space going by. He yanked his head back around towards Wilson, when he could feel her fingers brushing against his knee slightly, deliberately, though. She looked at him weirdly, kind of like she was expecting an answer or something.

"What?" he found himself snarking again, making her roll her eyes.

"Didn't you hear me? We're here, we're at the hotel," she pointed out for him, making him look out the window in surprise, seeing the hotel's staff scurry around the minibus. _How in the world had he not realized? _Alex could feel himself blush slightly, looking over at her again, finding her having raised her eyebrows and nodding at him, shaping a sassy smile. "Are you gonna get out anytime soon?" she teased him. Alex immediately unbuckled his seatbelt and slid the door open, trying to help Robbins out of the front seat. He had just assisted her and she was standing on solid ground, when he saw Wilson trying to step out of the bus and simultaneously the driver killing the engine, making the bus jerk a few inches forward and make her lose her balance. Alex turned towards her, only seeing her eyes widen and her hands positioned to catch herself on the pavement. Everything seemed to go in slow motion for Alex, he only took one step forward, catching Wilson in mid-air, feeling her arms snap around him and then her weight pulling him down, making her feet touch the ground. He heard her chuckle against him and looked at her, when she entangled herself, her hands shivery and her voice breathless. "Sorry," she breathed out, red blotches all over her face and neck. Alex just shook his head and held on to her upper arm while she was collecting herself, trying to find balance again.

"You okay?" he asked her, when she laughed again, awkwardly.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just… he startled me," she said, making him smile and finally let go of her, still watching if she was steady on her feet. They all checked in and retired to their respective rooms since it was late already and they had an early morning.

The next couple of days were chaotic. After the first night, they all tried to get around the Johns Hopkins campus, tried to get to lectures on time, tried to get into workshops. Arizona would continuously recommend speakers and project presentations but only showed up to half of the mentioned ones or waddled away afterwards to talk to old acquaintances and mentors. More often than he had hoped for, he would find himself amongst the group of interns and residents, all of them seemingly buzzed with excitement and fascination. When he had some time off, Alex would stroll through the halls of Johns Hopkins, admiring their hospital. It was such a different feeling and he tried imagining working here. He couldn't. A weird feeling spread inside him. It was the feeling of doubt. _Would he have been happier coming here? _Alex grumbled. _No, Seattle was home. Seattle Grace was home. He had his friends there, his work, his mentors, his house. _He sighed. _But really, he didn't… he didn't have anyone there… he didn't have a… he was alone. _When he walked into the hotel lobby that night, having just gotten in after bidding his goodbye at the dinner Arizona and him had been invited to a bit early, he bumped right into one very lost looking Leah Murphy.

"Dr. Karev," she immediately chirped. "At least one person to be found," she started walking besides him, irritating him. Alex scrunched up his face, trying to show her his dislike. _He had wanted to go sit at the hotel bar for a drink but he couldn't dare do that now, she'd probably sit right next to him and ramble on and on. _"Dr. Karev, are you even listening to me?" Murphy looked at him from the side, having pushed the elevator button.

"Hm?" he chucked out in surprise, not having heard a single word she had said.

"I was asking if you know where everyone has disappeared to?"

"No idea," he gave her back barely. He looked at her from the side, trying to see what exactly he had found in her in order to do her twice. He couldn't reconstruct that part.

"So…," she smiled at him, looking… w_hat the hell is she trying to say with that expression on her face…_,"do you… you know… wanna spend some time together…?" she asked him in a low voice. Alex frowned. _Crap._

"You know what…," he stalled for a second, hearing the elevator ding and watching her get in. He distanced himself a few steps from the elevator, watching her face fall. "I forgot - I gotta run an errand," he told her lamely before the elevator closed shut and he sighed. _Well, not very smooth but at least he was rid of her. For now. _Alex walked over towards the marked stairways. He'd walk up a few levels and get on the elevator then, hoping she would either take the rebuff as he had meant it or look after him on ground level which he wanted to exit as quickly as possible. He threw the door to the stairways open roughly, taking two steps at a time. He kept his face down, watching his own feet climb the stairs and startled when he saw a pair of feet that didn't belong to him on the second level, almost dripping over, stopping short and looking up.

"_Jesus_, you scared me," Wilson told him, sitting on the steps, her head rising from a position in her hands. "Don't you have eyes in your head?" she accused him, looking annoyed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alex asked her, completely taken aback about meeting her here.

"I could ask you the same thing," she gave him back dismissively, leaning her forehead back on her knees. Alex felt his guts do weird movements.

"Um… are you okay?" Alex asked her, feeling the awkwardness, not knowing if to just pass by or try to get her to move too. Wilson just nodded. Alex stayed put, looking at the state of her. When he didn't move, the intern looked up and sighed, her face looking worn out but otherwise okay.

"I'm hiding," she disclosed eventually. Alex frowned but adopted a grin to his face, looking at her questioningly. Wilson closed her eyes and smiled as well. "I know that sounds weird… it's just… she is such a pain sometimes…," she tried to explain.

"Who?" Alex asked her, his eyebrows pulled together.

"Leah," she just replied. Alex couldn't help but chuckle. "What?" Wilson questioned him, a bit offended. Alex rubbed his face, leaning against the banister.

"I'm doing the exact same thing…," he pointed out, making her stop short.

"You're hiding from Leah?" she asked him unbelievingly. Alex nodded.

"Yeah," he said. There was silence between them, Alex standing right in front of her, having propped against the banister and looking down at her. He didn't know what exactly overcame him when he kept the conversation going. "You were right, you know," he added. The intern looked at him questioningly. "You told me once to tell _her_ what's going on between us," he tried for her to remember. She nodded. "I really should have… she is such a pain in the ass, it is unbelievable," he ranted, groaning. She rolled her eyes but smiled. _Too bad she didn't seem to be interested in any sexual encounters at all... at least with him. Or well... others too... from what he had heard so far. She seemed to be easy-going... and fun. He could imagine them together. For fun. And she was _hot_. God almighty._

"You know… You won't get my sympathy… you did that to yourself…," she told him matter-of-factly. Alex grunted.

"What are you insinuating? I couldn't have known how persistent she is," Alex looked at her, waiting for a response. The younger doctor just scrunched up her face. "We haven't had sex in forever, I swear."

"Cause usually the matter resolves itself upon letting the girls drop one by one?" she sassed at him. Alex grinned.

"Well," he shrugged. "yeah," he chuckled, making her laugh silently, shaking her head.

"You're impossible, you know that, right? They all _work _with you… and I don't know what you told her… but you did _something _right, let me tell you… she cannot get enough of you and it's _so _annoying," Wilson blew up. Alex grunted in amusement.

"Tell me… would you run after me for _weeks_ minding that I haven't replied to one freaking text or call? And trust me, there were plenty of them," the young doctor raised her eyebrows.

"Probably not, no," she admitted.

"Would you try to be on my service if all I do is cold shoulder you and snark at you?"

"Ha, interns don't get to choose services," she told him defensively.

"Well, most of the times, but all those other times you _can_ choose… would you?"

"I don't know… unless I'm really into Peds, probably not, no," she said, bored.

"So, _there_," Alex shrugged.

"What?"

"Well… it's not me. It's her. You apparently wouldn't do all that. All the others didn't do it. It's _her_ that's weird," he looked for words, stumbling a bit on them. Wilson grunted with laughter.

"Seriously? That's your argumentation?_ It's her?_ Oh my, oh my," the woman shook her head in amusement. "Oh and by the way…she's not the only one fawning over you still… she's just the only one actually acting on it towards you…," she cleared that up. Alex sighed.

"So, what do you suggest I should do?"

"Talk to her? Tell her you don't have the slightest inclination of dating her? Tell her you're simply the asshole you are and she should just drop it," his discussion partner smiled at him mockingly. Alex rolled his eyes and sighed again, dramatically.

"Yeah, whatever," he said, taking a few steps up, passing her by. She put her head back on her knees. "You staying?" He saw her nod from the corner of his eyes. "Why aren't you just going back to your room?"

"I'm sharing a room with her…," Wilson faked a whining voice. Alex chuckled. "But you know," she jumped up suddenly, running up behind him and looking at him excitedly. She was a lot closer than he would have anticipated, only keeping inches away, presumably on purpose to make her point right. He could feel her presence right behind him clearly. And he really wished he wouldn't, after all... she w_as _smoking hot. Alex cleared his throat awkwardly, she didn't notice or care, though. "You could go have that talk you wanted to get over with… you could tell her with that really arrogant voice you sometimes use, you know, the way you function so well, she could cry a bit, you try to console her, she's turning into a bitch and blames you for ruining her, you fight back, everything explodes, you get all broody and then you can have some… break up or make up sex… you know…doesn't that sound nice? And meanwhile you don't _even_ have to worry about your room… cause I'm gonna take care of it, I swear, I'll just stay the night and once you're done with Leah tomorrow morning, you can have your room back and vice versa and I couldn't care less because the lectures will have started all over again…," she smiled at his amused face and wriggling eyebrows.

"You wish," Alex chuckled, working his way up, her following him closely.

"Please, let me pay you," she begged him now, actually reaching out for his elbow, tugging it. Alex laughed.

"Are you going insane? How bad is she anyways?"

"Well, let's put it like that… I am one of the only ones who haven't slept with _you,_" The woman pointed her finger at his chest, both of them standing still in front of the door towards the third floor. Alex looked down at the finger before slowly grazing up her torso to meet her eyes and he could practically feel his pupils dilate, probably even the more since she didn't seem to be affected by this _at all. _As in _at all. __So, either she was actually... asexual... and chances were slim, right? Or she was gay... or she was actually repulsed by him... or you know, that crap about adhering to hierarchic__al boundaries... but he didn't really believe that... after all she had overstepped about all other boundaries... as in touching him and calling him names... he was her _boss_ for God's sake. There had to be a reason for this... _ "But I feel like I really have…," she narrowed her eyes at him. "_Trust me, I know everything," _she mouthed in a dangerous voice, making him snort and shake his head. _Well, I don't know _anything _about you, it seems._

"Still a no," he told her unceremoniously, swinging the door open and walking over to the elevators swiftly, pushing the button.

"Oh, come on, don't be a jerk," she shoved him now, becoming a bit impatient, biting her lips.

"Why don't you go spend time with those other interns?"

"Cause they're dumb?" she looked at him as if he was talking complete bullshit. Alex felt himself become a little insecure, uneven. _What the hell did she want him to say? In the beginning he had thought she was just joking around, enjoying to get to bitch about Murphy… but now… _

"Um… well, I really gotta get ready for my lecture tomorrow," he told her when the elevator came and they both got on.

"Oh, Mr. Important now, huh?" the intern told him, and Alex thought she sounded almost like a little kid pouting, making him raise his eyebrows again. This was hilarious. _Maybe he could have his fun with her... maybe she was just playing coy. _

"Well," he dragged out his next statement, looking down at the floor. "I mean, I guess, _we_ could always... go see if all you've heard about me is actually true...," he risked glancing up at the intern's face which had incredulity written all over it before she actually dropped her jaw. "Hm.. I guess that's a no?" he tilted his head the tiniest bit, narrowing his eyes at her in question. Wilson hadn't closed her mouth yet, an unbelieving smile playing her lips, her forehead crunched up and her hand lashing out to slap his chest.

"You know no limits, do you?" she asked him, shocked it seemed. Alex grinned at her. _She was sending him packing...just like that. Interesting. Challenging. Maybe take it another notch up. _

"Well, what did you think?" he asked her with a cocked brow.

"Get away from me, perv," she slapped him again, with something like a disgusted smile on her face. Alex fended off her half-hearted attempts to shoo him away from her, chuckling. _Well, at least she was still amicable about this. She was having fun, too, right? She liked him flirting with her, even though it was obnoxious flirting. She also seemed to like her position... being one of the only ones not having slept with him. She was a freaking _tease. Alex smirked.

"And there I thought I was giving you fair opportunity to avoid Murphy," he told her smugly, shrugging.

"Yeah, whatever," she rolled her eyes at him, looking straight forward at the elevator doors, biting the corner of her lips to stop the smile from coming out.

"Anyways," he pointed at the door when it dinged. "That's me," he walked out a few steps, turning to face her. "Good luck, I guess," he grinned at her.

"Oh, shut up," Wilson just gave him back and stayed back when the doors closed. Alex walked back to his hotel room, shaking his head at the encounter. _Weird. He really couldn't figure out that Wilson person. But he would. He so wanted to. He was going to. At some point. Maybe. Hopefully._

* * *

[Leah]

Leah looked up when she could hear someone – or rather Jo – swipe the hotel card at the door and enter. She immediately felt irritated.

"Where the hell have you been?" she ranted, making Jo look up at her, dismissively.

"Just… around," she answered, waving her away, going through her suitcase, looking for something. Leah sighed.

"Have you seen.. I mean have you by any chance seen Karev around," Leah asked tentatively. _Just because he had to run an errand didn't mean he was sick of her, right? Or did it? _She could hear Jo grunt but then get up slowly and turning to face her. Leah raised her eyebrows. "What?" Jo smiled a weird smile, hard to define.

"You know what, actually I have. I just rode up the elevator with him. I think he went to his hotel room… it's on the 18th floor," Jo told her. _Hmmm, maybe I should go try and talk to him…_"I bet he'd welcome a chance to practice his speech on you," Jo added. Leah looked at her, finding the other one smiling.

"You really think so?" Leah felt excitement rush through her.

"Sure, Leah, I'll be fine up here, don't worry," Jo smiled widely.

"Alright, I'll go look for him then," a small blush crept up her cheeks when she got up from her bed and walked out. When she turned back to share a smile with her friend, Jo watched her with a weird expression on her face. "Are you putting me on?" Leah narrowed her eyes at the other intern. Jo chuckled and raised her hands.

"Do whatever you think is right," she just said. Leah frowned but stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her.

_Well, couldn't hurt to ask him, right? _


	4. Dark matter

**[Next day]**

[Alex]

Alex groaned and plodded his arm around wildly. _Where is this freaking alarm? _When he finally got the obnoxious beeping silenced, he rolled onto his back and yawned widely, rubbing his eyes, trying to organize his mind. He looked up to the white ceiling, thinking. _Where the hell am I? _Alex padded his arm around the bed clumsily, looking for a reason why he was in a strange bedroom. _Nobody. Alright, what day is it? What time? Where the hell am I? _Alex scrunched up his face and looked around, slowly rising up to a position propped onto his elbows. _Ughh, Baltimore, right. _Alex plopped back down again, putting a pillow over his head, groaning loudly. _Why did I do this again? _Alex tossed around like a young child not wanting to get up and go to school. Suddenly he sat up straight and looked at his alarm again. _7.18 a.m. on Thursday, 22__nd__ of November. _Dutifully but unwillingly he threw the pillow aside and wrestled with the sheets to get up. He stomped into the bathroom and looked at his face. His eyes were all puffy from sleep and the side of his face had an imprint of those stupid hotel sheets. He walked into the shower and turned it on, immediately feeling better when the ice cold water trickled down from the top of his head towards his toes. He stretched again and yawned before soaping himself. _Why? Why do I always have to please those people at the hospital so badly? Oh yeah, easy one, because you told yourself you don't wanna disappoint any more people…and your mentor Arizona actually believes in you…that's why you're her bitch now… _Alex turned off the faucet and shook off the remaining water drops, stepping out and rubbing himself dry. _Does that mean you're gonna do everything and anything now for her or them? Things you hate doing, things you're not even sure you're capable of doing? Oh, come on, Alex, you're capable of presenting a straight-forward, uncomplex piece of work you have created. You are at least capable of doing that. Right? _The doctor walked back into the bedroom, getting some boxers and socks, before putting on a white button up shirt and some black slacks_. Business casual. Whatever. _Alex sighed and went back to dry his hair and brush his teeth. _Don't think about it too much. Just tell them what you did. Chronologically. Use numbers, they impress. Tell them all the good things about it. But also tell them how hard it is and what the system dictates and prohibits sometimes. Tell them how awesome you are. Yeah, yeah, get out of my head, Robbins. Oh, and show them the pictures, people are suckers for pictures, even doctors. Oh, oh, I love the one with you holding Zola, Dumi and Faye, that's my favorite. Put it in the presentation. Will you? I said get out of my head! _Alex fought with the tie Arizona was making him wear and cursed. Stupid _tie. Stupid speech. Stupid all of them_. Alex grabbed his sweater and jacket, pocketing his wallet and phone before rushing out of his room, immediately running into Arizona.

"Alex," she beamed at him. "You look terrific," she complimented him.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, rushing on, walking besides her towards the elevator, waiting.

"Are you prepared?"

"No," he grunted.

"Excuse me?" Alex rolled his eyes.

"Well, what do you think?"

"Oh, ok," Arizona laughed. "You had me for a second there. I was like… did you actually go down to the bar last night and got really drunk?" she smiled at him, Alex tapped his fingers on his thigh impatiently, averting his eyes from hers. "You nervous?"

"Whatever," he gave her back dismissively.

"Don't be. You'll be great. Did you put the picture in?" Arizona inquired when the door dinged open and they boarded an elevator full of completely drained looking interns. Arizona got distracted with her question, looking at Murphy, Velasquez and Shields. "What happened to you?" she asked them in a dangerously quiet voice. None of them said anything, Leah just leaned her head against the silver lined elevator wall, sighing. Alex scrunched up his face, scrutinizing them before looking over at their chief resident who spoke.

"They all went out drinking last night," she told them straight-faced.

"I'm appalled I actually chose you people to represent our hospital," Robbins just said, making Alex snort. She snapped over at him with a pissed look on her face.

"Well, what did you expect, told you they were idiots," Alex just ranted, his mood worsening by the minute. "Why does this crap elevator take this long?" he was frustrated. He started to loosen up his tie again, wriggling it around. When he looked down it was all messed up again, making him groan.

"That looks horrible, fix it," Arizona had adopted the exact same mood. When they walked out, Arizona led them over to the entrance and looked at them with a scary face. "If one of you," she pointed her finger at every single one of the interns, "only slightly embarrasses me today, you're done, I promise you," she hissed. "Say one word to one person, and you're done for," she added.

"What if we're being asked," Velasquez interjected. Arizona looked ready to kill.

"Do not interrupt me," she barked at him. "Do _not_ say one word. I expect you all in Dr. Karev's and my lecture. And I expect you all to go to at least four more before we leave tomorrow, I want reports later on. Do not think you can get away with sleeping through them today," she raised her eyebrows dangerously high, before walking away. Upon looking back at Alex, she sighed and called back at him. "Meet you out there in 5. And fix that tie, will you," she snapped, snorting mad.

"Does it look like I'm not," Alex finally lost his patience, groaning. The three hung over interns stared at him weirdly. "Oh, get lost," he snarked at them. They slowly walked away leaving the chief resident, that Ortho intern and Wilson. The latter who had watched that entire scene quietly, walked up towards him and reached out for his tie, making Alex scrunch up his face.

"Come here," she said soberly, undoing the knot and redoing it. Alex was so pissed; he could barely stand her fixing his tie so he looked around impatiently. "Stand still," he heard her say.

"I didn't ask you to do this," he hissed at her, making her look up at him with a wild glare and hush him, instantly going back to work on the perfect knot. _Ugh, just get on with it, will you. Nobody cares about that stupid tie anyways. _

"So, you went drinking with her last night?" Jo asked him saucily, but in a low tone, not to make the other two notice. Alex looked down at her, feeling anger spill over again.

"Oh, shut it already," he was slowly seething.

"What? Just asking," she mocked him with a smile.

"I didn't. I sent her away," he replied dismissively, making her chuckle. "Thanks for that, by the way," he told her grumpily.

"Oh, sorry, didn't know dishing out was fine but taking it afterwards too much to ask. My bad," she looked at him with an unimpressed face and lowered her arms. "Done," she told him, walking away. _Stupid chick. Thinks she's so smart. Ugh. _

They drove over to the hospital, getting to the lecture hall and prepared their presentation. Time seemed to have stopped, it felt to Alex like his scheduled lecture wouldn't and wouldn't be done with. He watched as the rows filled and spotted the interns taking their seats. He responded to Arizona's questions and orders whereas he could only hear them from afar. The voices were quiet and even though he knew the noise level had to be way up, he couldn't make it out. _When was the last time you spoke before hundreds and hundreds of people? _Alex sighed, going through rows and rows of people, trying to depict their faces. Excitement, anticipation, suspense, interest, fascination. _Never. Well, in front of medical committees and the likes… but he had never really done a speech amongst fellow surgeons. _Alex walked up on the stage with Arizona by his side who did the welcome speech and he dutifully raised his hand in greeting when he heard his name and smiled. After that he stepped aside a bit and leaned against the table, listening to Arizona talk about their department. _Well, you're watching, not listening. You can't make out one word she's saying. She's looking over to you. Is she talking to you? _

"Right, Alex?"

_She's actually talking to you. Huh. There's an audience of hundreds of people. _

"Absolutely, yes," he replied, giving her a bright smile. Arizona reciprocated the sentiment but he could see in her eyes that she had spotted his weak knees, scrunching up her eyebrows the tiniest bit, silently asking him if he was okay. He just smiled and nodded tinily, making her go back to her presentation. He took a long gulp of his water bottle. He could hear applause. _Oh, great. It's your turn. Are you ready? Ha! Fun times. You're supposed to present your project now. Arizona is holding out her arm, I guess that means she just handed the audience's attention over to you. Alright, breathe. What is it you're going to say first? _Alex stood up straight and walked over to where Arizona stood, smiling at her and then looking at the audience, all staring up at him expectantly. Arizona walked off the spotlight and he was all alone. _Silence. _He searched the audience, waiting. _Right, it's my turn. They're waiting for me. _"My name's Alex Karev, I'm a Pediatric Fellow at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital," he started slowly, not knowing what to say. His eyes wandered over the people, halting at a familiar face. _I know her. I'll look at her. _Wilson gave him wide eyes and slowly moved her head towards him, raising her eyebrows, asking him to get it on, please. _Right, my speech. _She nodded at him, smiling a fake smile. Alex chuckled and scratched his eyebrow before looking back to the presentation on the screen. _That horrible picture of Zola, Dumi, Faye and me._ _How many things was he planning to do to please his superiors and colleagues until it was too much?_

* * *

[Jo]

_What the hell are you doing? Talk, for God's sake! Come on, talk. _Jo watched her superior's eyes flit over the people. _Don't think about it. Don't think about all those people. Come on, Karev. You're better than this. These are just people. You usually don't care about what the hell you say to anyone. Come on! Yes, move your eyes over towards me, come on. _Jo waited impatiently until finally, he did look at her. _Alright, if you can read my thoughts now, you'll know that I'm gonna _kick your ass _if you don't start talking right now. _She smiled a creepy fake smile. He chuckled. _Okay? _Then he faced away, looking at his presentation. Jo sighed, crossing her arms in front of her body and sank down into her chair, letting go of a long, calming breath. _His whole... behavior and demeanor and just everything about him was becoming more and more confusing day after day. _

"When you first go into medicine, you rarely think about what you're gonna do with your competences once you acquire them, right?" Jo's eyes snapped up as she heard Karev finally start talking, looking a lot more relaxed now. She sighed and couldn't help but smile. _Idiot, _she thought to herself, biting her lip when she felt excitement rise in her guts. _For his speech. Only for his speech. _"Anybody here who had big dreams on their first day of being an intern?" Karev asked into the audience. Jo looked around – _whoa, lots of raised hands. _"Anybody here who _realized_ those exact dreams of day one," he asked further. Jo looked again. _Wow, very few hands. _Alex laughed, so did she. "Anybody here who had big dreams, but mind you, different ones, after the first, say, 72 hours?" There was some general chuckling in the audience and lots of people raised their hands again. "Okay, this is going nowhere," the presenting doctor concluded, making them laugh again. "I could probably ask this for every day of medical school, every day of one's internship, residency, fellowship and so on," he listed, making a lot of people nod. "Let me ask you this, then. Anyone here, who actually came into a med school program, had a dream, realized that exact dream…," he asked, looking around. Heads turned slowly, no hands. He smiled. "I have no clue how I wanted to save the world in med school," he started, people laughing amicably. "But when I started my internship, I wanted to be a plastic surgeon so bad," he paused. Jo smiled, raising her eyebrows. _Well, there's something that's not vastly surprising. _"I was terribly arrogant back then, and there was no way I was going to wear a pink gown _ever_, even if it were benefitting my patients," he winked. The audience was under a spell. "Then I met Dr. Montgomery, I guess every single one of you knows who that is," he paused again, looking around. Lots of nods. _I didn't know she'd been at Seattle Grace. Interesting. _"She taught me better. So did Dr. Robbins over here. Three years later, I had never done a liposuction but I met those three kiddos," he pointed his thumb up on the screen. "And they sure did grow on me," Jo had to smile.

_Where in the world had that come from? He was… he was talking Peds… right? Yeah, that's his Peds talk he was doing. He's never that nice and charming when around people his own age. He was imagining an audience full of kids, making jokes, telling embarrassing stories about himself, being all charming, he was imagining kids for sure. _Jo listened to Karev dive into the project, explaining horrifying numbers and depicting diseases, showing examples and dropping names. She watched as the crowd was completely mesmerized by the depth of that project, the importance of the existence of Dr. Alex Karev's work. Jo smiled again. _You really know how, huh? _It was amazing, it really was. Jo had never in her life even dreamed of Alex Karev having achieved something like that. Starting during his residency! _Phew! That much about him being that shallow callboy having spent his first few years of his medical training in the on call rooms... image busted._

"And that's why I'm pleading with people every day to put their money on the successors of Zola, Dumi and Faye instead of liposuction… well," he shrugged. "Cause...um... I really like my job and... who cares about your love handles, right? Thank you," he said, smiling. Jo was startled by the intensity of the applause, people getting up to cheer and show him respect for his work. _Wow. Karev, you surprise me. Nothing like the shallow, grumpy asshole I expected you to be. About this anyways. I mean, you're still an asshole, I'll give you that… but you're not shallow at all, nuh-uh, not at all. Not that I doubted that after what happened with Elijah… but sometimes… sometimes you're just so complicated… _Jo got up, too, smiling when she watched Robbins and Karev walk off the stage and mingle with the other doctors, all grasping for them, demanding more information, more numbers, more kids, more diseases, more treatments. Jo packed up her stuff and withdrew quietly from the group of interns, making her way. She spent her last day in Baltimore picking out the most interesting and also inventive talk subjects and sat all through them, taking notes, asking questions, drawing up her own dreams in her mind. When it was getting dark and the conference started to die down, Jo looked around, making sure she wouldn't be seen sneaking away, walking towards the harbor. When she looked down at her watch, she sighed. She still had about 30 minutes. That should work, she was already turning onto East Pratt. There were numerous things, Jo couldn't figure out at the moment. It seemed to be an especially complicated month for her. But what she was about to do, she sure had not been able to figure out if it'd turn out right or wrong. At least until now. _Was she gonna go in or not? _Jo turned onto Light Street and narrowed her eyes upon seeing the red and blue sign.

_Well, she wasn't going to figure it out until she had walked in and found out._

* * *

[Andrew]

Andrew sat in a booth by the window, watching the small waves crash against the dock. He drummed his fingers on the table impatiently, smiling at the waitress that had just brought over his beer. He took a sip and sighed. _Was she gonna show up? What was she gonna look like? What were they gonna talk about? Was she gonna bring up the old story again? Gah, why in the world had she asked him to come here… this officially… why couldn't she just have taken some time off and visited as she usually did. Or not. _Andrew frowned. _She hadn't visited in years. _He let go of a long held breath, letting all the frustration and hurt flow away from him.

"Drew," he startled upon hearing her voice a few steps behind him to the right. _She was early. _He turned his head and looked her up and down, slowly getting up himself.

"Well, well," he snarled. "Look who's made it back from doctor's camp," he teased her before adopting a smile to his face, watching her meticulously. She was smiling cautiously, sighing and waiting for him to be done with his ritual. _They would never see eye to eye. But she was still Jo. That would never change. _He rolled his eyes and held out his arms, making her step closer and wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Hey," he whispered, kissing her head and holding her close.

"Hey yourself," she whispered back, her face buried deep into his chest. When they parted, they looked at each other sheepishly and sat down, Jo opposite the table from him, looking straight at him. She got off her coat and put her purse aside, adjusting her hair, nervously it seemed.

"So," he started with a slight cough. "How have you been?" Jo smiled at him politely, he knew that.

"I've been great," she chucked out. _Liar. _"What about you?"

"Awesome," he replied in the same tone of voice. The young woman raised her eyebrows and looked at him as if she was bored, smiling though.

"Really? That's what it's gonna be like?" she asked him audaciously. _Yeah, you'll never change. Always hiding your face but never accepting the other's lie. _

"Well, I'm just trying to be level here," he told her straight faced. Jo sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Where is everyone?"

"Aquarium," he answered dutifully. Jo nodded and grinned mischievously.

"You hiding out?"

"Um, duh," he gave her back, getting infected with her chuckles.

"Can't blame you," she agreed with him. Andrew tried to depict Jo's face. She was making an effort, he could see that. _So can you, you know. _

"So, this conference," he pointed out, taking a drag of his beer. "What's it about?"

"Pediatric surgery," Jo answered, getting distracted with the waitress rounding on her. "Hi, Margarita on the rocks, extra limes, please," she smiled at the lady before turning back to look at her company.

"Whoa, whoa, aren't you on the job?" Andrew mocked her.

"Does it look like I'm on the job right now?" she gave him back dismissively. He grunted. "And anyways, I believe I have seen you drink beer on the job," she accused him.

"I'm not hacking any people open though," he argued. "And beer's light weight. Tequila though…," he trailed off. They stared at each other. When Jo looked down, he knew momentarily what she was going to say. "Listen," he immediately tried to steer her away from _that _topic, raising his hands to soothe her.

"Did you read it at least?" Andrew sighed.

"I did. I did not change my mind, however," he informed her.

"Look, Drew, it's not your sole choice anymore. You're not alone in this. I'm in this too. We both get to vote. And Danny does too. And to be fair, even Carly gets a say. It's not your choice anymore," she tried to make him see. _Right, aaaand we're back to where we stopped last time. _

"Well, it's not _your _sole choice either. And since this isn't choosing from the variety of shrimps we have offered here or a question of where Carly will go to school, I'm saying, our votes should be unanimous," he told her, as he had told her in the past. Jo stared at him with those eyes.

"It's cruel, you know," she told him quietly.

"Well, I say the same about your idea," he responded just as quietly. They sat in silence for a bit before Andrew made out the distant sound of the restaurant door opening and a squeal. He closed his eyes, listening to Jo getting up and subsequently perceiving the sound of a face smothering into her chest. He opened up his eyes and met Jo's who was hugging Carly tightly but still observing him.

"Hey sweetheart," she murmured, kissing her head repeatedly, rubbing her back. "Hey," she shushed when she realized Carly was losing tears. "Hey, calm down, I'm here now, aren't I?" Jo soothed the younger one, holding her at arm's length and studying her. She took one hand and wiped the tears away, making Carly smile. "How have you been, baby?"

"Well, _not so great_," Carly plopped down where Jo had initially been sitting, already starting her teenage bitching. Jo chuckled quietly, making the other one smile, before she moved over to hug Dan tightly without saying anything for a long while. When they parted, Jo looked at him sadly.

"How are you, Danny?"

"I'm great," he answered, averting his eyes and sitting down next to Andrew. Jo's eyes flitted over towards the last two people of the group.

"You remember Sally," Andrew offered, making them both smile.

"Of course, hey," Jo said, giving the other woman a friendly hug. "And you must be Lyla," he watched as Jo bent down a little to take the baby's fat hand into hers and greet her. Lyla smiled as she always did. When they all got settled, the chattering began. Andrew barely listened to everyone talk onto Jo. _What has she been doing, why hasn't she been home for so long, what's happening in her life, does she have a boyfriend, will she stay for longer, can we meet her co-workers, what's the most exciting surgery she has been on, is she watching the all new _Scandal_, did she get a haircut - what a stupid question to ask after years of not seeing her – blah blah blah. _Andrew sipped at his beer, smiled and nodded politely and participated in the conversation at hand. He watched Jo wriggle her way through the interview gracefully. Awkwardly at times, but mostly gracefully. She knew how, she had learned soon enough. _Disclosure? None_. Andrew wasn't even sure he himself even knew her. Him of all people. He wasn't sure. The waitress served their crab cakes and onion strings, their shrimps and their jambalayas, they ate and joked and had a good time. Andrew was just ordering another beer when the mood tilted.

"So, when are you gonna come visit with dad?" Danny asked her bluntly. Andrew sighed and put his face into his hands, Jo lapsed into silence. When he looked up at her, she looked deeply grieved. She took a deep breath before answering.

"I don't know," she replied. "I don't know if I'm…," she halted, very interested in her fingernails all of a sudden. "I don't know," she shrugged, looking up.

"He misses you, you know," Carly breathed out. Andrew watched Jo close her eyes as if in pain or irritation or something in between and shook her head, madly.

"He doesn't, Carly, don't make this something that's not," she told her off harshly. Carly looked taken aback.

"I don't get it, Jo," Danny looked her square in the eye. "When did you stop caring about dad?" Jo looked up at the ceiling, seemingly grasping for words. When she looked back down, she chuckled, humorlessly though.

"I did not stop caring about dad," she stated. "He stopped being dad a long time ago," she explained her motives.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Danny blew up. Andrew immediately put an arm out and looked at him sharply to quiet down.

"Look," Jo tried again but he interrupted her thought.

"Told you we have different takes on things over here," Andrew prompted her. Jo leaned back, looking at him without any emotion visible on her face. "We can't all be hot shot doctors, right?" he smiled mockingly, letting go of Danny, both taking long gulps of their beers.

"What has that got to do with anything?" Jo asked him, her voice sounding put off.

"Well, have you actually read what you sent us the other week," Andrew came back. She nodded. "We had a hard time decoding it, let's just say," he told her. Jo sighed. They stared at each other. "Look, Jo, you decided a long time ago that you wanted to live a different life than we do, just… let it go, will you? What does it do to you if we're doing it our way if you don't plan to see him ever again anyways?" Jo leaned forward a bit, disbelief apparent on her features.

"What is it to me? What does it do to me? You have got to be freaking kidding me, Andrew," Jo finally lost her patience. She laughed madly, shaking her head in disbelief. "What does it do to me, ha," she murmured to herself. "You actually think I don't care if he's dead or alive? Do you? Do you actually think I don't give a crap? You know what… fuck it. I _tried _to be civil, I tried to be nice, I tried to be fucking patient, but this is enough. When did you get this arrogant, Andrew, huh? When in the world did you start priding yourself as the king of everyone, everything, every decision? You act like I'm nothing to you, nothing to him, you act like I don't even belong to you. Like I'm a character from a fairy tale that everybody knows from the distant past but nobody likes to talk or think about, let alone take for real? Are you freaking kidding me? Will you _ever _forgive me that I moved away and went to college? Will you ever forgive me for becoming a doctor? I have been through just as much as you have and," at this she held out her hand since she knew Andrew was gonna object, "_nobody _asked you to take on all the responsibility, Andrew, nobody did. I'm deeply grateful that you did but _do not ever _play that card again, ever, you hear me. We _all _went through the same crap. I did too. He's my dad too. I love him just as much as you do. But _he is gone_, do you hear me? _He has been gone for a long time. Too long," _Jo stressed that last part.

"And that's where you get it wrong," Andrew sighed. Jo rolled her eyes and gulped, looking at Carly and then Danny.

"You won't even listen to me, will you?" she asked dejectedly.

"We _have_ listened to you, Jo," Danny interjected their heated conversation. They all looked unhappy. Andrew was hurting. So bad, he thought he might never recover. _Why would she think like that? Why? _

"I guess I'll keep my opinion to myself from now on," she said, waving towards the waitress.

"No, Jo, don't go just yet," Carly begged her. Jo faced her, smiling a fake smile. Andrew could see her eyes glazed over though.

"I gotta, honey," she said, soothingly, as always. "Gotta get up early tomorrow morning, catch a flight, you know," she winked at her, kissing her cheek. She looked around for the waitress again.

"It's fine, Jo, I'll take care of it," Andrew told her.

"I don't want that," Jo replied, reaching over towards Lyla and tickled her belly. "Bye, baby girl," she giggled at the baby who grabbed Jo's hair with her fat baby hands. She said her goodbyes to Sally and got up, the guys imitating her. Danny walked over to hug her, silently. She avoided his gaze upon parting and stood before Andrew, getting out forty dollars and put them on the table.

"Come on, Jo," he begged her to leave it be.

"No," she just said, looking up at his face, putting on her coat. "I'll see you soon," she added when he just looked at her. He acknowledged that with a grunt. He knew it was a lie. When they hugged, Andrew held her a little longer than usual, not letting her go. She wouldn't do him the favor of matching their eyes after saying goodbye, only smiling at the people around the table. She took a deep breath, shouldering her purse. "Kiss him for me," she whispered, not directing it to anyone really, before walking out of Bubba Gump's and they watched her distance herself swiftly, as they had done so many times the last few years.


	5. Slow motion

[Dr. Douglas Hutchinson]

"Arizona, tell me about your Dr. Karev again," the elder doctor led Robbins down the halls of his hospital, leading her towards his office. The woman smiled brightly at him.

"Oh, he's something," she told him, winking. He chuckled, giving her an entry and offering her a seat, placing himself opposite the desk from her. "To be truthful here, I didn't always think he'd make it to who he is now," she enclosed, making him raise his eyebrows.

"Oh, really? How come?" he crossed his legs and leaned back.

"Well, he was… well… let's say he portrayed himself with remarkable accuracy during his first years with us in his introduction today," Arizona smiled, making him nod slowly. "If it weren't for Addison Montgomery he'd probably still be stuck on plastics," she added.

"Well, we both know she has a special gift putting her money on the good ones," he laughed.

"Yeah, she does," Arizona agreed. "When I met him after I took over from Kenley, he was still pretty rough around the edges. His appearance and manners surely aren't his strong suit. But he's kind and compassionate. He's imaginative and he won't stop until he gets what he wants. Those traits really do compensate, trust me," she illuminated Dr. Karev's character.

"How did he think of that project? How did it all get started?" Dr. Hutchinson was intrigued.

"Well, that was… huh… how should I say that… it was… I guess his motives…his practices were… questionable _but _again, they define his character so much. It started out as something so very different but then turned into something wonderful. Alex Karev was actually racing for Chief Resident of his class… and needed something… a project, some… good piece of work… _something _that would convince our Dr. Hunt of his leadership skills… that was during the time right after I came back from Malawi, I wasn't head of the department back then," Arizona thought back, trying to explain the situation. "I talked a lot about what I had experienced in Africa. It impressed him. It obviously stuck with him. So when the time came, he decided in a heartbeat – without thinking it through much….or… at all – that he was gonna bring them over, those _sick little orphans _I kept reporting about to him," Arizona laughed. "Trust me, he had no idea back then what he was getting himself into. Of course everybody _loved _the idea. Everybody counted on him, watched him meticulously. So… he kinda put himself into the spotlight. He needed funding, he hadn't thought all that through… nope, not once. Remember Dr. Stark? He was the head of the department back then. You think he'd give him money for that? Nuh-uh. Maybe he couldn't see Karev actually doing good with this…," Arizona paused short. "But maybe he was just the arrogant asshole we all know he is, sorry, Douglas," she looked up at him, seemingly embarrassed about that remark. Her former superior laughed, shaking his head and motioning for her to continue. "Well, at the time Alex was treating an old terminally ill lady who he actually got as far as to promise leaving her inheritance for this project upon her passing… do _not _ask me how… So everything was set up, everything was ready to go, unfortunately she passed before she could sign the check. It was tragic really, but things couldn't get undone at this point in time. He sought for funding elsewhere. And that was when the first orphans came over, you saw their case files, remember – Zola, Dumi and Faye. I have never seen Alex like that before. He was passionate and highly motivated, he worked so hard, he did everything by himself, getting our surgeons to take the kids up on their pro-bono list, getting the fostering stuff done. It was an amazing story. It still is," Arizona smiled.

"I don't remember seeing Chief Resident on Dr. Karev's CV," Hutchinson tried to think back.

"Yeah, he didn't get that far," Arizona sighed.

"He didn't get appointed after establishing this?" he looked up, completely astonished. Arizona shook her head slowly.

"That's a very different story," she smiled at him, signaling she didn't wanna elaborate. Hutchinson sighed.

"I'm still cross with you for taking away my attending. He would have been a great addition to our hospital," he said. Arizona chuckled.

"Well, he's a keeper," she argued.

"So were you, Arizona, so were you," he pointed out, making her smile. "Sometimes you have to set your alumni free for them to spread their wings," he winked at her, making her look down in embarrassment.

"He's happy back in Seattle. He's doing a wonderful job. It's his decision. He can still go if he wants to…," she trailed away slowly.

"Oh, you know he won't after what has happened," Douglas winked at her. There was a short break of silence, in which they both roamed their own minds. He didn't know how to propose this. _Well, no harm done in asking. _"Listen, I had this idea after Dr. Karev's lecture. I've been thinking of doing some more pro-bono work myself. And I'm vastly interested in this project and it surely needs some more enhancements, some more hands to get a good grip on this," he started out. Arizona looked up at him, intrigued.

"What are you saying?"

"Well, do you think Dr. Karev would be willing to come here and set us up with his project… as a… let's say… second base? Don't worry… just for a while, not to fill his once upon a time spot on the surgical staff or anything…it's just…I _know _the people in my department have the can-do attitude to pull this off… it's just… we've been looking into options for so long now… and we have projects and research and pro-bono stuff going… but hearing _this. _Just imagine _this _getting huge. Imagine _Johns Hopkins _working together with _Seattle Grace Mercy West _and to top that off – and I don't doubt that for a second – _UCLA _ joining in. I mean they already had their hands on this if you hadn't saved it, hadn't reclaimed it. Just imagine this project growing so big, working from three bases in the United States, just imagine, Arizona," he looked at her steadily. There was a pause.

"Well, whoa," Arizona chuckled insecurely. "I mean… I guess you'd have to ask him. I mean, it sounds… great. I guess that would be… very… I mean that sounds, um, great! "Arizona told him.

"Does it?" he asked again, smiling. "Well, I've actually invited Dr. Karev to come here already," he confessed, making her raise her eyebrows. "For a while… a few weeks… I'm not stealing your hot shot fellow, I swear to God," he smiled at her. "We talked a bit after the lecture, I informed myself about the future plans of this project and he reported back to me that he'd be happy to juggle around ideas and work together. I outlined _my_ ideas to him… he was… well, he sure was surprised but I think at least pleasantly surprised," the senior doctor gave his own alumnus a recap of his talk with Dr. Karev earlier and ended the sentence in a cautious question, trying to find out about what she thought about this all. After all, she was the one who knew Dr. Karev best and she could probably judge if the young doctor would be willing to cooperate.

"Wow," Arizona raised her eyebrows. "Well that already sounds like something… I mean… what can I say?" she chuckled softly, shrugging.

"You're skeptical," he assessed his former student.

"Well, no, not really," she scrunched up her face and shook her head. "A bit maybe, this is huge," she said. "Alex hasn't done big things like that before, and with this I'm just saying he's never cooperated on such an ambitious level before, he's just starting out, you have to remember that. There's lots of things he's never done before. He's young and spontaneous," Arizona rambled away.

"Well, that's great! That's exactly what we need! Fresh meat! We need someone passionate enough about their own work and ideas, someone who's willing to work hard but also instruct others to do the same," his mind having already gone head over heels with excitement.

"I'm not sure Alex is the best person to teach, to be frank," she gave him back, doubt apparent in her voice.

"Look, Arizona, all I'm asking for is him telling us a bit more about his project, about the schedule and the approach, past surgeries, skills, diseases, etc. It's new ground and I think we can all learn from each other. I just need my people and your people to get together in a smaller setting and just talk. He was pretty taken with my suggestion," Douglas pointed out. Arizona smiled.

"Oh, Douglas, he's young. He's flattered!"

"Well, wouldn't you be? Let him have this, let him enjoy his success. Trust me, riding out a high really can provoke the eruption of unbelievable inspiration, strength and perseverance. All things surgeons like us need to function!" Arizona looked at him steadily, smiling, then shaking her head.

"I'm still not convinced you're not just stealing my man," Arizona giggled. Douglas smiled in satisfaction. _This was gonna be so good. _

"Make sure you tell _your man _he's being fought over by two of the top surgical programs in the country," he added when they slowly but surely broke up their gathering and bid their good-byes – with a reminder to meet again soon.

* * *

[Jo]

Jo rushed out of Bubba Gump's, breathing in the cold, sharp air blowing onto her face uncomfortably from the side, carrying the slight taste of salt and probably off-gas and something she couldn't quite define but made her nose wrinkle in disgust. She pulled her scarf a little tighter and tried to get her hood to shield her ears from the November cold. She walked swiftly along the docks, not even glancing up when some guys tried to meet her amicably, making her way up towards their residence. _Do not let yourself fall. Don't get into this now. You knew this was what was most probably gonna happen, just try to forget about it. Nothing changed, nothing's new, just breathe. _She folded her arms in front of her body to rub them up and down, it was chilly. The dark was comforting her somehow, as it always had. Like it was a shield, like this was the time of day she could actually be herself, she was protected from any prying eyes. She loved the dark. She also loved the orange-toned streetlights and the eerie quiet, well, not quiet, but… not noisy either. Just… _kinda_ quiet. When she waited to cross Pratt, Jo closed her eyes for a second and cracked her neck, rolling her head to the sides. She opened her eyes back up, looking to her right, waiting for the cars to stop at the lights when she spotted a familiar face. _Oh, no. Oh, God, no, please no. _Jo's heart sunk. _What was he doing here? Oh no, I'm in no way up to dealing with him right now. _She looked back to the lights and sighed, impatiently waiting for them to turn. When they did, she actually started walking really fast, pushing her hands into her huge coat pockets and steering straight forwards, trying to let him know about her unsociable state momentarily with her movements. She bit her lips when she could hear his fast steps following her, though, and then marching in step with her own, looking at her from the side. Jo looked over at him without any emotion on her face. When she did, he just looked back at her, and for some reason he looked… well, worried.

"Are you okay?" Karev asked her in a low voice. Jo nodded, walking on. They did so for a while without talking anything. "You really shouldn't be out here all by yourself," he pointed out after that moment of silence. Jo looked back at him, giving him a tired smile. "I mean, Baltimore isn't the safest city around…especially if you're not from around here," he argued, keeping up with her fast pace.

"I'll be fine," she just told him, moving on. She could hear and feel the doctor fidget besides her and looked over. "What are _you _doing out here all alone?"

"Oh, I went to have some celebration drinks with some Hopkins doctors… but I got bored at some point… so I bid an early good bye," he told her. "I thought it'd be nice to go look at the harbor while at that," he explained, making her raise her eyebrows at him.

"At night?" She questioned his plans, catching him looking down sheepishly and blushing. He shrugged, making her smile.

"I like… water… I mean… you know, I like that about cities," Karev shrugged again.

"You live in Seattle," Jo pointed out to him, trying to get to the hotel as quickly as possible. They turned onto Charles Street, and he sighed.

"Yeah, well, there's a reason why," he told her dismissively. Jo just smiled and let it go but the other doctor kept looking at her.

"What?" she snapped back at him.

"You sure you're okay? You look… different somehow," he told her, obviously worried. _Getting to know him sure wasn't on her agenda today and being sweeter than his jackass image allowed was unnerving to her somehow. _

"I'm fine," she repeated, annoyance lacing her voice.

"Where did you just come from? I've been running after you for a while, saw you down at the docks," he told but at the same time questioned her. Jo inhaled deeply.

"Ran an errand," she replied scarcely.

"At this time of night?"

"Yep," she responded.

"So you don't wanna talk about it?" Karev blurted out suddenly, making her look over in surprise. She thought about it for a minute and then faced back towards the street.

"Not really, no," she confessed. She could see him nod from the corner of her eye, relieved. _She hadn't thought he would let this go._ There was a silence that stretched at least a couple of blocks before he broke it again.

"So you wanna drink on it?" he asked her cautiously. Jo tried to hide a smile, biting her lower lip and scrunching up her eyebrows. _He was being so… caring tonight… well, and accurate…_When she looked back at him and saw his sincere face, she felt…understood somehow. _What the hell is this? But... it's good somehow..._

"That sounds pretty amazing at the moment, to be completely honest with you," she admitted, waiting for his reaction.

"Alright," he just said, instantly turning his head around probably in the hope of spotting some bar.

"How about we just go back to the hotel bar? Night life's dead around here after 9 p.m. …and it's already what? After, right? Anyways, I could use some privacy," she concluded quietly. Karev nodded but frowned.

"Privacy? Don't you think you're gonna have more privacy going out to some bar around here…compared to sitting next to your colleagues at the hotel bar?" he asked her, baffled.

"Uh," Jo thought for a moment, surprised about this, chuckling about herself. "Well… it's different if you… um… I guess for you going to a bar around here may give you more privacy than the hotel bar but for me it's the other way around since… I kinda…or let's say… I might know some people here," she admitted again. Karev raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"You're from Baltimore?"

"Um, not exactly, no. I'm from around. I just… know some people here," she repeated.

"It's a big city you know… I bet even if you know… like… a handful of people, you wouldn't meet one of them…but you know… your choice," he said.

"Well, I won't take my chances," she told him abrasively, making him narrow his eyes but letting it go with a grunt. When they finally spotted the green lit letters of the hotel, Jo let go of a breath she had been holding. She turned towards Karev and smiled. _Time to distract myself. _

"So, you went out celebrating, huh?" He just nodded. She chuckled. "You did well today," she praised him, a bit of a mocking undertone apparent in her voice. Karev rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he just hushed her, both of them passing through the doors of the hotel.

"No, I mean it, I was actually a bit surprised," she winked at him. "I had no idea you were this much of a big shot," she said.

"Oh stop it, will you," Karev requested in annoyance, obviously startled when Jo grabbed his arm and held him back once he steered towards the bar.

"Alright, I may not have thought this through reasonably… I guess I really don't wanna go sit with my colleagues at the hotel bar…," she told him quietly, spying around the corner.

"Oh," he looked back at her soberly. "Well, that's alright, I'll just go spend the night at my room," he said, sounding a bit sheepish. Jo frowned at him, not comprehending for a second before chuckling. _Wow, insecure was part of the package? Becoming more interesting each passing minute..._

"No, no," she laughed. "Sorry, I didn't mean _you_… I just," she looked around the corner again. "God, I feel so silly," she giggled, making him look at her questioningly. "Well, Leah and the guys are over there… I just… I don't feel like spending tonight with them… and they won't just let me sit at the bar unaccompanied," she pointed out, making him nod in agreement. "I'll just go upstairs, hoping Leah will be out for another while," she smiled at him. "Sorry," she added bashfully.

"That's fine, I'll go, too. No fun drinking alone," he winked at her. They walked by the hotel bar as inconspicuously as possible, trying to not attract the other doctors' attention. When they boarded the elevator, they had lapsed into silence. Jo followed the little light that indicated which level they were on, feeling a bit unsteady. A bit unhappy. She had been looking forward to have a drink. They hadn't thought this through properly. She startled from her thoughts when the elevator doors dinged open on the 18th level and Karev faced her quickly, smiling. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," he said, making her nod. He walked out and Jo watched the door close halfway before the other doctor jumped in between them once more, eliciting a surprised yelp from her mouth. "You know what," he said, grasping her right hand, pulling her out of the elevator, turning left. Jo felt how everything inside her started screaming. Nerves and excitement and insecurity and everything else. _What was he doing? _When he looked back to face her, he halted and rolled his eyes. "I swear I won't touch you," he said, grinning.

"What?" Jo scrunched up her face questioningly.

"I'm not meaning to sleep with you, if that's what you're worried about," he told her upfront, making her snort. "I have a mini bar back in my room," he explained. "We should definitely make use of it," he elaborated, making her pull up her eyebrows and nod in delight.

"That actually sounds like a plan," she chuckled, walking behind him until up to his room. Karev opened the door at the swipe card reader, walking in, her following close, looking around shyly. _This was weird, right? She had just followed her attending back to his hotel room…. Anticipating drinking with him… having been given the 'promise' that he wouldn't try anything on her… this was weird, right? _Jo walked a few steps into the room, pushing the door closed, looking at an open suitcase, messily packed, some things lying around, and most importantly and at the same time annoyingly, took in the smell of that room. _Jo, stop it, right now. _She knew this was so inappropriate. However, the smell of one Dr. Alex Karev had started messing with her head a while ago and momentarily, that fact exactly had opened up a wide array of sticky messes for her to get into - head first. _Do not even think about going there, missy. And do not try justifying any stupid actions you might take tonight with the argument of your head is all messed up from the meeting before. _

"Alright, let's see what we've got here," she watched as her superior bent down and looked through the assortment of alcohol in his fridge. _He did have a nice backside..._

* * *

[Alex]

_What the hell are you doing, jackass? You just invited an intern to your hotel room, telling her you won't try anything on her even though your record tells a very different story, and you know she's been sticking around your brain for a huge part of the last couple of months, and you find her extremely attractive, and you're about to get drunk with her, and you said you'd stop that stupid stuff, and you realized she wasn't at all like all the other intern chicks you've slept with, and you… No. She actually came up with you... as in voluntarily and knowing they weren't going to do anything other than drinking. She's standing right behind you, watching you, right at this moment, waiting for you to say something. Ugh, what the hell did you do? Alright... try to be smooth._

"Well, we've got… rum," Alex told her over his shoulder, not really matching eyes with her, "and there's gin if you're into that," he added. "What's that? Huh, looks like brandy… ugh, I don't like brandy," he got up, comparing the little glass bottles and turning around, slowly facing her with a questioning look. The intern was still standing a few steps from the door, fully dressed, looking around shyly. He looked her up and down. She was wearing ankle boots and dark skinny jeans, presenting her long legs even better than when wearing scrubs. Her ass was covered with the oversized green parka she was wearing, having pushed her hands into the front pockets. Her purse was hanging loosely on her shoulder and her hair was a bit scattered from the wind. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and her features looked soft. "What?" he asked her, insecurely.

"Nothing," she answered quickly, smiling, bumping her purse down to the floor and getting rid of her parka, putting it on the bed before walking over towards him, looking into the fridge. "Are there any sodas to make long drinks?" she asked, determinedly.

"Well, not really. There's soda water and tonic water," he gave her back.

"Well, perfect," she smiled at him, walking over to the window front, marveling. "I'll have a gin and tonic, please," she winked at him and sat on the small desk, admiring the harbor view from the window. "This is ridiculous! So, I guess, with being board certified you automatically get your hands on a room like this," she looked back at him when he didn't respond momentarily.

"Um," he said, concentrating on getting the drinks right. "I guess," he stuttered, pouring some more tonic water with the gin and ice, not looking up at her. When she ceased to speak, he did though and found her staring at him with a smirk. "What?"

"You need any help with that?" she chuckled, looking at his bartending skills skeptically.

"Nah," he smiled. "Got plenty of practice in college," he winked at her, pushing the drink into her hand. He held out his own glass, filled with rum and soda water. Wilson touched her glass to his and smiled, too, before sipping at her drink and immediately made a face, gulping hard and looking at him with a shocked expression, making him laugh.

"Are you sure you're not trying to get me drunk?" she spat out, pressing her eyes closed and shaking her head in disgust. Alex hadn't stopped laughing yet.

"I thought you wanted to forget," he pointed out towards her. Wilson contemplated this, pushing her lips together and nodded in slow motion.

"You might have a point there," she agreed after a moment, taking another sip. "Just gotta get used to this, I guess," she said.

"Come here," he chuckled, taking her glass again and pouring in some more tonic water. "Taste this," he ordered, watching her reaction.

"Yeah," she chuckled, when trying again. "Much better, bar tender," she smiled, putting the glass back down and looking back out the window. Alex watched her from behind while walking towards her and pushing the recliner next to the desk to see out the window as well, sitting down. They lapsed into silence for a bit. "So, where did you grow up, then?" Wilson was the one to speak up first, sipping at her drink again.

"Iowa," he replied lowly, making her nod.

"Not much water there to look at, huh?" she smiled at him when he shook his head.

"Well, except if you count the swamp in our back yard that one year…," he told her good-naturedly. "Had a pretty decent view from my bedroom window to see that," he said. Jo chuckled silently.

"Well, Baltimore isn't that pretty either," she trailed away.

"I know…," he agreed. "But the waterfront does make the city a bit more… presentable, I guess," he mused, making her nod again. "So, where's _around _again?"

"Say what?"

"You said you were from around," he repeated her statement from before. "Where's that again?" he asked her, already making out a defensive look on her face.

"Hyattsville, Maryland," she acknowledged his question after a pause, unwillingly though.

"Sounds... boring," he laughed slightly. Jo nodded while looking down to the street.

"Tell me about it," she agreed.

"And this _Hyattsville _is close to Baltimore?" he inquired.

"It's actually closer to DC than to here... but you know... it's a small world," she murmured. Alex sighed and nodded. _Not a good subject, I guess. _"You travel a lot, then?" she came back from her low quickly.

"Nah, not really," he answered. "Haven't been anywhere much but the States. Well, Canada, of course. And Tijuana," he winked at her.

"Of course," she giggled.

"You?"

"No, not either. Spent most of my life around here," she admitted. "Well, and Jersey…and Boston," she added in a small voice. Alex grinned.

"Daddy didn't pay for any vacations abroad?" He watched her reaction closely, feeling a bit insecure when she closed her eyes and sighed, shaking her head in what seemed like anger. There was a break in talking when she wouldn't answer. "I guess Ivy League schooling was enough to pay for," he tried to defuse the tension he thought he had caught in the air. He watched her bite her lips, obviously fighting with herself. Alex looked down and had a sip of his drink, waiting.

"Not everything's as black and white as you want it to be, you know," she said after a while.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I didn't get into Princeton and Harvard cause my _daddy _paid for it, I got into those schools cause I worked hard and achieved," she told him soberly. Alex raised his eyebrows and nodded, unbelievingly though. "I'm serious. I didn't grow up like a pampered rich girl," she added.

"You sure?" Alex smiled cautiously, teasing her. "The watch you got there tells a whole different story..," he proposed. "I mean, I had a hard time even being admitted and staying in state school… If it hadn't been for my scholarship, I'd never have made it," he went on. Jo looked back out the window and thought that over.

"Well, maybe you should have worked a little harder back then," she suggested wildly. Alex felt himself getting upset. _Why were they even talking about this? He knew that he didn't wanna talk about his childhood and apparently she didn't either. Now, all they did was accuse each other of something… they had no idea about...respectively. _The silence that followed stretched and they both just sat staring out the window, watching the dark and silent on goings of Baltimore harbor.

"You want another drink?" Alex got up when he had finished, making her nod and smile gratefully. He took his time preparing them, before handing it over again.

"Thanks," she told him, matching their eyes. Alex could feel tension rise inside him, however, it wasn't unpleasant, even though they were sitting and drinking in silence, he was kind of comfortable with her. She hadn't walked out on him either yet, so she probably shared the sentiment. "So, you've never been to Africa, then?" Alex looked up when she tried to converse again. He shook his head.

"Nope, unfortunately not. I'd like to, though," he added in a small voice. Wilson nodded.

"Hey, so," the intern started again, fidgeting about a bit. Alex waited for her to continue. "Can I ask you something? I mean… it's kind of… I don't know… if it's too personal… just say so," she looked at him carefully. Alex shrugged, holding her gaze. "Can I ask about the plane crash?" _His guts sank deep down. _Alex sighed dramatically, scratching his forehead.

"What do you wanna know?" he asked her after a bit.

"I just… you know we all started out on July 1st and everything was _so _weird… and inscrutable…kind of. It's just… when we came to Seattle… and started the internship… everybody was so distracted. Nobody even noticed us, it seemed. At least, I had a really hard time finding my way around… And I knew about the plane crash, obviously, it was national news. And Woodard…," she recounted slowly, watching his face that showed a bit of a question mark hover above it. She chuckled, "My chief resident… the redhead?" she gave him hints. _Uh, yeah, that one. Plain. __Boring. _Apparently the intern could read that off his face, since she laughed. "Anyways, she did kind of… prepare us… she told us about it… but you know… no details," she said. "So… I was just wondering… what happened?" Alex looked back at her, not really knowing what to say.

"What do you mean, what happened?" he looked at her steadily. "Some doctors went on a plane meaning to go to Boise, plane crashed, people died, people were injured, lost in the woods," he gave her a short, cruel recap. Wilson looked at him as if she was about to scold him.

"Sounds like that doesn't concern you at all," she interpreted. Alex rolled his eyes and sighed. "You weren't on the plane?"

"I was supposed to be," he illuminated. Wilson gave him a questioning look. "I was supposed to go but I had a huge fight with Robbins that day… since I rejected her fellowship offer and told her I'd be going to Johns Hopkins," he said. His counterpart looked sympathetic. "She was furious with me, so she went on that plane herself…," Alex narrated, hearing the pain in his own voice. There was a streak of silence again.

"You know it's not your fault, though," Wilson told him, making him look up at her in surprise. _Of course she was one of those who excelled in face reading skills. _"I mean… you sound like you are playing with that thought… dealing with remorse… or something?" _Or that. _

"Doesn't matter now anyways… she got badly injured. Had to amputate her leg eventually… but you know all that," he gave her some details.

"Well, she's alive and you know… she looks happy," Wilson shaped an assumption. Alex sighed again.

"It wasn't that easy in the beginning. She blamed me… of course… I mean she had every right to…," he trailed off.

"Um, no, she didn't," the intern argued, much to his dislike. "From what I gather, she decided to go on that plane herself… it's nobody's fault that the plane crashed… well at least from what I know… but it wasn't _your_ fault she went on that plane… you know what I mean?" Alex shrugged again.

"It's complicated," he tried again.

"So, is that why you didn't go to Hopkins? Or are you still planning to go?"

"No, no, I'm not," he negated that. "They invited me, though," he smiled at her. Wilson looked at him interestedly, motioning for him to continue. "They wanna supersize my project," he chuckled. "Extend bases, make it more public… you know… raise more money… they invited me to come here and work on the logistics… so we can kinda… I don't know… do something that matters… I mean really matters," he explained awkwardly. She smiled at him.

"That's pretty awesome," she said kindly. "But you know… what you did already matters." Alex studied her face and vice versa. "You don't like yourself very much, huh? Don't believe in yourself?" she made a wild guess. _Or rather an educated one. _

"You know, I think you're in the wrong department – we do Pediatrics here… not Psych," he pointed out to her, making her chuckle.

"Just observing," she raised her hands in defense. The air hummed with good mood, there was something in between them, they didn't even talk much, but they just… their constellation made sense. He liked talking to her. "So… what about Dr. Grey? She and Dr. Shepherd were in the crash too, right?" Alex nodded, going back over to serious.

"Yeah, it was them, Mer's sister Lexie and their best friend Mark, they both died. Then there was Yang and Robbins…," he listed. Wilson nodded.

"So, she wasn't born a bitch then…?" Wilson dared asking, looking at him sheepishly as soon as she had said it. Alex laughed.

"That is so inappropriate, you know," he chuckled. The intern blushed.

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking down.

"She might be bitchy at times. She's not a bitch, though. She's a nice person. She just went through some really bad stuff," he tried to defend his friend. "Losing your sister, friend and colleague… being exposed to the wilderness yourself… and she's had enough drama for a lifetime even before that, trust me," he added while at it. Jo looked at him with a guilty expression on her face.

"I didn't mean… you know I just… I didn't really know anything about it. And she is so mean," she mumbled more to herself than to him. Alex smiled.

"Well, that's the beauty of being an attending," he winked, trying to tell her with his tone of voice not to fret.

"Yeah, I guess," she laughed. "You all have a knack for that," she said, shaking her head. "Yang's in no way inferior to her regarding that… and you…," she snorted. "Well, I guess I'd have to sleep with you to get into your good graces," she told him sassily. Alex rolled his eyes at that. "Well," she defended herself. "Your reputation speaks for itself."

"Whatever," he grunted, making her laugh even harder.

"I mean, what the hell, Karev… you've probably slept with the entire surgical staff… female that is… what are you gonna do once nobody's left?" she challenged him. Alex snorted.

"Speaking from experience, there's always someone. Some even like second helpings… what can I say," he shrugged, having adopted a playfully arrogant demeanor. "They like what they get," he stated. Jo spluttered, shaking her head.

"I think I need another drink on this," she held out her glass, demanding a refill. When he stood and grasped it from her, he narrowed his eyes at her giggles. "You really think you're irresistible, don't you?"

"Pretty much, yeah," he replied, thinking hard about it, joining the laughter.

"So…what's your… specialty then?" she wriggled her eyebrows at him.

"Well, I'm not gonna spoil the surprise," he winked at her, shoving the refilled drink into her hand.

"Oooh, intriguing. But no, I don't think so," she thanked him in good manners.

"What's so wrong about making use of the hospital dating pool? You gotta get laid somehow…," Alex grew defensive.

"Well, you could definitely do it a bit more gracefully," she advised him. "I mean, come on… I really don't know what it is that makes all the girls go crazy about you… but _everyone _is talking Karev… it's ridiculous, seriously. Maybe you should have gone to Johns Hopkins when you had the chance… people at least don't know you by your…," she coughed intentionally, "special _between the sheets_ skills." She kept her eyebrows raised, awaiting a response.

"That bad, huh?"

"Well," she shrugged. "Combined with your natural talent of pissing people off… yeah… you kinda won some questionable fame," she informed him.

"You know, life would be so much easier if people just stop caring so much," he told her. She smiled, holding his gaze before both dropped their eyes to the floor, feeling awkward. _Something about her was just… right. They clicked perfectly. _Alex cleared his throat uncomfortably before looking up again. _Don't even go there, she's off limits._ _And she's told you a million times what exactly she thinks about you and that she's not even in the slightest bit interested. _Alex felt his guts coil watching her adjust her hair and drop her shoes to the floor, arranging herself to sit cross-legged on the desk_. Don't. Don't. Just don't. _He sighed.

"Okay," Alex head snapped up when the intern's voice broke the silence once more. "Let's play a game," she suggested, making him groan. "Just listen," she said. "I swear I'm not gonna judge and I'm not gonna… um… gossip to the others about it," she promised. Alex scrunched up his face. "You tell me about the girls you've slept with, presenting them in a ranking order," she presented her idea. Alex chuckled.

"No," he just said.

"What, why? It's fun," she said.

"Why in the world would I do that?" Wilson looked at him, thinking.

"What if I tell you about mine?"

"Your what?"

"My sexperiences…," she stated. Alex raised his eyebrows.

"So, we're at _that_ base already…," he asked her slowly.

"Oh come on, I've always wanted to know the dirty secrets of this hospital and who'd be a better source than you?" Alex sighed.

"It's stupid. I'll tell you about people you know whereas you probably tell me about… I don't know… some irrelevant guy…," he pointed out. She shrugged.

"I promise I'll answer every question," she told him, holding up her fingers. Alex rubbed his face.

"You wanna know that badly, huh?"

"I need a distraction that badly," she told him soberly, looking around before getting up, taking an old piece of newspaper and crumpling it up, sitting back down and tossing it into Alex's surprised hands. "First girl you slept with at Seattle Grace ever," she ordered. Alex sighed and shook his head, smilingly though.

"A nurse named Olivia. Redhead…um… intern year...or actually... night before that," he told her dutifully, throwing it back.

"Any guy… or I guess… girl? You've slept with at Seattle Grace?" he asked her with raised eyebrows and a lopsided smile. Wilson chuckled and nodded.

"Um, that'd be guy… and nope… never," she answered, tossing it back. "Hmm… Any one of the current attendings you've slept with?" Alex closed his right eye, thinking.

"Torres," he said, tossing it back.

"Wait, what? Isn't she gay?"

"She was into dudes once… or... still is I guess... hence the kid…," Alex pointed out to her.

"Well, there are more ways to get pregnant or have a kid other than sex," she pointed out. "Wait, do we know who's the father of their daughter?" Alex nodded.

"Mark Sloan," he said. "The guy I told you that died in the plane crash," he elaborated, making her nod apprehensively. "Torres and Sloan were best friends… with benefits I guess," he winked at her. "Um, my turn… Last guy you slept with?"

"Phew, that was way too long ago," Jo chuckled, Alex looking at her amusedly. "I guess that'd be a guy named Stewart… stupid name… um, last year of Harvard…he was a resident at Boston Memorial at that time…," she told him, throwing it back.

"Who was better, Heather or Leah?" the woman looked at him teasingly when Alex let his head fall to the side.

"Oh, come on," he said.

"Go on, stud," she challenged him with a cheery tone of voice.

"I can't say that, that's just mean. And… I haven't ever thought about it…," he said.

"Oh, now you're just lying," Wilson laughed at him playing coy.

"You're friends with them," he told her the reason for his hesitancy.

"So? I mean… they're my colleagues… they're not my _close f_riends…I swear I won't tell them or anything..," she promised again, trying to hide a very obvious grin. Alex sighed.

"Well… Brooks is weird… she's freaky…," he started, making her laugh. "Murphy is clingy…," he continued.

"So?"

"Well, that describes them best… in bed I mean…," he hinted.

"Well, so?" Alex groaned.

"Well… I don't know… Brooks I guess if I had to decide… not one of them my favorite, though," he winked at her. Wilson nodded with a big smile, very amused it seemed. "Why do you wanna know all that? It's weird, you know..," he told her. She laughed.

"Hm, well, you know… I'm not planning on sleeping around… but it's fun to hear the gist of it… even though it's kinda the wrong sex we're talking about…," Jo scrunched up her face, thinking. "Anyways… I feel like I'm much closer to sex already," she chuckled, making fun of herself, catching the newspaper ball.

"Do you prefer one nighters or relationships?" The intern looked at the ceiling in contemplation.

"I haven't had a serious relationship in a long, long time. But you know… I guess both have pros and cons. If someone seriously sucks, it sure is an advantage if you can chuck him right after… but I guess if you're in a relationship… you kinda… I don't know… you have more time and chance to get to know each other better… you know… try things out and… deal with whatever freaky stuff the other comes up with," she winked at him. "Same question to you," she tossed him the ball.

"Pretty much the same answer…," Alex started out when she interrupted him.

"When was your last relationship?" she asked him, blushing when he raised one eyebrow at her.

"That's two questions," he pointed out.

"Well, your answer wasn't gratifying," she pouted slightly. Alex chuckled.

"You gotta let me finish, woman," he scolded her good-naturedly. "A couple of years ago… that was my last relationship. And I prefer… I don't know… one nighters are both fun and annoying… but I guess the things you said make sense too… relationships are hard and I'm not sure I'm designed to… stay in a relationship for too long…," he admitted, looking up at her.

"How long was your longest relationship, then?" she asked him blatantly.

"Um, that's enough about me," he told her in amusement. "Who was the best sex you've ever had?" Wilson seemed to debate that in her mind.

"Hmm…," she elongated the pause. "Not quite sure…," she told him honestly.

"Seriously? You can't even name one that you actually… had fun with?"

"Well… I can name you several that I had fun with… can't decide on the best though… depends… are you asking which one…," she smiled at him cheekily, "made me… you know… scream the most… or which one… was the most fun… or most adventurous…," she listed, Alex's eyebrows climbing higher and higher.

"You're a screamer, huh?" he smirked. His opponent rolled her eyes.

"Of course that's the only thing you heard..," she reproached him, smilingly though. "And no… I mean… sometimes I guess… but it has to be _really _good for me to scream," she gave him a very smug look. Alex hadn't stopped smirking yet, almost finding himself telling her _challenge accepted, _instantly stopping himself, biting his lips and looking down. "I guess you're a guy that makes them scream more often than not, huh?" He looked up at her cautious smile, surprised at her engaging in this silly back and forth. He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. "Oh, self-conscious now?" she teased him. Alex rolled his eyes.

"I'm not saying I'm not but… you know… I guess some liked it more and some less…," he told her, shrugging. They looked at each other, the conversation having turned somewhat from their casual banter to tension. _How about she leaves now…? I'm not saying that I'll jump her… I'm not a caveman even though some people might think that… but she's insanely hot and surprisingly funny and good to talk to and readily giving away information about her sex life and she's compassionate and serious about things and then so silly and ready to be a bit indelicate and blundering just like me. Please, just stop talking and just leave now… I think I find myself drawn to her a bit too much for her liking… and I don't even wanna sleep with her, I swear. I just… I'm not… am I really that bad? All she kept bugging me about today was about me sleeping around… I need to stop that. This needs to stop right now. _When he zoned in again, she was still looking at him.

"I guess I should be going soon…," Wilson instantly got a grip on herself, shaking the almost empty glass at him. Alex smiled and nodded. _Thank goodness._ Both of them finished their drinks, before the intern hopped down from the desk and put on her shoes and coat. "This was fun," she told him while adjusting her hair, making him nod. "Thanks for the distraction and the drinks," she added. He walked her to the door, not seeming to be able to wait for her to walk out, and leaned against the open frame, looking at her. "See you tomorrow morning, all bright and shiny," she winked at him. "And one more thing," she raised a threatening finger, making him frown at her, before she pushed it into his chest, "you'll be very sorry if those gin and tonics give me a hangover by tomorrow morning," she narrowed her eyes at him playfully before turning swiftly and walking towards the elevator, leaving him chuckling quietly and shaking his head at her, closing the door behind him with a mixture of frustration and relief.


	6. Fast forward

[Jo]

Jo put her hands to her face, reveling in the cool feel of her fingers on her burning hot forehead, massaging her temples softly, trying to breathe. She walked on towards the elevators, watching them come closer sooner than she had expected or wanted them to. _Don't do this, Jo, come on, you're better than this. You're stronger than this. Just, don't give into that growing feeling inside your belly. _She gulped down the big lump that had shaped in her throat, taking a deep breath through her nose and exhaling it slowly through her mouth. _He's nice, alright. __You didn't expect that, okay. He's a fun person to be with, hang around with, he's a good listener, he knows how to respect boundaries… he definitely had gotten the drift that she had in no way wanted to talk about what had happened earlier tonight. __Alright, fine. He wasn't that bad. __Just… don't go there. He's just gonna throw you out like the next girl and you really don't wanna mess that up. You don't wanna mess up your career. Remember, you'd _never _risk something stupid like _that_ change something about your work situation. You're in a good place right now, you've settled in Seattle, finally, you've found friends and you've learned to deal with your colleagues and superiors. You're finally at that place. You're finally making progress, don't screw that up now. _Jo took another big swallow, trying to get rid of that freaking lump and hide her thumping heart. When she opened her eyes, she found herself back at his door, having passed by the elevator, turned the corner four times in the same direction and now stared at the wooden door from before. _Don't do this. _Her hand collided with the hard surface, knocking. _Too late._ She heard some rustling and steps moving towards her before she found herself staring at Karev again who looked at her a bit dumbfounded. She took a couple of steps towards him and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. When the silence stretched, Karev moved his head a little bit towards her, narrowing his eyes and shrugging, signaling that he had no idea what she was doing. _Well, she wasn't sure about that exact thing herself. _

"I thought about it," Jo heard herself say, trying to push down the shakiness of her breath that was apparent in her voice.

"Thought about what?" he questioned her slowly.

"Maybe I do wanna sleep with you," Jo chucked out bluntly. Karev looked at her like he was debating if she had gone crazy.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Last night you told me you were willing to let me check out if everything I've heard about you is true," she recited lowly.

"I was kidding," Alex pointed out to her.

"I need you to please spend the night with me," she told him straightforwardly, believing the message was perfectly clear. He, however, scrunched up his face and shook his head.

"No," he just said.

"Come on," she stepped closer to him now, biting her lower lip.

"No," he chuckled. "What's wrong with you?"

"I need distraction… please," she begged with him now. "And I hear you're good at distracting… people," she added sheepishly.

"Oh stop it," Karev barked at her in irritation, rubbing his eyebrows and sighing, waiting for her to move out of his room. _Why was he being like that? He was being a bad tease. Hadn't he meant anything of their last few conversations? Had he just been joking? Leading her on? Come on, Karev, you don't care who you sleep with usually... right? I mean... I'm not _that_ bad. _

"I promise it'll be worth your time," she smiled at him, stepping closer again, putting her right hand on his waist, stroking her thumb across his abs.

"You're drunk and offensive, might I add," he pointed out to her, swatting her hand off his body, turning to face the window and walking a few steps away. "I'm not gonna sleep with you for you to get over whatever it is you can't get over yourself," he told her crankily. _Was he actually worried about me doing something stupid that I was going to regret?_

"Well, then sleep with me because you want to?" she asked him half-heartedly. This made him turn around.

"Listen," he started, looking at her exhaustedly.

"Oh come on, why won't you sleep with me? You sleep with every freaking _other _girl at the hospital, why won't you sleep with _me_?"

"Stop saying that and _please_, just leave it be," he pleaded with her. His eyes widened when she disregarded his last argument and stepped closer, kissing him square on the lips. Jo felt like she was gonna burst, even though he in no way reciprocated. She felt him clasp her upper arms and push her a step away. "What's wrong with you?" he looked at her worriedly now.

"You tell me," she told him, giving him an insecure smile. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," he shook his head desperately."Only the fact that you're being weird at this very moment," he pointed out.

"So… you don't even… feel the slightest bit of… attraction towards me?" she asked him tentatively. He looked at her and sighed.

"I'm not the kind of guy you apparently think I am," he told her pleadingly, biting his lips. Jo took the initiative once again, stepping a bit closer, her heart beating fast and her breathing shallow, feeling the anticipation throbbing inside her, trying to hold her gaze steady, even though all she wanted was roam his body with her eyes and hands, his scent driving her crazy. She reached out for his chest again, this time moving her hand up to cup his cheek, making him roll his eyes.

"So?" she whispered. "I'm not that kind of girl, either," she told him.

"I can't," he shook his head, looking down. Jo cupped his chin with her left hand and guided him upwards to match their eyes. His eyes mirrored the sincerest form of insecurity she might have ever seen, making her knees go a bit softer. _I don't get you, Karev._

"What in the world do I have to say to get you to kiss me?" she breathed against him, their lips only inches apart. She watched him flit his eyes at her lips quickly before going back to hers, felt his breath become a bit shallower, his resistance a bit weaker. She moved her thumb across his cheek, stepping another bit closer, sharing a sweet taste of what it would feel like to touch each other. He sighed, his eye lids dropping slowly. Within one heartbeat, Karev had pulled her into his arms, swept her off her feet and kissed her like she had never in her life been kissed before. She wanted to say something but her brain did not receive enough oxygen to kiss and think and speak at the same time. She felt how Karev's tongue entered her mouth hungrily, their aroused bodies pressed up against each other, the only thing she could think of doing was wrap her arms around his neck tightly, pushing him towards herself even harder, reciprocating the speed and intensity of their first official kiss. When the other doctor brought her down to her feet again, she felt her knees shiver and her breath hiccup within his mouth. She unclasped her arms around his neck and let go of her purse and dropped her coat, Karev easing the kiss. She smiled against his lips, chuckling softly. "About time," she teased him slightly.

"Oh no, not like this," the object of her current desire immediately broke the kiss and turned away, trying to get rid of her. Jo chuckled, clasping to his shirt, though, not letting him go, giggling against his cheek and then neck.

"No, come on," she breathed against him, still laughing quietly, "I promise I'll behave," she told him like a good school girl, looking up at him with bashful eyes and a smile she knew he wouldn't be able to resist. He looked down at her, his head dropping the tiniest bit in surrender, chuckling, shaking his head at her in amusement. Jo gave him her most dazzling smile before getting up on her toes and initiating another kiss that took both their breaths away. Karev let his hands roam down her back, resting them on her bottom while Jo had put them back on his shoulders, running her fingers across his muscles before linking them around his neck. Feeling completely weightless, Jo felt him lift her up easily, making her wrap her legs around his waist effortlessly, getting a good feel of his body, a slow moan rippling from her lips when he parted them and trailed kisses down her neck, sucking her, cupping one of her breasts with his big hand, running his thumb across her erect nipple perceptible through her bra, making her breath stop short and searching for his lips again. Jo felt like somebody had turned on a heater on their exact spot in the room, she felt like she was too close to a tanning lamp, burned up in a fever, had her guts kneaded through and her throat parched. "Mmmh," she slowly slid down his body, pushing against his privates. When she touched the ground safely, she felt him tug at her shirt, immediately getting it off, making them part and him staring at her half-naked torso. When his hand ran down her defined upper body and rested against her loins right above the waistband of her jeans, Jo felt herself go weak and her brain feigned the near loss of consciousness, clasping tightly to Karev's shirt, that she actually wanted off, making her face scrunch up impatiently.

"Slow down, girl," the doctor that she had long forgotten was her superior purred at her, chuckling, cupping her head and gazing at her deeply, making her gulp noisily. _At this very moment he was nobody else but the person she would be intimate with, all night long, no thoughts spent, no hierarchy evident, no problems._

"Get off your shirt," she murmured, busily roaming his abs while her eyes almost popped, getting a good look at his muscular upper body.

"Better?" he asked her with a smirk.

"Much," she nodded, kissing him again, deeply, hearing and feeling him groan into her mouth, making her smile and her guts do somersaults now. She felt him walk her towards the bed clumsily, surprising her when holding her tightly towards his own body, kneeling on the edge of the bed and heaving her to the middle of it, hovering over her. _God, stop doing that. You're sexy enough without showing off how strong you are. _Jo looked up when the gorgeous man above her broke the kiss softly, feeling his hot breath on her face, breathing in the scent of his that had been driving her crazy for a while now, that had lured her into his arms, that was fogging her judgment right now. There was hardly any space between them, him hovering above her, held solely by his elbows, her legs spread wide enough for him to rest comfortably between them, pushing exactly the right buttons. She felt him nibble at her shoulder, making her exhale a smile, feeling him take her bra strap down her arm following it towards the cup with his lips, kissing the sensitive slightly swollen skin right above the cup of her semi-transparent black lacy bra, reaching his tongue to taste her nipple without even ridding her of the garment, tracing the wire over to her other breast, softly biting her, smiling against her trembling skin, heaving up and down with irregular breaths. The soft trail of kisses moved upwards again, making her look down and anticipate his lips on hers, looking at him with sincere eyes, getting lost in his big honest ones. When their lips met, everything inside her hummed, everything was ready for him to just take her. Karev reached up onto his head where Jo had hooked her fingers into his hair and took her right hand into his left, intertwining them and pushing them into the mattress, doing the same with her left hand. Jo bent her knees and digged her toes into her partner's thighs, urging him to get it on. She felt how he scooted back on his knees, breaking the kiss, staring at her with burning eyes, giving her creeps and moving downwards to open up the button and fly to her skinny jeans. Jo pulled her knees towards her torso, making him almost peel her pants off, tugging at her pant leg, getting rid of her socks too, holding up her legs and kissing down a trail, parting them again, grazing his teeth across her inner thigh, making her groan impatiently. She felt him chuckle against her privates, pushing his lips against her entrance, still separated by a fleeting sheet of lace, cut very close, barely covering her goods. She felt his uneven breathing against her soft skin, wriggled with her hips slightly and moving her hands down to get rid of the garment. Karev looked up at her and smirked, making her roll her eyes and cup his head tightly when he started spoiling her with soft, fleeting kisses to her most intimate body part, spreading her legs wider, cupping her butt cheeks, massaging them, letting his tongue explore her vagina slowly, making her go crazy. "Look," Jo coughed hoarsely, trying to sit up, making him look up in surprise and irritation. She bent forwards and pulled him up on eye-level, kissing him softly, before holding him tightly and gazing into his eyes, checking if she had all his attention. He nodded, listening. She made a point in looking at him pointedly, and then said, "This is no exploratory surgery. We both know what we want, and you're definitely capable of getting it. So please, stop teasing me and get to work," she ordered, making him laugh, his head falling into the crook of her neck, where she felt him shake with laughter, closing her eyes herself and smiling brightly, inhaling deeply when he had sneaked his hand towards her core without her noticing and started working on her. "Uhh." When he lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her, she could hardly keep her eyes open, pressing her lips together trying to keep quiet.

"I wouldn't have said that," he just shook his head at her mercilessly, slowly bending down again, making her plop back into the mattress and starting all over again. Jo sighed, trying to keep it in but her head was already spinning. She could feel her body spill masses of hormones, her pits produce sweat, her throat drying up, and her orgasm coming on so strong. She wriggled her hips, trying to get out of his grasp at least a little bit, overwhelmed with the feeling of his lips on her but he only grinned against her and retained her hips to the mattress, exposing her to him completely. Satisfied with the point of arousal of the woman underneath him, he softly dragged his teeth up her clit, kissing up her bellybutton and moving upwards to find her lips, flying into the kiss without warning her, putting all his weight on her and rolling her over, so she was straddling him. Simultaneously he grabbed for the bra clasp and opened it masterfully, ripping it down and instantly reaching up to feel them in his hands. Jo moaned into his mouth, feeling his big palms on her breasts, her nipples pushing into his fingers. She felt his other hand grab a fistful of her curls and hold the back of her head tightly, holding her to him, kissing her even deeper, paralyzing her. Jo took one moment to breathe and shaped a thought quickly, placing her flat hands against his chest, pressing his torso against the bed of pillows, making him look up at her in confusion, grasping her elbows, trying to sit up again. "What," he breathed heavily.

"_Stop," _she told him, looking at him intently, "kissing me," she cleared it up for him. "I can't think," she explained in a whisper, instantly moving down, so he didn't have a chance to interrupt her thought and started working on his belt, button and fly, stripping him off his pants and socks, grazing his bulging man parts underneath his tight black boxer briefs. Jo felt her heart beat fast and strong, when she swooped down, getting the last piece of fabric out of the way and taking a deep breath while getting a good look of his penis. "Condoms," she hushed out before kissing his tip softly, moving her lips down his shaft and kissing the skin right above his balls, hearing him hiss. When she looked up, she saw him resting his head against the cushions, his eyes halfway closed and breathing hard, his right index pointing down to the ground.

"Suitcase," he breathed. Jo smiled at the state of him, not wanting to look away but crawling over to retrieve a handful of fruity colored condoms, chuckling, tossing them on the bed.

"What may I serve you with?" she asked him teasingly, making him smile and just grab for one without looking. "Pink," she stated, snatching it out of his hand, "perfect," she ripped it open, moving back over and rolling it down his erection slowly, taking time to eyeing and feeling him up, "princess". She moved down, nibbling at his shaft before grazing his balls with her teeth and tongue, hearing him yelp in pleasure.

"Wilson, stop," he chucked out, sounding preoccupied. She smiled against him, holding him down when massaging him. "I mean it, please," he said again. When she looked up, she met sincere eyes, frowning at him.

"Why?" she breathed out softly, shaking her head at him.

"Because this pretty pink princess will be all for nothing if you don't stop this," he sighed, trying to cup her head.

"Stop thinking," she just told him, going to work, making him groan loudly and his penis twitch dangerously, making her smile, feeling how wet she was herself.

"Jo, please," Jo stopped short, irritated with the sound of him saying her name that gave her butterflies, but once she turned to face him, her guts turned and she shivered slightly with the look he was giving her. She moved upwards and straddled him, leaning in.

"There's a variety of funky rainbow colored condoms in your suitcase and I demand to at least do turquoise, orange and the shiny one after princess down there," she whispered very close to his ear, feeling how her throat tightened with him rubbing her back. "Stop whining, Karev," she tried to sound rigorous whereas it came out as a sigh when he pulled her close against his body. He pulled her down into another kiss that reached straight down to her guts and ripped them out brutally. "Ughmmm," she moaned into him when she felt him guide his tip against her. She lost touch of his lips when she let her head fall down, gasping for air desperately, every other sensation erased when he penetrated her. She slid down his pulsing erection, her every muscle tightening around him and her mouth gaping wide open with the overflow of sensations. She felt his right hand cup her ass whereas his left hand was grasping her upper arm and then shoulder trying to pull her down to kiss him. She just shook her head at him, too busy getting used to him and this and not making this too short of a ride, literally. Jo took a deep breath before opening up her eyes and looking at his emotion filled face. She smiled a tiny smile before pushing him down into the mattress, which he eventually accepted and pushed the heels of her hands into the mattress above his shoulders starting to move her hips back and forth, pushing his erection into her deeply and simultaneously bothering her clit on his pubic arch. Her eyes closed on their own accord, she could feel the man underneath her put his hands on her sides, caressing her, stroking her naked breasts with his left hand, making out the raspy noises he chucked out, hearing her own uncontrollable breathing. _God almighty, are you freaking kidding me. Oh God, fuck, oh God. _Jo felt her bent knees cramp slightly and raised up to sit on him straightly, heaving herself up and down on him in a strange movement, holding her own hair in a bunch and arching her upper body with shivering muscles but she didn't care what the hell she looked like. She could hear herself wheeze really hard, even that didn't matter. _Does this go deeper? I need you deeper, this is just ridiculous, this is so good, I can't, oh God. _Jo flexed her muscles around his penis so tightly to prevent herself from coming to soon, making him groan loudly, deeply, in surprise, yanking his eyes open and squeezing her waist tightly.

"Fuck, what the hell, oh my God," he raged, and when they looked at each other, it only lasted a split second before they both simultaneously reached for each other, him sitting up and smacking against her naked body, melting into a frantic kiss. While she wrapped her arms around his neck automatically, she wriggled around to get her legs to wrap around his hips as well, feeling how his penis slid out of her pleasantly and him thrusting it in again, making her scream with the pleasure of him filling her deeply, completely. Karev looked at her with a smirk, making her smile with drawn breath, shaking her head and letting it fall against his forehead, puffing in and out desperately, trying to find a rhythm, feeling how the heat surged through her, giving her goose bumps _again. _Jo was sure of one thing. _Never had somebody penetrated her so deeply and she couldn't deal with how amazing it felt. _

"Alex," she threw out, feeling everything inside her tingle, when he searched for her lips again. "No, please, don't," she said but it was too late. His lips had found hers and his tongue had entwined with hers and all she could think of was how they moved against each other, feeling exhilarated and desperate and ready to cry at the very same moment from everything too much. She could feel her guts on fire, her stomach felt nauseated…but in a good way. She felt his erection deep inside her but they weren't moving one inch, too employed with their kiss. Instead Jo kept flexing and relaxing her muscles around him, making him sigh repeatedly and ecstatically. "Alex," she took a breath, holding his head in her palms, feeling his muscles against her torso, sensing his arms rigidly around her. "Stop kissing me, I mean it, I can't think," she pleaded with him for the last time, making him smile at her but all playfulness was gone. He held her closer for a soft peck, before nodding, and getting onto his knees with her on top of him, laying her down on her back, Jo feeling his eyes roam her body making her go wild and then without one more word… he screwed her senseless. There were no words for what Jo felt when lying at his mercy. The only thing she realized was, it kept on coming, over and over and over again. Heat rushes, the urge to clench her muscles, the urge to hook her nails into his back, the urge to arch her back and wriggle her hips, push her head into the mattress and let go of sounds she hadn't known resided inside her. Her perception narrowed down to her body cells, no more hearing, or seeing, just feeling and the extent of that made her brain black out completely.

* * *

[Alex]

_Breathe, just breathe. _Alex only felt himself soar higher and higher, feeling his skin rub against hers, looking at her state of complete oblivion, sensing her rapidly going pulse at her most sensitive body part which was cramping around him, pleasuring him in ways he had never experienced before. He felt muzzy. He felt her, he smelled her, he admired her, he touched her, he tasted her, he had her – all to himself. Her hips jerked with the shiver of her worn out muscles and her scream softened into a moan, more beautiful than the woman whose mouth was producing it. He wanted to watch her at it, he wanted to take her in wholly, her beauty, her gorgeousness, her perfect being. A second later though, his forehead constricted his vision when he spilled himself without any kind of bodily warning in advance, unlike all the times before when he had felt his climax coming on, felt all his bodily shifts and changes to prepare him. No, this time it just hit him and it seemed infinite, making him slow down his motions, rest his head on her shoulder, make her hug him and kiss his temple repeatedly, breathing heavily. When he tried to heave himself from her, his biceps trembled wildly, making her smile. She watched as he got rid of the condom and offered him the flimsy white sheet which he just grabbed from her hand and then sat up, meaning to turn round, lying down at the head of the bed, urging her to do the same and covering them both. Jo rolled up at his side, resting in the crook of his arm pit, her feet tangled up with his and her hand resting on his abs, trying to get her respiration under control. Alex looked down at her peacefully before swooping towards her and kissing her head softly, holding her closer. He could feel her smile against his chest. _God, you're so perfect, you really are. _He closed his eyes sleepily. They rested for a little bit, before Jo started fidgeting to look up at his face. Alex's guts immediately coiled up and pushed against his diaphragm, loosening the lump in his throat, which he tried to swallow back down unsuccessfully. Those big, brownish green…or golden eyes… sincerely searching his. Alex sighed, moving closer slowly and kissing her, deeply. Jo immediately wrestled with the sheets and his body to wrap her arms around him, intensifying the act. Her lips, her tongue, her kiss… _whoa, buddy, you are flying a dangerous high right now. Get ready for the drop. _Alex couldn't think anymore and he surely couldn't tell time anymore, however, the next time they broke to breathe, he was sure hours had passed. Jo had kept her eyes closed while he watched her peaceful face, nuzzling her nose with his, planting soft kisses all over her face, whispering soft words into her ears, making her laugh and open her eyes, beaming at him, searching for his lips.

"How about turquoise now…?" he mumbled against her neck some time later on, nibbling at it softly, feeling her tuck in her tummy in pleasure.

"Give me a couple more minutes to come down, then we can do whatever you want, I'm all yours," she sighed, anticipating finding a hickey next morning, not caring in the least about that. Jo rolled her head around slowly, moaning in pleasure, before he parted from the spot on her neck, moved up again, kissing her lips softly. "That's not gonna make me calm down," she mumbled against him, not willing to break the kiss either.

"Sure it is," he argued against her. "It's supposed to be soothing, relaxing... at least from a parasympathetic point of view," She just shook her head, making him draw his head back a couple of inches and raise an eyebrow at her. She grasped his hand and put it on top of her heart, making him smirk at her. She blushed slightly.

"It's making my heart go overboard with pumping, that's what it's doing. No calming down on that end," she said, smiling when he swooped down to kiss her cheek and hold her closer again. "You'll know when I'm ready," she whispered against him, making him chuckle. Everything was buzzing and warm and cozy, Alex felt so tired all of a sudden, everything was so perfect. This girl was seriously perfect. She was everything he had always hoped for... as in a match for him... as in someone who wanted similar things, especially in bed, didn't make a fuss or act coyly. _Man, she had even been the one coaxing him to do her. _This was perfect. He kept track of the gradually slowing heartbeat against his own chest, kept tracing the curls on the silky skin on her back, almost hypnotizing himself with his own motions. _And man, did she know her stuff. Phew, he still couldn't believe he had climaxed that hard, felt this good. He couldn't believe that girl knew exactly what buttons to push to make him feel so amazing. _

Alex startled heavily when the by now familiar but still obnoxious alarm clock bleeped suddenly, stretching his hand out and snoozing it instantly, feeling the pleasantly heavy weight of Jo's head on his chest, her body pressed up against his, her hair tickling him, her face and fingers rubbing against him when she tried to wake herself. They had fallen asleep after sleeping together that one time… _great. _Alex actually felt bummed, realizing how amazing their night had been and the fact that it was over now. He rolled his head over towards the alarm clock, focusing on the numbers. 7.15 a.m. _Hmmm… Is it still Thursday? _

"What time is it?" he heard Jo's husky voice, fully laced with sleep, stretching against him cautiously. He looked over at her sleep-heavy face, giving her a small smile good morning. He felt his brain start its engine, sighing deeply, thinking about what to reply before his throat restricted.

"Too late," he jerked away from her, moving out from underneath her embrace and clumsily left the warm sheets. "Fuck," he said, looking at her. She looked at him completely shocked, not having woken up all the way, scrunching up her face.

"What?" she whined slowly.

"We're supposed to be at the van at 7.30, right?" he asked her, already getting his briefs on.

"Right," she nodded heavily, seemingly not putting the puzzle pieces together.

"Jo, it's 7.17. You have 13 minutes to get dressed, get back to your room, pack and get down to the bus," he explained to her patiently, already having put on a new shirt and jeans, stressing every word. "I'll stall for you," he told her when her expression changed to frantic.

"Fuck," she repeated, finally waking. "Nooo," she pressed the sheets up her body, looking around for her stuff. Alex tossed her bra and panties while looking for her shirt and jeans underneath the pile of comforter, pillows and bed. "She's gonna ask all those queeestions," she whined. Alex smiled knowing exactly who she meant.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, matching eyes with her quickly while walking into the bathroom, putting on some deodorant and brushing his teeth in record time.

"I'll see you down there," Jo called on her way out, Alex catching a glimpse of her completely disheveled look while rushing towards the door, closing his eyes and spitting out the tooth paste, chuckling silently, washing his face. His heart skipped a beat when he felt her soft hand on his lower back all of a sudden, straightening up while drying his face and looking back at her swiftly. "Thank you," she breathed before getting on her toes and kissing his lips softly. Alex traced his thumb across her cheek before she plopped down again and walked out, winking and giving him a sweet smile. Alex stood at the sink for a moment longer, looking at his face in the mirror. _What have you done now, Alex Karev? You can't take this back, you know that right? She was perfect… and you just messed this up with sex… ugh. _Alex tossed the towel to the floor and hastily packed his stuff, took another round to look for any hidden belongings, smiling when retrieving a turquoise colored condom from between the sheets and securing it in his pants pocket and walking out the room swiftly. He walked over towards Robbins' room and knocked. _This was kinda…cruel… but he just had to buy some time for Jo. _He smiled at his boss when she opened up her door energetically.

"Good morning, Karev," she exclaimed happily.

"Morning," he just said, already trying to cut her off. "Hey, so, I guess we'll have to wait a couple more minutes," he told her, trying to not blush or break his voice.

"What, why? It's time," she questioned him.

"Well, the elevator's out… they're working on it right now, I already talked to the manager," he lied straight through his teeth, knowing Arizona could not walk down 18 flights of stairs with her rather new prosthetic leg.

"Great," Arizona plopped down on the bed. "We're already late."

"Nah, we're not," he replied, waving her away. "You always make us be ready way too early. It's fine, we'll make it on time, I promise," he soothed her. They chit chatted a bit before he decided after watching the alarm clock closely, 10 minutes were enough. "Let's go look if they've fixed it, shall we?" They walked towards the elevator, which arrived promptly.

"Lucky us," Arizona beamed at him and walked inside the door when it had opened. Alex's breath caught when he saw Jo stand at the back of the elevator, the tiniest bit flustered, her hair combed and her t-shirt changed, looking as beautiful as ever, glancing up at him while talking to Leah, not being able to take her eyes off him, either. They had just said their good-byes minutes before, but it felt to him as if they hadn't seen each other in ages, completely in awe with her. Alex snapped out of it quickly and stepped in, facing the door. He could even feel her presence, standing behind him, probably eyeing up his backside. Arizona kept on rambling but all he could listen to was the interns' talk, Leah inquiring about Jo's whereabouts the night before while Jo kept a steady face, telling her it was none of her damn business. Arizona sighed, obviously having overheard the younger doctors' conversation and smiled at Alex before the doors dinged open. "Lucky her, I guess, having been out all night," she winked at her colleague and walked out. Alex raised his eyebrows in amusement, seeing Jo smirk from the corner of his eye.

"Lucky her, right," he repeated the statement, stepping out into the cold morning sun, beaming widely. _What a wonderful day._

* * *

[Arizona]

Arizona walked over towards the reception, checking out and thanking the staff for their kindness. She made her way over towards the valet where she could spot the chief resident and the two interns she hadn't worked with all that much since coming back to the job. When she had rolled up her trolley, she smiled at them. "We ready to go?" Everybody nodded at her politely and the driver took her luggage, making her turn and look for the others. She watched as the two female interns that had ridden the elevator down with them walked out the door, followed by a strange looking Karev. She narrowed her eyes and tried to hide a smile once he had walked up to her.

"What?" he asked her, unsure about her facial expression it seemed.

"Oh, nothing, absolutely nothing," she just shook her head with a small smile. She waited until Alex had the time to help her into the front seat of the van and tried to get comfortable, looking over her shoulder, seeing the interns and residents file into the van.

"Well... was it some guy you met in a bar?" she could hear Leah Murphy hiss towards Wilson. Arizona pushed her lips together, catching Wilson's eye for a moment, making her blush slightly.

"Stop asking," said one gave back irritatedly, staring down into her lap, probably because she felt like she was under observation. Arizona made out as Alex climbed into the van and slid the door closed.

"Let's go," he suggested, busying himself with his seatbelt.

"Headcount," Arizona ordered, looking out the windshield.

"You told me not to treat them like idiots," Alex pointed out, making her chuckle silently. "I believe every one of them has found their way into this bus by themselves," he told her gruffly.

"Well, I'm not saying they're idiots, I'm just saying... the one or other might be a bit bleary-eyed today, due to a lack of sleep last night maybe," the attending trailed away, shrugging mockingly, throwing a cheeky look over her shoulder, smiling at Karev and then flitting her eyes over at Wilson sitting right next to him whose face noticeably fell in shock. "I mean, I wouldn't know, right." Arizona chuckled, turning back forwards. "Let's go, then," she let the driver know.

"I think she was talking about you," Arizona heard Murphy whisper, rolling her eyes.

"You think?" Wilson snapped back at her.

"Shut up, Murphy, will you," she heard Alex bark at her.

"Alex, I don't think you have anything to do with their business, or do you, hm?" Arizona looked back, challenging him with a cocked eyebrow. Alex rolled his eyes while she could make out a small Wilson blush from the corner of her eye. "Anyways, I heard you went celebrating last night? Congratulations are in order I guess," she smiled at him. Alex nodded and smiled. "So, you're gonna leave me after all?" Alex groaned.

"Stop fretting, I'm not taking my spot on the program, I'm just lending a hand," he told her impatiently. "Just...let me have this for once?" Arizona sighed, looking at him guiltily. She nodded, giving him a tamed smile. _Does he know I'm sorry too? Yes, I was mad but really... I didn't mean for all this to happen. The plane crash... it wasn't exactly perfect timing... _Arizona chuckled. _Did she really just think that? _

"Yeah, you go rock their worlds. You deserve it," she told him contently, turning to face out the window, watching the I-95 fly by and the sun putting everything into its golden, perfect glow. _Everything's perfect now. _


	7. Put on hold

**[The following week]**

[Alex]

Alex was rushing to the OR. It had been one hell of a week, he hadn't taken a breath once since coming back from Baltimore. He looked down at his pager, being informed about the next emergency, sighing. He typed a message into his phone quickly, telling them he was busy operating on another kid before pocketing it and putting on his scrub cap, starting to rinse his arms. Alex cracked his neck and sighed, his thoughts going back to Baltimore once more, as they had continuously done so for the last few days. He felt his guts coil thinking about his night with Wilson. He had been in a weird kind of haze since then. They had worked together just fine after that, neither of them saying anything, showing any kind of awkwardness. Alex was a bit uncertain about the entire thing, though. She had come up to him, _demanding _he sleep with her. Alex had felt so unsure about that, he seriously had not wanted to sleep with her, especially because she had kept reminding him about his existence of being a man whore. It was offensive… but then again, she wasn't lying. However, talking about her, having been experiencing heat rushes around her, ogling her for some time now, realizing she was a pretty decent human being, not an idiot at all, someone he would actually hang out with, spend time with, talk to… it had offended him somehow. He had just maybe hoped a tiny little bit that she would like hanging out with him too... that she'd like getting to know each other apart from having sex, too. It just had been the first time in such a long stretch for Alex since he had met a girl who he was actually interested in. But since there had been no way, to be completely honest about that, that he wouldn't have slept with her, given her advances and his weak stamina concerning that very girl, he had slept with her anyways. They had the most amazing time after that. Alex had screwed around in the past, that was for sure, but he couldn't remember enjoying himself this much with one other girl. For some reason, she just captured his attention wholly, and now he couldn't think about anyone else anymore. It hadn't turned out as he had pictured it, but sleeping with her - considering how amazingly awesome it had turned out - was good too. They had separated in such a hurry, they didn't even have time to… Alex didn't know what… talk about it? Exchange numbers? That was the point of it all… Alex had no freaking idea what this meant… if she had slept with him solely to distract herself… She probably wouldn't wanna do this again, right? But she had had fun, too, he could tell this much… so, maybe she did wanna do it again? Alex sighed, shaking the waterdrops from his hands and walking into the OR, meeting Arizona, already frantically trying to save that little boy lying open on the table, having gotten into a school fight, accidentally one might offer. The scrub nurse gloved and gowned him before he stepped forwards and started helping Arizona who rambled onto him incessantly. They spent a couple of hours in the OR before the chief came running in hurriedly.

"Karev, we need you in OR 3," he ordered.

"I'm not done here," Alex barked back, "More suction," he turned back to the resident standing next to him.

"Doesn't matter, Robbins can have an intern, I have…," he trailed off, making Alex turn back to him and following his eyes up into the gallery, spotting Edwards and Wilson.

"Wilson," both Arizona and Alex chucked out, having worked with her on numerous Peds cases, knowing she was reliable.

"Go scrub in," Hunt ordered towards her. Alex waited until she had done so and walked into the OR.

"Davis, take this over from me," Karev ordered the resident, giving her his instruments. "Do not move one inch, I swear," he threatened her. She nodded frantically. "Wilson," he said, turning to face her, having taken over the suction device from Davis. "Suction," he ordered, giving it to her. "Take care by the liver, do not injure it," he told her, making her nod. "You good?" he asked towards Robbins.

"Yeah, go," she shooed him. They ungloved and gowned him again, handing him a sanitary towel, before he turned towards Hunt. "Fill me in," he walked with him towards OR 3.

The second surgery was done pretty quickly, and when he had scrubbed out, Alex walked back into OR 1 looking if he could be of any more help, Robbins declining. He stood in the scrub room, watching them work on the boy. Alex gulped. Even while wearing scrubs, she seemed ungraspably hot to him. _Well, maybe that's because you picture her naked all the time. And she's the most gorgeous girl ever. God, get a grip on yourself. Do you even listen to your thoughts? But then again, just imagine what all you could do with her… what kind of stuff you could get into with her… she seems the kind of girl who isn't shy about some fun… especially talking sexually… She'd definitely be the perfect partner in crime for pretty much anything. Stop staring at her ass. Stop picturing you guys together. Stop picturing her naked and on top of you._ Or _underneath you. _Just_ stop. Especially because you haven't initiated _anything_ pointing her in the same direction. She has no idea you're… thinking about making this a two nighter. Or more if possible. _He really had no idea if he was running himself into something but he sure wasn't going to find out without trying. He had been thinking about it a lot these past few days, however, he just hadn't been able to find the perfect way. They had been on cases together, but there was never enough time to talk to her privately, especially with nobody else finding out about them. He didn't own her number and he really didn't wanna be the creep who fetched her cell phone number without permission to make a move on her. Also, he wanted to at least give her an out… letting her decide if she even wanted to do this again… and if he'd decide to call or text her… that'd probably be awkward for her… declining that was. He had been thinking about going to Joe's and hoping to meet her there, especially considering the helping hand of alcohol… but then again, he had thought about what she had said on earning a reputation and respect and career options… and she'd been right. He should absolutely try getting his reputation cleaned up, but regarding this, it wasn't even about him that much, he just really didn't want her to be branded as one of those girls that had slept with Karev. He just didn't want that. She had been right, he hadn't treated all those girls… all too well. He didn't want that for her. He wanted her to succeed. Without a reputation. Alex looked around for observers, finding himself alone in the scrub room. After a split second of mulling it over in his head, he took out a small clear package from his scrub pants, smirking down on it madly. He reached for a marker and wrote his message onto it, slipping it into the unembroidered lab coat that he knew had to be Jo's without attracting any attention, knowing interns didn't have their names put on their coats yet. _Maybe if he did the first step, she'd approach him eventually? _He looked back once more, to observe the scene, smiling insecurely at nobody in particular, before walking out the scrub room swiftly and directing himself towards the ER.

* * *

[Jo]

Jo let go of a long breath when she finally pushed the button to rinse her hands and scrub out. It had already been a long day and it was only mid-afternoon. A fun day, though, she got to scrub in with two procedures already, and on top of that, Robbins and Karev had both picked _her _to assist with Robbins' patient. Without hesitation it seemed! _That was something, right?_ Jo closed her eyes and sighed, trying to hide a smile when thinking about the male doctor… the one she had tried… she really had… to get out of her freaking thoughts this past week…but then those abs started blinding her again, that body, those eyes, those lips. She could still feel them on her, it made her skin prickle when thinking about it. _Jo, stop day dreaming. Stop dreaming about him for good. It was one night and as much as you'd love to repeat that night…that was over now. You knew that from the beginning. You knew sleeping with Karev meant _job done. _You knew that. He's probably already onto the next one, he probably doesn't even think that much about it. I mean, yeah, she was sure he had had his fun as well, they were having an epic night… at least for her… that night had been… well, so hot, so amazing… and the way he had talked and acted and looked at her… she really thought he had enjoyed himself fully, too. But he probably does that with every girl, right? And that's why you're not supposed to think about it anymore… Again, you knew you were gonna be yesterday's news once you had gotten it over with. Just deal with it now. _Jo's mind was running at full blast when a sharp voice brought her back to the scrub room, making her yank her head around, looking at the other intern in surprise, not having heard her come in.

"What the hell are you doing?" Stephanie asked her, having narrowed her dark eyes.

"What? Nothing, I'm scrubbing," she gave her back dismissively, turning back to the basin.

"I wanna watch _that exact _movie you were watching a second ago, looked pretty gripping," she raised her eyebrows at Jo and chuckled.

"What are you doing here?" Jo dried her hands with paper towel and then put on her lab coat, adjusting her pony tail.

"Forgot my lab coat," Steph pointed her own out on the rack and put it on while walking out the door besides Jo. "Wanna go have some lunch?"

"Yeah, sounds awesome," Jo nodded, pushing her hands into her pockets, listening to Steph ramble about the last surgery she had scrubbed into. They got themselves some late lunch at the cafeteria, before the intern followed her friend over towards a table by the window, realizing Karev and Avery were sitting rather close, letting her gaze flit over him for a second before turning and sitting with her back to him, already planning to listening into their conversation. Luckily, Stephanie was deep into her story and satisfied with the odd acknowledging grunt and nod in between, while Jo strained to listen into the attendings' conversation, leaning back into her chair and pulling up one knee, biting into an apple and munching on it as quietly as possible. She could hear one of them groan and she was pretty sure it hadn't been out of Karev's mouth before catching the next statement.

"…stuck with that Velquez… Veloquez? What's his name?" she heard Avery's bugged voice. Karev chuckled at this.

"_You_ asking _me_ for names around here? Ha! His name is Velasquez," Alex told while apparently chewing on something Jo obviously couldn't see, sitting with her back to him.

"Didn't think you'd actually know that," Avery pointed out.

"Well, he was one of the idiots we took to Baltimore…," Alex explained simply. "He's kind of a pain…don't know him very well. Robbins doesn't like him much but I think he's a decent doctor. At least he's never screwed up with me so far," he elaborated. There was a pause. It irritated Jo that she couldn't watch them while talking, she wasn't able to read their faces and anticipate their reactions.

"Why are you being so… _mature…_today?" She heard Avery say, detecting some humor behind his voice.

"Oh, shut up. I'm just saying… he's not all bad," Alex replied.

"If I had wanted to have a serious conversation about the interns, I'd have talked to April," she heard Avery say. "I just wanted to vent," he told the other doctor.

"Well, sorry, I'm not a jukebox for whatever responses you wanna hear," she heard Alex reply steadily.

"I'm surprised you'd even remember his name… he's not your type, is he?" Avery asked him, heavily mocking Alex's practices.

"Haha," he gave back.

"Well, you _have _been doing an amazing job in screwing your way around with this year's batch of interns. Any left? What about these two," Jo heard him say, biting her lips, knowing they were both looking over, trying to not stand out for what she was doing while pretending to listen to Stephanie talking. She watched as her friend scrunched up her face, and stopped talking.

"What?" she asked her.

"Avery and Karev are looking at us for some reason…," she mouthed silently. Jo turned to face them slowly. This made Avery look down instantly whereas Alex matched her eyes and they looked at each other for a couple of seconds. Jo felt her guts knot and a slight blush cover her cleavage before Alex turned his head back and she did the same, bummed though. _Well, what's he supposed to do, jump you in the middle of the cafeteria? _Jo sighed, looking back at Steph. _Hell, yeah, she'd be so into that. _

"Shut up," Jo could hear Alex grunt at the other doctor, making her wanna chuckle but she kept it in, putting on a curious face for Stephanie's latest gossip. "I'm done with screwing them," she heard him add, and she couldn't help but frown. _What's he mean saying that? _

"Oh yeah?" Avery questioned him mockingly.

"I'll not be screwing around anymore…," Alex repeated.

"Cause there aren't any left?" Jo could definitely hear something flying across the table and a chuckle.

"I just… I'm not sleeping with the interns anymore. I just… grew out of it, alright?" Alex put his foot down. Jo's arm that was holding up her apple sank slowly, and she could feel nausea overcoming her. _Did he actually mean that? What about…_

"Are you getting sick of dumping them?" Avery still sounded amused but Alex groaned.

"Well, if you will, yes. Satisfied? I'm _so _sick of sleeping with girls and then getting rid of the clingy, annoying and sometimes even dumb remains…sorry, had to get that out," he said. Jo was furious. _Ha__d he really just said that? About _her? _She had been the last one to sleep with him… well, wait… no, you don't know that, you actually have no idea… _Jo chuckled to herself angrily, making Stephanie look up at her weirdly. _I told you not to run yourself into that. He is an asshole. Steaming hot, stupid amazing but big time asshole just the same. _Jo got up and walked off without another word towards Steph who ran after her frantically. _I mean, I can work with the stupid macho behavior of doing and dumping but hearing him talk like that? No, sir, I don't need that._

"What the hell, Jo?" Steph looked at her with an irritated look on her face.

"Sorry," she said, "I just felt a bit nauseated back there, maybe I ate something wrong," she lied straight to Steph's face. "See you later, alright?" she nudged her friend, leaving her standing at the door of the cafeteria, walking away swiftly. When she got out to the stairways, she fished out her cell phone and scrolled through her latest texts, halting at one that she had received a couple of days ago from a resident named Christopher Tate who had asked her out after a very fun and enjoyable shift together. She had asked for a rain check, not really meaning to ever redeem that, but right now, she was livid and she needed to blow off some steam, showing Karev she was not even _thinking_ about running after him, being the _clingy, annoying, and sometimes dumb_ remainder of an amazing night, but a nobody to him all the same. It was short notice and Jo almost felt guilty about finding the guy not the slightest bit attractive, well, he was good looking and surely hot and super nice, but she couldn't feel _anything _when looking at him or thinking about him… but she hoped dearly he'd take the bait. She punched in a text, taking a deep breath and hit the send button, feeling how the anger inside her slowly settled. She knew how to play offense. And she surely wasn't gonna lose her face over this.

_J: Hey Chris, I was wondering if you feel like going out for drinks tonight? Let me know_

* * *

[Stephanie]

Stephanie was pissed. She balled up her scrub top and tossed it into the laundry bin located in their locker room, missing it and groaning. She put her face in her hands and rubbed the bridge of her nose, taking off her glasses, sighing. She'd had the most annoying day. She had woken up, feeling all motivated and hands-on and that still questionable school accident had initially kind of made her day. _She'd thought. _But then, everything went downhill from there. She was thrown out of Grey's OR for the woman was sporting an extra special awful mood once again demanding skills from the intern she just hadn't acquired yet. Then Jo had been picked to assist with Robbins' procedure over her. Didn't matter at that point, since she had scrubbed in with Karev after that but the procedure was short and easy and he barely let her touch anything while at it. Jo had been weird all day as well and her second go-to-girl, Heather, was her _second _go-to-girl for a reason. On top of that, she had been looking forward to the date with a stupidly hot psych doctor… even though she had been juggling that around in her head for a while now, and the psych part did make him a lot less attractive… but again, he was stupidly hot. So, she had been looking forward to the date they'd arranged for that night. What had made her fly off the handle was what she had found in her lab coat pocket in the afternoon, though. That guy had seriously dared to slip her a condom with the message _See you tonight? _marked onto it… _What the hell? Perv! _She surely wasn't gonna go out with him after that. She couldn't believe it. Steph shook her head while pulling the now a bit too fancy looking shirt over her head. He didn't even deserve a cancellation text. She was so standing him up, that was for sure. After finding that, her afternoon had not gone down well; she had gotten stuck in the ER, doing sutures on whiny, annoying kids, being bored out of her mind. Now even Jo had stood her up, informing her she had arranged a short-notice date with that Tate guy. She_ was supposed to be on a date tonight, not Jo! And now she couldn't even go vent to her best friend. Well, but then again, Jo had told her explicitly that she was welcome to come hang out with them at Joe's… whatever that was about… maybe she should just do that. They could do whatever the hell they wanted later in private. She definitely needed a drink tonight. _Having set that straight in her mind, Steph grabbed her purse and walked out of the locker room and hospital, directing herself towards Joe's. Steph plopped down on a stool at the bar table close to the dart's vendor that Jo and her guy occupied, making them look at her questioningly.

"You okay?" Jo asked her worriedly. She just groaned, letting her head fall theatrically. "Awww," her friend rubbed her upper arm up and down. "I'll get you a beer, come on, cheer up," Jo chirped at her. "Meanwhile you can get acquainted with Chris here," she said, walking off to the bar. Steph looked up at Jo's date who looked at her awkwardly. _Well, he sure hadn't been informed about his date coming with an attachment. _

"I'm Steph, by the way," she held out her hand. He acknowledged that politely before Jo returned, placing a beer in front of her face.

"You wanna talk about it?" Jo asked her in concern.

"Nah, don't let me intrude your date, go on with your darts game," she just said, taking a big gulp from her beer.

"You sure?" Steph just nodded, making Jo turn around and get back to the game. The intern watched her friend flirt and laugh with the resident exuberantly, playfully touching his arm and waist at times, flashing her eyes at him, throwing her head back and fiddling with her hair. Steph had never seen Jo like this before, she hadn't thought she'd be that kind of girl, _especially _when thinking about how unenthusiastic she had seemed about the date this afternoon. Something, though Steph couldn't quite define what it was, made her guess it was completely put on. This thought made the young doctor look around the bar for any people she was maybe trying to impress… or maybe… get a jealous reaction from? The bar was pretty full but she couldn't spot anyone suitable to be that person, spotting some interns – well, there was that one who had been on the Baltimore trip… and Leah had briefed them afterwards about Jo having been absent for a night…but no, that guy was annoying and she knew he surely wasn't Jo's type. Steph thought about it…. _I think she's even told me she doesn't like him much… anyways… _her eyes flitted over some doctors she knew worked at the hospital but she couldn't name, Shane and some other guy at the bar, the chief of surgery who was just leaving, at the same time watching Avery and Karev enter the bar, both of their eyes flitting over towards her and then settling at the bar. _Hmm… maybe she was just imagining things… and Jo was indeed a painfully giggly and flirtatious person. _Steph turned back when she saw the Tate guy leaning in and Jo smile before they kissed softly, rolling her eyes and getting out her phone, acknowledging the last couple of texts from the date she was ditching at the moment, her guts burning in anger. Steph looked up in surprise when Jo plopped down on the bar stool opposite from her and smiled.

"Where's your tacky lover, then?" she asked her dismissively, looking around.

"Bathroom," Jo rolled her eyes at her friend's exclamation. "So, what's up with your mood? Why did you cancel your date?"

"I didn't cancel my date," Steph replied.

"Oh," Jo raised her eyebrows. "Oh, good, is he coming here? God, I need some relief…maybe him and Chris can… you know… engage in some guy talk," she rambled on, seemingly eased. Steph frowned.

"He's not coming here. I just didn't cancel. But, what the hell, Jo? Why are you on this date if you don't even wanna put up with him…? Being all flirty and obnoxious about him… letting him shove his tongue down your throat…," she asked her in confusion. Jo looked grossed out.

"I did _not_ let him shove his tongue down my throat," she stressed every word of that. Steph cocked her eyebrows, shaking her head.

"I don't get it, girl," she told her snidely.

"What's up with _your _date?! Why are you being so weird…?" Jo tried to distract from her situation. Steph sighed, rubbing her face.

"It turns out he's a major perv…," Steph told her, making her friend scrunch up her face.

"What do you mean?" Jo asked her, her forehead furrowed but trying to hide a smile.

"You wouldn't believe what that guy dared doing," Stephanie raged on. "I found a _condom _inside my lab coat pocket, with a message scribbled onto it, saying _See you tonight?_" she chucked out, watching as Jo's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. Steph gave her big eyes, awaiting a reaction.

"Well," Jo chuckled when she seemed like she couldn't hold it in anymore. "He's straightforward, you gotta give him that," she amused herself.

"You think that's funny?" Steph snarked back.

"Well…," Jo trailed off. "I mean… maybe a tad inappropriate for a first date… but at least he gave you warning…," she pointed out before frowning. "Hey," she said, nodding her head towards the entrance. "Isn't that the guy?" Stephanie yanked her head around, groaning, as she saw her almost-date wriggle his way through the crowd towards them. Jo's date came back as well, all of them standing at the bar table awkwardly.

"What do you want?" Steph barked at the date when he stood before her, seemingly demanding a reaction. He frowned at her.

"Why aren't you answering my texts or calls? Why did you ditch me? Is something wrong? I don't get it… I thought we were… talking about a date tonight…," he rambled. Steph looked at him taken aback.

"Really? You actually think I'll still _date _you? Unbelievable," she snorted, taking a sip of her beer. Jo and the Tate guy stood beside them awkwardly.

"_What_? What are you talking about? What's going on?" her date asked in what seemed genuine confusion. _Did he actually believe slipping her a freaking condom was standard procedure on a first date? How offensive! _Steph put down her bottle noisily before grasping for the condom in her purse and chucking out the turquoise colored contraceptive on the table, only marginally perceiving Jo yanking her beer bottle down and choking, beer splattering all over her front, her eyes bulging. Steph rolled her eyes at her friend's reaction, watching as Tate tried patting her back, making her take a deep breath. Steph waited for a reaction. "Um… I do not know what that is… and I'm not sure what to think about all this…," Leo, her date, told her with a weird sounding voice.

"What do you mean?" Steph looked back at him, unsure about what to believe anymore, before looking back over at Jo who was trying to regain stability again, looking at her with her lips pushed together, hiding a smile and her eyes wide, trying to tell her something. Steph narrowed her eyes. "You didn't do this?" she asked again, facing Leo.

"Um, no, why would I?" Steph looked at him unbelievingly. _What the hell was going on? _

"Will you excuse me for a second?" she heard Jo tell them, pointing at her throat with a smile and rushing off towards the bathroom. Steph didn't know what to think anymore, looking at both their dates warily who were looking back at her strangely. _Ugh, couldn't this day just be over with. What the hell was going on now?!_


	8. Hunger

[Jo]

Jo hastily tried to make her way through the crowded bar space, following Alex towards the bathrooms way back on the premises. _Well, she hoped she was following him and he hadn't disappeared through the front doors._ She was pressing her lips together, making them turn white, trying to hide a chuckle. _Oh, Karev. You're so stupid. _She hadn't realized what had been going on until Steph had plunked that turquoise colored condom out on the table, Jo putting together all the puzzle pieces. _I mean, that's what it was, right? Alex had meant to put that exact condom with the message into _her_ lab coat…right? The message was crystal clear, he wouldn't have even needed to write the message in his unmistakable scrawl onto it, the distinctively colored condom being message enough. _Jo rounded the corner, glad about the ledge separating the line in front of the bathrooms from the rest of the bar, protecting them from prying eyes. When the man she had followed came into her eyesight, her stomach did do a somersault, though, all of a sudden feeling unsure about if this really was what she thought it was. She came to a halt right next to him, only one more person standing in line before them. When he faced her in surprise, she felt her face burn up slightly and her windpipe tighten. His face was a mixture of his usual crankiness and something close to what she thought was insecurity.

"Hey," she breathed out warily, butterflies occupying her guts, for she hadn't talked to him this directly and most of all alone since their night together. _Stop it. No butterflies, are you crazy? _Alex kept looking at her for another couple of seconds before facing towards the bathrooms again, watching as the guy first in line walked into the men's room, closing and locking behind him.

"Having fun on your date?" Alex rasped out dismissively not even facing her, Jo feeling the stinging in her guts with the tone of voice he was using on her. He looked back at her when she didn't reply. Their eyes burned into each other. Jo watched as the door to the ladies' room opened and a woman she thought she had seen before at the hospital – maybe a nurse – came out and smiled at her politely. She smiled back, taking one second to think, before passing him by, catching his hand at it and dragging him into the bathroom quickly. Jo turned round, seeing his baffled face, having stopped at the door. She reached close to his waist to lock the door and looked back up, matching their eyes.

"Not really, no," she told him earnestly, thinking she'd never know if she didn't ask him. There was awkward silence between them although all Jo could think of was the sexual tension tangible in the room. She reached up, feeling like she was losing her mind, putting herself out there horribly, got on her toes and kissed the doctor who was completely taken aback, stumbling back against the door before his arms snatched up and held her head, kissing her back intently. When they broke, Jo brought some space in between them, feeling upset somehow. And amused.

"So… Steph's next in line, huh?" she asked him with a cocked eyebrow and mockingly stern face.

"What?" he seemed completely off-guard.

"Well, you slipped her a condom with a very clear message just this afternoon…didn't you?" she interviewed him, trying to not break out into laughter. Alex scrunched up his forehead trying to figure out what she was talking about but the next moment he looked like his whole face was peeling off in shock and embarrassment. He opened his mouth to say something but his voice was failing, making him look like a slightly dumb looking fish. Jo chuckled maliciously, shaking her head.

"I didn't… I didn't mean to…not _her_…," he stuttered, his cheeks going from pale to rosy.

"What's wrong with _her_, then?" Jo enjoyed grilling him to the fullest. Especially thinking about how angry she still was about something else he had said that afternoon. Alex rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant… I mixed up the lab coats it seems…," he mumbled quietly, looking up at her in agony. She raised her eyebrows at him and finally let out the laughter that she had held back for the last ten minutes or so.

"I hope you know you completely ruined her date…," she said in between chuckles. Alex just kept looking at her, waiting until she had caught herself.

"I didn't mean to. Tell her I'm sorry," he added sheepishly.

"I can't do that," Jo sobered up in an instant, looking at him in annoyance. They stared at each other for a little while, Jo's insides swelling up again, making her realize how upset she still was._ Ugh, stop being upset. All you want from him is sex._ "Why did you say that?" she inquired with a furious shriek in her voice that even surprised herself.

"Why did I say what? To tell her I'm sorry?" Alex questioned her back, genuine confusion obvious in his eyes.

"About the interns being clingy, annoying and most of the times dumb remains of a fun night and that you're _so _sick of them?" she accused him, crossing her arms.

"How in the world did you hear about that?" Alex cocked his left eyebrow and grinned at her smugly.

"Cause I listened into your conversation with Avery, don't change the subject," Jo told him matter-of-factly, rolling her eyes. Alex chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

"I wasn't talking about you, though," he pointed out to her.

"Okay," Jo felt relief but was still mad, making sure her looks said it all.

"I was talking about all the others before you," he added soothingly. "And it's nobody else's business what I do in private anyways."

"That's still pretty offensive, you know," Jo remarked.

"Yeah, I know," Alex offered carelessly. "But it's still true," he winked. Jo inhaled deeply, biting the side of her lip, figuring out what it was that she was experiencing inside of her at the moment. _A crapload of stuff, to be exact. Uggh. _

"So, you _do_ wanna sleep with me?" she asked him, her voice still cross, making the message of her question unclear. Alex just looked at her, staying quiet. Jo tapped her foot impatiently, widely opening her eyes in expectance of an answer. "Well?" Alex shook his head at her in a small motion, looking irritated himself now.

"Well, yeah," he flung up his hands as if he was outing himself, which he really was, dropping his gaze and blushing slightly.

"Well, alright then," Jo answered harshly, not knowing how to go from being mad at him to satisfaction about his answer matching her insides. Alex looked up again and they found themselves staring at each other burningly. There was a short pause before Jo took a determined step towards Alex and cupped his head rather roughly, yanking him down to meet her lips and kissed him feverishly. Alex immediately embraced her tightly and reciprocated the hungry moves against his lips. _That's what I'm talking about, _Jo sighed into the kiss and celebrated her achievement with tumbling guts and something that felt like severe heartburn to her, the desire bubbling underneath her skin. She let go of his face, entangling her arms on his back, grasping him tighter, anticipating the depth and intensity of their kiss, half forgetting where they were, completely letting themselves get carried away. When they had stilled their first bout of hunger for each other, Alex let his fingers roam down her sides, fiddling with her shirt to run them across her belly and underneath the waistband of her jeans softly, giving her goose bumps, making her suck in a deep breath. With that, their lips still on each other, their breaths heavy in each other's mouth but stopping their desperate moves for a second, Alex turned Jo and pressed her up against the door, kissing her neck feverishly, making her eyes close on their own accord, moaning softly. She felt him dig a little deeper, gently running his thumb across her privates, making her flinch with longing. _If you don't stop now, you'll take him right here and now, within the four walls of this disgusting bathroom, you need to make him stop. But you can't, this is so good. _Jo parted her legs slightly, feeling how he immediately had more room to let his hand slide down her panties and bothering her clit and subsequently entering her with two fingers. _Usually, Jo hated dick moves like that. She definitely defined a guy fingering her two and a half minutes into a kiss a dick move. She usually wouldn't have it. But this… she _wanted _Alex to feel her up. She _wanted _to feel _him _up just as much, she was so needy to touch him, feel him, drive him crazy just as he did the same with her. _ Jo heard herself lose a pleasure filled puff of air, laced with a high and uncontrolled tone of voice, feeling how wet she was for him. It was ridiculous how much this affected her. All she wanted was for him to not stop but they really needed to move this somewhere more private and also somewhere preferably clean and comfortable. She stroked her hands that had clawed themselves into his back upwards, gently running them up his neck and cupping his face again, meaning for him to look at her. "Alex," she breathed out heavily. When he met her eyes, he smiled, making her look up over his shoulder, breaking their eye contact, since she was too weak to tell him no. "Meet me outside in twenty," she told him quietly, running her thumbs across his three-day stubble. Alex grinned at her smugly, pecking her lips softly, sucking on her lower lip before moving his body back a foot and his hand around her hip to grab her butt instead of her privates, still deep into her jeans and looking at her.

"I'm not sure I can do that," he said, his voice just as raspy. Jo smiled at him.

"Do your best," she advised him. Alex whined mockingly when she guided his fingers out of her pants, enjoying him instantly wrapping his arms around her even tighter than before, making her smile. "I need to take care of something…," she told him with a shy smile.

"Oh, who cares about that sucker," Alex replied, touching his lips to hers softly, repeatedly.

"_You_, if you don't let me clear this up…. Unless, of course, you _want _this to turn into a threesome..," she winked at him with a wide smile on her face as he looked at her in disgust.

"God, no," he chucked out, burying his face in her neck, making her close her eyes, holding him tight, not really anticipating letting go.

"Thought so," she sighed, running her hands up and down his upper back.

"I'll go get my car," he told her in a murmur. She nodded, letting go of him, catching a sweet look on his face, making her smile self-consciously. "Sorry for this being so complicated," he told her, adjusting her shirt carefully.

"I'm prepared to go out of my way to get laid," she responded, wriggling her eyebrows at him. "You first," she told him. Alex left the ladies' room smoothly, while Jo stayed and locked the door behind her, walking over to the sink and staring at herself in the mirror. _Oh my freaking goodness, you only kiss a little and feel each other up and that's what you look like? _Jo immediately moved her hands to her hair, trying to smooth it down. Her eyes looked glazed and her lips were a little swollen and her plain colored lipstick was smudgy. Her gaze dropped, watching her chest heave up and down heavily. _Get a grip on yourself, girl. He's just another guy. _Jo rolled her eyes at herself, fixing her lips. _Yeah, just another guy who _drives you crazy! _Ugh, why do you have to be so stupid hot, Karev? Why can't you just be ugly and gross and… dickish. Well, you are, obviously… but then the next moment, you really are kind of… sweet. _Jo closed her eyes, supporting herself on her flexed arms on the sink, dropping her head. _Did you really just think that about him? Karev, sweet? _Jo startled when there was a slight knock on the door. She checked herself in the mirror one more time before opening up.

"Are you okay?" Stephanie looked her up and down worriedly. Jo nodded slowly, faking some undefined health problem, trying to sound as husky as possible.

"I think I did have something bad for lunch… I feel sick," Jo dropped her eyelids theatrically. Steph put out a hand to grasp Jo's upper arm to steady her. _Oh, the joys of being a remarkable liar. Sad, but oh well. _

"You should go home and straight to bed," Stephanie advised her. She linked their arms and guided her towards their table. The guys both stared at them in concern. Jo dramatized her departure masterfully, waving her admirer off charmingly, giving him a loose promise to call him when she got better. As soon as she was out of the bar, she hurried up the stairs and looked around for her ride. She smiled when she saw a dark, expensive looking sports car flash her on the opposite side of the street, rushing towards it.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex watched as Jo jogged towards him, almost unbelieving about the last thirty minutes. He had been so mad for some reason… so mad when he had seen Jo on a date… on a very eye-catching date one might add. He had been so mad and also disappointed and ashamed when he saw her at Joe's, boldly declining his question from this afternoon. Alex chuckled about himself. _That had almost gone belly-up. _The way she had interviewed and then kissed him in the bathroom had made him black out completely, feeling like a stupid dog, panting after a treat dangling before his very eyes. He sighed deeply before watching her get into the car quickly and started driving towards his place.

"Nice car," Jo remarked, looking at the interior, smoothing her hands across the dashboard, smiling cheekily. "Not much room, though," she added, contemplating space it seemed.

"What do you need room for? You're _tiny_," he told her, feeling irked by her criticism.

"Well, there's just… a few ideas that pop to my head…," he could spot the intern turning to face over towards him with a seductive look on her face. Alex chuckled, laughing about his own stupidity. _Of course she wasn't talking about the driving part. _

"Wanna find out?" he asked her back.

"No objections," she breathed huskily. Alex smirked, signaling to the right and already turning into a deserted parking lot of a grocery store. "_What, no_," Jo shrieked, capturing his hands on the steering wheel gently and making him drive straight ahead instead. Alex raised his eyebrows at her. "Sorry," the girl told him sheepishly for intervening his driving. "And _not here_," she glared at him and then laughed. "There are cameras," she pointed out with a shy smile.

"No objections on that one either," Alex wriggled his eyebrows at her mockingly. Jo laughed before biting her lower lip as she always did and studied his profile.

"It can't be that much longer, can it?" she asked him quietly, running her fingers up his arm slowly. Alex took a deep breath, putting his hand on her right knee, stroking it way back to her thigh, resting it there.

"Almost there," he pushed out, making her smile at his impatience. Alex turned onto Taylor Avenue, exceeding the speed limit by almost 15mph through the neighborhoods.

"Slow down, Alex, we have all night," Jo purred.

"Well, I don't," he gave her back with a smile.

"Why? You have some kind of challenge to fulfill? Behind on the 30 chicks a month agenda?" she teased him.

"I'm getting really tired of you saying that. It's offensive. Maybe I'm not the most insensitive person in this car after all…," Alex barked back at her quietly. His fellow passenger was quiet for a small stretch of time but he could feel her clutching his hand when he tried removing it slowly from her lap.

"I'm kidding, you little softie," he could make out her cocky smile from the corner of his eye. Alex slowed down and turned into his driveway eventually, sighing for spotting Yang's car sitting at the curb. He killed the engine, looking over at her unimpressed. "I'm so turned on right now," Jo gave him a mocking grin. "Your whole attitude's just… hot," Jo had raised her index and traced him from head to toe mid-air, ending it in a chuckle. Alex rolled his eyes, not knowing how to respond.

"Yang's home," he reported back to her.

"You live with Yang?" his company asked him, taken aback. He nodded, rubbing his face. "Well," she regained her composure rather quickly. "Let's make use of this hot piece of metal then," she winked at him, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning over. Alex raised his eyebrows and smirked when she bent down towards his privates.

"Whoa, you just get right to the point, huh?" he chuckled, making her look up, smiling with a hint of annoyance behind her eyes.

"I'm looking for the latch… to scoot you back. You might think I'm tiny but let me tell you," she worked her way up slowly, keeping steady when she was eye to eye with him. "I need lots of space," she whispered. Alex could feel her breath on his lips and tried hiding a groan. _Could you be any hotter?_ He leaned forward quickly, luring her into a slow kiss that deepened in a matter of seconds. He grabbed her back and at the same time reached down to loosen the latch and scoot all the way back, pulling her on top of him.

"Ow," Jo chuckled against his mouth, trying to straddle him. "_See_, not that tiny," she murmured. Alex had already switched off though, reveling in the sensation of the doctor he had been longing for all too long this past week straddling him, even if it was uncomfortably. He moved his hands from her ass to her waist, getting underneath her shirt and feeling her skin shudder at his touch and simultaneously heard and felt her breath harden in his mouth. He pushed against her hard, shoving his hand down her pants, feeling up her ass, closing his eyes and leaning his head back on the rest when Jo started kissing a trail down his neck, sucking on it vigorously. He felt his insides go to mush and his erection build in record time. Barely any girl had achieved that with him, they weren't even doing hand stuff. As if on cue, Jo skidded down, rumpling up the hem of his shirt, kissing his abs, working on his button and fly. She pulled his jeans and boxers down a few inches, getting out his penis unceremoniously, making him sigh with her tiny, soft, but cold hands on it, making him go wild already. He groaned, making her smile against him, kissing it up and down teasingly slow, grinding her teeth against his balls.

"Uh," he heard himself spit out unconsciously, feeling the slow rub of her hands on him, tangling his fingers into her hair. When he felt her tongue run up his backside and encircle the tip of his erection, he looked down and inhaled deeply to steady himself. "Jo," he called her gently, matching eyes with her. "I have condoms somewhere," he told her quietly, gesturing around the car mindlessly. Jo kept her hands around his penis while propping her elbows on his thighs and looked up at him interestedly.

"Remember the name of the last girl you've screwed without protection?" she asked him, no emotion apparent in her voice. Alex frowned.

"What?" he shook his head, not knowing in the slightest what she was getting at. Jo smiled.

"Well, do you?" Alex still shook his head in irritation but thought about it, even though that was quite the challenge with her still holding onto his penis.

"Um, yeah, I guess," he responded with a question mark hovering over his head. Jo hmmed.

"Now I'm not sure why I asked this question," she chuckled. "I was thinking if you know the name, it probably was someone you had actually _dated_ once which I'm not concerned about… but then I was like… if you still know her name, she was probably last week's news… so, anyway," she caught herself from a rambling marathon, seeing his impatient face. "Truth - do you have any STDs?" she asked him straightforwardly.

"No," he told her.

"Well then, stop talking," she ordered with a smile and got back to what she was working on before. Alex felt how she did the tongue tracing thing once more, feeling how the pressure of her fingers on his base got a little higher and her teeth were grazing his tip, making him go crazy.

"You're a horrible tease," he spluttered softly, not really finding the strength to put more into his voice. He could feel her smile against his parts, not relieving him from his pleasure yet. He pushed his lips together as he felt her take his tip into her mouth and suck slightly, rubbing him wholly now. His head swirled when she went back down and licked his balls, blowing on them with a chuckle. He twitched slightly, and groaned, her fingers doing magic on him. Everything was fine and he enjoyed the slow advances when suddenly she took him wholly and his hips bucked forwards for this was too much. Jo held him down rigorously, going up and down slowly, humming slightly. Alex's eyes fluttered shut with the vibrating sensation and even when he tried, he couldn't get them back open again. Jo had gotten him going, he could feel how he slightly lost the ability to think straight, grasping for her hand that was still steadily rubbing his base, moving it upwards, where she rubbed her thumb across his cusp. "Mhh," he couldn't help but let go of a groan when he felt his orgasm coming on, Jo rubbing him side to side now, kissing his balls, squeezing them lightly when she came down on him again with her mouth, letting her tongue trail him upwards and kissing him. "Jo," he breathed, trying to warn her but she was resistant, not letting him distract her from what she was trying to finish. She used her teeth, crowning him and turning her head slightly, rubbing him furiously now. Suddenly, Alex's heart did a huge thump, telling him he was about to… _Oh God, you're killing me, woman. _Jo sucked him with muscles in her gum, he didn't know existed, making him see stars, losing all control, and finish with a grunt that turned into a moan and gripped her hair tightly. Jo gently reduced the pressure of her fingers, slowing down her motions, taking him into her mouth again wholly, before kissing him repeatedly and gradually moving upwards, kissing his loins and stomach, up his belly button and abs, chest, crawling back into his lap, smiling at his most probably completely drained face, kissing his neck and then chin, putting her arms around his neck and leaned towards his ear, breathing dirty little words out for him to hear. Alex smirked madly, holding her close, trying to come down from his high steadily. He could have fallen asleep, really, having spent himself in her care, but he slackened his arms from around her, packing up his goods and looked at her dreamily.

"That better?" she smiled at him seductively.

"Than… you dating some wuss? Yeah," he nodded heavily, making her chuckle.

"I was referring to you pouting at me for commenting your sex life," she informed him, nodding at him with wide eyes and laughing.

"So, you're saying I should be doing that more often, huh?" Alex nodded, contemplating it. "Maybe chicks do have a point in being horribly complicated some days… I guess they do get what they want in the end," he mocked her back, pulling her closer and kissing her shoulder and trailed his lips up her neck and to her ear. "Thank you," he breathed, making her pull up her shoulder, reacting ticklish. He rested his head back and looked at her.

"You don't need to thank me every time I do that," she pointed out for him, leaning in and kissing his lips.

"So, you _are _planning to do that more often?" he asked her in excitement. Jo laughed.

"Easy there," she warned him. "Don't go praising every step of the way… there's so much you haven't seen yet," she shook her head at him slowly, making a point in teasing him with running her hands up and down his chest, stroking his nipples and biting down on his lip, pulling at it lightly.

"Now you're just being mean," he told her through hooded eyes. "How am I supposed to live through all that?"

"Already showing signs of weakness?" she raised an eyebrow at him. "I thought we were just starting out…," she trailed off, not ever stopping her advances on him but not being immune to his touch either, breathing a little harder, wriggling around slightly when he kept touching her deliberately.

"We can't go in, though," Alex turned the conversation to the matter at hand since he was sure he couldn't wait much longer and wanted to discuss this sooner rather than later.

"So?" she said, unaffected by this, nibbling at his earlobe. "Let's go over to my place," she sighed when he had found a spot on her inner thigh that was bothering her greatly it seemed.

"You want that?" Alex asked her, not knowing if he should be surprised or not. Jo looked up at his eyes, weighing his words.

"Why are you asking that?"

"I don't know," Alex shrugged. "Just checking if you're actually thinking this through…," he reckoned.

"I'm already deep into this shit, no use in turning round now," she winked at him with a smile, seemingly looking at him for a second longer than usual.

"What?"

"Just making sure you're not taking this the wrong way again," she told him unfazed, making him roll his eyes. "I just mean, I'm already sleeping with my boss… and I'm not planning to stop that… at least for tonight," she informed him. "So, what the hell," she finished up. Alex nodded.

"There's still an out if you want it, you know," he offered, running his hands down her back again. Jo snorted.

"That's what _you_ think," she told him, giving him a challenging face. He laughed. "Do you want to get rid of me that badly?"

"Oh, no, trust me, I don't," he quickly retorted, making her smile.

"Good, then let's go," she suggested, holding up a finger against Alex's lips when he tried kissing her again, making him frown. "Don't," she hushed. "We won't be able to stop, and you know it," she told. Alex dropped his head an inch to the side.

"Come on," he held her a little tighter, squeezing her. He knew that the way he looked at her would always melt her even though he had only two occasions to really go on. When she leaned in eventually, their kiss took them miles away, delaying their departure another while, just as she had predicted, but neither of them cared anymore. When Jo finally pulled back her tongue and rested against his lips gently, he moaned against her. _How could one person take all his breath away without even trying that hard?_

* * *

[Samuel]

Sam had just walked down to the parking lot, dumping his garbage and taking a drag of his cigarette when he heard a car turn from the street into their parking lot. He backed up into the shadows of the trees, watching a flashy black sports car reverse into the parking space that was usually occupied with Jo's red Kia Rio. _Was that her? Had she bought a new car? _But there were two people sitting in the car… Sam backed up another couple of steps, making sure he wouldn't be seen or heard. He watched Jo get out of the car, feeling the hunger inside him, feeling a growl develop when she turned and showed him her gorgeous backside. Weirdly she wasn't wearing a coat or anything, very strange, regarding it was December… She was shivering slightly, hugging herself and waiting at the stairways in front of their apartment building for that guy she was driving with. _Dude, she's cold, get something on her. And who the hell are you anyways? _The guy jogged towards her, putting a coat around her shoulders and then followed her up the steps as Sam had done so, so many freaking times. He observed as the stranger slowly reached out and caressed Jo's ass or hip, he couldn't be sure. He felt how his insides were seething with anger. Jo stopped on the topmost step, waiting for him to catch up, the guy standing rather _too _close to her now, wrapping an arm around her and saying something into her ear making her laugh. _You fucking son of a bitch. _

He watched as they both walked into Jo's apartment, before the door banged close behind them and Sam swiftly tossed the cigarette stump, crossed the parking space and took two steps at a time up to his apartment, pushed his key into the lock angrily and walked inside the small, dark apartment, staring at the wall that was separating him from Jo's. He started pacing back and forth, put his hands onto his waist and tried to breathe steadily. He could only make out some rumbling and people walking, nothing substantial. Sam had long figured out how to distinguish sounds coming from Jo's apartment from sounds coming from anywhere else. He flung himself onto the chair and drummed his fingers on the table restlessly. Sam looked up when he could hear something drop on the carpeted floor that muted the real crash and a wild thump. _Maybe he should just go over and check. Maybe that guy hadn't even asked permission for coming in with her… maybe he was assaulting her. _Samuel got himself into a frenzy, halting when he heard a moan through the walls, crashing his fist down on his table. Sam had lived door to door with Jo for almost half a year now, since she had moved to Seattle initially. Even from the tenants before he knew the walls were incredibly thin and noise permeable. However, that hadn't ever been a problem, since Jo didn't get a lot of visitors. There had been the one or other date, he thought at least, she had brought back, but they'd always been rather quiet and the guys had left and never been spotted back. This time, though, something was different. The way his neighbor had looked back at her date…or whoever the jerk was… the way she had flashed her eyes at him, accepted his hands on her, laughed about whatever the hell he had whispered into her ear… it had made Sam's insides cringe. He hadn't seen her like that before. _Jo was untouchable… in more ways than one… _First of all, she was such a beautiful girl, such a nice person, sweet, funny, uncomplicated, helpful, hard-working. She was untouchable to him, just a... the definition of a good person, at least to him. But then, he had learned, Jo didn't like to be touched, either, as in literally putting a hand on her shoulder or her elbow or wherever really. The question of hugging had been ruled out soon within the relations of being neighbors.

However, still, something was wrong with that guy… _Yeah, dude, it's not you she's… taken back home… _NO! That guy was dangerous. Sam got up, pacing again, trying to figure out which one was closer to reality. _Him being jealous or him being paranoid… but she'd want him to at least check up on her, right? _Sam gulped hard and then held his breath to listen to the noise that was filtered through the wall, knowing they were talking quietly, but couldn't make out what about. There was another loud thump, prompting Sam to run over towards his door, getting out, taking a few long strides on the balcony and almost knocked Jo's door in. His guts sank when he could hear faint laughter from inside, a bit of hubbub coming from behind the door. When Jo yanked the door open and looked at him in surprise, her hair all messy and her make-up smudged, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt and breathing a bit heavy, she left him completely speechless.

"What's up, Sam?" she asked him with wide eyes, smiling.

"Um," he just mumbled, trying to get a look inside, however, Jo only shared a foot and a half of door space for him to see and it was dark. "Are you okay in there?" Jo raised her eyebrows even higher and laughed.

"Oh, that's… _kind of _ sweet…," she chuckled, turning back into the room. "Alex, come here," she called, before turning back to him. "I'm fine, really," she assured him. Sam felt stupid, especially because Jo just wouldn't get the drift. When the guy came to the door and looked at them questioningly, Jo spoke again. "This is my neighbor, Sam. I think he's concerned about my safety. Tell him, you're not a rapist…or any kind of criminal, really," she smiled at him, making Sam blush even harder.

"I just heard something crash and some weird noise… I just wanted to come see for myself," Sam mumbled, looking towards the floor.

"Sorry, man," that guy she had called Alex stepped forwards and offered him a handshake. "We'll try to be a little more quiet," the jerk occupying his Jo winked at him before he stepped back again. He caught a glimpse of Jo smiling at him before they closed the door and the whooping instantly started up again, Jo let out a screech and chuckled madly, the voices drifted off slowly, as if they were moving away from the door, probably into the bedroom. Sam sighed, anger walloping inside him. He spent the night, trying to drown out the noises from next door with his TV set but it was pointless, Sam had trained himself so well, having worked so hard to hear every little noise from Jo's apartment, so now he couldn't just ignore them. He heard Jo moan loudly and also frequently, he heard ongoing laughter and little yelps, he heard the guy grunt and moan himself – Sam tried to blank out the picture of that asshole taking his Jo – he heard their soft whisper and some furniture squeak and shift. It was way after midnight, more like close to morning when he could hear the guy leave, close the door behind him quietly, sneak down the stairs and start his stupid sports car, listening to him drive off until he couldn't hear one freaking sound of him anymore. He fell asleep on the couch for a couple of hours before he could hear his neighbor get up again, doing her morning routine, seemingly having to get off to work. _Asshole. Had no idea about a surgeon's life. He probably hadn't even asked her if she was due to work in the morning. Asshole. _Sam was upset. He had to do s_omething_ to get Jo at least to notice him. _Soon. Very soon, _Sam promised himself.


	9. Indulge

[Jo]

Jo took a sizzling breath when she felt the muscles on her left upper back clench up, that area right above the spot where she'd usually wear a bra. She arched her back even more as a reflex, swinging up her hand to put her forearm in front of her forehead and scrunched up her face in pain. Pleasurable pain though, she was having the umpteenth orgasm that week and she was halfway sure she'd never get off of that high. She'd formed an addiction. For the first time in her life, she was actually thinking of herself as an addict. How hilarious that was, being a sex addict. Well, she wasn't exactly a sex addict. She should probably call herself an Alex addict. _Sex-with-Alex-addict. _Jo bit the left corner of her bottom lip, trying to hide a smile while she gripped the rod at the bed head with her one hand and frantically squeezed Alex's backside with her other hand, blindly groping his muscles, his skin, for she had her eyes closed and he was spooning her from behind, her left leg bent and placed behind his legs, Alex moving inside of her at a dramatic speed by now and his left hand going back and forth between caressing her boobs and bothering her clitoris. Jo's heart was pumping wildly, she could unmistakably feel it thump in her chest, trying to get blood to every corner of her body, especially the parts that needed it most momentarily, her intimates, her lungs and maybe some of it to her brains. She could feel Alex's lips on her neck, breathing heavily, his nose nuzzling her skin and his eyelids dropping, his eyelashes tickling her the tiniest bit.

"Sure you don't need a ventilator?" he murmured into her ear, making her chuckle silently, her features settling into a wide smile, and becoming very aware of her fast and wheezy breathing. She gripped his hand tighter and held it to her breast that was bobbing with their common motions, Alex's thumb flicking across her nipple before entwining their fingers rigidly. The man behind her hadn't removed himself from the immediate vicinity of her ear and nibbled at it, rasping undefined syllables into it before letting go of a pretty elongated puff of air, definitely his release, that much she could tell after their times together. After a short moment of pause, recovering from his climax rather quickly, he kept pumping her, making her smile. He'd never finish without her having done so, _never. Well, good thing was, she was never far off. _Jo's breathing hitched like a hiccup in her nose and she realized the amount of saliva pooling in the back of her mouth, unconsciously gathered with the spike of lust and pleasure. _This was gonna be a devastating one again, she could feel it. She could feel how slowly but gradually the muscles all over her body started cramping, region per region, and simultaneously her fluids becoming slightly runnier. _"Tell me how much you like that," she could make out Alex's husky voice near her ear, feeling him sucking her neck vigorously a moment later, feeling how her guts cramped with the sensations of his lips and teeth on her neck, his hand on her chest and his penis inside her.

"Mmhhhh," she let out unwillingly, knowing full well that Alex's housemate was home and trying to stay quiet which was nearly impossible. "Uuuuh," she continued and Jo literally felt him smile instead of sucking her now, making her swat her hand at his head. "Fuck," she hissed, bucking her back now instead of arching, making his penis go in a whole new angle, making her distort her face in overwhelming satisfaction.

"I already am," he grabbed her torso a bit tighter and pulled her back against his chest, going at a furious speed now. "You still need me to go harder, hm?" he asked her with a playful smirk, holding up her left leg at the junction of her thigh and calf now, almost losing it.

"Alex," she screeched out, having lost her voice for the moment, fortunately she thought, when everything went black… and also messy. Alex smacked against her sweaty back, kissed her definitely sticky and salty neck, where he had just removed a ball of her hair, blowing on it, so she could feel the cool breeze on her skin, a breeze she needed badly at the moment, making her relax against the mattress. She took pleasure in the feeling of Alex's gorgeous junk inside her, stretching her folds and buried deeply in her now settling vagina, already losing a bit of its elasticity that usually comes with arousal, encasing his gradually slackening penis tightly. She savored in the sensation of this intrusion because those seconds or minutes after sex were the best to feel just that, the intrusion, something big inside her that just really shouldn't belong, which almost got her aroused again. She loved that feeling. Jo's breath steadily synchronized with Alex's and they rode out their highs together, his arm having sneaked around her and resting it underneath hers now, their fingers entwined on the pillow she was hugging to her front, his lips kissing her shoulder blade before resting his ear in the middle of her back. She had almost fallen asleep, when she could feel him slowly raising her leg again and sliding out of her, trying not to hurt her. _Sinking guts. Every freaking time. _Jo closed her eyes and let out a guttural sigh, expressing her disapproval before sluggishly turning onto her back and opening her eyes, watching him get rid of the condom, smoothing her fingers over his back muscle. When he rolled back over, he smiled at her brightly, which she reciprocated, holding him to her own body and placing feathery light kisses on his pointed lips, one by one by one, sighing and smiling in between. Alex had put a lazy arm on her stomach and laughed when it grumbled. Jo looked down and chuckled too. "I'm huuuuungry," she whined after a second of pause, making him laugh out loud now. He placed another kiss to her neck, while she was on her back demonstrating her inevitable need for food, right at this very moment, in a very pouty voice and attitude one might have added.

"Let's see what we can do about that," Alex mumbled against her before sitting up, looking for his boxers. Jo swayed her arm until her palm collided with his elbow, looking at him with a big frown on her face.

"Where are you going?" she asked him sternly.

"I'm going to order you some pizza," he told her matter-of-factly, expressing annoyance with every fiber of his being and every feature on his face about her performance but not being able to hide the laughter at the very same time. Jo pulled on his elbow, making him hover above her again for a second, watching her smile widely.

"Thank you," she told him cheekily, giving him a big toothy grin, waiting for him to reciprocate. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head, before she pulled him down roughly to fetch a kiss. "Mmmmhm," she moaned against his lips intentionally, pulling him down once more when Alex had already pulled away, repeating the action. "You're so tasty," she told him after that second kiss, pecking his lips again softly and then pushing his chest. "Now, go get me some pizza, I'm starving," she told him impatiently, laughing and getting herself covered up with the sheets while he made his way through the door, closing it behind him.

* * *

[Cristina]

Cristina tossed herself into a squishy position on the God awfully uncomfortable recliner in the living room, staring at the TV mindlessly, sipping at her beer, her mood having hit another low. She started listening attentively when she thought to have heard soft pads from the staircase, the right corner of her mouth twitching when Alex came into view, toddling down with only boxer shorts on himself.

"Gross," she commented, watching him move down, startling him, before jumping up from her position and following him down the dark hallway into the kitchen. "Put something on you before you leave your...," she cleared her throat theatrically, "orgy up there," she pointed to the ceiling with her beer bottle.

"My house, my dress code," he just barked at her, having scrunched up his face.

"I don't want you to expand this into a peep show," she continued, plopping down on the bar stool, watching him get two waters out of the fridge. Alex rolled his eyes when he had turned back to her.

"Deal with it, you rent from me," he told her, unfazed, before opening one of the waters.

"So, how many have you got up there?" Cristina questioned him in amusement.

"What do you mean?" he shook his head at her.

"Well, based on the screams and moans, I'll guess about three?" Alex snorted.

"Whatever," he responded, taking another long swig.

"Seriously, whoever you've got up there… _what the hell are you doing with her? _Can't she just shut up… put a… pillow against her lips for God's sake, she's _loud_. Doesn't that turn your girls on? The suffocating I mean? It's unbearable," she ranted.

"Buy earplugs," he advised her with a smug look on his face. "It's only gonna get louder."

"Seriously, what's going on? Are you having a marathon or something? We get it… we all know… you are the _king of aaaalll one nighters… _or more like pathetic chicks… I mean, what's it been…," Cristina looked down at her fingers, counting. "The last… two, three… is this the fourth night you've brought one home? What the hell? There used to be a time when you just didn't bring them home…," she bugged him. "And before that… the weekend… I heard you come home in the early morning hours… so it's been… what, a week? Tell me who you're doing… this should be good," she tried to get something out of him. Alex just grinned. "You're doing more than one, though, right?" Alex laughed.

"Nope," he just said, already walking out of the kitchen, Cristina sauntering after him.

"Is it someone from the hospital? Is it another intern? Which ones haven't you had yet? Is it a syphilis nurse again? What about that sexy new bartender at Joe's? Can I come see her?" Cristina annoyed him purposefully, trying to make up for her lost sleep.

"Why are you up anyways? Don't you have a surgery tomorrow morning?" Alex frowned at her.

"That is my point exactly, stupid," Cristina pushed her index into his naked chest.

"Ow," he swatted it away, standing in the hallway in irritation.

"I _can't _sleep! I'm trying to drown out those noises… those nightmare enhancing, freakishly loud and continuous noises," she gagged dramatically.

"Jealous?" he looked at her with a curious, mocking expression on his face. Cristina exaggerated her gagging one more time.

"Gross, just gross," she told him, holding onto his arm when she bent over and faked nausea in response to his suggestion. He looked at her in surprise when she yanked up her torso again and looked at him with an idea written across her face. "Do me a favor and do something about these walls if you won't stop screwing around. I guess Ellis Grey never did bring Webber home," she said, looking at the walls interestedly, knocking at them. "These are badly soundproofed, _God_," she remarked, looking up in surprise when the doorbell jingled, watching as Alex walked up to it and accepted something that looked like pizza from a delivery person. She walked up to him when he had overtipped the girl and slammed the door shut with his foot, crossing his path, trying to fumble with the box.

"Get away from me," Alex grunted at her.

"You owe me," she told him snappily, opening up and serving herself to a piece, instantly munching on it. "Awesome," she said, walking back into the living room. "Go have fun," she called across her shoulder, settling back into the recliner, only seeing him roll his eyes and walking back upstairs.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex couldn't hide a smirk while he walked down the hallway on the second floor towards his bedroom door, pushing the door handle down with his elbow and swinging into the dark, stuffy room that smelled like sex and was only dimly lit by the lamp on the nightstand. Jo scrolled on her phone before looking up at him and smiled brightly.

"Piiiiizzza," she chucked out, sitting up straight and reaching for the carton. Alex chuckled about that, letting her take it over and closed the door. "That was fast!" He tossed a bottle of water next to Jo on the bed while grabbing a cushion and a couple of pillows to get comfortable at the foot of the bed, looking at her, the room filling with the smell of steaming hot pizza. "Yum," she opened up the carton and looked down to it expectantly, cutting her eyes at him a second later. Alex's face fell for a moment.

"What?" He asked her insecurely, not knowing what to expect, before she grinned at him fully.

"You ordered plain cheese pizza with black olives and dried red pepper? Having them put the onions on your side exclusively?" she asked him with one raised eyebrow. Alex rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"You've been complaining about it twice this last week," he pointed out to her, making her laugh and put the carton down, getting on her knees, crawling towards him and kissing him fully on the lips, surprising him. His hand immediately found its way to her upper arm, smoothing over her skin.

"Well, I did find myself the perfect callboy," she breathed against his lips lusciously, curling up her own. Alex matched their eyes, smirking at her before she plopped back against the cushioned headrest and started munching on a piece of pizza. "Did I hear Yang talk?" Jo asked him, very interested in getting her stomach filled and pushing the carton towards him. He took out a piece himself before answering sluggishly.

"Yeah, she's whining," he told her indifferently.

"About what?" Jo asked him, brushing her toes against Alex's leg, playing with his leg hair.

"You mostly," he told her, making her raise her eyebrows, stilling her chewing.

"_Why?_" she asked, her mouth full. Alex chuckled silently.

"You've been keeping her on her toes most nights lately…," he winked, watching a small blush creep up her cleavage, focusing on her late night snack. When she kept them in silence while Alex watched her meticulously, he added. "Speaking of which," she looked up at him curiously. "I recall you telling me once… you're not that much of a screamer…," he smirked at her. "I kind of like to think differently." Jo smiled at him knowingly, licking her lips after swallowing, picking some crumbs off the sheets.

"Well… I'm not," she responded quietly.

"Uh-huh," he nodded unbelievingly.

"Well, you _make _me," she accused him fiercely, glaring at him. Alex couldn't help but chuckle again.

"So, you're usually really quiet and harmless and… tame? Not at all… screaming and moaning and biting and clawing and… um… _vivacious_…?" he asked her innocently. Jo looked at him with a smile shaping on her lips and wiggled her head trying to come back with an answer.

"Vivacious?" she laughed at his unusual eloquence.

"Well… sometimes I could very well mistake you for a dominatrix," he pointed out, reaching for the carton again, making her eye him with an unbelieving, wide open mouth.

"I a_m not _a dominatrix! Take that back! I'm not a… not a… I'm not…," she stuttered.

"What?" he questioned her mockingly. "What's that you wanna tell me?" He laughed.

"I'm not a dominatrix, damn it! I'm not a skank…," she fell back into her pillows, crossing her arms. "Although sleeping with you may already classify me as a skank," she mumbled more to herself. Alex chose to ignore her repeated taunt. His chuckles hadn't subsided yet. "Stop laughing!" she ordered him with a mixture of a stern gaze and amusement on her face.

"For one, I never said you were a skank. I'm just saying…," Alex yanked his eyes wide open, shaking his head slowly, fanning himself, having some heated moments in his mind. "You are _something _quite else," he told her.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are doing lots of things right," he told her mockingly, making her blush within a second and pressing her lips together. "It's a compliment. You're… quite the hands on, no fear, no inhibitions person in bed… that's all. You take reign. I like that," he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"I don't do all that," Jo mumbled more to herself than him, again.

"You what?" he smiled at her encouragingly, handing her another piece.

"I said…," she chucked out a little louder than their usual conversation volume, but quieted her voice right after that. "I don't… feel like I'm doing all that… I don't take control that much… do I?"

"You do lots of times," he winked at her. "it's fine, I like it," he assured her again.

"Well, you do it, too… more times than not," she pouted.

"I never said differently," he told her. "And you're acting like it's something to be awkward about. It's not. It's sexy as hell," he pointed out, making her smile. "Anyways… we are drifting off… we were talking about you denying being a screamer…," he reminded her.

"I'm not really…," she flared. "I mean…sometimes I guess. I've screamed before," she admitted.

"You're _very_ loud," he revealed.

"Well, s_orry_," she told him, seeming a bit put off.

"Jo, that's not a bad thing, either. It's very… convincing," he confessed, realizing it was his turn to blush and her turn to raise her eyebrows.

"What are you being self-conscious about now?"

"Nothing, I like you making noise," he elaborated. "I just don't get why you said you're not… you know… back in Baltimore… before we…," he stammered out.

"Because, _Alex_, apparently I've never felt the need to exactly… scream before…," she made it very clear. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds before they both chuckled. There was comfortable silence between them, in which they both munched on their pizzas and Jo kept running her toes up and down Alex's calf.

"So," Alex started the conversation up again. "How about you tell me more about your… what did you call them? _Sexperiences?" _he offered her. Jo snorted, amused.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Who was the worst sexual encounter you've ever had and why?" Alex observed as Jo scrunched up her face and looked at the ceiling, pondering.

"Hmmmm…," he heard her grate her lips and teeth. "I guess… well, but then…," she swayed.

"What, so many to choose from?" Alex mocked her. She smiled at him patronizingly.

"No," she let him know. "Just trying to decide between two _really, really _sucky ones. I mean… I guess your first time doesn't count, right? I mean who can really report about a satisfying first time…," she mulled it over in her head again. "But you know… it really may be that my first time was better than that one guy… God, he was so awful. _That _was awkward, let me tell you," she looked at him wide-eyed, trying to make a point.

"What did he do wrong, then?" Alex listened, entertained.

"_Everything_," she mouthed, making him laugh aloud. "I mean… he just… he was _so… eager_… I guess. And he was… _so_… well I guess inexperienced… or... no girl had ever put him in his place… it was just like… he was s_uch _a horrible kisser, _so _horrible, ergh," Jo ranted on, grimacing and shaking her head. "It was like he was trying to….. I don't know… hammer his tongue inside my mouth...," she explained vividly, having gotten going, "I mean… you know what I mean? It was like…," she looked up at the ceiling again, thinking. "It was like a jack in the box puppet and every freaking time you turn that little latch on the side, he'd jump out… and that was his tongue in my mouth," she looked back at Alex with a horrified face. Alex was rolling around the bed already_, this was too good_.

"Why in the world did you sleep with him, then?"

"Well, good question," she told him. "I've always had this theory… that… If you kiss a guy and he's a really, as in _really _bad kisser… not moderate or boring or acceptable… but _really _bad, you can judge about how the sex will be… but you know… at some point I was like… maybe I'm just too superficial and too prejudiced… so, with him, cause he was… good looking and from what I could see… had a decent body… I was… trying to prove my theory wrong… with the w_rong _guy I might say, it just went downhill from there… it was so bad," Jo clapped her now empty hands to her face and shook her head wildly. "We went to his place and I wanted to get it on but he just… you know… he'd slow me the whole time… again and again… with this creepy hand motion and this weird smile on his face. And then he would put on tacky music on his vinyl player and talk about traveling and whatnot… I don't know, I really didn't listen much, for all I know he could have talked about world peace. _I was not interested. _The thing was… then all of a sudden he _was _interested in making out but he just couldn't find a smooth transition from his pretty Tuscan coffee-table book to my panties… When I finally got the drift and just made a move on him, he'd lay me down on his couch and stilled my movements again, wouldn't have me touching him and stuff, just went to work on me… and it just… I never really got onto that train… he would just… _thrust _his fingers inside me, thinking I was really turned on… seriously, I was just lying there, bored out of my mind… thinking about the bus schedule," she ranted on. Alex snorted loudly, making her pause and smile about his amusement. "At some point he just… he suggested going into his bedroom… he was a pretty boy… you know… little narcissistic… mirrors _all over that place_… and he undressed me and kept telling me how beautiful my boobs were… and squeezed them but you know… not like you touch another person's body to arouse them… but just… I don't know… squeezed them like they were… rubber balls… or something… so I was lying there, buck-naked, and since he wouldn't let me undress him… he undressed in front of me… like… putting on a show, undressing really slowly and just looking at me… with his creepy stare. When I asked for condoms he was thrown off his game all of a sudden, scrambling up and getting one, fidgeting with it… seriously… at that moment I wasn't sure he even knew how to open that thing, let alone put it on…," Jo sighed, looking over at Alex's hysterical laughter.

"Why in the world did you let it go that far?"

"I was horny," she told him without much fuss, making him widen his eyes and nod with appreciation. "Well, anyways, he put it on, meanwhile his erection had subsided again and we started anew, it was all boring, it went up, down, up, down, he would let me _help _him a little but then he was getting impatient, all the while trying to _keep me hot_," she signed huge double quotes in mid-air at that, "fingering me endlessly and groping my boobs all… ergh… well as said…," she shook her head in exasperation. "Point is, he did try to… um… you know… do it after a while… but he just… he was all… let me do this, just lie there and enjoy… and I was so freaking bored… he could have masturbated next to me and I would have gotten more out of it… God, that was really bad. He came after like… a couple of minutes and I was still…lying there," she laughed now.

"That is… bad," Alex nodded.

"I asked him afterwards… you know… if I just… deflowered…um…him, I guess," Jo chuckled. "He was very defensive about it," she continued. "I bolted as soon as possible, after he expressed repeatedly that we should cuddle… it was very awkward, he kept running around all naked, running after me gathering my stuff, he even tried to lock me into his apartment," Jo took a deep breath, laughing so hard. "Such a weirdo. After that I realized that he only lived like… two blocks away from me… and I panicked cause really… I never wanted to see that pathetic loser again, I'm sorry," she apologized for being mean. "But that was just…phew, too much," she finished her story.

"Respect," Alex told her, calming down a bit.

"Your turn," Jo got out another piece of pizza, getting ready for his storytelling, looking all relieved and happy for having done her part. Alex sighed.

"I don't know… I guess it's different for us…," he just said, trying to avoid the question.

"Why? Cause you finish whatever happens?" she asked him mockingly. Alex narrowed his eyes at her.

"No," he shook his head, reaching for Jo's foot that had been smoothing up and down his leg, playing with it, getting very interested in her red painted toenails all of a sudden. Jo wriggled her toes at him to make him look up and sigh. "Well, I don't know… I'm not saying _that_. But still… I guess less than _boring _or… I don't know… _gross,_" at this Jo choked on her pizza and laughed. Alex smiled. "Or you know… I don't know… I mean of course I had bad sex before… but not like you just told," he laughed again about her ridiculous story.

"Well, do tell," she urged him. Alex rubbed his face.

"Ugh, I don't know… there were some girls who just… wouldn't _do _anything… like… like almost perfect for your guy it seems… they just… they just wouldn't _do _anything," he tried to grasp for words. "And then there were some who just… I don't know… who I was not compatible with… like I don't know… boring stuff… always the same speed, always the same position…always the freaking same," he listed.

"Alright, so… what was the _worst _of the _worst?_"

"Can't you just ask me another question…?" Alex looked at her pleadingly.

"No," Jo frowned, defensively. "Especially now, I really wanna know," she chuckled. "I mean… other than boring sex or… whatever you didn't like… what makes sex bad for you?"

"Well… not getting at it," he pointed out.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," he blushed slightly.

"Awww," Jo teased him immediately. _Of course. _Alex looked down and stopped tracing Jo's pretty recently pedicured foot. "Oh, come on, just tell me. Why are you always being _so _dramatic about things…?" Alex kept them in silence, thinking. _What was he supposed to say?_ He felt Jo prod him with her toes and when he looked up she was giving him a challenging stare.

"Well, I guess the worst was twice and back to back… kind of… and different girls," he admitted after a while.

"Sounds intriguing. Tell," she ordered.

"I was in a relationship… we had some problems… I had some problems… I had _many _problems… well, anyways… it just… it didn't work as we wanted it to… sexually I mean… so that was bad," he elaborated, making her nod. "And then I… well… I…," he took a deep breath, deciding to just get it over with. "I cheated on her… reason kind of… blacked out for me… it just… it threw me off that we couldn't get it on and I was kind of… I don't know… it doesn't matter really cause I guess whatever was the reason why I did it… I still did it… cheat on her I mean…," he ended awkwardly. There was a short pause before Jo spoke up.

"So, okay… I mean I get it… crappy timing, crappy you… but that alone made the sex…. the worst you've had? I mean… first, you not getting it up and then cheating…," Jo stated it bluntly. "I mean those are crappy… I guess… _emotional _sex situations… but like… with the second one… was it still bad? Was it the worst sex you've had?" Alex looked at her, thinking about her point.

"Well, I don't know. It wasn't… too bad sexually… the whole thing just was… off. It just… I mean it was kind of bad… well… no not really, we didn't even really have sex… but then after _that… _cause my then girlfriend caught us at it, I could have added," he looked at her, feeling insecure about telling all that but at the same time feeling… okay with Jo. Okay, telling her all that. And she just… she was just listening it seemed. No reaction visible on her face. No judgment, no laughter, no frown, just… no man's land. "Well, the one girl after _that_ was horrible. She just… no it was horrible. I didn't really look at her before taking her back to… I guess my place… and she was so _weird_… she was all touchy and clingy and she wouldn't stop… going… _back there_," he explained awkwardly. He could see a smile forming on her face again.

"So you don't like backdoor play, huh?" she asked him straightforwardly.

"_Not _so much, no," he told her steadily. "I mean… you know it's fine… I guess… in moderation… I mean I'm a guy," Alex blushed slightly. "If you know what you're doing... I mean...," he struggled for words, looking for a reaction. Jo smiled slightly, nodding reassuringly, telling him she knew what he was talking about, "but that one... she was unbelievable! She would actually… I don't know… she started… _licking _it… and stuff. Like... you know... not in the course of... going down on me... she just... started sucking... my ass... and it was weird and gross. Sorry. Just freaky. I didn't like that," he told her quickly. Jo laughed, grimacing.

"Ew. I totally understand that," she agreed. "I don't like it much, either," she added.

"Have you… done it before?"

"Anal?"

"Yeah."

"Um… I had this one guy… he was obsessed with it I swear… and it's not like… I was completely averse to it… I just… it never struck me as too… um… I guess not even the thought of it ever got me so… _hot? _I don't really know how to say this… I just never really fantasized about it and curiosity never overcame me too much. So, I was kind of… neutral on the whole thing but he would just… he was a _tremendous thruster_ as well….," Jo laughed about her own remarks. "He just liked sticking his fingers… well, up my ass. And it was not very stimulating… at that time at least. So, no, I ended up refusing. The thing is," she had definitely gotten going but Alex enjoyed talking to her. It was very easy, very casual. "What I don't like about it… subjectively evaluated… people seem to think there's exactly three ways to have sex: missionary, doggy, anal. And I'm so sick of guys believing that and executing that belief…cause you know… if you do it right… there's _so many ways,_" Jo closed her eyes and put her hands down, literally, trying to make her point, "to have sex… and not get bored, and enjoy the hell out of each other. And… you know I wouldn't know anything about… guys' orgasms… I mean as in I have never felt one before myself seeing I'm not a guy," she winked at him. "But I can't believe that if you do anal once there's no way you can't be satisfied with what_ I_ have to offer you," she told him, half asking. Alex nodded. "So that's why I'm not a big fan," she concluded.

"Makes sense," Alex smiled at her. Jo rolled her eyes.

"You've never tried... with me," she pointed out to him, a little quieter now, looking down.

"Cause you make it very clear, you didn't need to elaborate it this much… I mean it's interesting to know what you're thinking… but yeah… you're pretty clear about what things you like and which you don't…want me to do," he told her matter-of-factly.

"Seriously? I'm that predictable?"

"That has nothing to do with predictability. You just don't like touching there, I've noticed, and I just… I put two and two together," he said. "And to be quite frank, it's refreshing to get some… pointers," he winked at her.

"Do you want to?" She asked him acquisitively. Alex shrugged.

"No," he shook his head lightly. "I mean I pretty much agree with your argumentation about never ending variations of sleeping with someone without doing it anally. And again, I'm not that much of a fan. That is… passively if you do it wrong or actively… therefore, I guess we're good. And anyways… if you say you don't want to, I wouldn't… I hope you know that," he added shyly. Jo smiled at him.

"I know. But there was no harm in asking. I mean you can, you know? Ask?"

"Yeah," Alex replied, pleased with their accordance, splitting the last piece of pizza in two and devouring it, watching as Jo reached for the other half.

"I mean, there's gotta be some benefits, having caught myself _the perfect callboy, _to emphasize my satisfaction on that subject again," she repeated her statement from before and winked at him, completely sullying herself with cheese and tomato sauce simultaneously, groaning in frustration.

"Instant karma," Alex chuckled.

"What? Why?"

"You keep bugging me about me being a man whore. I wish you'd just stop saying that," he told her, put off himself now.

"Well, cause you _are,"_ she smiled at him.

"You'd probably beat the crap out of me if I even dared shaping some thought similar to that one about you… and just… you know… fyi: _you _are the one sleeping with _me_… willingly. So just… shut up," he told her. Jo looked up at him with a curious expression on her face, munching on the last bit, lying in front of him, naked and sullied. With pizza.

"I would, yeah. But you're _sooo easy,_" she laughed. Alex groaned but then got on his knees and moved his head down, kissing away the tomato stains and stringy cheese, faking questionable animal eating noises, slobbering all over her stomach and chest, making her shake underneath him with laughter. "Stop, that's so gross," she told him between shrieks of laughter, while he made his way up, tickling and drooling.

"You need to be punished for being such a pain in the ass," he told her sternly, before yanking his head over and snatching the last piece of pizza from her hands, chewing on it obnoxiously, all the while cleaning up her tummy, her laughter not having ceased yet.

"I guess time out would be the worst punishment for me… _but I'm not ever gonna tell you that_," she whispered ostentatiously, giggling when Alex propped up on eyelevel, Jo gently cleaning up his face with her soft hands that was starchy and smudgy with pizza sauce.

"Why would I punish myself?" he asked her arrogantly before swooping down to suck her neck vigorously, at that spot that he had left a couple of hours ago. Jo scrambled slightly underneath him. She breathed out some remaining laughter.

"You should just learn to deal with it, I'm always going to see you as the…," she cleared her throat, "gigolo that you really are," she said, upping the ante, not backing off of her attitude. Alex rolled his eyes. "Just look at you, you get _so mad_ every time I say something about that," she chuckled. Alex let out an angry snort, making her laugh even more before holding him tighter and fixating his head between her hands. "Kiss me already, will you?"

"Why should I?" Alex gave her back grumpily.

"Cause I want you to?"

"And since apparently you decide everything that's happ-," Alex got cut off by rolling eyes and Jo's sharp voice.

"Don't be such a big baby, I'm just teasing," she told him off.

"Well, still," he told her, going back down to kiss her neck and fumble his tongue around her collar bone. "Usually I'm not supposed to kiss you, remember, _we won't be able to stop_," he mocked her heavily, feeling her pull him up roughly now, glaring at him madly.

"Well, you know what, maybe I don't want us to," she stared at him earnestly. Alex gulped noisily, inhaling deeply, trying to get his impulse issues under control. _She was just sex, right, so why get all mad and gloomy just because she harps on about my sex life. _"Alex?" he looked back at her after spacing out for a second. "Just kiss me, will you?" she repeated, in a much softer tone now, melting his resistance away. When he leaned down and kissed her hard, pushing their tongues together and putting everything into that sentiment, his entire body hummed. He completely and instantly blacked out.

_In the good way. _


	10. Means nothing

[Samuel]

Sam had been having an awful day. Work had been exhausting and his boss had been a prick as usual. He had expected the video game he had ordered online in the mail but when he went to look for it in the mailbox, he came back empty handed. He had forgotten to go buy groceries, now he was eating stale bread and some leftover fries from… Sam couldn't remember just when he had gotten them from over at Wendy's. They had gone squashy underneath layers of cold fat and as usual, they were unsalted. He had put on a face and had expected his evening to not get any better, when he had heard a cautious knock on his door and laid eyes on his beautiful neighbor, smiling shyly at him. _What a nice surprise_.

"Hey Sam," she greeted him quietly, smiling politely. "You mind me coming in for a minute or two?" she asked him. Sam immediately opened his door wide and let her in, rendered speechless for the moment. _Jo Wilson visiting him? _Sam smiled brightly. He let his gaze glide over his messy apartment, the overflowing trash, the piles of dirty dishes, unopened mail that had gathered on the kitchen table, the grubby sheet he had been covering himself with on the couch lately, since he still hadn't gotten around to buy a new bed after the last one had been shattered doing things with… someone he couldn't remember. He blushed slightly, seeing some boxes lurk around in the corners, boxes he had already forgotten about, overseen the last three years, never having opened them really after moving into the apartment. He looked back at Jo with embarrassment written across his face, watching her take in the state of his living space. When she saw him look at her, she smiled again – politely – and stood there awkwardly. "It's just, my heater seems to be out for the moment, I couldn't get it going, and it's so cold…," she ummed and erred.

"Of course, of course, come on in," he ushered her over to the couch, scrambling up his sheet quickly and almost pushing her down.

"I brought tacos," she told him with an expectant smile, holding a plastic bag out to him. "You hungry?"

"Ugh, you are my savior," he told her, chuckling, trying to get the coffee table cleaned up a bit. He risked another glance at Jo, trying to make out if she was… judging him or something. _Well, if she did, she kept it to herself pretty well. She's such a nice person. _

"I got crunchy steak tacos," she started putting out the different fast food snacks on the coffee table, listing them, "soft beef tacos, this chicken burrito supreme thingy, steak taco salad, nachos, aaand my cheesy bean and rice burrito, sorry, can't share that one," she shook her head at him matter-of-factly. Sam laughed.

"You hungry much?" Jo widened her eyes and nodded in all seriousness.

"I was craving Taco Bell after work, it was _ridiculous_… but I was actually buying for two… so, just… tuck in!" she told him, unwrapping her first bean and rice burrito and biting into it, groaning in pleasure, her eyes closed and swaying with delight. _She was so beautiful. _When she opened her eyes back up, she kept chewing on her burrito and looked at him. After putting her hand in front of her mouth, she told him munchingly, "Take some, I'm serious! Not that I couldn't eat it all by myself… but just letting you know… if you wait another ten minutes, this will all be gone," she told him. Sam laughed again and then reached for one of the tacos.

"You don't look like you could scarf all that down," he pointed out, sinking into the couch as well, looking over at her.

"Yeah, most people don't. I'm weird like that. I don't really put on weight, even though I eat crazy crap. I mean at the hospital I eat cafeteria food all day and in between I'll get junk from the vending machines or coffee cart… and then mostly I eat pick up dinners or something on my way home… I rarely cook… I don't really eat very healthily or regularly. I don't do sports much… I mean I do… But I'm much more of a summer's girl than winter's… so that's that. I'm glad I don't put on weight… but trust me, I can eat _a lot of _food!" she elaborated.

"Well, you don't look it," he winked at her. There was a short pause, both of them focusing on their respective piece of food, before Sam's curiosity got the best of him. "So… you said you were buying for two?" _She couldn't have meant… well, she couldn't have planned for them to dine together, right? _

"Um, yeah," she told him, unfazed, crunching on some nachos in between, looking over the remaining packets of food, deciding. "I did but I guess Alex is still at work, he hasn't replied yet," she told him without fuss, tapping her touch screen again, seeing if he had, probably. Sam could feel his guts drop. She was still seeing that loser. _Don't get angry. _

"So, he's your boyfriend?" he asked, trying to put on a cool mask. Jo looked up from her burrito she had chosen eventually and smiled.

"Something like that," she winked at him, seeming not very interested or motivated to share. He just nodded, silence engulfing them again. "Ugh, I already feel so much better. It's the worst feeling, you know," she told him in a voice he could only define as _small talk_. "Hungry and freezing and stood-up," she chuckled. "But now I have food, and a heater and company, that went very well, I gotta say," she concluded, smiling at him. Sam smiled back, forced though.

"He stood you up?" _What a jerk. _

"Nah," she waved that comment away. "He didn't, we hadn't talked about evening plans, I just assumed we'd see each other, as we usually do. But he'll surely call once he's out of surgery," she gave him bits of information.

"Oh, so, he's a doctor, too?" Sam asked, trying to sound not too pathetic.

"Mm-hm," she replied simply, fighting with the sloppy burrito.

"Oh, wait," Sam hopped up and ran over to the kitchen, getting some paper towel and running over, holding it under her chin, touching her fingers at it, giving him a pleasurable feeling, smiling at her a bit flustered.

"Thanks," Jo laughed and took it from him, not even reacting to their touch. Sam sank down on the couch again, disappointment settling in his guts. They soon smoothed into easy conversation, talking about work and neighbors, gas prices and the likes. Nothing in particular, nothing too deep, but he was enjoying their exchange. He observed as Jo kept on looking down on her phone in between, checking for messages, typing something in, and then looking up at him again, smiling as if she had listened to him the entire time. Sam tried to not get too aggravated about it and just kept talking and joking. He also realized that Jo's face never really changed from that polite smile that she had come in with initially. Sam thought back to the night he had watched her take that guy home for the first time, him lurking in the shadows. He wanted to know what had made her smile like she had smiled then. He wanted that smile as an answer to _his_ stories, _his_ jokes and comments. He wanted her to smile at him like she did with that other guy. Jo looked up when he had become silent for a minute, smiling again, that friendly, polite, featureless smile.

"You okay?"

* * *

[Jo]

Sam looked at her as he always did, she couldn't define it. It wasn't healthy, that was pretty clear. She smiled her friendly smile to encourage his monologue that she wasn't sure he was aware he was giving. But she was fine with that, the less she had to engage, the more she could focus on what was on her mind. She took a cleansing breath when Sam started talking again and looked down to her phone once more. _It was already late, was he still in surgery? Or was he ignoring her? No, he wouldn't, right? They had been having such a good time. A couple of months had passed since they had first slept together back in Seattle, and they had spent every single night together since then unless one of them was working or Jo had cancelled due to undefined reasons known to him but very specific, monthly reasons to her. Other than that, they had been having the time of their lives. She had never thought that sleeping with one guy could be satisfying and thrilling to such an extent. With Alex, she'd slept more times now than probably all of her other guys taken together, and that... well, it spoke volumes. Also, she'd had more adventures, laughter, orgasms, aching muscles, hangovers, late night pizzas and talks as ever before. _Jo smiled absently at her thoughts, making Sam raise his eyebrows.

"I tell you about my dead cat and all you do is smile?" he asked her, retrieving her from very real, very vivid memories. Jo gulped, her eyes widening, and her brain muscle working at full blast.

"Um…," she stammered out awkwardly, feeling her cheeks redden and the sickening feeling of shame inside her. "I'm sorry, Sam, I… I drifted off a bit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive or something…not at all, I'm so sorry," she tried to tell him frantically. She stared at him when he started laughing, getting up and going over to his fridge, fetching two beers, pushing one into her hands.

"You should have seen your face," he chuckled. "I was talking about motocross," he explained, Jo still embarrassed about zoning out. She smiled slightly.

"Oh," her face reddened even more.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you had a long day," he told her kindly.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, shaking her head. "I'm impossible, I really am. Tell me again about those races," she asked him, meaning to listen to him one hundred percent, but her mind wandered off again after two seconds of listening to him, going back to where she had been interrupted before. _She hadn't ever had such an elaborate sex relationship before, yes, she'd had her guys, even guys that she had been purely on a sex basis with, however, she hadn't ever experienced anything like it. They were having so much fun, it was ridiculous. And she was only craving more and more and more. After a while of sleeping with Alex, she had pondered if she was ever going to get bored with him, cause really… at some point you have to, right? But no…not with him. Every time Jo thought about it long enough, she decided, soon it had to be the time, she'd get bored, or even more likely, he'd get bored, but then they were in each others' arms and both of them always had new ideas to make it interesting. And even at the times they weren't doing all the kinky things, they were having completely overwhelming, ineffable, hardly comprehensible, _ordinary _sex. And it still rocketed her over the moon, every time. And their kisses still took her breath away. And his touch still made her shudder. And even thinking about it made her crave him even more. It was ridiculous! And the best thing about it was… she actually liked him. As in… they were having so much fun together, he was awesome to talk to, she felt like she'd never been so honest with anybody, it was so easy with him… they had established long-drawn-out talking sessions…mostly in bed, mostly after sex, mostly accompanied by beer or pizza, mostly going way into the morning hours, mostly followed by dark circles around the eyes, too much coffee and frequent naps between rounds and surgeries and whatnot. But it was so worth it. Jo had never felt that energized. And even better than the best thing was, she didn't feel like her career was suffering at all. That was the one thing she had been so worried about before. But even those late night dates and the constant stress she seemed to put herself under didn't bother her, it kept her alive and it kept her busy and she felt like she was succeeding even more at the hospital, not that they ever talked about work much, well, they did, but they didn't talk procedures or that kind of stuff, she just felt like her internship was going along really well and there was nothing she needed to be worried about. Well, maybe, she did need to be worried about… everything being so _good. _Everything was just good. _Jo looked up at Sam who was still talking and she let out another "mm-hmm" and a smile, just when her cell phone started buzzing and she spotted Alex's number calling her. She smiled at Alex first and then at Sam, getting up.

"Excuse me for a second?" she asked him in a sweet voice, walking over towards the kitchen area, putting some space in between her neighbor and herself, even though that was completely unnecessary, she knew that, because he could probably still hear pretty much everything. "Hey," she breathed into the phone when she had picked up the call.

"Are you okay?" Jo heard Alex ask her with something alarming to his tone of voice which made her react to it instantly, adjusting her general mood to his.

"Why? What's up? Everything okay?" she asked him, worried now.

"What? I was just asking _you_ this," he pointed out to her. Jo tried to hear background noises, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary, she thought she could hear him walking somewhere and he was definitely at the hospital, but other than that, nothing.

"Well, why are you asking? I'm fine, I'm home," she told him.

"You paged me," he told her, his words forming something in between a statement and a question.

"Well yeah, I was trying to _get you here_," she whispered the last words, blushing slightly, knowing Sam was listening to every word she was saying. She could hear Alex snort on the other end.

"So, you paged me? Three texts and one hundred thousand calls weren't enough?" Jo scrunched up her face, sensing the pout coming on, feeling like a five year old, trying to hide a chuckle.

"Well," she just told him stubbornly, hearing him chuckle. "There's a reason for that but I can't really talk right now I'm not alone," she informed him.

"Who're you with?" Jo heard his voice falter, making her smile slightly.

"I'm over at Sam's, my heater's broken or something… I don't know… need to get someone to look at it…," she replied dutifully.

"You could come over to my place, you know," Alex suggested and Jo knew he was putting on his nonchalant demeanor, even though a blind and crooked fortune teller could have seen that offer coming in their crystal ball or tea leaves or wherever really. She smiled.

"Well," she played along, rolling her eyes, "of course I'll come over if I can help with your loneliness, poor baby," she told him in a soothing voice, hearing him snort.

"I'm just walking over to get showered and changed," Alex informed her. "Meet me at the house?"

"We alone?" Jo asked him, biting her lips and twitching her ankle around.

"I should hope so."

"Alright, see you there. You hungry?"

"You bet. _So hungry_," he rasped in a husky voice, making her chuckle, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Be right over," she told him, good-naturedly, ending the call and looking back at Sam who was looking at her with a mixture of annoyance and disappointment. Jo smiled at him and shrugged, pointing at the phone.

"I guess you're not stood-up anymore, then," he stated, quietly though.

"Yeah," she agreed, dwelling on her spot in awkward silence for a moment before taking a few steps towards him. "Thanks so much for giving me shelter, though, I really appreciate that. I loved talking to you, we should do it again, some time," she told him, sounding a bit over the top but she really was feeling very awkward at the moment. She gathered the leftover garbage from their dinner but Sam shooed her out eventually, assuring her that it wouldn't be too much for him to clear. She smiled at him again, thanked him again, grabbed her phone and keys and left the apartment, quickly running over towards her apartment and gathering her things, heading towards her destination.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex hurried up the front steps of his house, jiggling with the keys and fidgeting with the shoulder strap of his bag, anxious to be home, excited to see Jo in a couple of minutes, already longing for her, not having seen her in forever. When he had first stepped out of his successful surgery and saw all her calls and texts and especially her page, he had flipped for a second but then smirked, for even though they had been doing this for a while now, having shed initial awkwardness about it, clearing all confusing thoughts about any responsibilities or obligations that they just didn't have between them, even after that he found himself hesitant to call or text her at times for not knowing if he was being too clingy or needy or maybe even… bold or limiting? Anyways, he had beamed like a shining star when he had realized why Jo had tried to reach him and now he was anticipating her company even more. He looked up when he had taken the last couple of steps, meeting her gaze, seeing her sit on the porch banister, smiling at him.

"Hey," he greeted her, going straight over to the door, only hearing her jump down from the railing and following him. He looked for his house key among the thousands of other keys while he reached for Jo behind him blindly. He smiled when she grasped his hand with hers, feeling her thumb stroke his palm, kissing his upper arm. They finally made it in and he lost his bag and his jacket, turning to look over his shoulder and Jo instantly walked up towards him, embraced his waist and stood on her toes to kiss him full on the mouth without warning. Alex couldn't help but smile against her lips, reciprocating the gesture, slowly opening her mouth with his, exploring her soft lips with the tip of his tongue before deepening the kiss, pulling her impossibly closer, feeling her fingers trail up through his armpits to hold onto his shoulder blades tightly, her body pressed up to his, his guts feeling queasy with desire for the girl in his arms and his lungs striving for oxygen. He pulled back an inch, feeling her graze his lower lip with her teeth, sighing in discontent. "Needy much?" he breathed against her, smirking.

"I haven't seen you in ages," she whispered back, removing her arms from his back, pulling them back through his armpits and placing them around his neck to get closer towards him, kissing him again, disposing of every inch of space in between them, holding herself up and then, a bit like they were just used to this, she pulled herself up on muscle, him grazing the back of her thighs, holding her up against his stomach, completely zoning out on the darkness around them. Alex gulped with the intensity of their kiss and the burning that was slowly creeping up his throat, the desire and excitement for the most beautiful girl in his world at that very moment. Still, there was one other very distinct feeling he was experiencing within him, which made him groan, cursing it, since he could in no way enjoy being with her to the fullest, harboring that feeling. He felt as his legs started walking down the hall, still kissing her deeply, hearing and feeling her sigh in his mouth, hearing his own breath shutter lightly, holding onto Jo's bottom tightly with his left hand and fumbling for the light switch with his right, walking into the kitchen and putting her down on a bar stool softly, raising from the kiss. Jo looked at him like she was really mad. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hungry," he chuckled, bending down and pecking her lips softly before escaping her arms in a heartbeat, going over to the fridge and browsing through last week's leftovers.

"I thought you were hungry for me," Jo replied, and he could hear the pout in her voice. He looked back over his shoulder, smirking, making her roll her eyes. "Well, hurry up," she told him with ushering hand movements, making him look back and decide to just warm up the last bit of the chicken something Arizona had pushed into his hands the other day. He still hadn't found out why, but that was secondary at the moment. He put some on a plate and warmed it, getting out a beer for himself and one for Jo.

"Want one?" he asked her, seeing her nod and opening it, walking it over to her, stepping right between her legs, leaning against her, pulling his arm back when she tried to grab her bottle. "So, you're horny, huh?" he asked her teasingly, putting the bottle behind her on the kitchen island and very gingerly run his knuckles up her inner thigh, making her pant weirdly. "How horny are we talking?" He gave her a smug face, trying not to laugh. Her eyes screamed mad. He couldn't help but chuckle, bending down and kissing her but she yanked her head back.

"You're gonna tease me, really?" she asked him with a strong voice, her eyebrows raised.

"No, I just wanted to give you a spoiler for later," Alex responded casually, leaning back in. She pushed his chest away, making him groan. "Come on," he told her, reaching around her now and pulling her into an embrace, kissing her deeper than he had anticipated before their back and forth. He was used to that feeling now, it had surprised him the first few times while with Jo, he felt the nerve endings on his skin that were touching her, or at least pressing against her, or were stimulated somehow with her help, shoot crazy amounts of information towards his core, his heart immediately pumping wildly, his intimates getting ready to work, his guts churning, his diaphragm tightening, his lungs working overload, his brain going into top gear for a second before shutting down completely. He felt his hands going up Jo's body and rounding her shoulders, taking off her coat, letting it fall to the floor while she was cupping his cheeks rigidly, having looped her legs around him again, holding him tightly. He could feel her body react to him, he could hear the small noises that he was so used to by now, like her breathing hiccup with going at it that fast, patience not running along with desire and longing, that little moan she did when she was dissatisfied with that exactly, their pace, that different moan she let out, the one that she did if she wanted more, then the sigh she usually let go when she expressed pleasure. He knew all that already, had heard it over and over and over again, not that she did it on purpose, she probably wasn't even conscious of doing all that, but he knew them so well, he had long inscribed them in his brain. It was music to his ears. He felt her soft hands gliding down his neck and resting on the little crevice between his neck and his chest when they could both hear the microwave end, gently ending the kiss also, Alex pecking her lips softly, repeatedly, opening his eyes and looking at hers - she was being very impatient at the moment. He smiled, kissing her cheek, and then her temple, breathing against her ear. "It'll be so worth the wait, I promise," he told her in a whisper, kissing her neck and then walking over, feeling her hand glide down his back when he walked away from her. Alex had his dinner quickly, Jo watching and reporting from the last few days which they had spent apart mostly, before they took their beers and Jo led the way from the kitchen towards the stairwell, pointing her beer at the living room when turning the corner towards the stairs.

"I still don't get why you have a house without furniture," she told him skeptically. Alex just shrugged. "I mean… you got a house… you _bought_ a freaking house… but you couldn't be encouraged to go out furniture shopping? What's a house without furniture? Why don't you live in some… garage apartment or something?" she looked back at him, taking the first step, expecting an answer. He shrugged again.

"Why do you care?" he questioned back, not knowing what to answer specifically. Now it was her time to shrug, halting, looking at the almost empty and dark living room.

"It looks… pathetic somehow," she chuckled, meeting with his eyes and seeing his bored expression.

"You know… I don't know why you're complaining… we really only need the bed," he argued, shaking his head, making his point, "and sometimes the shower… or the… I don't know," he swung his arm towards the room they just left, "the kitchen island… what else do you need? A couch? I have a recliner," he pointed out. Jo giggled.

"Well… maybe a rug would be nice… you know… by the fireplace," she pointed her bottle at the living room, shrugging with her suggestion. Alex scrunched up his face.

"What the hell would I need a rug for?" he shook his head in disagreement, and then kissed her neck. "Come on, let's go upstairs," he urged her. Jo entwined their fingers that he had sneaked around her waist and placed on her stomach, and started walking again.

"Well… you know sometimes… if you're lacking furniture, I guess we'd need to do it on the floor…," Jo trailed on dreamily, pulling him upstairs, together wandering towards his bedroom. Alex listened in amusement. "And you know… I'm _not _gonna be your carpet," she turned her face around to look at him sharply, making him raise his eyebrows and smirk. "I mean," she shrugged, opening the bedroom door. "If you wanna go at it and carry away burn marks… I'm all in… but I guess you don't want that either," she turned around to face him, putting the beer down on the window sill and smiling at him, taking off her shirt. Alex stared at her, entertained.

"You really are horny tonight, huh?" he asked her while his gaze was roaming her torso appreciatively. He stepped towards her, reaching for her waist, tracing her skin up and down. When he let his eyes flit up towards her, he found her watching him, serenely. Alex smiled at her suddenly found patience, pulling her a bit closer still and bending down to her ear. "Lose that bra, will you," he breathed against her hotly. Jo reached back and unclasped it, just as he had asked. Alex watched as the straps fell but the cups still held, and traced the spot where they had just laid on tightly, tracing her collarbone, down her chest muscle and over the soft, sensitive and swollen part of her breast, peeling the garment off, taking in her beautiful breasts, tracing them softly, rubbing her nipples. When he looked up, she was still watching him, squarely. He bent forwards again, "lose those pants," he suggested. She did what he told, standing before him in only her very scarce panties. Alex looked down her body, inhaling deeply, indulging in her beauty. He reached up to cup her cheeks, his eyes burning into hers, leaning in and kissing her lips ever so softly. Jo smiled at him with that beautiful smile of hers. He stroked his thumbs across her cheeks before letting his palms glide down on the side of her neck, feeling her long, curly hair tickle his knuckles, smoothing over her shoulders, marveling at her soft skin, her beautiful, perfect skin. He continued down her arms, entwining their fingers and putting hers on his shoulders, going over to caress her boobs and putting on some pressure, not much, but noticeable pressure when he slid his hands down her stomach and halted at her loins, slowly sweeping his fingertips along the hem of her panties, watching her shudder perceptibly. He put all his fingers inside her panties and moved to her hips, slowly guiding the panties down before they flew to the floor with the help of gravity. Alex caught himself looking down at her womanhood and her long smooth legs. This was the point, Jo knew to chime in and she pulled at the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head, stepping closer towards him. Alex felt her breasts pressed against his torso and it made him smile, the sentiment mirroring on her face as well when she wrapped her arms around his waist for a second and kissed his muscled chest. She stroked her fingers down and to the front, taking down his pants, taking down his boxers. Alex was already hard. Jo always made him. Every single time. Watching her undress, feeling her soft skin underneath his fingers, on his own skin, anticipating her touch, her kisses, _her_, just her. He startled when he felt Jo's hand cup his chin and made him look up at her, smiling at him. He smiled back, putting his hands by her hips. "You should be locked away somewhere with that body of yours," he shook his head slightly, locking his arms around her, making them both feel each other's arousal on their own bodies, sliding up his arms and holding her neck, giving her another burning look before finally kissing her. The kiss mirrored everything that he had just thought about while marveling at her, such beauty, such bliss.

"Come here," Jo whispered against him, pulling him towards the bed, sitting down slowly, guiding him down on top of her. Alex breathed hard, feeling her every cell, feeling how the blood kept pumping inside him, how his erection grew even harder. His biceps shivered slightly when he propped himself up over her body, her neck overstretched to reach his lips, her hands going across his back and down his ass every couple of strokes, squeezing it. He gently parted Jo's legs and felt her up. He found her core hot and wet and it turned him on so much, he could barely think. He broke from the kiss, observing Jo's tense face, her eyes closed and her hips wriggling with his gentle motions down there. He bent towards her ear again, parting her lips simultaneously, gliding his thumb down her inner lips.

"Have you been keeping all that for me?" he murmured against her ear, making her chuckle quietly and bite her lower lip, her eyes still closed. When he entered her with his fingers, pulled them out again and tested her, feeling the sticky fluids welcoming him, he heard her take a sharp breath. "You ready for me?"

"I'm always ready for you," she gave back momentarily, making him smile, not having anticipated that statement from her, at any time really. When he looked at her face, he realized she had probably talked without much consciousness; she was trying to stay steady underneath him. Alex kissed her between her breasts before moving across her body and reaching for the nightstand where he had bunkered his condoms and took some out. He ripped one open and put it on snuggly, going back to hover above her. This time, Jo looked up at him and cupped his head gently. "Kiss me," she told him with conviction set deeply in her eyes. He smiled and did so, their kiss taking them away somewhere neither of them ever questioned. He reacted to her pulling her knees up and penetrated her slowly. He broke the kiss, taking a deep breath. It felt so good to do this, every time. She was hot and wet and tight and she drove him crazy. He swooped down to suck her neck vigorously with working himself into her repeatedly, forcing his huge intrusion into her, eliciting a loud moan from her that vibrated through her body, affecting his own. Alex liked everything about sleeping with her but the feeling of this beautiful girl writhing underneath him as he tried to get her off, it was incredible. Not much was needed for him to climax with her, they usually did all kinds of gymnastics, though, which was fun, which was exciting and exhilarating, however, not much was really _needed. _Jo's heaving chest underneath him, her slightly sticky skin, glazed with beads of sweat, her muscles clenching and releasing all around him, her scent seducing him, her kisses capturing him, her fingers squeezing him, tracing him, cupping him, guiding him, her moans and sighs boosting him. Alex felt his throat tighten, his mind blackening, he wouldn't make it long this time, it had been too long, he'd dammed all that longing inside himself for the last week, he had her right there, he needed to climax very soon. Alex felt how Jo let her legs slide down slowly, her right one looping around his waist and slightly pushing him, so they were lying sideways, deeply kissing each other, tightly embraced. "Mk," she chucked out with the change of positions and Alex intruding her deeply, satisfyingly.

"You close?" he asked her for some reason he himself didn't know, he hadn't ever. It just felt a bit different his time, it just… he just held her closer, opening his eyes one tiny bit to see her smile absently, squeezing his back tighter. He just kissed her with even more intensity, a bit gruffer, a bit harder.

"Mmmh," Alex felt her scrunch up her face within the kiss, letting her head fall back and wheezed. He felt her unclench his back with her fingers, stretching them out spastically. He smiled, pacified, resting his head in her neck, feeling like he was going the last bit of a marathon, speeding up one last time, feeling all his muscles flex, all his breath cumulating, all his strength holding her to him, he felt Jo convulsing around him, he heard her whimper shortly, her head rolling on top of his, hugging him to her, when Alex felt his orgasm come on and he groaned copiously, not wanting to hold it back, and he came. The feeling of complete bliss and pleasure and afterwards the feeling of spilling himself generously, his breath hiccupping against Jo's shoulder, _amazing_. He sucked her, kissed her and then let everything lose, falling back on his back, taking her with him. They laid there, breathing heavily against each other, Alex feeling how she rested her right hand on his abs while she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, calming from her own high, needing a bit of space due to the heat between them. Alex rolled over towards his nightstand and got a tissue, taking off the condom and throwing it out. He got up and decided to go have a shower, needing a bit of a cool down after their steamy encounter. He had barely jumped in, relishing the ice cold water on his face and trickling down his body, when he felt Jo's arms twine around his waist and at the same time shriek. "Are you crazy?" Alex startled, too, but chuckled, turning the water's temperature up a bit and turned within her embrace, smiling at her. He bent down, kissing her forehead, hugging her. "You grow up on the north pole or something?" He just nodded, making her shake her head unbelievingly. When they were done with some serious fumbling and getting each other off once again, they stepped out of the shower an hour later and dabbed dry, Jo rubbing her hair dry and slipping into bed after Alex. He felt her snuggle up into his side, putting an arm around her and watched her get comfortable in the crook of his armpit, resting her arms on his chest. They lay silent for a long, long stretch before Alex could make out her slow breathing and a very, very quiet but still perceptible whistle with every breath she let go. He smiled, feeling bad about waking her, but he knew the drill. She knew the drill. They had never once slept over, apart from the first night at the Baltimore hotel. They had always left after hours and hours of sex, talk, food, sex, shower, sex, some rest, some more… they had always retired to their respective beds. Jo was very clear about that. So was he. So, even though his guts said no, his head instructed him to wake her. He stroked her smooth back, rubbing it slightly, shaking her very gently, kissing her forehead.

"Jo," he whispered towards her. "Jo, you fell asleep, it's getting late," he told her matter-of-factly. She stirred slightly, squinting at his face huffily, and at the same time pulled herself closer to his body, looping her left arm underneath his shoulder, and her right arm was resting on his torso, her fingertips placed at his neck, kissing the side of his chest, shaking her head, already back to sleep. "Jo," Alex sighed, not wanting her to regret it the morning after.

"I don't care," she mumbled against his skin, and he could feel her take a deep breath through her nose and then kiss his muscles again. "Just let me sleep," she told him. Alex looked down at her, pondering. _Well, she expressly said she didn't wanna go home… or she didn't care, right? _He slowly shifted towards her, making her adjust her own body to his immediately, her head resting in the crook of his neck, his arms wrapped around her tightly, their legs tangled and both letting go of a deep sigh, relaxing in the arms of each other. Alex closed his eyes and felt himself drift off immediately. _That didn't mean anything. Right?_


	11. Stay calm

[Meredith]

Meredith walked through the halls of her hospital blindly, knowing all its turns and niches and stretches by heart, not really having to take care where she was going. She was a bit worked up. She had a really important surgery today and she had explicitly chosen that intern since she had only heard good things from her, even though she had needed some learning in the beginning and was just as annoying as all other interns but again, she had shown promise. So, she had anticipated a fast and smooth and successful pre-op, she'd seen it all in her mind already. Now, she had been let down, feeling angry and in need of some serious venting. _And she was hungry. Again. Ugh, eating for two. _She turned into the attendings' lounge, only finding Alex slouching on the couch.

"Don't you have work to do?" she barked at him, unnecessarily rude but she couldn't help herself, she was just in a _real _mood.

"What's gotten you in such a lovely mood today?" Alex just grunted, frowning at her stupidly. Meredith let the door of the fridge snap shut noisily, turning towards him while opening her smoothie, walking over and sitting on the couch as well.

"Stupid intern," she just said before taking a few big gulps. She heard Alex sigh and saw him nod from the corner of her eyes.

"Gotcha. I got some new kid today that transferred here from Baylor med center… he's so tiring. He questions everything I do. I'm hiding out," he pointed at himself, making her chuckle and look at him in understanding. "So, who did you get stuck with?"

"Wilson," Meredith spat out in disgust. Alex looked over at her in what seemed like interest and scrunched up his forehead.

"What's she doing to piss you off? She's been decent on my service," he told her. Meredith mirrored Alex's frown for a second before sighing.

"Well, that's what I thought… she's good, you know. I mean I let her do the appy… which she screwed up…alright… but that was months ago… and nobody ever does well on that surgery. So I _requested_ her," she yanked her eyes open at him to stress her personal failure. "because I was anticipating a heavy day, especially one surgery that is _so _important and she's just… ugh," she groaned loudly. "I could take her stupid skinny fragile little princess bones or grab that stupid amount of freaking silk hair and chuck her out the window," she ranted. Alex looked at her in surprise and then laughed.

"What the hell did she do?" he asked her, amused by Meredith's rage.

"She's absent-minded. I mean… she's on her phone _all freaking day! _Every time I turn around I catch her stealing a glance at it and somebody keeps calling her. First she'd push it to voicemail repeatedly but then she started answering and hissing something into the phone, apologizing again, acting like she was in it and then the whole thing would start over again. I mean, what the hell? _What the hell, Alex? _She can't be serious right? You know… last time she did it was during our patient's briefing. I actually felt the urge to take her phone away and lock it somewhere. _Time out_. I don't know. Stupid hormones, make me think about maternal decisions," she chucked out at last. When she looked over at her fellow doctor, she narrowed her eyes at his expression. He was looking at the window, pondering. Mer reached out and waved her hand before his eyes, making him look at her in surprise and then smile.

"Well, sounds like she's preoccupied somehow," he just said.

"You think?" Meredith asked him, hearing the incredulity in her own voice. Not because of her intern's preoccupation but because of Alex's statement.

"Yeah," he said, nodding, acting like that behavior was harmless. She took a deep breath when she watched Cristina come into the lounge, talking on the phone frantically, seeing Alex's eyes focus on his phone now. When Cristina got off the phone, she sighed dramatically.

"You up for drinking tonight?" her friend asked her without introduction.

"Um… sure. I'll sip my glass of milk while you do my tequila shots… but yeah, sure, do come over, I need some serious venting, too," Meredith told her.

"Awesome," Cristina replied, already turning on the spot. "See you then." Meredith looked over at Alex again, studying him.

"Well, I guess, the days of running down the interns with you have passed, huh?" she looked at him with a bored expression on her face.

"Huh?" Alex looked up at her. Meredith frowned.

"You preoccupied with something?" she asked him with a shake of her head.

"Um, nah," he said, getting up, smiling at her slightly. "Gotta go, though," he rounded the couch, already looking at his phone again, leaving Meredith to herself. _What's with everybody today?_

* * *

[Alex]

"Will you put it down for a second?" Alex looked over at the girl when he stopped at the red light and sighed in exasperation, having watched her fiddle with her phone since they had left the bar seperately and undetected by any observers. He seriously had thought Mer had overreacted but only a couple of minutes of this and he was becoming annoyed as hell.

"Huh?" Jo looked up at him as if she hadn't realized he was there. Alex shook his head at her, narrowing his eyes.

"What's going on with you?" he questioned her, worried now. Jo immediately changed her facials into a cover-up smile and let her hands sink into her lap.

"Nothing," she shook her head a tad too much. "Absolutely nothing," she told him, nodding to the front when he didn't see the lights turn green, too focused on her.

"Who have you been talking to all day? You've been preoccupied," he announced.

"How would you even know that?" she scrunched up her face and looked at him skeptically, smiling though.

"Well, I watched you text all through your beer with Edwards and now you're doing it… and Mer might have said something about you being preoccupied…," he blushed slightly. Jo grinned at him.

"You got your moles, huh?" she laughed, wriggling her eyebrows.

"Seriously, she was pissed," he told her, a bit more serious now. He saw her lean back against the headrest and close her eyes from the corner of his own eye, hearing her sigh. At the next light, he put his right hand into her lap, getting a hold of hers, making her smile. "You sure you're okay?" he asked her tentatively.

"Yeah," she nodded after a moment, smiling widely, definitely hiding something, but looking tired. He stroked his thumb across the back of her hand, scrutinizing her.

"Got a new boyfriend to entertain, huh?" he teased her after a while, quietly though, wanting to ease the tension in the car. Jo chuckled.

"Yeah, I invited him to come over for a threesome but he was acting up all conventional - two people in a bed kind of person… bo-ring," she stressed the last two syllables, winking at him. Alex smiled when he turned into his driveway and put the car into park.

"Too bad," he said, "but I guess I can help you get over your loss," he said, winking back. Jo smiled and then leaned in, kissing his lips softly.

"I was looking forward to that part," she answered, lazily rubbing her nose against his and sighing. "Let's go, I hear there's a new color on the market that's screaming our names…I found it the other day in your nightstand…," she elaborated, getting out of the car. Alex chuckled, rolling his eyes, following her upstairs. "You've never ever told me you got _golden _condoms," she raved. "How dare you hide them from me? God, that's so awesome… it makes me feel like a princess, seriously. It's like… the golden ticket to… safer sex. Awesome," she shook her head while he unlocked the door and let her in. "Yang home?"

"Nah, she's getting drunk at Mer's tonight," he told her, closing the door and getting off his coat. "We have the place to ourselves all night," he chuckled before walking after her, bumping right into her as she stopped by the living room entrance. "What?" Alex asked her. He watched as Jo turned around slowly and looked at him with the widest eyes and the brightest smile.

"You bought a rug?" she stretched the question slowly.

"Yeah, so?" he waved the comment away dismissively, walking passed her to get to the kitchen. He heard her follow him swiftly.

"You bought a rug?" she repeated her question, different tone, though.

"Yeah," he told her, his voice laced with annoyance, giving his hand a wild wave. "I bought a rug, okay? Can we move on?" he yanked open the fridge and got himself some beer, opening it and taking a big gulp from it, turning around and leaning against the counter, looking at her still smiling.

"You bought a rug," she repeated it again as a statement this time, chuckling now, and walking closer towards him.

"Can you stop saying that?" he responded exasperatedly when she leaned up against him, squeezing his waist.

"So you admit I was right," she pointed out to him, her smile not wavering.

"Right about what?"

"Right about making the living space a bit nicer with putting stuff into it… I mean," she pushed herself off him and grabbed his hand, pulling him after her to go back to the living room, switching on the lamp by the recliner and looking at the room. "It does make it homier… but you know… you could have at least… put in a couch," she motioned her hands over to the window, "and curtains, definitely curtains," she said, a movie playing back behind her forehead. "And you know… if you just put in a nice small shelf instead of this cardboard box sitting underneath your TV… it'd look so nice and it'd be a lot safer than this arrangement," she looked back at him. "Oh and I love, love, love fireplaces… you should put some pictures on the mantelpiece… like… I mean… do you have pictures at all?" she narrowed her eyes and looked back at him, having walked all over the place, standing by the fireplace now and running her fingers across the mantelpiece, before inspecting them and wrinkling her nose for all the dust that had gathered up there, disgusted. Alex rolled his eyes.

"I can make a fire, you know," he pointed out with his beer, having leaned up against the door frame. Jo's eyes snapped back at him but instead of the sharp look he had anticipated finding on her face, her eyes seemed to have caught fire.

"That would be so amazing," she looked at him like a child that had just been promised to go to the zoo and then get a three scoop ice cream with chocolate sprinkles and a double session on the moon bounce. Alex raised his eyebrows and couldn't help but smile. His guts relaxed for having been a bit anxious about that suggestion. "Well, come on," she urged him, walking up to him, grasping his hand again and pulling him over. Alex rolled his eyes for the thirtieth time that night, taking a deep, dramatic breath before putting his beer onto the mantelpiece and kneeling down to work the fire. "Ugh, I love that sight… you acting all caveman… hmm," she grumbled, running her fingers across his shoulders. When he was done with igniting the fire, Jo had walked a few steps over to the window, her back to him but he could see in the darkness, apart from the fire, that the light of her touch screen was illuminating her face, which was cryptic. He sighed, getting up and walking over to her, smoothing his hands down her arms and hitting the standby button on her phone, making her startle but smile at the same moment. Alex buried his nose in her neck and hair while she put away her phone and entwined their fingers, closing her eyes and enjoying the distraction.

"I thought you wanted to see that fireplace in action," he whispered against her ear, earning a big nod. They turned around together, looking at the sizzling fire that instantly heated up its surroundings.

"I love fire," Jo murmured, sighing when Alex kissed a trail from her shoulder up her neck ending underneath her ear. "Especially fireplaces indoors," she said. "It's so homey," she held onto Alex's arms a bit tighter. "And romantic," she told him mockingly, turning her head to face him, Alex catching her wriggling eyebrows. He just nodded and smiled at her good-naturedly. He just wanted to lean in when he could feel Jo's phone vibrate against his thigh, her having disposed of it into her back pocket, making her glance down. Alex sighed, letting go of her quickly. "Sorry, sorry," she chucked out quietly, wrinkling up her brows and forehead, looking bothered.

"Just put it away," he told her, trying to snatch it slowly.

"Wait," she pulled it over again, typing something.

"I thought you wanted to get distracted?" he asked her softly, trying to be patient. It irked him that she wasn't in this… that she seemed to be somewhere quite else with her mind, even though he had thought she'd love the distraction… and the rug… and the fire... and as usual... his body.

"I do," she told him soothingly, putting a hand on his chest, glancing at him swiftly before looking down on her phone, finishing the text.

"Is it a matter of life and death?" This made her look up and his guts knot. Then she chuckled, putting her phone into her back pocket again.

"You have no idea," she nodded at him with wide eyes and a weird smile he hadn't seen on her yet. Then she stepped closer, putting both her hands on his chest and looked up at him like a lost deer. He found himself immediately embracing her waist tightly, holding her towards himself. "Will you please distract me now, prince charming?" she asked him in a melodic voice. Alex smiled. He bowed down towards her when she reached up for his cheeks and he kissed her, deeply. Kissing her was the best part of his day. Every time their lips touched, he just felt bliss. Like he didn't need to think about _anything else _in his life. Cause _anything else _was just too complicated sometimes. Alex sighed into the kiss, pulling her impossibly closer. _He really had found himself the perfect woman. _

_To have sex with._

* * *

[Jo]

Jo's thoughts were swirling when Alex tightened his grip on her as he always did while kissing her like he really meant it. She trailed her fingers up the sides of his neck, his temples and then digged her fingernails into his short cut hair, kneading them through it before smoothing them down his neck. Kissing him felt so good, Jo had long since tried to restrain herself a bit, since she frequently got lost doing it. She registered placing her elbows on his shoulders, pressing her body up his muscular one, bringing him closer, holding him tightly. It was freaky how they were kissing so deeply, but the single thing she could only ever think was – more. She wanted more. She wanted to get closer and deeper and she wanted him fast. First reaction usually was pulling herself up onto him, tightening her legs around his waist, since he never seemed to mind, picking her up with ease. However, tonight, she tried restraining herself, tried to let him guide her, she just wanted to unwind. She needed it badly. Her thoughts wandered over to the phone calls again that had been haunting her throughout the day. She inhaled deeply through her nose, nibbling on Alex's lower lip. He parted them slightly, kissing her cheek and then temple, nibbling her ear before she felt his hot breath on her.

"Cut it out," he told her, sharply. She opened her eyes and looked at him in surprise. When he saw her face, his features immediately softened, his hands going up and cupping her face. "Just stop thinking so much about whatever it is," he whispered, looking her straight in the eyes. Jo's head sank towards her right shoulder a couple of inches, smiling slightly.

"Mind reading now, huh?" she pulled him closer again, pecking his lips softly. He shook his head.

"Tongue and lip movement tracking," he told her mockingly, making her laugh and nod. "Come here," he guided her to get down, sitting in his lap, straddling him. He gave her a burning look, while taking off her shirt and then her undershirt, kissing her cleavage softly. Jo rested her arms around his shoulders and let her head fall back slightly to enjoy his caresses that were slow and gentle and so good. She felt him drag her bra down an inch to get to her boobs, taking her right nipple into his mouth and playing with it. Jo sighed, feeling the slow burn inside her, feeling the agitation set in and her body heat up on the inside, alongside her skin which was heated by the glint of the fire crackling in the fireplace. Jo heard herself sigh audibly, feeling him use his teeth on her, his left arm encircling her and holding her tightly while he was kneading her left boob with his other hand gently. She had long gotten used to him exploring her body. He was the touchy kind of guy. He just loved touching her, kissing her, licking her, biting her, exploring her slowly, getting her off gradually. She always tried to play along with him, she enjoyed his caresses to the most, it got her to a high she'd never experienced before. Sometimes, though, she had to take over reins, sometimes he drove her so wild, teased her so madly that she couldn't hold out anymore and just had to jump him right away. She'd always get him back for it, she knew how to tease him too, spoil him too, turn him on with her mouth and hands and he always cursed her for doing it later. It was all good fun. But he definitely was a touchy guy. He loved all sex positions, as far as she could tell, but he seriously loved those most, which gave him the opportunity to touch her while at it, he really got off on that. She'd never had a guy who wanted that so much, who demanded it that much, so she really couldn't compare him to others, but sometimes even the touching got her reeling and she couldn't help herself but come multiple times. Jo wasn't touchy in real life… as in everything nonsexual. Alex wasn't either. At least not much. But she loved him touching her. She loved touching him. She just couldn't get enough of the feel of his hands and his lips and his tongue on her skin. It was incredible. Meanwhile, Alex had yanked down the second cup of her bra and made his way over aggressively almost, sucking her nipple, making her moan and push him into her chest, her head tumbling on top of his and kissing his hair, desperately trying to pull him up towards her own lips. She felt him smile against her, grumbled at him teasing her. When he looked up, she crashed down on his lips, squeezing her thighs and privates together, feeling his hardening penis, making him groan now.

"Yeah, not so eager now anymore, huh?" she whispered against him, calling his teasing. He smiled when she pulled his shirt over his head, instantly kissing his chest and biting his nipples, feeling him unclasping her bra, getting rid of it. "You're sure she won't come barging in, right?" she murmured half absent-mindedly, feeling him shake his head. When his hands wandered down towards her core, she closed her eyes tightly, trying to steady her breath. She supported herself on his shoulders and got up, him pulling her tight jeans down, kissing a trail up her legs and then gently removing her white lace panties, sucking her inner thighs, squeezing her butt. She let him shower her with kisses for a while before getting impatient and motioning for him to lose the remainder of his clothing as well. She observed him meticulously, feeling how her nipples hardened with losing touch of him, a cool breeze sweeping her chest, watching him reveal his erection in all its glory, kneeling down on the rug between his legs and grasping him, her hand flying to him like a magnet. Alex groaned loudly, holding her back towards him tightly while she stroked him gently. "Oh, fuck," Jo whispered after a while, making him look up at her. "Do we have condoms down here?" she looked at him tiredly, hoping that they didn't have to change locations. He smiled slightly, nodding and reaching back towards his pants fishing one out. She smiled, watching him open it and run it down his length, feeling how spit was accumulating in her mouth and she gulped heavily, soothing her parched throat, feeling how wet she was down there, even though she held her knees shut tightly, kneeling on them. Alex reached up for her, guiding her down to kiss him, intensely. She felt him pull her closer, tried to read his moves, trying to go along with his ideas. She sat on his lap cross-legged, letting him drag her closer and raising herself slightly, for him to guide his penis inside her. Jo's eyes closed automatically with the intrusion, with the pressure, his length, the deepness. Alex embraced her tightly, bending his knees up slightly to push her against his torso, and she started moving on top of him in circles, tensing and relaxing her muscles around him, feeling her insides bubble and her clit overreact with them rubbing each other so hard. Jo fell against him, hugging him to her, resting her head against his and tried to prevent the wheezing. A couple of minutes later, she could feel Alex guide her away from him gently, noticing her going a bit weaker, having exhausted her muscles for the moment. She looked at him burningly, while putting her feet down on the ground and getting off, feeling his steel hard erection glide out of her and turning around, squatting down to make him enter her again. She could hear Alex groan when they stilled for a second, getting used to the intrusion, before Alex cozied up to her, embraced her from behind with his left hand, fumbling with her boobs, tightening his legs to the left and right of her own thighs, so she could feel him even deeper and she didn't have much room to move away from him and his right hand moved towards her core. "Mmmh God," Jo rasped, when he started moving her on top of him, falling against his chest with her back, resting her head on his shoulder, her arm tightening on his and the other one helping with the thrusting. She loved everything about this, Alex's lips besides her ear, hearing every odd syllable and moan and sigh coming out, knowing exactly what he liked, what got him off, knowing he was enjoying himself to the fullest, penetrating her deeply and getting to touch her all over, feeling her writhe on top of him. "Alex," she breathed heavily, feeling how she got wetter and readier, feeling him move jerkier and more restless now.

"Hmm," he turned his head towards her with his eyes closed, his lips pressed against her ear.

"I need you deeper," she whispered, turning her head an inch too, finding his lips and kissing him. When she thought back, those were words, she hadn't ever really dared to say before. Not so much that she didn't dare… she had just never really voiced what _she_ wanted during sex with other guys all that much. With Alex, all she could think of was try pleasing him as he needed it, going along what he wanted from her, telling him what she liked herself, telling him what she needed, watching and feeling and experiencing him do just that. They were so in sync, it was insane. She could feel him nod within their kiss before leaning forwards a tiny bit, making her yelp with the pleasure of hitting her g-spot and pushed her up, so he was leaving her confines for a second and gently guided her down to her knees, making her rest her head on her stretched out arms, feeling Alex's lips on her back, kissing her, before penetrating her quickly, deeply, and reaching forward to massage her boobs. "Uh," Jo tried to manage not to chuck out with every thrust but he was so deep and it was so good and she could hear the onset of a screaming orgasm with greater intensity, greater speed and greater deepness than her body and mind could take. Jo bit her lips and felt her pelvis start shivering, her knees turning towards each other reactively, her spine sagging to the ground. She felt as she started biting her upper arm as a relief, feeling how runny and messy everything had gotten, how Alex slid in and out of her so fast now she couldn't breathe. She kept sinking down, her backside shivering terribly, feeling how Alex kept showering her with kisses and at some point felt him groan against her back, his moan vibrating through her as he jerked out his own release, slouching on top of her. Jo slowly slid down to lie on her belly, face down on the fuzzy rug, Alex on top of her. She felt as her lips down there prickled with the sensations and the heat within her, she felt Alex's penis settle inside her, felt her breath coming out short and her forehead and cheeks flaming. She felt Alex's every cell on top of her, reveling in his weight and how he kept biting her neck and shoulder, kissing her, feeling how passion hadn't subsided yet, experiencing another urge for him to just take her, their refractory period limited to those couple of minutes it seemed, him having gone rock hard again. She felt him take a deep breath, his belly pushing into her back, and his hand wandering down towards her thighs, parting them to slip out. She closed her eyes and rested her head on her arms when she heard him get up. She smiled when she felt him cover her with the blanket that had just decorated the recliner mere seconds ago.

"Be right back," she heard him say, only nodding into her nest in response. _Hurry_. When he walked back in and squatted down next to her, she sensed him kiss her lower back and trail up her spine, until he buried his nose into her neck and hair. "You okay?" he whispered into her ear, making her nod again.

"Ready for more," she replied in honesty, turning back to lie on her back and looking at him expectantly, her gaze flitting towards his erection and smiled. She grabbed for his leg, motioning for him to climb her, straddle her, sitting up herself and taking his penis into her soft hands, relishing in the feel of him. Alex bent down awkwardly to kiss her while she kept pumping and testing him, his moans going straight into her mouth and vibrating in her throat.

"Let's move," Alex instructed her quietly, making her open her legs and him going from straddling her to squat between her spread legs and sitting down, pulling her on top of him a bit too fast. Jo gasped, feeling her core touch his erection. "Wait," he whispered, trying to put on the condom as quickly as possible. Jo watched his hands shiver lightly and stilled them, taking over for him. She placed herself on top of him and he pulled her down slowly, making her close her eyes again. When they settled, Jo started moving, growing speed quickly and panted in his face. _God, this was so good. _She looked down on his face, seeing the same emotions mirror on his, smiling at him before pushing him down gently to lie on the rug and bowing her torso across his, working him with her entire body, her nipples grazing him with every move forward, her thighs and feet roping him. She placed her hands on his sides first and put her face to his neck, kissing and sucking him wildly, before stretching her arms across his shoulders, placing her hands on both sides of his head and anchoring her fingers in the fur of the rug, feeling Alex's hands roaming her waist and back now, squeezing her, groaning loudly.

"Mmm, mm," Jo spluttered with the sensation of her clit rubbing on his skin, feeling the warmth of his penis sliding in and out. She felt him tighten his grip on her and anticipated him rolling over, landing between her legs and pumping in and out, kissing her feverishly at it. Jo's hands that were bound to the floor by his hands struggled to freedom and wound themselves around him, getting closer to him and her right leg wandered up towards his torso, bending it way up and embracing him. Alex breathed hard into her mouth with every thrust and yelped lightly when Jo slid her foot down his back and put some pressure on his ass with her heel. "Uhhh, Alex," she ranted absentmindedly, completely engrossed with how fast everything was going and her being on the edge of climaxing, again. "Don't stop," she whispered when he slowed down a bit. He got on his knees instead, breaking the kiss, making her look up at him crossly and heaving her hips up with him, Jo's second leg bolting around him and then started to fuck her hard, clearly enjoying the sight before him. Jo closed her eyes and scrunched up her eyebrows, feeling everything inside her tighten, throwing her head back and letting go of control of her voice. "Mmmh, fuck, Alex, ahh," she couldn't help herself. She sensed how he slowly guided her hips down again and slid out of her, opening her eyes and seeing him smile. Her lover made a move to turn her back on her belly as they were when they ended round one and forced her legs apart, gently guiding his penis back inside her. "Gah," Jo spat out, chuckling with closed eyes and feeling his weight on herself, feeling his lips kiss her neck and the unspeakable sensation of this change of position, the tightness of her that made his huge penis stimulate her even more now, him not letting her come down from one high to get to the next. She felt him breathe out a smile against her skin, entwining their fingers on the floor tightly and enjoying the final spurt together. The explosion wasn't far off and she felt how the juices kept on coming, making him wild, making him hungry for more, pushing in wildly, almost hitting the absolute limit, before falling down on her with a shivering body, groaning against her and spilling himself eventually. She felt him rest her head in the middle of her upper back before climbing up and kissing her neck senseless, trailing up to her ear and holding her tightly, definitely meaning to say something but apparently not being able to find the words. Jo smiled. _No words needed. _

Whimpering slightly when Alex unmounted her and got rid of everything, she rolled herself to the side, staring straight into the fire, enjoying the warmth that was casted from it. Her lips widened into a smile when she felt him come back to her, lying down behind her and pulling her impossibly closer, wrapping his arms around her and covering both of them up with the blanket. They lay there forever, just basking in each other's company, silently, watching the flames dance. Jo had almost fallen asleep, tired and relaxed from their back to back gymnastics, trying to block off the thoughts that kept coming to her mind, uncomfortable thoughts about Alex… becoming… someone to her… that she wasn't sure she could define as toy boy anymore. They were lying in front of a fireplace, deeply embraced, in a very intimate position, calming down from passionate… sex. They were lying on the rug that he had bought because she had criticized the absence of it. She let him hug her to his body, since she couldn't imagine lying in anybody else's embrace. Jo sighed in exasperation with herself. _Stay steady, damn it. Don't let yourself get dragged into this. You're just doing him for his stupid hot body. Stupid hot. He's just... his likeable character has nothing to do with this. _Due to not wanting to deal with that, she guided her thoughts over to the comfortable feeling of him embracing her tightly and his left hand stroking her waist and tummy and legs up and down in a soothing motion. _Ugghh. _She was just rising up towards cloud nine when she heard the nagging vibrations of her phone, cursing it. "Just leave it," Alex mumbled against her ear. Jo bit her lower lip, sighing. _Ignore it, it'll be her again and she'll just annoy you. Just stay in the moment. _She gulped when the vibrations stopped. Alex's hand had found its way towards her bottom, smoothing it down and then wriggling through her thighs, making her raise her left leg and rest it on top of his legs. She sighed and closed her eyes when she felt him affect her lips and then parted them softly, running his fingers down and entering her, feeling how wet she still was. Jo bucked her hips lightly, taking a dramatic breath and enjoyed the touch of his fingers inside and on top of her, now that he was circling her clit with the help of her own juices. Her nipples hardened and she entwined her hand with his as he moved his arm over towards her breast, massaging it simultaneously. Everything inside her cramped up when she heard her phone go at it again and she sighed, crying on the inside. Momentarily, she felt his breath on her ear, telling her repeatedly to just ignore it.

"I can't," she whispered quietly, gently pushing his hands away from her and sitting up, the blanket gathering in her lap and reached for her jeans. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, not daring to look at him, when she pushed redial, and listened to the steady beep. She sensed him sit up as well, putting his arms around her and hugging her to his chest, kissing her temple. Jo closed her eyes and smiled.

"_Why in the world aren't you picking up your damned phone_?" she listened to the girl screech into the receiver. Jo sighed before turning to face Alex, trying to express everything with her face. The gratitude for bringing her here and putting up with her and distracting her, buying the rug and lighting a fire, spoil her and try to make her feel better. She appreciated it more than she could say with words. He looked back at her worriedly.

"You caught me at a bad time," Jo replied quietly, still looking at Alex. "Hang on a second," she told the person on the other end before leaning in and kissing Alex softly on his lips. Twice. Pulling him back in once she tasted the sweetness of his lips that still staggered her. Then she got up rapidly and gathered her clothes. "Talk," she hissed into the phone, already pulling up her panties and getting on her jeans, her phone jammed between her head and shoulder.

"Well, you caught me at an even worse time," the frequent caller informed Jo. "I just exited the bus and it's really loud here," she said.

"What do you mean? Where are you?"

"I had a fight with Drew. Needed some space. I thought New York would provide that for me," the younger one said dismissively. Jo's guts sank when she tilted up and stared at the dark window. _Her seventeen year old sister was calling because she had run away to New York City after she herself had been trying to get rid of her and Drew's calls all day? Fuck. _


	12. All those things on my mind

[Carly]

Carly looked around helplessly, standing on the sidewalk with her backpack strapped to her back and her phone held to her ear. She suddenly felt small and vulnerable among the crowds of people not caring about her standing there all alone and helpless, between skyscrapers and honking and screeching cabs, however, she wasn't gonna let Jo know that. Even though it was in the middle of the night, everything was lit up and the cabs and other vehicles rushed by with tremendous noise and speed, her eyes following them. She looked back up to the huge building besides the street, deciding this had to be Madison Square Garden. She pushed her lips together, waiting for a response.

"You have got to be kidding me, Carly," she heard her big sister say in a weird tone. "You're kidding me, right? Tell me you're pranking me. Tell me you're home with Danny and Drew and you guys wanna give me a wipe for… I don't know what for… please, Carly, you can't tell me you're actually, seriously all alone in New York City after midnight… having nowhere to go," she listened to her sister's voice doing ups and downs with agitation and worry.

"Um," she just replied, biting her lower lip. "I really am… I took the 8 p.m. Chinatown bus from DC. Got a ride with Danny after finishing homework," she pointed out innocently. She listened to her sister chuckle weirdly.

"Oh, come on, Carly, now you're just shitting me," she accused her. "You did your _homework _and then you let Danny _drive you _to the bus? Get real," she laughed. "You're a bad, bad liar," she called her.

"I _am _serious, and frankly, I don't care if you believe me or not," Carly felt agitation set inside her. _She had thought her sister would help her out. Yes, she had acted hot-headedly after her fight with Drew, and maybe she had gone in a bit over her head. But she had thought she could always call Jo and ask for help._

"You're serious? As in you're standing at Penn Station right now? All alone?"

"Yep," Carly replied quietly.

"Oh, Carly, no, no, no," she heard her sister's desperate voice, feeling guilty. Maybe calling her hadn't been the best idea. After all, she had no means to help her in any way from Seattle and now she was just gonna worry. "You need to call Andrew right now and tell him. He needs to get in his car and get you. You're gonn-," Jo started planning, but Carly felt herself shake her head frantically.

"No! I'm surely not gonna call that stupid dickhead," she cursed.

"Carly, you _do not_ seem to understand what I'm saying. You _are to _call Andrew right now, or I swear..," Jo threatened her.

"I'm not gonna call him, okay?" Carly yelled into the phone, making an older couple that had just passed her turn around and look at her chidingly.

"Carly," Jo started again.

"No, don't," Carly tried to keep her emotions in. She was angry and lost and insecure and right now… scared.

"Carly, listen to me," Jo repeated. "It's not safe for you. You've never been to New York by yourself, it's after midnight, you're not supposed to be out, you can't really go anywhere because _nobody's _gonna let you in, you're underage for God's sake!" Jo listed.

"Don't worry about that, I've got my fake ID with me," she answered dismissively, making Jo sigh on the other end. "And… that's kind of why I'm calling… I thought you might be able to help me… I mean… you know people here, right? You know where I can go?" Carly heard naïve hope in her own voice.

"Oh, Carly, it's not that easy," she responded. There was silence in between them before she spoke up again. "Okay, tell you what, there's a pizza place right across the street from the post office," she started, making Carly look around. "Walk towards 9th avenue… it's on your left from where you probably are standing right now…that is if the busses still stop on 31st … do they?" she asked.

"Yeah," Carly replied weakly, feeling stupid for running away from home for the first time in her life and having to call her older sister to guide her through the destined city. _Well done, Carly, real mature._

"Ok. It should still be open. Use your fake ID only if they ask you, seriously don't mess around. But you going inside somewhere is more important right now. I will try to contact someone I know. I'll call you right after, don't put your phone away, you hear me?" Jo sounded a bit frantic.

"Please don't call Andrew," Carly whispered into the phone.

"Sweetie, you leave me no choice, I'm sorry," she heard her big sister tell her soothingly. "It's going to be okay, I promise," she sounded like she really meant it. "Whatever is going on with you two, he's not the s_tupid dickhead _you think he is right now… I'll talk to him, alright? Everything's going to be okay," Jo rambled on. "Okay?" Carly sniffled into the phone.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to do anymore," Carly felt her tears coming on and tried to keep them in desperately. "He was being such a jerk… I mean… he was all… he's such a jackass sometimes," she cried.

"I know, baby, I know. But he doesn't mean to be, I know that for sure. He's just trying to do everything right and make your life easy," she comforted her. "I know it's hard to live with him, I know that," she said. "He means well, though."

"You left because of him, don't act like you're such a fan of him," Carly was angry now.

"I did not leave because of Andrew, Carly. I left for school, you know that," her sister gave her back. "Are you at the pizza place yet?"

"Not yet. And you could have gone to GWU for pre-med and you could have done Johns Hopkins or UMBC. They all admitted you. You _chose _to leave us and it was because of Andrew, and I know it," she accused her sister.

"Do you really believe that?" Jo asked her, sounding… surprised. This made her halt and think. _Yeah, she did. She definitely did. Jo and Andrew just hadn't been able to live with each other anymore. Yes, she'd been much younger when Jo had left initially… but she remembered… they'd fought day and night. They'd fight and then make up and then fight again. They always had. They could never leave it alone. Both so stubborn, both always thinking they were right. Now she had thought she'd finally understood her sister for the first time in her life, and now that said one was trying to tell all that had just happened within her imagination? No! Jo had left because she and Andrew were through with each other._

"Yes, I do," Carly responded after thinking about it for a minute.

"Carly, that's not true," Jo told her with a sad voice. "You have to know that's not true. I love Andrew, you know that. He's just… we grew up to be very different people. It wasn't all easy, you know. He should have never taken on all that responsibility, that's all I ever criticized. It ruined _his_ life," she tried to explain. _Great._

"So, basically you're saying _we_ ruined his life? Me and Dan… and what? You too? What are you saying, Jo?" She heard her sister say dramatically.

"I didn't mean it like that, Carly, and you know it, don't act dumb. I'm just saying, we were so young. He was so young. He shouldn't have done it. I'm grateful and all, but he shouldn't have. But that's between me and Drew and _really_ _not the point _right now. Speaking of which… what did you guys fight about anyways?" Jo changed the topic. Carly looked through the windows of the shabby little pizza place, seeing the lights on and some customers still eating. She pushed the door open, catching some skeptic stares from the patrons.

"You, mostly," she sighed, throwing herself down into one of the chairs, keeping her head low.

"Me? Why?"

"He was… bitching about you… something you said on the phone to him recently? And I was defending you… and it turned into a full-on yelling match… he told me to shut up and that I knew nothing about it or you and that I don't even know who you really are and what you wanna do to dad and that I've always idolized you too much and to get my facts straight and that I'm too young to have an opinion myself anyways and blah… basically he just told me that I'm still that unaware, naïve, stupid little baby that he raised and now he acts like he has some kind of… privilege on me… I mean… it's so stupid, I can't even breathe. And I just… I exploded cause it wasn't the first time the past few weeks that we've been fighting… he actually tried to prohibit the college applications that I wanted to send in. Can you believe him? Can you believe it? He's… he's such an arrogant, power-hungry, unbelievable ass…," Carly ranted on, getting mad again.

"Whoa, Carly, these are serious blames… first… don't ever let him drag you into discussions about me, again, our problems are _our _problems and although it's not fair that he tries to influence you and Danny, I know he's been doing it for years. But again, that's because he just can't get into his head that he's not the only person in the world with a brain. And Carly, he's just worried about you. He wants the best for you, he wants you to achieve, he wants you to be safe, he doesn't wanna let go. Sweetie, he raised you. You're his baby. He's just scared. He doesn't wanna let you go. He's being sweet, is all. I know he can't show that, but you have to believe me. He just wants you to be happy. And he thinks I hate him, so he tries to prevent that with you… he probably tries to prevent you from _making the same mistakes _I made in his opinion. He loves you, Carly. He has no right to prevent you from anything but he just means well, you have to know that. Of course you can go to whichever college you like and you can have your own opinion on things… that's not even the question. What you can't do is just run away. He's going to be worried sick, he's going to completely freak. He's responsible for you, Carly. You're still underage, you're in his custody. I'm sorry, but at this very moment… you are doing him wrong," Jo stressed every last word of her speech. Carly let her head hang and sighed, some more tears slipping out of the corner of her eyes.

"Why can't you guys just make up? Why can't you come home?"

"Oh sweetheart, you know that's not an option. I live here now. I like Seattle, I like my job, I like my friends. I live here now. Seattle_ is_ home for me. I would have left, no matter how our relationship would have continued. That doesn't mean I love you any less, you know that, right? And Andrew and me… it's always going to be hard, okay? But that doesn't mean we hate each other. We don't. We're just both being very hot-headed. Always have been," Jo soothed her. "_That, _on the other hand, cannot affect _your_ relationship with him," she added. There was a stretch of silence, in which Carly tried to calm down.

"Will you call him for me?" Carly managed to chuck out very quietly, feeling like the only thing she really wanted was go home.

"I will right away," Jo responded. "Stay where you are, keep your phone in reach and pick up every call from me or Andrew or Danny, okay?"

"Okay," Carly whispered. "I'm sorry," she added sheepishly.

"It's okay, baby girl, everything's going to be okay," her older sister reassured her. "I love you , okay?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too," she heard Jo say before she had hung up, leaving Carly to herself, sitting in a shabby and smelly pizza place, surrounded by late-night visitors that all seemed to have a certain level of alcohol in their blood and on their breath, in the midst of Manhattan, helpless and cold. _Not the glorious feeling she had expected after finally running away from home, an action she had been planning for months now._

* * *

**[A day later]**

[Alex]

Alex watched as Jo pulled over at the back entrance of the hospital, picking him up after he had called her hesitantly a while ago. When the car came to a halt, he got in swiftly, earning a smile from the girl, buckling himself and leaning back.

"Thanks for getting me," he told her, looking at her focusing on the dark road ahead.

"No problem, what's wrong with your car?"

"Ugh, had to bring it in, something with transmission… it started fine but it wouldn't let me drive anywhere," Alex rubbed his face in irritation. "You busy tonight? You can just drop me off at my house, you know, I'm not meaning to force myself on you…," he told her, uncertainty reflecting in his tone of voice and face. He observed as Jo scrunched up her face and smiled, shaking her head.

"Not gonna happen," she told him fiercely, before halting at a red light, letting go of the steering wheel and turning her body over towards him, pulling him closer by his shirt. "I need to make up for last night," she explained, making him shake his head with a frown now. "I do," she argued with his facial expression, pulling him into a soft kiss. "Sorry for being so preoccupied and just leaving after… you know," she mumbled against him.

"Are you okay? What was happening? I was worried there for a second," Alex pointed out, pecking her lips again.

"Yeah, everything's fine," she just said, smiling at him and turning back to the steering wheel, driving on. There was a stretch of silence between them in which Alex pondered her mood and exclamations, watching her. Then he tentatively shaped his thoughts into words.

"You know, Jo," he started, cautiously, making her glance over at him quickly, questioningly. "Just because we're having lots of sex… and we're not… you know… in a relationship... or... anything like that," he continued, trying to sound very smooth and nonchalant, making her raise her eyebrows in curiosity now. "You _can _talk to me about stuff, you know," he pressed out awkwardly. Jo looked over at him with a smirk playing her face now. Alex immediately blushed, turning his eyes down, realizing that he had maybe just embarrassed himself big time, he couldn't tell. "I mean, you know, if you need anything or if something's going on that you wanna talk about," he added quickly. "It just sounded really bad last night and I just… I mean you don't have to, of course, I just… I thought I'd offer because you were acting all weird and then you left and I just…," he sighed, irritated with himself. "I just wanted you to know that I don't mind… you could have stayed, you know… if there's something bothering you, you can tell me… for whatever that's worth…," he trailed away, feeling nothing but stupid now, his eyes fixed on the dashboard. There was a pause in between them but Alex didn't dare looking up at her.

"Thanks, Alex," Jo spoke up quietly after some time and he dared looking over since the tone of her voice suggested to him that she was just as uncertain about what he had just put out there. They drove in silence until they were parked in front of Jo's apartment building, her killing the engine and then both of them just sitting in silence, awkwardly almost.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the mood or something…," Alex added in a whisper. He saw her shake her head in a small motion before sighing. She withdrew the key but when he unbuckled himself and moved to get out of the car, she caught his arm, stilling his movements. He gazed up at her, seeing her gulp noticeably and then steady herself and look at him. She was still holding on to his arm, not seeming to plan to let go. He watched her bite her lower lip before shaping some words.

"That's really sweet of you," she responded to him awkwardly. "And I really do appreciate that. It's just… I don't really like to talk about it… I mean _that_… I just… I'd rather not talk about it at all," she elaborated for him, looking for acceptance in his eyes. "With anyone that is," she added. Alex nodded, totally understanding where she was coming from.

"I didn't mean to force it on you, either, I just thought… you just looked like you might need some… venting… or something," he gave her back sheepishly.

"I know you're not a big talker… so I _really _do appreciate that, believe me. I know you'd never make me talk. And if I ever need to… I'm glad I know you'd listen," she continued, making him nod. "Even though I might need to give you an extra handjob while at it... keeping you from boredom," she winked. Alex looked over at her, seriously offended. _Was there anything at all he could do or say that would ever make her stop saying that? Did he really seem that shallow to her? _Alex's guts cramped, now he felt like crap. Jo adopted a face of slight panic to her features at his expression, reaching her hand over to grasp his.

"Seriously?"

"I'm just kidding, Alex," she chuckled insecurely. "I meant to focus on how boring those stories are. I didn't mean anything by it, I'm just being awkward," she shook her head at him. Alex nodded curtly. "And I hope you know the same goes for you, right?" Jo smiled. "I mean it... I _do know _you probably have worse problems than balancing all your ladies' needs," she continued and he could actually hear her pulse within the pitch of her voice. He chuckled, rubbing his eyes.

"Well, gee, thanks," he told her. When she didn't say anything, he looked over and saw her eyes had dropped to the steering wheel and she looked bummed somehow for probably having botched this. Alex sighed, before reaching over and turning her chin. "You'd tell, though, if something was going on, right? If you needed… help with anything… right? I don't want you to… just let everything pent up inside just because… I don't know… you think you can't talk about it. You can… you know, is all I'm saying," he stuttered. Jo smiled at him sweetly, the creases on her forehead telling about her uncertainty though.

"Thank you," she told him, leaning a bit closer, resting her hand on his chest. They sat for another while before she pulled him over and they kissed again, a bit deeper now, Alex catching Jo's upper arms and holding her tightly. "Sometimes distraction is the best part of a problem, though," she winked at him when they parted, making him roll his eyes at her and eventually getting out of the car. They walked upstairs, Alex following her every step, watching her unlock the door and let him in. _This was… weird. Alex couldn't really wrap his head around the thing they were avoiding… or not? Alex couldn't really grasp what it was they were to each other now… Of course, their sex affair still had highest priority… but he found himself liking Jo more and more… as in… she was growing to be a friend to him… a really good friend that he'd actually talk to… it was so easy… even offering her his listening services… it had been so easy. But then… he didn't know what she was thinking about all that… and… thinking about the next… thing… he didn't know how to tell her that… or if he should tell her… about going to Baltimore soon… his flight having been booked now and everything… he didn't know if and how to tell her… and what significance that piece of information would have with their… affair. Would it be… hey, you know, I'll be gone six weeks, go find yourself another guy to sleep with… or would it be more like… I'm sorry but we won't be able… to see each other for a while? Or… oh, ok, right, maybe… maybe they weren't even planning on continuing this after… right? It was six weeks after all… maybe they were just gonna end this… whatever this was… and both of them would reorientate… well, in any way, he should probably tell her… soon. After all, they were seeing each other almost daily by now… it was only fair to prepare her, right? _"Alex?"

Alex startled, not having heard her before, and quickly tried to regain consciousness, putting down his bag that carried the most important case files for next week's surgeries and turned over towards her, smiling. "What was that?"

"I was sayi-," Jo got interrupted with someone knocking at the door, frowning. "Hang on a second," she walked out of the bedroom while Alex sank back on the bed, rubbing his eyes. He had had a really exhausting day and it was probably going to be very hard not to fall asleep too soon. He could only make out quiet, undefined chatter before hearing Jo say his name and frowning, getting up and opening the bedroom door, seeing who she was talking to if she readily disclosed that _he_ was with her. He leaned against the doorframe, seeing Jo's neighbor, that Sam guy, appearing at the door. He raised his eyebrows at him and forced out a smile.

"Hey man," he greeted him, looking him over, catching sight of what seemed to be a toolbox in his hand and looking at Jo a bit sheepishly. Sam just gave him a small wave of his hand back. Jo ended the conversation quickly with her usual cheerful voice when talking to half-strangers, making Alex trudge back to the bed and sinking down at the edge first, lying back down right after.

"That was weird," Jo entered the bedroom slowly, looking somewhere on the floor, thinking it seemed.

"What did he want?" Alex inquired from his lying position. Jo walked around the bedroom, tucking away her stuff.

"No, that was sweet actually. Well, _and _weird. Remember that day I came over to your place… I told you I was with Sam, right?" Alex just grunted. "So, that was the day my heater broke and I told him… which was… what? A week ago? Can't remember… anyways, he came over equipped with everything he'd had needed to fix it… offering his services… and he seemed like… he actually expected me to let him in, you know, I mean it's really sweet but I didn't even ask him… and now that I've told him that you've already looked at it and it's fine now and I sent him away… he was all disappointed… I mean it's sweet, but he could've asked, you know? If I still needed fixing? He just kinda stepped in and asked me 'where's that son of a bitch of a heater'," Jo imitated her neighbor crudely.

"Okay, so, he'll get over it," Alex rubbed his closed eyes, sighing. "Nice of him to think of you, though," he added with a shrug.

"Yeah, but you know that wasn't the weirdest thing… he was all hustle and bustle let's get to work cheerful about it and then he reacted deeply grieved when I declined his offer but he was still… you know… companionable… and then when I told him about you, he had this look on his face… I mean it really only was a second or less but he looked so…," Jo thought about it hard, fidgeting with her left ear to get her earring out, walking over towards Alex slowly, who had propped up on his elbows to follow her speech. "He looked angry almost… I don't know he kinda… wrinkled his nose and he… his eyes went all dark…," she stood in between Alex's legs, making him sit up and clasp her thighs, kissing her abdomen, burying his nose in the crevice of her belly button, inhaling Jo's scent. "But then the weirdest thing happened, when you came out and greeted him… did you see how he balled his fist? I mean, come on," Jo gave him big eyes, working on her right earring now, Alex looking up from having removed her shirt a little bit and kissing her naked skin near her bellybutton, sucking lightly on it.

"Well, he's into you," Alex just told her dismissively. Jo rolled her eyes but looked a bit irritated with that earring that wouldn't come out. Alex reached up and pulled her down, so she'd straddle him on the edge of the bed.

"Firstly, he's not. Secondly, it's none of his business who I'm bringing with me…," Jo told him, looking relieved when she finally got her earring out and raised her hair from her neck, motioning for him to remove her necklace.

"Still, he's probably into you, reckoning he has a chance with you, welcoming you in his home, offering his services to you… small talking… lingering… that kind of stuff… and now he's mad because he can't know that we're _just_ having sex and he could still try his chances with you. He probably thinks I'm your… _boyfriend_ or something," Alex told her matter-of-factly, unclasping the necklace and putting it into her palms.

"You really think that's enough to build emotions of anger and disgust towards you?"

"Well, you can never know what kind of scenarios he's already imagined for your future together… breaking down that wall to conjoin these two apartments, making it family friendly," Alex joked, pointing at the wall behind him, amused it seemed, "thinking about labor division… you doing the cooking and child-rearing, him bringing home the money and doing the handiwork around the house," he looked at her hysterical face. Jo had widened her lips and pulled them down in… mock fear of that future scenario, her eyes wide and her forehead wrinkled. Alex chuckled. "Not what you had in mind?" he asked her teasingly. Jo mouthed the word _NO _slowly, shaking her head left and right repeatedly.

"Seriously, you're giving me creeps with your horror stories," she hissed, making him laugh. "I don't like running down people… but I just wanna say… I wanna have as little contact with him as possible… he's nice and all, but he's super creepy, popping up behind trees and trash cans when I get out of my car, trying to follow me into my apartment, inviting me over _all the freaking time, _asking for my number…," Jo listed. "And his apartment… it's just gross. It looked like crap in there, it smelled really bad, and the smell of cigarettes wasn't the worst among them, seriously, dirty dishes and laundry everywhere. Moving boxes, pieces of week-old pizza, coffee-stained sheets on the couch, you get the picture," she added.

"Oh, now Princess Josephine is talking…," Alex teased her. Jo looked down at him harshly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well… some people just can't afford to pay a maid and a housekeeper and what… a butler, maybe?" he mocked her. "The way you describe that guy's apartment… it sounds like the house I grew up in back in Iowa…," Alex put her straight. Jo looked offended, making him lose his smile slowly, eyeing her cautiously.

"I didn't grow up in the very best circumstances, either," Jo told him slowly, her eyes reflecting disbelief. "I wasn't trying to be judgmental whereas you seem to have a very clear picture about me… knowing nothing about it at the same time," she sounded mad.

"Hey, don't get mad at me, you just sounded like you're judging him for…," Alex started.

"First, I didn't judge him, I told you my observations since I thought you were interested. Sorry, won't happen again," she cleared up, Alex rolling his eyes. "Secondly, I'm not judging his character… since really, I have no idea who he is. If you want to hear me say something about his character, I'm gonna tell you: he sure is a nice and reliable person, but I myself find him pretty boring. But you know, that's just me. I just told you what I saw in his apartment and then told you what I think about that and _no_, I like _clean_ sheets and dishes and living space that does _not_ smell like it's soon gonna be invaded by… creatures that are born from moldy pizza or dirty dishes. Sorry, won't happen again," Jo told him, dismissively.

"Jo, you need to take a breath, I was just teasing. I find it gross myself. I was thinking for a moment that you were judging him for no good reason but you're right, you just told me what you saw and that you don't wanna live with him. Fine with me. As long as you guys keep your apartments separated, I can come over for late night visits without his permission," he winked at her. Jo smiled grudgingly, slapping his shoulder playfully. Alex chuckled. "But, in all seriousness now, does that guy bother you?" Jo sighed.

"No," she shook her head. "He's a dreamer. I don't even know if he has a job. He's nice, it's just… sometimes he gets me in those awkward situations of having to get rid of him… that's all," she explained.

"Alright. Tell me if it gets out of hand, though," Alex told her earnestly. Jo smirked.

"Is Prince Charming gonna come galloping in and rescue Princess Josephine?" she sassed him. Alex smiled and wriggled his eyebrows, nodding heavily, pulling her closer with his arms that he had embraced around her hips. The mood was saved and they both smiled widely when they closed the space between them and kissed, Alex smoothing his hands up her back while she closed them around his neck. They deepened the kiss instantly, Alex falling back on the bed, taking her with him, feeling her upper body push against his while her sweet lips kept seducing him.

"Especially if he's being rewarded like this," he murmured against her lips, making her giggle in his mouth, trailing her hands down his chest and towards the hem of his shirt, touching his hot skin and rubbing her hands up his waist, pushing them underneath his shoulder blades, moving each other closer together. Alex heard and felt Jo's groan in his mouth before he heard her phone ringing and felt her breaking the kiss in irritation. She sighed heavily, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against his.

"I guess _this_ is not supposed to happen anymore," she pointed out. Alex kissed her forehead, stroking her hair.

"Just go get it real quick, you sound like you already know who it is," he murmured into her hair, Jo resting her head on his chest.

"It'll never end," she whined, making him chuckle.

"Well, then ignore it," he suggested.

"It'll never stop," she argued again. "The ringing I mean…it'll never stop." Alex held her close before sitting up with her in his embrace, Jo still straddling him, and kissing her surprised face.

"Just get it over with," he told her sternly. "I'll just entertain myself for a while…," he trailed off, looking at her teasingly.

"Don't you dare," she pointed her index at his chest, narrowing her eyes at him. "I wanna have you warm and toasty once I'm done with this," she said, pecking his lips roughly before climbing from his lap and hurrying to get her phone.

"Hey, remind me I need to tell you something when you're done," Alex called after her, making her look surprised and curious but nod. He let himself fall back again. _Would he ever find the time and the timing to tell her about Hopkins?_

* * *

[Jo]

"Drew, hey," she answered the phone on what had to be one of the last rings, walking out into the dark living-kitchen area, leaving the door to the bedroom ajar.

"Hey," he greeted her barely.

"Has she talked to you yet?" Jo asked him straightaway, having anticipated his call but not this soon.

"Barely," Drew sighed, exhausted it seemed.

"She'll come around. She'd have never let me call you if she hadn't already come around halfway," Jo pointed out for him, positively tuned.

"She shouldn't have had a say in this at all," Drew spat into the phone, making Jo close her eyes in irritation.

"I would have called you no matter what she'd have said, you know that. But it sure was more helpful that she actually_ listened to me_ whereas she _ran from your home_," Jo stressed every last word.

"Whatever," Drew sounded sulky.

"Drew, you need to stop _handling _her. She's seventeen. She can make her own decisions. I know she's still underage but she can too decide on her life. Just let her do what she thinks is best," she tried to soothe him.

"Like go to New York City in the middle of the night and send in college applications for pre-med? Yeah, of course you think I should let her do that," Drew sounded mad now. Jo scrunched up her face at the last part and stopped her pacing for a second.

"I didn't know she was going for pre-med, Drew," she just said. There was a short pause.

"Well, now you know," he concluded.

"I know you don't want her to and I'm kinda… shaky on the part where I actually believe that Carly wants to go into medicine…," Jo theorized slowly. "But you can't shut everything down that has a slight chance of resembling my life, Drew," she added. He just grunted. "Look, I know not everything's perfect between us but you should definitely be careful about your relationship with Carly. If you won't let her loose at least a little… she is going to resent you. And you don't want that, trust me," Jo said.

"Like you do? Resent me like you do?"

"I don't resent you, Drew. I don't share the same opinions and attitude with you but I don't resent you. I know you actually think I hate you but I don't. I just don't wanna live with you anymore. You suffocated me with caring so much. I'm sorry, Drew, I know you just tried to do and be your best. But I couldn't do it anymore. But that doesn't by any means imply that I hate you. I love you, Drew, whenever you're gonna get _that_ back into your brains," she ended her monologue.

"M-hm," he just responded. "Anyways, Carly wants us to make up and preferably you coming home and on top of that she wants to understand why we're so different-minded about how to deal with dad and she wants us all to visit him together. Oh, and she wants to go visit mom, too. Do story time and stuff," he listed, Jo having furrowed her forehead deeply. She walked over towards the bedroom door, peeking into it and smiling at Alex who was reading something looking like case files, spread on the bed, and closing the door between them.

"She's imploding," Jo told him. "She's overwhelmed," she repeated.

"That's what Sally said," Drew agreed. "But you know… on the one hand you tell me to treat her as an adult and then the next minute she says stuff like that. She's a child, Jo," he ranted.

"Yeah, she does fall back into patterns of her childhood. But that's just because she's overwhelmed. And she's having a hard time, she's just going through puberty and adolescence and everything's just hard. Give her some slack. You remember our childhood, right?" Jo smiled slightly. Drew chuckled.

"Yeah but those were completely different circumstances," he argued.

"How?"

"Well… for me at least. You… well, let's just say we still had each other," he hummed and hawed.

"You still have me, Drew," Jo whispered.

"I'm not so sure about that," he disagreed.

"Just because I'm on the other side of the country and we don't share one opinion doesn't mean I don't have your back. I'll always have your back. Especially with Carly," she repeated for him again.

"Yeah, yeah," he just waved her away. There was another bout of silence before Jo changed the topic a tiny bit.

"So, tell me how Dan's really doing," she demanded from Andrew.

"He's doing okay. He is. He'll always be fighting against the system, I guess, but he's hanging in there," he replied dutifully. Jo sighed, holding her forehead.

"I wish there weren't as many hurdles out there for him," Jo groaned. "Does he at least have someone to talk to? About… everything, you know? He's gulping it all down, he'll chew on everything for years to come," she thought about it, her heart bursting with the worries swamping her mind. She could hear Alex switching on the TV, sighing.

"He has me. And Carly…," Drew said defensively.

"Other than you guys? He needs space. He needs someone to talk to other than you guys… someone who's not involved in all this… you know… like a… girlfriend? Does he have a girlfriend?"

"He does… but I'm not sure he should be talking to her…," Drew told her.

"Oh, nonsense, what are you scared of now? Family secrets released? Mistakes coming out? God, stop fretting so much, it drives me crazy," Jo ranted.

"Easy to say, two and a half thousand miles away," Drew barked back. "Whatever though," he added, sounding sick of that subject.

"Do _you_ have anyone to talk to? Besides… Sally, I guess," Jo asked him tentatively.

"Sally's enough support for me," Drew gave her back.

"Question is if she's strong enough to handle it all by herself," Jo pointed out.

"Don't insult my wife," Drew raged.

"I'm not insulting your wife, Andrew, Jesus, just calm down. I'm just saying… it's a lot to ask from one person. That's all I'm saying," she clarified. There was another spell of silence, Jo getting tired of the conversation. She was just about to suggest calling it a night, when she heard Drew clear his throat.

"So… do you… you know," he started halfheartedly.

"What?"

"Have… anyone to talk to…? You know… do you have a… boyfriend?" Jo smiled at Drew's stuttering.

"I'm fine, Drew, I have enough people to talk to if I wanted to," she felt herself wink even though he couldn't see her. Her thoughts trailed back to the guy waiting for her in her bedroom, melting her even though she tried so hard to not let him. "Speaking of which…," Jo told Andrew, biting her lips with a small smile playing them. "Can we… cut this short… I kinda just came home from work and I'd appreciate some time to relax…," she blushed slightly.

"Yeah, yeah," Andrew told her, knowing exactly what she was talking about. All through their years together, and even after, they had always known about the other's love life, even though they never talked much about it. They were very alike, always had been, that was also the reason why Jo couldn't comprehend their gaping attitudes at times. Anyways, she knew without saying that Andrew knew about Alex… he would never ask more since he knew that Jo had never really had all too serious relationships…more times than not people she didn't even plan to ever bring home. But he knew. Jo smiled at his understanding.

"Thanks, Drew," she told him appreciatively. "Call me," she urged him again.

"Yeah, bye," he just told her, unaffectedly.

"I love you, Drew," Jo hindered him from just putting down the phone.

"Yeah, you too," he answered unwillingly, she could hear it in his voice, but it was fine. Jo pushed the end button on her touch screen while walking towards the bedroom and opened the door, raising her eyes at Alex, her head tilting to the side immediately. Alex had fallen asleep on her bed while watching TV. Jo looked at the alarm clock on her nightstand. Forty minutes had passed with her talking on the phone. She walked over, smiling at the lightly snoring guy in her bed, not being able to help herself, he was being so cute. _That didn't mean anything now, right? She herself had fallen asleep just the other week at his place and demanded to stay over… she couldn't judge him now, either. _Jo softly placed her knee on the edge of the bed, bending over Alex, kissing his lips gently. When he wouldn't stir one bit, Jo smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Good night, baby," Jo murmured against his temple and got up again, switching the TV to a program she liked and turning the volume down, going into the bathroom herself, doing her routine. When she walked out, having put on sleeping clothes, she spotted those case files Alex had been studying before and smiled widely. _Oh, those benefits._ She shook her head and sighed happily, walking towards them. Before she reached for them, though, she felt her conscience tweak lightly. She pondered, looking back at Alex's sleeping face, not knowing if he was the person to get mad when realizing she'd been poking her nose in his stuff.

_Hmm, would she dare?_


	13. Means something

[Jo]

_Um, yes. She could deal with grumpy Alex later. _

Jo walked over towards the stack of papers Alex had left out on the ottoman, taking only her index finger and lifting up the front piece of the carton folder holding bunches of sheets, discovering case files, records of medical histories, copied x-rays, physician's letters and the likes. Jo looked at the downscaled MRI of a four year old. _What? No… impossible. _She sank down on her knees, sitting back on her heels and pulled the files closer, studying them. _What's wrong with that kid? _Jo read every word she could absorb twice, three times even, and soon she found herself getting her netbook, looking stuff up on medical databases, looking for similar studies, looking for case histories and explanations. Hours later, she looked up when she had finally found something that made sense. It all made sense. All of the girl's symptoms and everything on her MRI… it all made sense. Jo sighed deeply, closing her eyes and smiling, for feeling like she had just succeeded. _She really needed to get on Alex's service next day. She didn't wanna miss out on a huge teaching moment._ She raised herself from the floor with a small groan, having sat on her joints for too long, and cleared up the floor, having spread out all sheets on the carpet in meaningful stacks, putting them back on the ottoman neatly and closing her netbook. She got some water, sipping on it, before putting it on the nightstand and climbing across Alex who was peacefully sleeping on his belly now, face burrowed in the pillow.

She smiled at him, crawled underneath the blanket, and slowly but surely tucked the rest of it out of underneath Alex's body, covering him with it as well. She looked at him for a second before deciding to take his jeans off, preferably unnoticed by him, since it sure didn't look all too comfortable. When she tried rolling him, he protested but wouldn't wake, so she tugged and pulled and cursed quietly until she had it all. She crawled back over to the cushions and leaned back against them on the head rest, watching the on goings of the TV show, relaxing. Not having woken Alex but having stirred his deep sleep a bit, he rustled lightly, stretching his arm out as a reflex, meeting her torso, making her smile. She watched as he unconsciously made his way over and snuggled up against her, using her belly as a pillow. The weight of his head felt so good on her, and the heat and relaxation of his body made her drowsy as well. _You're not supposed to enjoy this, come on, you're sinking to dangerous lows here… you're supposed to sleep with him. Now. Come on. Wake him up. Jump him. _Jo observed his sleeping state with pained eyes. _I don't wanna wake him. He wouldn't have fallen asleep after forty minutes if he hadn't been real tired. I don't wanna wake him. He's comfortable. I am. Why wake him? Right…? We can have sex in the morning… certainly even… they were _going_ to have sex in the morning… she was craving him once again… as usual these days… but he could just sleep it off right now… right? Was that bad? _Jo sighed, two fronts fighting within her. She stroked her hand across his back, trying to act as a referee to her inner conflict. _As long as you don't… you know… you should be fine. You're fine. Don't fret. He was right, a couple of hours ago… just because we're having amazing sex and we're getting along well, doesn't mean this is going beyond the sex affair we're actually having. One has to sleep if he's always having sex at times he's supposed to sleep. One has to eat to get to their full strength. One has to talk to know what the other one likes… we're not doing anything else… other than have sex, eat, sleep and talk. Right. We're good. _

Jo had stared a hole into space by that time, having anchored her knuckles in his hair. She took another cleansing breath before switching off the TV and wrestled with the cushions to lie down also, trying to shift to a comfortable position, still embracing him. She closed her eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. Her thoughts kept wandering over towards Baltimore, thinking about Carly, thinking about what Drew had said… thinking about past discussions… thinking about Danny fighting with his entire being… thinking about her dad and how long she hadn't seen him, how long she hadn't visited. Thinking about missing him and if she still did. She did, of course. She missed her dad. She missed the dad she'd once had. She didn't miss the present version of him, though. That, though, she could not say out loud since she did want to carry on a halfway reasonable relationship with the rest of her family… and friends… and acquaintances. _Who all had very important opinions on that exactly and there was no way her opinion would ever be tolerated. _Jo kept fondling with Alex's hair, his steady breath and quiet sleeping sounds calming her wild thoughts a bit. Her musings trailed over towards the man in her arms again. _What'd he want to talk about today? He did, right? He said something… about needing to tell her something… what was it? He surely wasn't gonna break up, right? And what she was trying to say with that was… break this _off_… not break up. No, he wouldn't have fallen asleep here… maybe he just… whatever, he sure was going to tell her soon enough. _As if he had heard her thoughts, Alex started tossing a bit, and she let go of him. She watched him adjust his body to the bed and herself, embracing her now, so Jo was lying comfortably on his upper arm. Jo sighed and smiled, closing her eyes, drifting off only minutes afterwards.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex drifted to a state between sleep and consciousness, feeling exceptionally comfortable, well-rested and his body was close to humming with relaxation. He tossed around a bit, finding himself in an intimate embrace with someone. He forced his mind to wake up, even though that wasn't easy at all, and in the process of that, he realized where he was. That scent. By now, he'd know it anywhere. He could actually feel his lips tug up slightly before letting go of a wide yawn and squinting his eyes at the darkness. Jo was lying nestled up within his arms, her face turned towards his chest, her breath steady on his shirt, moistening it unnoticeably. Her left arm was draped around his waist while she had pulled her right hand up to rest it underneath her ear. Alex's leg was draped across hers, and she didn't seem to mind at all. When he turned his torso around carefully, trying not to wake her, he saw the luminous red numbers on the alarm clock, telling him it was close to four in the morning. He looked down at his lover again, and then down his own body, narrowing his eyes. _Had he fallen asleep? _Alex tried to trace back the evening - her getting him from the hospital, them coming over here, talking, neighbor coming over, kissing a little, her talking on the phone, him reading through tomorrow's case files, watching TV, _crap_. He _had_ fallen asleep. _Oh, crap. _They hadn't even made out a little. They hadn't even… _ugh, crap._ Basically, he'd just forced himself on her after already asking her to get him after work and he didn't even pay up… that was… _well, yeah, giving something back to her, whatever. _Alex felt stupid. Slowly and gently he tried removing his arms from around her, wriggling his torso from underneath her, before sitting up and searching for his jeans that she'd probably taken off since he couldn't remember doing so. He sighed. He decided to take a cab home and then make it up to her another night. He was in the middle of sneaking out of bed, when he felt her fingers clasp onto the back of his shirt, and heard her rustling and clearing her throat with just having woken. He looked back towards her sheepishly.

"What's going on?" Jo blinked a couple of times, not managing to keep her eyes open, her voice raspy and quiet.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered back, trying to unclasp her fingers from his shirt. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay," he told her soothingly.

"No," he made out her voice, still a whisper, having scrunched up her face now but still not opening her eyes. "Get back here, you're taking the warmth out of bed," she mumbled and he wasn't entirely sure if she was awake or not.

"Jo-," he started again, feeling so silly.

"You don't even have a car, come on now," she tugged at his shirt a little harder, even though he could feel her muscles weren't working quite yet. "I'll sleep with you in the morning," she added, correctly assuming this was what it was about, making him snort loudly. Jo smiled, having heard him. When he didn't respond, she eventually opened her eyes a tiny slit. "Come on," she urged him again. "Or do you have somewhere else to be? A house call maybe? And I'm not talking _on the job_…," she trailed away, very evidently half asleep. Alex smiled at her, thinking about it. _Well, she did sound determined, right? _

"Nah, I just… don't wanna force myself on you… I do have my own bed, you know," he pointed out.

"Which is far away, cold and doesn't come with this hot piece of me in it," she lazily pointed both her indexes up and down her body, having closed her eyes again. Alex chuckled. "Come on, now," she told him one last time. "And take that shirt off, it's irritating me," she added, sounding cross. Alex raised his eyebrows at her before taking it off dutifully and crawling back in slowly, nearing her. He was very awake, while she really wasn't, and her talking and being all sleepy but still that sassy character he liked on her, still being hot as hell, his guts already knotted and a lump was growing in his throat. If he could have chosen, he would have had her right then and there. He reached out for her waist, pulling her closer towards him, embracing her again, holding her tightly, Jo nestling into him instantly, kissing his chest. Alex kept stroking her waist unconsciously, staring ahead at the wall, trying to calm down from his overwhelming thoughts about the girl in his arms and what he imagined doing with her. When his hands wandered down and cupped her ass, smoothing his fingers across it, Jo – who he had thought had drifted off again already – pushed herself up with her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him.

"Now's good too, you know," she mumbled against his lips. Alex needed a second of surprise but kissed her back just as intensely, feeling his arousal inside him, groaning against her. Jo immediately took action, all of a sudden wide awake, rolling Alex over to lie on his back and wrestling herself up to straddle him, all the while kissing him like she really meant it. They kissed and fumbled for quite a while, desire taking them to places they both… _well, after almost three months of sleeping with each other… places they knew already… _but would never get tired of. Alex pulled down her tank top, feeling up her boobs, enjoying the sensation of her nipples hardening underneath his touch and feeling her pull up her shoulders a teeny tiny bit, one of her motions he had memorized by now, it meant she was trying to keep her arousal in because it was quickly growing out of hand. He smoothed his big hands down her waist, cupping her hips and then butt, squeezing it somewhat before gliding them down her smooth thighs. He felt his erection coming on strong, felt the pulsating blood down there, felt her ass grind against it, teasing him intentionally. He pulled her down even more, wrapping her up in a tight embrace, kissing her heatedly, before taking some momentum and rolling her over, so he was lying on top of her, between her legs. Jo moaned loudly into his mouth, eliciting a wide smirk from him.

"Uhhhhhmmmmmm," she let out pleasurably, letting her head fall back and felt the smallest muscles on her face twitch while enjoying him slowly but firmly pushing his tent against her panty covered privates. Alex watched her appreciatively, relishing in the sight of this beautiful, hot girl, writhing underneath him at the touch of him, enjoying every last sigh and moan, and finally stole a glance down her boobs that were wiggling the tiniest bit with his humping and circling motions, pulling the top way down towards her waist, bending down and showering her with kisses and suckles. He had just encircled her belly button with his tongue, meaning to go further down, when he heard her speak up quietly, the pleasurable agitation apparent in her voice. "What's your big news?" she asked, her eyes still closed and her breathing shallow. Alex narrowed his eyes, kissing up a trail between her breasts, changing his mind when passing them and swooping down to suck on Jo's nipples again, making her gasp, holding his head towards her chest firmly. When Alex got completely distracted with the task at hand, she tugged at his head slightly. "What did you wanna tell me?" Alex finished up his session and kissed further up her cleavage, resting his lips at her neck, suckling at it lightly, nipping it between his lips.

"Not that interesting," he murmured against her, swooping down and sucking on the spot harder, making her moan audibly, running her hands down his back, using her fingernails, arching her neck a bit more to give him access.

"Did they raise your pay level?" she asked him quietly, making him laugh against her neck. He felt her smile too, the muscles on her neck changing slightly from a moment earlier, before going back to sucking her, never getting enough of her reactions to him spoiling her. Jo's hands were roaming his backside now, pushing him against her even harder, feeling her tuck in her tummy underneath him in pleasure. "I can see it right before my eyes," she trailed on, completely lost in thought and a bit lost in time and space with him working on her, her voice airy with unsteady breath, and weak. "Hotel rooms instead of neighbors and housemates, whirlpools, room service, mini bars… ugh… fancy people sex, that's it… tell me they gave you a raise…," she added dreamily. Alex chuckled against her skin again, actually taking a break from her neck and pushing himself up on his elbows to look at her. She gradually opened her eyes, not really wanting him to stop what they were doing. "No?" she asked him innocently with a cute smile on her face when he looked at her with a smirk.

"No," he told her quietly but determinedly, shaking his head, before kissing her lips, both of them chuckling softly against each other. Alex hesitated shortly, not knowing if she wanted to talk or actually sleep with him, however, Jo already tickled his upper lip with her tongue, begging for entrance while her hands had snuck inside his boxers, one cupping his ass while the other got a hold of his hard on. Alex meant to sigh but it came out a bit rough, mingling his breath with a groan.

"Mmmhh," Jo moaned with him as she ran her thumb across his tip that was already trickling the tiniest bit with the slow burn and her spoiling him with her touch. She grasped his balls next, Alex gasping sharply, always anticipating his girls to handle them too brutally until remembering who he was in bed with momentarily, her knowing exactly what she was doing. Alex broke the kiss, having to clench his teeth together, resting his forehead against hers. He knew Jo had opened her eyes and was watching him squirm on top of her. She gently let go of his balls before going a bit further even and rubbed the bridge between his balls and his backdoor, making his mind reel, heavily panting now.

"Jo," he pleaded with her, almost too weak to hold himself up. Jo just smiled and very slowly neared his hole, circling it easily, not applying pressure, just teasing him, while her other hand went back towards his penis, starting to rub him gently. "Uhh," he tried to catch himself, buckling almost.

"Tell me your news," Alex heard her ask him again, chuckling slightly seeing it was impossible to him to respond at the moment. Alex opened his eyes for a second, looking back at her. She looked so turned on by how she affected him and it drove him wild in return. He closed his eyes again, rumbling down onto her lips, taking her by surprise, kissing her so deeply, she actually yelped inside his mouth, shading it with a moan when Alex pushed his erection a tiny bit more forcefully inside her hand and back, feeling how he was spinning out of control gradually. Jo increased pressure on him and pumped him a bit faster, her breathing hiccupping in his mouth with the anticipation of pleasuring him. Alex groaned when his orgasm came on strong, rippling through him, letting his head fall onto her shoulder for one second and then realized he was going to ejaculate on her if he wasn't planning to move a tad quicker than momentarily. He moved a bit, making Jo who was still pumping him steadily but with less pressure now scrunch up her face and shake her head at him questioningly.

"I'm gonna," Alex said a bit frantic, confused when Jo laughed.

"Please do," she gave him back mockingly, pulling him down into a kiss when he just looked torn. He groaned and felt how he spilled himself while she was still touching him, rubbing his own sperm up and down his penis, and then looking down on her sheepishly, seeing he had gotten it over her panties and waist. Alex felt how she was cupping his chin and guided his head up to look at her, questioning his weird behavior.

"Sorry," he mumbled, not knowing what to do with himself.

"Why are you being so weird? We've done this hundreds of times," she told him, sounding confused.

"Well, I haven't ever… I mean…," he gestured at her belly. "Sorry… I haven't ever done it on you… I should have worn a condom," he rambled on. Jo kept shaking her head and smiled in confusion.

"Stop fretting, I have a washer," she told him with a wink, pulling him down strongly, ending up in a kiss, Alex collapsing on top of her, where Jo embraced him tightly, wrapping both her arms and legs around him, her tongue pushing into him aggressively. Alex reciprocated readily, rolling them around again, for him to lie on his back and her straddling him again. "Tell me about your news now?" she smiled down at him, flirtingly. Alex chuckled.

"It's not that exciting, really, especially for you. I just thought I'd let you know," he pointed out to her.

"Well, now you've got me hooked, what is it?" she smiled down at him, pushing her hair behind her ears.

"They finally arranged that… workshop... that... um... class... you know, at Johns Hopkins… the one I was telling you about… getting UCLA doctors, Hopkins and me together with the Malawi people, extending the program?" he watched her face closely.

"Oh yeah?" she asked him, her face steady, her wrinkles around her eyes telling of surprise.

"It's pretty short-notice," he disclosed, "My flight's already booked for Friday," he told. Jo nodded, her face not giving him many clues.

"Well, sounds awesome, you've been waiting a while now, right?" she asked him in what he couldn't really define as genuine interest or… fake interest.

"Yeah, it's great," he gave her back, smiling. She mirrored his face, bending down a bit lower, rubbing her nose against his.

"Let's make the most of this week, then, huh?" she suggested, making him wriggle his eyebrows and chuckle too. _That had gone well, smoother than he had thought. _They kissed passionately, his hands having flown to her boobs like magnets once again, massaging them. "You know, that's pretty awesome, indeed," Jo broke the kiss shortly, informing him. "There's this neuro seminar coming up next week and I really wanna kick ass and I really don't need you distracting me and making me all tired all day every day," she smiled, kissing him again.

"Good for you," he mumbled back. "In the course of six weeks you'll need to go take a few more seminars though to either bridge the sexless gap or you know… instead of seminars just go hit Joe's and find a new guy putting up with you," he told her teasingly. Jo's lips smacked from his, her eyes deeply alarmed.

"Say _what_? Six _weeks_? That's how long you'll be gone for?" she looked something beyond shocked. Alex reflected her face, startled with her sudden response, not having realized she hadn't caught on that this was going to be a bit longer than an afternoon meeting or a conference. His throat tightened. _Where was this going? I mean she could sleep with anyone really… right…?_ "I mean, of course," her face changed completely within the next heartbeat to smiling awkwardly and covering up her… _slip up? Had that been a slip up? _However, he could spot her small blush very well. "I just didn't know that Seattle Grace could spare you for that long… that's all," she wound her way out. They looked at each other, nobody really knowing what to say, or how to go on from this. They didn't have to, though, since suddenly someone nearly knocked the door in, very rudely, very loudly, both of them startling and turning towards it, alarmed. Jo pulled up her shirt immediately, covering her breasts, while Alex covered his goods and sat up, holding her hips.

"I'll go look," he told her quietly, "you stay," he ordered. They nixed that idea once the people outside the apartment gave up their identity.

"_Police_," they yelled, making Alex look back at Jo completely puzzled, however, Jo had the very same look on her face. _"Open the door."_ Alex fumbled for his shirt on the floor and watched as Jo rushed into the bathroom.

"Just for my information," Alex called after her, hearing her switch on the faucet quickly but stretching her head back out and waiting for his question. "You're not a criminal or something… if I'm covering for you, this will all go away, right?" he winked at her when she rolled her eyes and then moved back into the bathroom to probably get dressed a bit more properly, he couldn't see since he had already made his way over to the door.

* * *

[Police]

They were just about to knock again when they heard some commotion inside and then soft words. "Sir, please open up the door," he called again, having heard a man's voice clearly enough. It was only two seconds later when a 30 something athletic guy opened the door, wearing boxers and a shirt, seemingly just haven gotten up. "Good evening, sir," he greeted him, identifying himself, the guy nodding back politely.

"How can I help you?"

"Do you live here?" The guy was shaking his head, and he just meant to interview him further when another shape emerged from the dark adjacent room, walking up behind the guy, standing to his right, almost a bit behind him, and entwining their fingers as if looking for safety.

"I do, how can I help you, officers?" the woman in her late twenties replied, her features soft, the only thing angering her face were the narrowed slits, trying to shield her eyes from the light.

"Please excuse the late bother," the cop continued, for that's what he thought this was since this couple did not look like they were the cause for the late night call they had gotten a while ago. He looked the woman over, she was wearing a black shiny robe that only covered her mid-thigh. Her hair was all messy. They both looked like they had been asleep. Even though… the cop nicked his head to the left, she had a pretty significant bruise on her neck. Maybe there was some violence here. "You okay there, Miss?" he pointed at the bruise, looking the guy back over, observing his arm muscles and stern facial expression, and prominent jaw bone. The woman screwed up her face, thinking it seemed, trailing her fingers up her neck, not realizing what was going on. When she did, she snorted, looking over at the guy who had put an arm around her, pulling her closer towards himself. They both looked back at him, the woman amused while the guy seemed irritated. Their reactions did look genuine. Had he really just mistaken a _huge _hickey for domestic violence? _Hmmm… it definitely _was_ getting late._

"Yes, officer, I'm quite alright," the woman smiled brightly and winked. "What was it we could help you with?" she asked again.

"Miss, we had a neighbor call in for severe disturbance of the peace and lingering strangers around this apartment building a few minutes ago. We're trying to find out what was going on," he explained. The woman looked at him with a strange face, most probably still amused and then let her eyes flit to her companion who just shook his head.

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't us, though, officer. I sure hope not. Did the caller say where it was coming from? Or what they were witnessing?"

"Yes, the caller was from ground floor, I already spoke to her. She said the noise was coming from one of these first three apartments for sure," he informed them, pointing at their door and the ones next to the woman's apartment. "She was alarmed by cries and muffled thuds. Did you by any chance hear anything? Anything at all? Anything out of the ordinary maybe?" The woman shook her head, stumped now. She looked over at the guy who was mirroring her face.

"Not that we were taking notice…," the woman told him. The officer wrote down some notes on his pad.

"Do you know the tenant right next door to you in 10b?"

"Why?" The woman asked skeptically.

"We've tried starting with the three apartments the caller pointed us to and that tenant has not opened their door, that's all," the officer elaborated.

"Okay, yeah, I know him. Not well but I do know him," she searched her partner's reassuring gaze again.

"Can you tell me his name?"

"Um… I'm not sure… is he under suspicion or something… I don't wanna just give away information that's not mine," the woman said in a quiet voice, making him look up in irritation. Those civilians and their damn claim of their rights. "Anyways, I can only tell you his first name, I don't even know his family name. It's Sam. He's lived here before me, a while though, I believe. Nice guy, nothing wrong with him, I think," the tenant looked up at him insecurely, placing her suggestion. The cop wrote all that down, nodding her information off.

"Anything else you could tell me other than that you haven't heard anything or seen anything. Any other occurrences lately?" The woman frowned but shook her head no, before her eyes widened and she smiled, pointing at someone behind him.

"Sam, there you are," she greeted a guy in his thirties, walking towards them. "That's my neighbor Sam from 10b," she clarified for the police. He nodded at him, before turning towards the woman, meaning to talk to her.

"Jo, your car's been broken into," he said, making all of them frown and the woman he had called Jo screech.

"What? You can't be serious," she asked, completely agitated from one second to the next.

"Sir, you'll need to stay in the vicinity," he asked the tenant from 10b. When he looked back at the woman, he saw that her guy had vanished into the adjacent room, having put on some clothes and walking out passed them now, jogging down the steps towards a red Kia. "We'll get to the bottom of this, Miss," he promised her. "Can you state your name for me, please?"

"Jo Wilson," she just said dismissively, disappearing into that room as well, coming out dressed, grabbing her key and walking after her guy. The one from 10b did the same and he followed all of them.

"Sir, can you state your name for me? "

"Samuel Forester," he replied, pointing up at his door. "10b." The police officer wrote it down before looking over to his colleague who was inspecting the car with the owner and her supposed boyfriend. "Anything missing?"

"Seems like somebody did a search… nothing is missing except for personal stuff – what did you say?" his colleague turned towards the woman. "Perfume, some mail, a pay slip, and shades?" The officer scrunched up his face.

"Sounds like a search? Or something personal?" he questioned the woman who was standing next to the open door of the passenger seat and holding her hand to her forehead, sighing and shrugging. "Did you lock the car the last time you parked it here?" She just nodded. "Did you drive the car without her knowing it?" he turned his face over towards her boyfriend.

"I don't even have a key," he said grumpily, dismissing him. The woman rolled her eyes.

"We drove here from work, together. He was with me ever since," she explained. He turned back to the neighbor.

"How did you notice it being broken into?"

"I just came home, passed it by, something was weird, I saw the door not having been closed all the way so I stepped closer and saw it wasn't locked," he explained.

"Why did you conclude it had been broken into, Ms. Wilson could have just left it open?" The guy shrugged, looking peeved.

"I just wanted to be of help, alright. I know Jo, she's very careful and attentive. She wouldn't have just left it unlocked, I know that," he waved about with his hands. The officer caught the woman smile at her neighbor gratefully while he observed her boyfriend look the guy over skeptically.

"Is there… some kind of animosity between you, gentlemen?" the officer asked in between the boyfriend and the neighbor. The boyfriend scrunched up his face, snorting quietly.

"I don't even know him," he shook his head lightly. The other one kept quiet. _Neither of them was gonna say anything. This was going to be a long night. _

"Look, Ms. Wilson, we'll have to fill out some forms and after that you can go back to your apartment. Mr. Forester, we'll need you to come back to the station with us, give a statement," he informed them all.

"Why? What the hell did I do now?" the guy was immediately angered. _Whoa. _

"The initial caller told us about people lingering in the drive way and parking lot, we just want to make sure you don't have any information that could be useful to us," he appeased him for the time being. "We can do the interview in your apartment for now," he offered.

"What happens with the car?" Ms. Wilson asked, fatigue lacing her voice.

"You'll fill out the report, we'll do an alleged complaint, searching for information and the offender. I advise you to report everything back to us that you perceive as danger, but also conspicuous behavior or happenings around you and the likes," he told her. She nodded curtly, looking over at the guy who had put an arm around her. _This was so tedious. He hated night patrol. _


	14. Oh, sweet benefits

[Arizona]

"You're late," Arizona scolded Alex when he stormed into the attendings' lounge on a rainy morning in late February.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Alex barked back at her, pouring himself some coffee.

"The interns will be waiting," she told him reproachfully, tapping her fingers at the edge of the table she was leaning onto, watching him.

"Let them," he just gave her back.

"Did you get a chance to go through Kara's latest MRIs I emailed you the other day?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm prepared," he said.

"Don't take this too lightly. I've been treating Kara since she got her diagnosis three years back," Arizona informed him pointedly. "Her parents are anxiously waiting for Kara's results after her last MRI," she said.

"I know that. I've been in this just as long as you have. You thinking approach three?" Alex looked up at her interestedly. Arizona sighed, walking out after him, pushing her fists into her lab coat pockets.

"I'm thinking whatever's necessary to make this little girl's life a little easier," she responded.

"We can, you know, question is if they're ready to do it," he trailed off, as they were walking down the Peds floor. "Slow down, Timmy, you're gonna hurt yourself more than you already have," he called after one of the Peds regulars, making the interns that were crowding around the nurses' counter look up at them curiously.

"Good morning, interns," Arizona chirped, smiling at them brightly. "Follow us into the exam room, please," she ordered, walking right into one, waiting until all of them had filed in and closing the door. "I ordered you all to my service today, since I have a very special and rare case I want to share with you all. This will only be relevant for rounds, I'll pick one or two of you who show most interest and/or promise to work with me here. Everyone else is free to look for something else to do later," she announced, walking up and pulling up Kara's latest MRIs on the screen. "Again, there's a high chance that you'll never see a case like this again in your lifetime as doctors but we do need more research on this front, so if you're passionate about this, feel free to say so," she smiled at their blank faces. "Alright," she straightened. "What do you see?"

"Two benign tumors on the nervus vestibularis," Edwards chimed up first. Arizona nodded. "Weirdly, this looks like a child's MRI… which is evident regarding we're on Pediatrics… but there are intracranial calcifications…," she trailed off, making Arizona raise her eyebrows, looking around when Edwards muted.

"Are there more MRIs? CTs? Maybe mutations on the spinal cord or skin?" Wilson asked tentatively, speaking rather quietly, not quite meeting her gaze. Arizona smiled brightly.

"Excellent question, Wilson," she pulled up the remaining films, making the interns gasp uniformly.

"How old is the patient?" Murphy asked, shocked.

"Patient is Kara Gardner, 4 years old," Alex informed them, leaning against the computer table. The young doctors nodded and gaped at the films.

"There's growth between the peridural canal and the bone," Edwards observed. "What the hell is this? This kid is four years old," she exclaimed, completely distraught. Arizona nodded again, sighing, looking between the interns, seeing if anybody knew an answer.

"Anybody?" Most of them shook their head. Her gaze went to Wilson who was biting her lips and looking down, her arms folded across her chest. "What about you, Wilson, you didn't seem too surprised?" Wilson looked up at her, blushing slightly.

"Um," she croaked. "It might be neurofibromatosis… type II… but I don't know…," she shook her head insecurely. "I thought they could only diagnose that with the start of adolescence," she told her weakly. "But all symptoms and films," she pointed at them, "really point to it… I mean the tumor on the acoustic nerve… the spinal growth… the skin alterations… the calcifications? At her age? I don't know if you've seen the girl but she's… I just… it seems to me she actually suffers from early onset neurofibromatosis… type II," she repeated. Arizona raised her eyebrows at her in wonder, looking over towards Alex who had raised his eyebrows as well, smirking.

"Did you know we had smart interns like her? Let's rope her to our service," Arizona winked and then looked back over to Wilson. "Absolutely correct, apart from one fact – Kara does not suffer from _early onset _Neurofibromatosis Type II, she was one of the lucky ones, and maybe even only ones, that could be diagnosed at an age of 13 _months_ whereas most other patients, as you already said correctly, are confronted with it at an age of 13 or older. I guess calling her lucky is also very bold, since finding out about it now means she has a hell lot more surgeries to go through, since the growth of abnormal cells in her body is highly developed. Alright, people, who can tell me about Neurofibromatosis?" she asked to everybody around.

"Rare congenital disease that carries a high risk of tumor formation, especially in the brain. Mostly benign. There's two types, peripheral and central neurofibromatosis, or type I and II. The latter is very uncommon, especially before age 10," Edwards recited from somewhere in her head. Arizona nodded.

"Type II – symptoms?"

"Non-malignant brain tumors, mostly by the auditory-vestibular nerve, so ataxia, hearing disorders or any kind of deficiency mostly ending in complete hearing loss, visual defects, headaches, facial palsy or partial paresis, calcifications possible in all nerves, especially nerve endings and the spinal cord. Growth on and malformation of the spine, skin alterations, basically about almost everything a four year old does not wanna deal with, back to back surgeries, etc.," Murphy listed, making Arizona frown.

"You sound like a robot. A bit more empathy, please, now that we are about to visit our special patient. Well done reciting that textbook of yours, though," she smiled at her. "Alex?"

"Kara is four years old, diagnosed with Type II at 13 months. All in all, she's had five surgeries, already. Calcification removal on brain and spinal nerves, benign tumors on her right acoustic nerve, skin treatment. She's a very brave and vivid little girl, her parents try to raise her with the help of ASL, preventing communication loss after her barely preventable hearing loss in the future. Kara is very agile but she's weak and her balance is affected, as you might imagine. She needs help on a daily basis. She knows all the important words regarding her disease but thinks the ones she made up with her therapist are much funnier, that's why she calls them infiltrators. They show up in her body cause they don't have anywhere else to go but they need out since they make her sick. She doesn't mind, though, she likes hospitals, she likes doctors, she likes being special, she likes signing, especially since becoming a big sister 10 months ago and the baby is quickly learning to keep up with her, developing communication that their parents could only dream of. She's here for their latest MRIs and we'll need to present the options for the family. We have to remove the brain tumors, since they may soon be _infiltrating _the optic regions, affecting her vision which would be even worse than her hearing in her case," he explained, Arizona listening to him steadily, observing his fatigued state.

"Surgical techniques anyone?" she chimed in, trying to involve the doctors.

"Suboccipital?" Dr. Ross questioned. Arizona nodded appreciatively.

"Subtemporal," Edwards listed.

"Yes, both of them options. Both dangerous, though, at that age," she said. "Any other ideas?"

"I wouldn't usually," Wilson responded. "But in her case, I'd maybe suggest a translabyrinthine approach?"

"Go on," Arizona nodded at her encouragingly.

"I mean both others are fine, I guess. I'm not sure if Kara's tumors will be small enough for the subtemporal, which is probably the most preferable of the three, but again, she has two and they look mid-sized to me. Suboccipital seems risky in her case, whereas the translabyrinthine would spare going near the optic cells. It's a certain sacrifice of hearing, however, it sounds to me like the family is trying to encourage her towards communication via sign language, and if she's already suffering from a severe hearing deficiency, that sacrifice would be smaller compared to loss of vision. Right?" she added at last, sounding insecure about her theory.

"That's exactly what Dr. Karev and I were going for, thank you, Dr. Wilson, I very much welcome you on our service if you are interested," she smiled at her. Wilson smiled back, nodding timidly. "Of course, it's the parents' decision. Dr. Karev and I have observed all of the techniques before, and of course, we'll have to consider every possible risk and benefit for this special case," she continued.

"What about the spinal growth, Dr. Robbins?" Ross interjected.

"Dr. Shepherd will look after that, although that is secondary as of right now, since it has not infiltrated the spinal fluid," she answered him dutifully. "Now, we shall go meet with Kara and her family. Dr. Wilson, please do come. Any more interested doctors in here?" Lots of hands, _great_. "Alright, sorry but everybody who hasn't said a word yet, no chance. Murphy? Edwards? Ross?"

"I'd like to get a chance to observe Dr. Shepherd's spinal surgery," Ross smiled.

"Go find him," she sent him away.

"This is a great opportunity, Dr. Robbins, but I already promised my services to Dr. Grey today," Edwards told.

"Great, then it's settled. Murphy, you're coming," Arizona chirped, content about that day already. She sent the two outside to prepare for rounds before turning towards Alex and rolled her eyes.

"What?" he asked her in confusion.

"Seriously?" she asked him, not believing him.

"Seriously, what?" he gave her back, completely stumped.

"You had nothing to do with this?" she asked him with her eyebrows in her hairline.

"With what?" They looked at each other for a minute, Arizona smirking at him, before shaking her head and turning her back on him, walking out.

* * *

[Jo]

"Can doctor Jo take me to the spacecraft?" Kara asked innocently, making them all giggle with pleasure.

"Of course, sweetheart," Dr. Robbins responded kindly. "But, remember, it won't be until after lunch. And Ms. June is going to come, too," Jo's superior pointed at the therapist.

"Awesome, we can do princess ride," Kara sparkled, putting her right index to her shoulder and then the hip, signing a diagonal length. Jo caught herself copying her and then look over towards Kara's therapist who was explaining with a bright smile on her face.

"Kara can choose what kind of spaceship stories she gets to hear while the doctors try to find more information about the tumors or do a photo shoot," she winked at Jo, making her smile.

"Well, I'd love to go on the princess spaceship with you, Kara," Jo told her, trying to speak slowly and distinctly. Kara smiled at her brightly, smoothing her right flat hand across her chest in an upwards motion.

"She's looking forward to it. She's delighted," her mother told Jo amicably, stroking Kara's hair. "I know it's a lot in the beginning. She's learning so much faster than we are," she chuckled, looking over at her husband who just nodded but then interrupted their chat, pointing over at Kara and her sister Isla who was sitting in bed with Kara, the grids keeping them safe from tumbling about. Kara tapped Isla's shoulder, making her look at the book her big sister was holding out to her, immediately grasping it and pulling. Kara narrowed her eyes and looked at her baby sister strictly, raising her finger and wordlessly scolded her, the little one not caring much about it. Kara made her open the book, showing a colorful picture of a horse. Kara tapped Isla's shoulder again, at which the baby touched her head clumsily and repeatedly. The parents and the therapist all flung their hands in the air, wiggling them around, looking like they were cheering for the baby. Kara nodded with a smile and put her thumb against her forehead, wiggling her index and middle finger to show the sign for _horse_.

"Told you they were communicating," she looked over towards Alex who was standing to the left of her, smiling. She looked at him with wide eyes before going back to the kids, marveling.

"It comes in handy when Isla's having a tantrum and we don't know what she wants," the dad nodded at them heavily. "She's been doing basic signs for what? A couple of months now I guess… they learn so fast, it's amazing. She signs hungry or milk now… sleepy and happy. Also, as you can see," he pointed over at the spectacle on the bed. "Kara has been teaching her farm animals this week," he chuckled lightly. "She's a very demanding teacher," he concluded.

"Isla can hear, right?" Jo asked timidly. They both looked up at her in surprise.

"Yes, of course she can. She's babbling, too. No harm in learning sign, though," the girls' mother informed her.

"You don't have to be hearless to sign, doctor Jo," Kara turned around to face her sharply. "You can see, right?" she gave her a smug face. Jo looked at her in complete shock and then laughed.

"Of course, of course, I didn't mean to say she can't sign, it's really very awesome. I mean, nobody can communicate with your baby sister as well as you can, right?" Kara nodded cockily, turning her attention back to her sister. Jo laughed silently, sharing a look with Robbins and Murphy, all amused. When she heard the mother sigh, she turned around and looked at her smiling face questioningly.

"That's good for now. Alan and I are just scared of that day when those two will be old enough to plot against us since we won't be able to keep up with their sign," she laughed, infecting them all. They all walked out together, leaving the girls and the therapist at it for a minute, turning towards each other.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Gardner, again, we can of course wait with the decision, but you know as well as I do that the tumors will keep growing and we don't want that," Dr. Robbins informed them. "You guys can ponder and discuss this but after today's films, we'll need to have answers," she said.

"For what it's worth," Alex chimed up, Kara's parents hanging on every word. "She seems to be doing very well. You heard her – there's no failure in communicating via sign. You have eyes, right?" They both chuckled sadly at his observation. "And that's what we were going for. Doing the middle fossa approach – the one we've been talking about – will only work if today's films show that there has not been any more growth. The approach Dr. Robbins and I suggested, I know, seems drastic, since she will with a full one hundred percent certainty lose hearing on her right ear, however, she will suffer from gradual hearing loss anyway and I think her deficiency is already at 72% as I remember? Which is very, very high for a four year old. And she'll still have the left residual hearing field. This approach has downsides, I know, but I can assure you that it will be the safest approach to try sparing her vision and her facial muscles. You're the experts," Alex pointed at them, smiling, "But from what I hear the sign language community has long separated from any stigmas. She'll do fine. She'll be communicating, there's accessible education, she won't suffer. Risking eyesight will be much more severe to her," the parents nodded all his statements off, tentatively though. "Of course, it's your decision, we will not try pushing you anywhere, we just want you to know all the possible outcomes. And speaking of future growth, you both know the high chance of her growing another tumor, making the removal inevitable at some point," he added. The dad sighed, putting an arm around his wife.

"We know we may seem stupid to be hesitating, it all sounds logical, and in fact, it really is. We really already have decided, it's just… it's hard, I mean, we're talking about our four year old daughter," they both looked back into the room.

"It's not stupid, it's absolutely comprehensible, and we're happy to give you some more time to digest and think this though," Dr. Robbins reassured them, making them nod.

"I always wonder if she'll resent us some day," Mrs. Gardner spoke up after some seconds. "For making the wrong decisions, you know," she looked at them shyly.

"If I may say so," Jo chimed up, not really knowing what had come over her. "Kara is so happy with everything she does, it seems. She's a proud signer. As far as I can predict without really being able to do so, that won't change with the loss of hearing on one ear," she pointed out.

"She hasn't ever been deaf, though, you know," Mr. Gardner argued. "I don't think she can imagine," he added.

"Well, but on the other hand, we don't know what it's like for her to listen to everything we say. Her hearing is impaired at a level on which she must be so exhausted to even try to understand your words on a daily basis. When more people are around, or at preschool, on the street, everything that's not in a face to face situation with cleared environment. There's a high chance that she'll be grateful for the silence in her ears, it'll maybe ease some things. It's harder to strain to hear things she's never gonna hear on the same level as we do than to not hear at all. And it's not silence as we know it. She can express herself. She can get input. It's just that it's visually. And we were all there to witness her come to life with that," she smiled at them. They both nodded.

"You guys really are the best team of doctors we could have ever hoped for," the mother announced gratefully. "Thank you so much for your support, all of you," she added. Dr. Robbins squeezed her arm quickly, before they all turned to leave.

"We'll talk later this afternoon, alright?" she gave them before they all scattered.

Jo caught Alex's eyes while walking down the hallway with Leah, trying to read his eyes that were definitely telling her something. She crunched up her face questioningly, making him roll his eyes and hurried up to pass them, walking a few steps ahead of them, seeming to lead the way somewhere. Jo turned towards Leah when she started a conversation, undetectedly following Alex.

"Steph said someone broke into your car last night? What happened?" Leah asked her heatedly.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened yet. Police came to my door in the middle of the night, almost knocking it in, but they weren't even there for the car, somebody had called in for excessive noise in my building, so they were interviewing people but in the midst of that, my neighbor came up, telling me my car had been broken into," she gave her colleague a recap, leading her towards the nurses' counter to keep eyesight of Alex and his whereabouts.

"So, did they find out who it was?"

"Nah. Nothing was gone really, some stuff. Nothing valuable. It's just weird," Jo shrugged her shoulders, still annoyed by that nightly incident. "I called in today, but they couldn't give me any information on that… _they're still investigating… _whatever," she told her, making Leah shake her head.

"Weird," she just responded. "Anyways, gotta get Kara's labs, you coming?"

"Um, no," Jo watched Alex walk into an on-call room to the side out of the corner of her eye, trying to think of an excuse, "I'll find you later," she just said unceremoniously. Leah shrugged and walked off. Jo looked around for any bystanders before slipping into that very same on-call room, locking the door behind her, finding Alex leaning back against the table, looking at her smugly. "What?"

"She knows," Alex just said. Jo frowned.

"Who knows?"

"Robbins," he replied lazily. "She knows about us," he repeated. Jo felt her guts cramp and her arms tumble around stupidly. She decided to cross them on her chest.

"You think so?" she asked him, hearing the hope in her voice that he was wrong.

"Definitely," he gave her back, killing that hope in a heartbeat. "Shouldn't have showed off with all those facts this morning," he continued with a wide smirk, making her blush. "You kinda jumped in a bit hastily," he said, chuckling, when nervous spots spread on her cleavage. She could feel them burn annoyingly.

"I… didn't mean to…," she stuttered, making him laugh even more, pulling her closer by her still crossed over arms, making her stand right in front of him. "I couldn't help myself," she spat out, pouting, for he was teasing her so badly.

"You must have done some pretty heavy research last night while I was getting my beauty sleep," he praised her, making her raise her eyebrows, not having expected that reaction. "None of those files said Type II, none of those files explained what was going on with her tumors or which procedures we were thinking of," he shone a light on her achievements. "You were being a good girl, weren't you?" he mocked her heavily. Jo screwed up her nose while trying to mask her smile and shook her head at him, calling his mockery, making him laugh and pull her in, kissing her lips. She smacked back, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I'm sorry," she flung up her hands wildly, "I _had _to entertain myself somehow… I mean… if my superior with benefits can't give me the usual benefits, I had to reach for the alternative," she revealed her motives. Alex snorted.

"Yeah, I guess I should have expected that," he admitted. "Good work, though, Wilson," he nodded at her genuinely now. Jo felt a sincere smile creep across her face, blushing again. "Don't ever go into my work stuff again, understood?" he added on, his voice a lot colder now, Jo feeling how her insides coiled up painfully, her facial muscle above her eyebrow flinching slightly, a motion she knew well but barely ever needed use of – having done wrong, having been caught and feeling terrible about it.

"Sorry?" she asked him with big doe eyes. Alex snorted even louder, flinging his arms in the air now.

"What am I supposed to do now?" he asked her, rolling his eyes. "I can't even be mad if you look at me like that," Alex tried to hide his smile when she kept staring at him innocently. "See, that's exactly why I hate sleeping with interns," he told her in a knowing voice now. "They think they benefit from sleeping with me, well, apart from the actual sexual benefits, and then get in over their heads," he told her sharply.

"Sorry?" she said again, making him laugh and pull her into him now, kissing her a bit longer, Jo reciprocating with a slow moan. When they pulled apart, she still leaned on him, playing with the collar of his lab coat. "So, you sure she knows?" she looked up at him with a pained face.

"Pretty much, yeah," he affirmed her suspicions.

"Fuck," she sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said, placing her hand on her forehead. "I should have been more careful."

"She's known all along," Alex stated all of a sudden, making her open up her eyes in surprise.

"What? How? Why?"

"Well, I don't know for sure. But I have this nagging feeling she's known since the night we first spent together at the hotel back in Baltimore," he elaborated. "Remember that morning after… I mean I can't know for sure…but sh-," he looked up when Jo interrupted his speech.

"She knew, right? I thought so, too," Jo told him wide-eyed. "I thought I was imagining… but the look she gave me…," Jo remembered now.

"Well, I think she doesn't know for sure, either, but she made an educated guess. After all, I'm famous for sleeping around as you keep telling me, she had her hotel room right next to mine, and you and Murphy kept going on about it in the elevator… it wasn't that hard to make that assumption… I believe," he concluded, making her nod. "And I think today in the exam room just confirmed those suspicions for her. She thinks I told you about everything," he pointed out.

"So, what do we do now? You think she's gonna tell?"

"Who would she tell? If you want I can tell her to shut up about it… but I don't think she's gonna run around chatting about it if she hasn't done so the last three months," he argued. Jo nodded, worried.

"I guess, yeah," she answered stupidly, feeling awkward. She startled when she could feel him guide up her chin gently.

"Look at it this way," he smiled at her with his handsome face. "I'm gonna be gone Friday, and whatever happens, it's gonna be over by then," he said.

"Gossip needs a bit longer to die, you know," Jo reasoned, feeling dread set in her guts. Until now she had successfully pushed that subject aside.

"Well, you can always say it's not true. I don't care. And I'll be gone anyway. Or you just erase that piece of gossip and give them something new to talk about… be obnoxious about it… I don't know… shove your tongue down somebody's throat at Joe's or something… people love that kind of stuff," he winked at her.

"I don't even wanna think about that yet," she just countered. "You know, can I just object for a second?" She watched him raise his eyebrows. "You sleep with me for full three months… like day and night without pause. Seriously, giving me heart-racing, gut-wrenching, breath-taking, ungraspable orgasms. And now you're just leaving. What am I supposed to do now? None of those guys out there will measure up to you," she raised her chin and pointed it at the window aggressively, addressing all guys out there. Alex laughed silently.

"You made me sleep with you, just reminding you," he told her truthfully.

"You sound like I forced you to," she came back in irritation.

"Well…," he elongated the word, making her slap him on his chest, chuckling even louder. She gave him an angry look, but Alex just pulled her closer. "Trust me, you'll find someone to entertain you," he whispered. "With your skill… I can't imagine anyone denying you their services," he murmured against her cleavage, her still a bit resistant.

"How about you give me something to burn into my memory for the times I'll need to cover someone else's doing with yours," she spat out, hearing her own pouty voice. Alex smirked.

"If you wish," he answered smugly. She hated that she was boosting his ego so damn much but she really needed some, not having gotten any after last night's happenings and... having gotten used to being spoiled so frequently... she went all cold turkey without it. When Alex pulled her down, they kissed aggressively, her heart immediately speeding up towards bursting.

"Hmmm," she groaned when he pressed her flush up against him, feeling his every muscle, feeling her blood gather in her privates, pulsating, her throat parched and her insides yearning him. She pulled herself up around him, Alex steming himself off the desk and walking her to the bed, gently putting her down, putting all his weight on top of her, pushing all the right buttons. _At that very moment, she really wasn't sure if she would be able to be as passionate and yearning about someone other than Alex._

* * *

[Alex]

Alex aggressively roamed Jo's mouth with his tongue, dueling with hers wildly, sucking it when he finally got a hold of it, tracing her waist down, fumbling with the drawstrings of her scrub pants, loosening them. Jo's hands kept roaming his back, kneading his muscle, tracing shapes, making him go crazy. He pulled away from her, seeing the darkness of her eyes, smiling at her pants coming from her mouth and kissed down her neck, her chest and abdomen, before pulling down her pants roughly, her shaking them off her legs and him going up again, kissing her through the lace panties she had hastily put on this morning, smelling the faint scent of clean soap on her skin and laundry detergent on her intimates. Jo slightly bucked her hips, pushing his mouth against her core, making him smile. Even through the panties he could make out clearly how ready she was for him. He decided to tease her some more, having found great pleasure in watching her squirm at his touch. He dragged his lips up towards her spot and further up her tummy, leaving feathery light kisses every now and again, dragging her shirt upwards with him, making her lose both of them at the same time. He made quick work of her bra, smooching her breasts thoroughly before her hands guided him up towards her mouth again, kissing him hungrily. Alex rolled off her, propping up on his elbow right next to her, massaging her breast while letting the kiss fade away, feeling the goose bumps underneath his palm that built on her skin with having taken the warmth off of her. He watched her face when he trailed his fingers down her abdomen, lingering at the sensitive area right above her panties before slowly sneaking them between the scarce piece of clothing and her skin, observing her wrinkling up her face in pleasure when he softly touched her outsides. He put some pressure on, eliciting a moan from her face, smiling. It was so rewarding seeing her every facial muscle dance with his small motions on her most sensitive part. There was something so deeply intimate about seeing this, getting to see this. Something so fulfilling. He had always liked watching his girls orgasm but this was just… it was special. She was. She was a very special sex affair.

He smiled to himself, since she had long closed her eyes, enjoying his touch. He inched his hand a little closer to her entrance, testing her wetness, her warmth. He sensed her flex her muscles down there, tightening around him. Slowly, he entered her, pulling it out again and then using two of his fingers while his thumb held the fort on her clit, bothering it gently. As he did so, Jo pushed her lips together until they were white, exhaling sharply through her nose, licking her lips. He couldn't help but smile, bending down and kissing her cheek. This made her open her eyes halfway, her eyelids heavy, and tilting her head over a tiny bit to ask for his lips on hers. Alex smoothly slid his left arm that was propped up on his elbow underneath her head and pulled her closer, kissing her softly, while massaging her immediate entrance in rhythmic circles. Jo sighed into his mouth when he moved his fingers out and pulled her panties down to her knees, her shaking them off and rolling over to lie facing him. Alex matched eyes with her before thrusting his fingers deep inside her now, Jo burying her face in his shoulder, muffling her shaky vocals. He firmly grazed her inner walls towards him, sliding down her smooth insides, making her moan with every puff of air she was trying to get rid of. Jo was so wet, he took a deep breath himself, trying not to become too affected, even though his scrub pants had started to tighten uncomfortably around him already. He felt Jo's hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt on his chest, her mouth pushed against his neck, sucking on it gently to soothe her emotions. Alex spread the fluids on his fingers and circled her clit slowly, firmly, feeling how Jo wriggled with her hips, trying to stay steady underneath him. When he entered her again, a bit faster now, thrusting in and out, he pulled back a little to look at her and leaned down to match her agape lips with his in a sweet kiss, her smiling against him contently, not really being able to focus on the sensations on her lips, him pleasuring her somewhere quite else. Alex didn't stop his motions when he rolled her on her back again, wriggling down towards her core and kissing her open-mouthedly now, sucking wildly on her spot, circling it with the tip of his tongue, going back and forth across it, feeling how Jo knotted her fingers through his short hair in agitation, yanking at them, almost making him yelp in pain, before he worked his way down, almost kissing her as he was usually kissing her lips, entering his tongue deeply inside her, sucking her wildly, tasting her. When he let his eyes flit up towards her, he found her touching herself on her boobs, turning him on even more. She was clenching her teeth, he could tell, keeping her usually so generously strewn moans to a minimum, but she was fighting. He kept working her with his tongue and helped tease her spot with his thumb when he felt her arch her back completely, pushing her privates into him forcefully, feeling and tasting her becoming runnier and wetter and her thighs go rigid around his head. At the same moment, he heard a muffled cry from her lips, and he smiled when he looked up, seeing how she had pushed the pillow against her face, chuckling against her. He lay still for a few moments, for her to ride out her high before gently letting go of her, skidding up towards her, taking her into his arms, pushing the pillow off of her face and kissing her cheek that was glowing red. When he placed himself besides her, she rolled up against him once more, holding him close, resting her head on his upper arm and closing her eyes, enjoying the afterglow with his gentle kisses all over her face. They lay in each other's arms for a while, Alex affected by her powerful afterglow, getting drowsy. He had closed his eyes for a bit when he felt her kiss his lips ever so softly, her hand smoothing down his back and cupping his butt firmly. He smiled before opening his eyes and meeting her sincerely and deeply contented eyes.

"That was a nice opening act," she whispered playfully, tracing her fingers over to his semi-erect penis, cupping it gently.

"Headliners cancelled," he rasped back sleepily, enjoying her biting his lower lip and nipping at his skin.

"Why?" she breathed out against him, sounding like she wanted more so badly.

"They forgot their instruments at home," he talked on lazily, running his fingers up and down her spine. Jo sighed but smiled, cupping his cheek.

"You're too responsible," she kissed him again.

"Comes with the job," he pulled her another bit closer, enjoying holding the naked girl in his arms.

"Which one?" Jo cocked a daring eyebrow at him.

"Preventing babies from dying young," he trailed on, his eyes closed, a chuckle catching in his throat when he felt Jo spluttering all over his face with laughter.

"Did you really just say that?"

"I was referring to Peds," he said with a smile.

"Uh-uh," she nodded at him heavily when he opened his eyes to look at her reaction. "For what it's worth, between us, I'm glad you're responsible enough to prevent _any _babies from dying young," she winked at him, making him shake his head.

"Now _that_ is your interpretation of things," he gave her back. "And anyways, I thought _you _were preventing babies from happening while I'm just preventing you getting marked by me being a man whore," he elaborated. Jo raised her brows in surprise and nodded at him appreciatively.

"Well said, sunshine," she kissed his lips again. "Although you should definitely consider the option of you shielding yourself from me as well," she added.

"Sleeping around that much, huh," Alex felt himself doze off.

"Not really, no, but that wasn't my point," she told him, rigidly sticking to the topic.

"What's your point, then?"

"Ugh, you didn't even realize? Now, come on… you always tell me to drop the subject of you sleeping around… and now that you bring it up yourself… I thought I'd level with you…," she explained. Alex smiled.

"I trust you don't have any STDs," he mumbled.

"Well, same goes for you," she gave him back quietly, making him smile wider. They lay silently for a few seconds before her lips surprised him with a slightly longer kiss. "When's your flight again?" she asked once they pulled apart.

"Friday night," Alex answered sluggishly. "Why? You wanna come?" he winked at her cheekily. "Inaugurate the mile high club with me?"

"To Baltimore?" Jo screwed up her face. "Nah," she chucked out disgustedly.

"Uh, yeah, I forgot you have something against that place…," he pushed that idea aside.

"We'll have enough time until then," Jo told him confidently, before frowning, mimicking her disapproval when her pager chimed. Alex opened his eyes fully, remembering that it was broad daylight, them _just_ having started their work day. He smiled. _Sometimes being a surgeon sure had its benefits. _"Not now, though," she reported back to him, pulling on her panties and getting on her bra. "Robbins wants Kara's blood work like _right now_," she sighed, pulling on her shirts and moving up, sitting next to Alex on the edge, getting her pants back on. "How cute is that little girl by the way?" Jo looked over at him with a scrunched up face showing delight. Alex mirrored her face, smiling.

"Yeah, she's a sweetheart," Alex confessed, making her smile and search his eyes while tying her shoelaces. When she was done, she leaned over and kissed him deeply, her right hand placed on his thigh while her left hand held his head tightly.

"Thanks, b-," she murmured against him, stopping herself short, pecking his lips instead and moving on quickly. "I needed that," she told him unceremoniously. "We'll make up for the rest tonight, I promise," she looked at him.

"Can't wait," he gave her back before getting up, looking over her swiftly. "You look like you just got laid," he assessed her looks. Jo rolled her eyes at him, smoothing her hands over her flying hair.

"Well, gee, wonder why," she gave him back sassily. He reached over, grabbing her ass and pushing her towards him once more, kissing her heatedly.

"Go pull yourself together," he advised her, kissing her cheek and her neck, evaluating his work from last night. "You should put some more concealer on that as well," he pointed out the huge hickey, smirking. She slapped him playfully, fixing her gaze on him.

"You sure are having fun, aren't you?" she asked him, annoyed with his teasing.

"Well, I can't have such unprofessional staff in my OR," he told her mockingly, making her open her mouth with a reply that wouldn't come. Instead she shook her head at him in disbelief.

"I swear, I can't wait for Friday," she shot back after a moment. Alex raised his eyebrows and laughed.

"Trust me, I will _make _you take that back at some point tonight," he nodded at her confidently. Jo rolled her eyes and laughed, turning towards the door. Alex bent down, kissing her temple, right next to her ear. "Can't wait." He watched her smile and unlock the door, him making sure he was all the way behind it so nobody would see them together before she flitted her eyes back at him gleefully for one more second and vanished, closing the door behind her.


	15. Final countdown and cut

[Jo]

"Where the hell are you taking me?" Jo squealed joyfully, pushing her body against the car seat, so she wouldn't get sick to her stomach, Alex driving her around somewhere in the car, having blindfolded her. For all she knew, he could be taking her to California without her knowing. "Are you kidnapping me?"

"Yep," Alex replied shortly, and she could hear the smirk in his voice. Jo pushed her lips together with an anticipatory smile, wiggling with her knees nervously. "Taking you to the airport right now, I have this buddy who works for airport security, he's gonna smuggle you into the machine for tomorrow," he told her. She gave him a wide smile before she flinched lightly when he put his hand into her lap. "Stop fidgeting," he told her soothingly.

"Seriously, we're wasting a whole lot of our precious time with driving, Alex," she chided him, grasping his fingers, entwining them with both her hands. "It's your last night. I don't wanna waste any time," she pouted. She heard him chuckle and was once again irritated with the fact that she couldn't watch him at it, his face, his expression, everything.

"Trust me, we'll have lots of time once we're there. I'll make sure of that," he told, trying to calm her with steady squeezes to her hands. They drove for a while, Jo resting her head back and trying to relax. They had both taken the night off, since there was a certain last supper kind of feeling between them. And she was going to indulge. Jo smiled at her thought, squeezing his hand lightly, turning her head towards him, again having forgotten she couldn't see. She groaned lightly when suddenly Alex brought the car to a stop.

"Can I take it off yet?" Jo whined.

"Not yet," he chuckled, getting out of the car.

"Hey," she called after him, panicky, "don't leave me here, I'm scared! Where are we?" Jo tried to grasp after him but stumbled onto nothingness. She startled when she heard him or someone, she wouldn't know, open the passenger door.

"Calm down, people are gonna think I'm actually doing a kidnapping here," he hissed towards her, and she could feel him bend over her to unbuckle her seatbelt and surprised her with a kiss to her lips.

"Don't do this to me, you're scaring me," Jo whispered when he helped her out. She felt him tighten his arm around her, immediately clutching him as well, nestling into him. "It's cold out here, where are we, Alex?" she asked him, feeling very insecure and the icy wind on her and smelling water. "We surely must have driven over an hour," she added.

"It was 40 minutes, I did it in record time, and _stop whining_," he instructed her. She felt him starting to walk her somewhere before stopping again. "Alright, since this is the last night we have," he told her slowly, and even though she couldn't see him, she knew he was blushing, his voice was the tiniest bit shaky and his fingers were fidgeting. She clasped a little tighter to him. "I thought, we should have some fun. I think we earned this, we need to celebrate three months of amazing," at this he stopped, making her smile and then jump the tiniest bit when she felt his lips at her ear, "incredibly hot," he murmured against her seductively, making her knees weak, "sex." Alex kissed her cheek. "And since you're not willing to jump my hand luggage even though that's really all I want," he told her with a chuckle, "I thought I'd bring some old memories to you," he told her, making her frown.

"What do you mean?" she asked him, confused.

"Well, I thought we'd relive how we spent our first night together and… if we don't fall asleep, as we did the first time," she felt him rub his nose against her ear, Jo chuckling when remembering. "We should definitely revive the past three months. I brought a few ideas," he pointed out. "Now," he sounded like he was back to business. "Baltimore came to you," he told her unceremoniously before unwrapping her eyes. Jo tried to adjust her vision to the darkness around her, only blinded by the streetlamps and neon sign before her eyes.

"Silver Cloud Inn?" she read slowly, scrunching up her face, looking around. "Where the hell are we?" she looked at him, half confused, half amused.

"Tacoma waterfront," he pointed his thumb at the water.

"Okay?"

"Well, see, I needed a hotel, preferably not in Seattle since you know… Seattle's boring," he said, making her raise her eyebrows. "Not too far away. I needed one with an overview of a harbor… or water… or anything really… and then I needed some more attributes of that exact hotel I was planning to take you to… you'll see them later. I promise, this will be so worth it," he whispered sheepishly. Jo felt how goose bumps crept up her arms and her insides turned to mush when he explained why he had taken her here. For the first time, she thought she saw a shadow of regret in his eyes… not for the last three months, _no_, for leaving her behind and breaking off their thingy - whatever it was, really. She smiled at him widely before turning her body towards him, encircling his waist slowly.

"I can't wait," she murmured against him, before she pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. Alex's palms cupped her cheeks, deepening their kiss immediately. Jo felt the prickling of her spine and her forehead, felt her nipples hardening, felt herself pulling him closer, trying to savor all of him. She protested against him ending the kiss, making him smile against her.

"Spare the gunpowder for later, missy," he told her teasingly. They walked in together and towards the reception desk, Jo admiring the simple interior design.

"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs.," the person at the desk greeted them. Jo just smiled, letting Alex talk. When she leaned against him, an urge got to her and she run her hand down his back, squeezing his delicious backside. She watched Alex lick his lips and smile, listening to the guy behind the desk before looking over at her, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, honey, do you think we'll need the honeymoon suite?" he questioned her mockingly. Jo scrunched up her face, not having listened to their conversation, but finding appeal to that thought. A penthouse to themselves.

"Awesome, get it," she told him cheekily. He laughed but told the for a second happy looking desk clerk, he had booked a certain other room, that he by all means needed as he had pre-ordered it with special conditions. Jo tried to mask a huge smile, pulling her eyebrows together, looking at him suspiciously. "What the hell did you scheme without me?" Alex wiggled his eyebrows at her before accepting the keys to their room and thanking the person helping them. He walked her over towards the elevator, looking at her.

"You ready?"

"Not sure," she answered sluggishly, trailing after him into the elevator, immediately finding herself pinned against the mirrored side of it when the doors shut, Alex's tongue deep inside her, his lips moving frantically against hers. "Mmmmm," she moaned genuinely, surprised about his sudden advances, her insides burning up within a split second. She tightened her arms around him while she felt him shove his hand up her shirt aggressively, fiddling with the bra, squeezing her naked breast in his hand, making her breathing go shallow. "Uh," she chucked out when Alex's second hand found its way towards her ass, grabbing it tightly. Jo felt herself flex and then pulling herself onto his waist, as she always did as a reflex, him pushing her against the banister, their kisses hungry and wild. When the elevator dinged, Alex broke the kiss, not letting go of her, carrying her towards the room. Jo rested her forehead against his shoulder, trying to calm down. When Alex turned sharply and she heard the key click in the lock, she looked up and they immediately went back to kissing frantically. Alex loosened their lips, murmuring against her, pointing with his fingers, not really caring.

"Bed, bed, fireplace, sack of condoms, gin and tonic, waterfront from window, bathtub at the panoramic view, pizza delivery," he listed, going back to kissing her feverishly. Jo took a deep breath through her nose before breaking it.

"Wait, wait, wait," she slowly looked around, taking the scene in, "What?" she breathed out weakly. "This is…," she said, jumping down from him with much resistance on his side. She put a hand to his chest while taking everything in. "You arranged all of that for me?"

"Um, _us_," he pointed out to her, smiling sheepishly. Jo looked over at him challengingly.

"Yeah, yeah, you don't count," she told him mockingly, taking a few steps away from him, circling on the spot, slowly. _A fireplace, two king sized beds, a wonderful view of Tacoma waterfront, mini bar apparently stowed with gin and tonics, a pizza delivery menu lying on the desk besides the phone_. Jo walked over towards the bed, opening the bag cautiously, feeling the hysterical laughter gather inside her throat before she spluttered. When she looked back at Alex, he was standing straight, looking dead serious.

"I got the basic colors of a painting set – yellow, orange, red, pink, purple, green, blue – I got the shiny ones – silver, golden, bronze, black with glow in the dark… um well, you can guess," he listed, making her eyes wide, not being able to hold it in. "I got rainbow colored, animals, knobs and spikes," he said, making her yank her head back and look at him a bit distraught, making him almost lose his face, "ribs, and… whatever different textures and prints they had," he concluded. Jo felt her belly and chest tremble with laughter, trying to straighten her face, staring him square in the eye.

"You forgot turquoise," she said, taking a step closer towards him. "We've never done it with turquoise even though you know… it was very significant to jump start _this_," she pointed out her finger in between the two of them. Alex smirked when she took another step closer, her looking up at him.

"I'd never," he told her, grabbing his wallet from his back pocket and getting out a turquoise condom, waving it at her. Jo grinned at him widely.

"I announce this turquoise condom to be our first tonight," she told him pompously, making him snort. She reached up to pull his head down and kissed him hard. When they broke, she stroked her thumbs across his cheeks and smiled. "Seriously. Where are we gonna start?" she asked him unbelievingly, feeling like she was a little kid getting into mischief!

"Well, how about we take it slowly, leaving the day behind us, just relaxing," he told her, having clasped her waist and walked her backwards into another room that she soon found out to be the bathroom.

"Take it slow? We'll have lots to do, using all those condoms out there," she pointed out to him reproachfully. Alex chuckled, then turned her around forcefully, hugging her from behind, letting her take the scene in. Jo gasped. This was not a normal bathroom. There was another huge window front, the bathtub right at the edge, looking over Tacoma's harbor. The bath tub was more like a whirlpool and it had little spotlights implemented into the tile circling it. She felt Alex kiss her neck softly.

"Feeling good about this to start with?" he asked her teasingly, making her close her eyes and sway in his embrace for a second.

"Hell, yeah," she opened her eyes and Alex chuckled. He let go of her and she watched him start the water before leaving her to undress herself and heard him order her to already take a swim. She did as he told, getting her clothes off and dipping into the warm water, feeling her muscles relax immediately. Alex hadn't been lying, she could almost do laps in that whirlpool, the size of it a bit huge to call it a bath tub. She whirled around, immediately cracking up loudly when she saw the spectacle before her. Alex had dressed down to nothing but a… what seemed like a… w_hat the hell was it?_ A floating tire? It looked like it… A floating tire for his penis… she looked up at him, completely hysterical with amusement, seeing him carry two gin and tonics towards her, putting them on the edge of the tub.

"What?" he asked her innocently when he climbed in with her. "Princess can't swim," he explained straight faced. "And you know... the floating makes her go...," he looked at her sheepishly, with the cutest smile. "Up," he pointed with his finger. Jo's eyes widened and she flung her hands up to her eyes, covering them, snorting with laughter. She could hear Alex chuckle slightly, pulling her closer by the waist, making her encircle his waist with her legs floatingly, instantly aroused by their privates mashing together, gasping. The laughter died in her throat and she matched Alex's burning eyes, their lips flying onto each other like magnets.

"Mmm, uuh," Jo spat out, the sensations of the hot water sloshing around them, draping their skins smoothly, gliding against each other slickly, Alex's erect nipples tickling against her chest, her arms sliding from his shoulders with the wetness. All she wanted was more of him, more of this, all she wanted was his body, his touch, him. Jo reached down to grasp princess, getting rid of the toy and running him down with her closed hand around him.

"Grrr," Alex growled into her mouth, the sensation of the water enhancing her motions getting to him. She kept rubbing him, loving his reaction to it, sucking in every last piece of output from him to indulge in, enjoying her affecting him so damn much. Jo felt Alex grasp her hips tighter, his fingers digging into her flesh. She was definitely getting to him. She broke the kiss, dragging her lips across his cheek towards his ear.

"You like that, huh?" she hissed into him with hot breath. Alex gnarled. "How about this?" she cupped his balls just right, which wasn't easy in this freaking tub that had looked a lot better from outside to be completely honest about that. Alex let out a sharp sigh, his eyelids dropping. When Jo brought her hands up for a second to get better grip underneath her, she startled when Alex suddenly had her turned and pulled towards him so he was holding her in an embrace from behind, his lips at her ear now, his hands on her tightly.

"Let's see about you, then," he whispered determinedly, kneading her boobs gently, smoothing his fingers down her abdomen and immediately entering her. Jo closed her eyes with a groan stuck in her throat, letting her head fall back onto his broad shoulder. "Like that, huh?" he imitated her cruelly, knowing exactly how to get to her. Jo bit her lower lip, determined not to boost him even more with her vocally enjoying his touch. Alex pulled her closer, his erection touching against her back, dangerously close to her privates, and she knew, neither of them would be able to stop once they saw the chance. She inched her head towards his face momentarily and squeezed his arm that he had tightened across her chest, entwined with hers, searching his eyes. He immediately understood what she was saying, letting her go and hopping out of the water, holding out an arm for her and wrapping her up in a bathrobe.

"Oh my God," Jo immediately had to exclaim, smoothing her hands over it. "This is so soft, it's like it's made out of polar bear," she giggled. Alex rolled his eyes at her, rubbing himself dry with a towel in record time, pushing her into the dark bedroom. "Do you mind me wearing this while we're doing it?" she asked him innocently, laughing when he groaned, letting herself plop back on the bed, spreading the bathrobe wide open and writhing on it ostentatiously. She watched as Alex inhaled deeply, tilting his head to the right a bit and showing off his eyes that were oozing with lust. Her eyes flitted down towards his still half erect penis, eyeing it lusciously. She watched him grab the bag of condoms, making her chuck out an amused syllable, and mounting her. Jo clenched her privates and felt her own wetness. _God, that man was driving her crazy. _She felt her stomach wind and stab, almost feeling sickish, but again, in a good way. She pulled him down into her arms and let him kiss her chest, boobs, down her tummy and her privates, sighing. "Turquoise," she said, "I want turquoise," she reminded him, making him chuckle against her. Jo breathed out a smile, panting heavily underneath him. Alex got up, kneeling before her, Jo observing his every move, watching him rip open the condom and smoothing it onto his penis. He looked down at her with hooded eyes, seemingly deciding what to do with her. Jo couldn't help but laugh silently before he snatched her thigh, bending it, so her left foot was tucked away underneath her butt and climbed it. Jo felt his balls graze her thigh, making her tummy twinge with pleasure and he carefully grabbed her right leg and positioned it with her knee pit on his shoulders, his penis grazing her privates now. Jo rested her left arm underneath her head, and joined his hand on her boobs, entwining them.

"You good?" he asked her softly, matching their eyes. Jo smiled at him, nodding in anticipation for him to enter her. She watched as he positioned his tip at her entrance, the soft brush already heating her immensely. She gulped noticeably and gazed back into his eyes, both sets burning, not drifting away, when Alex entered her slowly, steadily. Jo felt her insides embrace him, struggling to make room for him as they always did, him filling her completely, not hurtfully though, since she was so ready for him, they hadn't once, not once, needed any lube or other little helpers. Alex stopped when he had filled her to the hilt and squeezed her hand gently, making her open up her eyes again and licking her lips that had gone dry with her hard breathing. She nodded at him amusedly, for him to go on, which he took as a sign and started thrusting. The first few were slow and precise, Jo feeling her body tension rise with every time he pulled out and anticipated the next thrust, pleasing her greatly. Alex was biting his lips, staring at her body as in trance, rubbing her nipples lightly, getting off by only touching her. Jo smiled between sighs, not getting tired of him doing this to her. She sensed as Alex was becoming a bit quicker, the thrusts staying deeper, him not pulling out all the way anymore, pushing against her hard, grinding against her spot. Jo felt the moans coming on, closed her eyes with losing clear eyesight, everything blurring in front of her, the sensations too much to take. She listened to Alex's hitched breathing and the small grunts of pleasure every time he hit base, elongating this with tensing her muscles around him intentionally, eliciting groans of pleasure and agitation, his fingers grabbing onto her boobs tighter now. Jo felt how her bent leg started aching a bit but she loved the pain of it, it added perfectly to the sweet mix of pleasure and burning desire. She got out the arm she was resting her head on and reached to hold Alex's hip, feeling his pubic muscles work overtime, feeling them flex and relax, digging her nails into him and running them down, watching goose bumps cover him. Alex bent forward slightly, pushing the leg that was resting over his shoulder towards her, opening her wider and Jo loosened the leg he was sitting on, stretching it. She felt how her wetness turned slippery for him when he grabbed the sheets to her immediate left and right to hold onto and pump into her restlessly.

"Alex," Jo whimpered quietly, biting her lip and pushing the back of her head into her polar bear robe. "God, Alex," she shook her head slowly, trying to cope with the sensations. She felt her orgasm coming on and it took her so hard, she could barely breathe. She groaned with the pain of her left toes cramping up and Alex pushing against her hard, leaving his penis inside her now wholly, humping her, rubbing against her outsides, driving her crazy, making her buck… and scream. When Jo tried blinking her eyes, she saw Alex smirk, making her puff out a smile between her pants and then the experienced the grand black out, everything around her shutting off, a rush going through her that she could only define as intoxicating, not struggling against it anymore, just riding the wave of pure ecstasy. Jo's acoustic nerve closed off and she had no idea if she had gotten really loud, however, she couldn't hear him either, but everything was bliss. At some point, she felt Alex's erratic, jumpy movements come to a sudden halt and sensed him leaning his forehead against her calf, panting hot breath against her smooth skin. It wasn't until she felt Alex sliding out of her, putting her leg back down on the mattress gently and opening up her eyes to watch him get rid of the condom, when she came back to her senses, her head still buzzing, but everything clearing up again. When he turned and walked towards her again, they smiled at each other. Alex climbed her, lying himself on top of her, her embracing him fully, welcoming his lips on her, gently pushing them together.

"That was…," Alex propped up on his elbows to look down at her. "Well… worth it," he smirked at her, winking. Jo wriggled her eyebrows.

"No objections," she told him, pulling him down again. "Only one query," she voiced against him.

"Hmmm?" he hummed against her pleasantly, Jo closing her eyes with the vibrations on her skin.

"What's next?" she asked him, and he smiled brightly at her, looking like his plan was working.

* * *

[Alex]

"It doesn't contribute to memories, but I guess there's no harm in creating new memories…," Alex started slowly, dragging kisses across Jo's cleavage.

"What do you have in mind?" Alex picked up his head as if he had waited for that question all night long and was now so very excited that he got to answer it. Jo raised her eyebrows at him, smiling.

"I've always wanted to have sex in an elevator," he told her.

"Elevator? Seriously? We _can't_… that's too public. This is a hotel. I mean… if you'd do it somewhere else… but a hotel is at work around the clock… there's all the cleaners and room service and other staff that'll be using the elevator...," she counted.

"They use their own elevators," he shook his head at her slightly, seemingly prepared for her rebuff.

"Well, all the late night travelers," she questioned him in uncertainty.

"I looked at the hotel plan. They have this system of accommodating late night travelers not to disturb others," he reported. "Well, at least those who have not booked beforehand. So they won't be using our elevator. As long as the honeymoon suite is not gonna be filled, we should actually be fine around here," he said with cocked eyebrow. "And since they offered it to _us_, I guess it won't be booked tonight." Jo looked at him with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Jo asked him, speechless, almost.

"Well, yeah," he said, shrugging.

"Alex, we could get arrested… we can't have sex in public places," she said.

"Since when are you such a prude?" Jo looked at him completely offended, widening her lips and narrowing her eyes, pushing him off her playfully, sitting up and closing up her robe.

"I am _not _a prude," she stressed every single word of that.

"Yeah? I'm not so sure," Alex dragged out the words, smiling in a small manner and wiggling his head at her in negation, teasing her heavily. He knew that's what got to her. Jo reached and slapped his upper arm a little harder than he had anticipated, making him look at her surprised.

"Sorry," Jo put her hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean to actually _hit_ you," she apologized.

"So now, you're a prude and aggressive? My oh my oh my…," he shook his head again, driving her crazy.

"_I am not a prude_," Jo told him forcefully.

"How about you prove that to me?" Alex smiled at her. Jo narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head.

"You think you're so, so smart," she pointed out. "Having set all this up… daring me, irking me, making me do it? Well, you know what, I'm not gonna withdraw now," she made him raise his eyebrows.

"Fine," he said, getting up and walking into the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" she called after him, smiling when she saw him get the gin and tonics and push one into her hands. They toasted and both had some big gulps. "So, you have to give yourself some liquid courage? Hadn't have thought," she said, mockingly. Alex exhaled through his nose with a bright smile.

"Touché," he told her, drinking it up. "Want another one too?" he asked her casually, getting up to walk over to the mini bar.

"Uh, yes, absolutely," she nodded heavily, making him look back at her and laugh. "I may not be a prude but I'm no flasher, either," she chuckled. "At least not without alcohol in my systems." Alex joined in, giving her the second drink, bending down to graze her lips.

"You only have to get naked for me," he soothed her. Jo laughed, biting her lip and flinching when Alex put his hand on her loin, putting some pressure on his thumbs.

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "Not for long," she added. Alex sat down on the second bed, facing her, their feet entangled on the carpet in between the beds.

"So, tell me, what's your favorite moment of the last three months?" he asked Jo boldly, not knowing how she was going to react. But he couldn't help himself. He wanted to know. He wanted to hear her say the words, hear her talk about what she... liked... what she'd miss.

"Every time I got off work," she laughed, blushing a bit. Alex snorted.

"And that's an intern's working effort, ladies and gentleman," Alex mocked her heavily.

"Well, you asked," Jo looked back at him crossly. Alex was amused.

"For me it was… seriously…can't decide," he said. "Maybe the time you tried stripping for me," he burst with chuckles having gathered in his throat. Jo laughed.

"Hey, I made loads of money," she told him. "And I'd do it again," she added. "Under one condition," she raised her index finger. "Next time I get to keep the money." Alex winced.

"I don't know, Jo… it just felt so wrong," he shared with her. Jo was smiling brightly at him, enjoying the good mood they had established. "I mean, I know I'm the worst person but _that_… that just felt really wrong."

"I apparently like it when you go all cave man on me," Jo developed some rosy cheeks. Alex looked over at her questioningly. "I don't know," she said, shaking her head. "You know when you… can't wait anymore and go all you need to have me _right now_, or… you know when you are really mad because I was talking to some guy at the bar," she tested him.

"I did _not_ get mad," Alex pushed back, keeping his gaze low.

"You so did," Jo called towards the ceiling joyfully. "You got all cranky and childish… but I liked it, you are so very hot when you're mad," she told him with a shimmer in her eyes. Alex rolled his eyes, taking a swig of his drink that really didn't taste all that well to him.

"So, you not only need me to get drunk before we go do this, but also mad?" he suggested for her.

"Well, yeah, that'd be so beneficial," she chuckled, slowly taking off her robe and bending over the bed to retrieve her underwear, showing off her gorgeous back to him. Alex roamed her skin, her ass, the small swell that was her boob, her hair running down her back in curls. She was so sexy. Jo smirked when she dressed in front of him, and he knew she was doing it all on purpose. "So, what's the challenge?"

"Well," Alex tried to yank his gaze away from her body to match her eyes, and it was difficult, "I had this idea…we could both go look for a place at this hotel… that is public, but not too public, not as the elevator cause I already know you're not gonna give in to that wish," he told her. Her smile was innocent and cheerful it seemed. "And call the other to that spot, revealing the personal charms of having sex in a public place," he winked at her. Jo sighed, biting her lower lip.

"And you really think they're not gonna catch us at it?" she wondered.

"Nah, did you see that guy at the reception? He was a sleeping pill," he reminded her. Jo nodded. Then she took another big drink of her gin and tonic.

"Ok, let's do this," she decided, making him laugh.

"Yessss," he said, cheering about her answer. Alex got up, swiftly put on some jeans and his shirt, meeting her at the door and pulling her out. "Alright," he told her, pushing her against the wall, feeling his arousal again, having her so close, anticipating what they were about to do, "how about you go this way, and I go that way," he pointed with his head. "Whoever has found gold first, calls or texts," he said. Jo wriggled her eyebrows at him, running her thumb across his abs, jerking with her knee. Alex felt like the sexual tension between them was like a very strong magnetic field. He flew down, kissing her again, Jo having awaited him already and moving her lips against his at full speed and intensity, groaning loudly. Alex felt himself hardening and pulled back slowly, leaning against her, not matching their eyes, calming down a bit. He felt Jo run her hands up his arms simultaneously and matching her fingers behind his neck, pulling herself up and… _hugging_ him. He felt her deep breaths against him, her chest pushing in and out, he felt her fidget with his hair, he felt a little shiver in her knees. She was trying to stay steady too. Alex embraced her tightly, kissing her neck, not knowing where this was coming from. It was a while, but Jo made the first move to part, looking at him shortly while walking away from him backwards.

"You up for the challenge?" she called back to him daringly, instantly diverting attention from that quick moment of weakness, her eyes flashing dangerously at him. Alex sighed, tilting his head. _Had she tried clouding his mind with her behavior or had this just been real?_ He shook his head at her.

"You're _so_ on," he told her, backing away quickly and running down the hall towards the elevator, thinking he'd have to go all the way down before finding all the public common rooms of the hotel. When he was just walking down a long hallway somewhere in the basement, trying door after door, almost all of them having been locked, his cell phone chimed and he saw Jo calling, scrunching up his face. _She couldn't have found something already, right?_ He pushed the accept button, holding the phone to his ear. "You done already?"

"_No_," Jo told him quickly. "_I was just thinking… if we're doing dare right now… can we catch up on some 'truth' before that? I need to ask you something_," she sounded nervous.

"What is it?" he asked her, frowning, walking further, hearing how Jo was walking as well.

"_You're probably not gonna like it though…_," she indicated. "_I just… Why did you say you're the worst person a while ago back in our room?_" There was silence in between them, Alex feeling how his guts knotted and he sighed in exasperation. "_I mean… I know… or at least I've come to notice that you really do think that… but I'm just wondering why? Why do you think you're the worst person in the world?_" Alex took a deep breath, not knowing what to say. Jo rambled on when he wouldn't say anything. "_Come on, tell me this one secret, I swear I won't tell… and you won't even have to put up with me anymore after tonight… so, just… tell me. And it can't be that bad either… or at least, even if it's really bad, I won't judge you. After all, I know for a fact that I'm the worst person in the world_," she ranted. Alex rolled his eyes at this. There was another pause. "_Please, Alex? I know that you're insecure about yourself and I just don't get why… I just want to know… because… is it something I do? I mean… I know I'm still teasing you for sleeping with every girl there is… and I know I should stop, it's just… to be honest… it doesn't make sense in my head… you're like… the most confident person in the world on the one hand… hooking up with so many girls and being all charming, as a doctor and as a guy… I mean and then you say stuff like you're the worst person in the world and you're so insecure sometimes… even about me! And I'm just another girl you sleep with…_," her voice became a little quieter. Alex cleared his throat before answering. He wanted this to be over with.

"I have a biological family, but I've also had 17 foster families in my life. None of them wanted me. Every one of them threw me out. I had a wife with cancer who didn't die and I had a girlfriend with a job that was rightfully mine and both left me after I got close to them," Alex paused slightly, feeling himself shrug one-shouldered. "Nobody wants to have anything to do with me, that's why I keep the interactions to a minimum, that's why I'm sleeping around. In the beginning I thought… they were just… I mean sometimes there's just… no chemistry… no matter if in a couple or a family… but after 18 families and a couple of really serious relationships and some semi-serious relationships that all went awry, I just… it has to be me, right? I must be the worst person to be with," he concluded. "Satisfied?" There was another break of silence in between them before he heard Jo gulp but then cough softly and respond.

"_My family thinks I want to kill my dad. I win_," Jo just responded nonchalantly, making Alex halt while walking, shocked. _What?_ "_Meet me at room 1.04 in 10 minutes_," she added before hanging up. _Had he heard her right?_ Alex walked about for another while, before hiding behind a ledge, a cleaning lady rounding the corner. He was not supposed to be down here. He watched as she halted her trash cart in front of a nearby door, swiping her staff card through the machine, walking inside the room after leaving the card on her trash cart. _Now or never! _He snuck up quietly, swiping the card from the cart and running towards where he thought was 1.04.

* * *

[Night log]

_11 p.m._

"Jo?" Alex tried to open up the door to room 1.04 slowly and quietly, announcing his arrival in a whisper, frowning into the dark spacious room.

"Close the door behind you," he heard her quiet voice. He entered the room swiftly and looked around, taking a few steps inside, before coming to a halt at the view before him. He closed his eyes and chuckled, trying to make out what he saw within the darkness before him. "Well, good thing you're here, _boss_, the meeting has begun already," she told him sassily from her position on the long stretched conference table, having laid herself on the very center of it, only wearing her lingerie.

"How in the world did you get in here?" he chuckled, walking closer.

"Well, you know I'm eager to please," she replied with a smile playing her lips. Alex smirked before he had climbed the edge and Jo had grasped for his shirt and pulled him on top of her.

"Remind me to give you a raise later on," he mumbled against her lips, eliciting some giggles from her, before they kissed heatedly. It didn't take more than thirty seconds until they were both naked and the only thing that kept Alex's mind level with reality was the cold mahogany table underneath them, the smooth surface they were soiling with their passionate actions. They fooled around lavishly, the thrill of somebody getting them caught ever present, enhancing their passion and need and lust, the adventure written across their faces, burned into their eyes. Alex was kissing Jo deeply, hungrily, feeling the acid burn inside his guts, feeling the urge to enter her, deeply, and quickly, soothing his raving desire for that girl. He pulled himself up into a kneeling position, Jo looking at him with heavy breath and swollen lips, before he climbed down from the table, adjusting her, pulling her with him, laying her at the edge, making her ready for his grand entrance. He ripped open the condom impatiently, putting it on, before grasping her legs and pressing them against his torso, entering her quickly, making her yelp. Alex leaned his forehead against her calves, gulping down his pleasure. _She was so tight, so tight. And he was so deep. _He knew she loved him deep and this was one of the positions in which he could have her deepest. He placed his hands at her hips, restricting her, and thrust in and out wildly, the feeling of being in full control giving him a high. He heard Jo whimper and sigh with a pleasure laced voice, trying to stay quiet. He felt as he was getting more erratic, wanting more, needing the feel of her, her tight walls around him, her unbelievable wetness. _Calm down, you don't wanna… _

"Fuck, Alex," Jo bucked her hips and clawed her fingers on his. _Fuck. _Alex yanked his eyes open and looked at her in shock. "That hurt," she whispered, making him frantic, immediately pulling out and her up and close to him.

"I'm sorry, Jo, I'm sorry, are you hurt? I didn't mean t-," he pulled her into a hug, feeling her naked body flush against his, both still aroused, her arms clasping him tightly.

"Shh," she cupped his cheeks, looking him straight in the eyes, only inches apart. "It's fine, Alex, it's good. I'm good. You just got a little deep there," she winked at him, pecking his lips softly.

"I'm sorry," he told her again, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, are you hurting?"

"No, Alex, it's fine, stop panicking, it was just a moment, can we go back to what we were doing please, I wasn't done," she told him with a slight chuckle, making him look at her conflicted. "Please, Alex?" she got up on the tips of her toes and kissed him so hard, he took a step back, bumping into one of the desk chairs, sitting down on it. "That's better," she smirked against him, placing herself in his lap. When they parted, Jo looked down at the wheeled chair and its armrests. "Oh, that's just perfect," she cheered, pushing him back into the chair. Alex held her waist, just looking at her, watching her doings, amazed with her. She climbed him, turning around in his lap and thread her legs into the fixed armrests, so she was sitting on him wide-legged, her beautiful back towards him. He kissed down her spine, and got a hold of his still pulsing erection, feeling how she was circling her hips to make him enter her again. She slid down his length, throwing her head back to enjoy the feel of it, circling him slowly, intensely. Alex wrapped his arms around her, one immediately going towards her breasts, while the other was teasing her clitoris. "Uuhhhmm," she spat out in pleasure, starting to move up and down on him. Alex leaned his forehead against her back, reveling in the feeling of her doing the magic on him.

_It was so incredible. _It was funny that when he thought back to all his other sex adventures… he'd usually have fun chicks… all of them different… but also, all of them having preferences that they stuck to… either they were super active… and dominant… or they were just really passive and expected him to just screw them. He was fine with either, both was fun, both was satisfying, but with Jo… Jo did it all for him. She let him screw her when he needed it… when she needed it. But then she'd do all the work another time… and then there were times everything happened so fast, they changed from him in control to her, they did together, there were times they touched and kissed and drew out their sleeping together for hours and nights and then there were those times they just had plain, rough, even less than five minutes in the closet sex. All in one girl… and that was just amazing. Right now, she was doing the good stuff on him, letting him touch her, letting him kiss her back, bobbing up and down on him, circling him, flexing her muscles on him, making his climax not as far away as he had hoped. She just gave him everything, and he knew, they had intense chemistry in the bedroom, he knew she wasn't doing this for him solely, but she enjoyed the _hell _out of it, and it was turning him on so much.

Alex came back to life when Jo grasped his arms that were holding her boobs and clit respectively for support, mumbling something frantically under her breath. Alex smiled against her and he knew she was returning the smile when she turned her head to the side an inch, reacting to the sensations on her skin, even though he couldn't see her face explicitly and vice versa. Alex gently bit into her skin covering her shoulder blade when he felt his orgasm coming on, feeling the heat rush going through his head, his forehead burning up, his muscles clenching.

"Oh fuck," he groaned, making her go up and down him slower now, more precisely, tightening herself on him, making him spin out of control. "Babe-," he pressed his agape lips against her spine, making his raspy breathing less heard and experienced then his release, making him groan out loud even though he tried not to, not coming down from his high, feeling her restlessly going up and down his penis. Jo cried out when she came, and he could feel some fluid slowly dripping down his thigh messily and Jo letting herself fall against him gently, him resting his head on her shoulder, right next to her ear, and wrapping her up in a tight embrace, breathing this out together.

"I'm impressed," Alex told her quietly, after regaining control of his breaths. "My location isn't as creative as this," he told her, feeling her smirk. She turned her head around towards him, feeling her shift her torso a bit to the right, so she could reach his lips and kissed them.

"Well I had something to prove," she responded cheekily, nibbling his lips. They sat like that for another while, just embracing each other, looking at each other, before continuing their night.

_12.20 a.m._

Alex had slung an arm around Jo tightly when they walked down another dark hallway in the basement of the hotel, holding her firmly, kissing her temple repeatedly. Jo just smiled and closed her eyes, letting him guide her. When she sensed him halt, she opened her eyes and watched him slide a staff card through one of the secure boxes at a door, looking around for any observers with a cocked eyebrow.

"Where did you get that from?" she asked him in amusement.

"Well, I'm eager to please," he shrugged his shoulder, copying her response from before. They walked inside and immediately the smell of chlorine hit her nose.

"Pool? They have a pool for staff members only? Are you freaking serious?" Jo smiled up at him. He nodded widely.

"But that's not all," he pulled her into the room. "I know you're not a fan of water sex," he winked at her, making her look at him in surprise. _Had she _ever _mentioned that?_ "Buuut," he dragged her on, before stopping at a smaller and higher basin, grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it up. "They do have a-"

"Hot tub! Sweet," Jo was psyched, feeling like a child, instantly getting off her clothes, him watching her and pecking his lips when she had done so, passing him and getting into it. "Aaaawesome," she whistled, paddling back towards the edge and looking over at him. "You coming in, Mister?" she asked him in a perky voice. Alex wiggled his eyes at her and laughed, leaning up to touch his lips to hers.

"Well, let me tell you that I have some more surprises up my sleeve," he told her with a nod. Jo watched him as he walked over towards a pillar and worked on some switches. She marveled as the small lamps inside the pool turned different shades of colors and she felt little bubbles come out between the tiles.

"Niiice," she nodded at him.

"Wait for it," he told her with a stern face, and she jumped when suddenly a very strong jet came out right underneath her, making her squeal. Alex snapped his eyes towards her, shushing her. Jo giggled with a hand pressed to her mouth. Alex climbed into the tub when he had gotten rid of his clothes and sank down on top of her. His smooth skin against hers with the bubbles around them and the vibrations from the jet made her head spin. _Already. How many times have you climaxed tonight already? This is getting ridiculous! You're aroused _again_.. Phew. _Alex smiled down at her luscious lips and her half closed eyes and she knew he knew she wanted him already again. Her nipples were hard as metal when he caressed them and she pulled him closer to get her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, so she could feel him move against her. She felt his penis graze her, making her close her eyes and sigh, rubbing her nose against his stubbly cheeks, smelling his scent. "Relax," he whispered against her skin. "Let me spoil you," he told her, making her smile against him and kiss his cheek, anchoring her fingers in his hair when he gently pushed her back towards the edge, arranging her right above one of the jets, hitting her perfectly from down there. _Oh God, he's using these freaking features to get me off. You evil, evil, wonderful man. _She closed her eyes and bit her lip hard, gulping at how the water jet teased and tickled her. Meanwhile, Alex had started massaging her boobs, kissing her neck and cleavage, going underwater and nipping at her nipples. Jo laughed when he dove up to the surface again, looking like a wet dog. Alex smiled down at her, rubbing their noses together on purpose, getting her all wet.

"Stooop," Jo laughed, shaking the water off her face. Alex smirked, staying close to her, matching her eyes and not letting her out of sight, smoothing his hands down her waist slowly before cupping her ass tightly, pushing her against his privates while he still kept her massaged by the jet and then parted them to give his fingers and entry. "Uchhhmmm," Jo sighed really quietly, trying to not make too much noise. He moved his whole body, apart from his fingers, up towards her and kissed her hard. Jo tried to kiss him back just as feverishly, grasping him tightly. _This was so good. Why do we have to stop this? Why do you have to go do stupid freaking career pushing showpiece humanitarian perfect medical record stuff for six weeks and in freaking I hate you stupid Baltimore? Just stay and do this to me all day and all night… it's very crucial to me mastering this internship. It's very beneficial for… motivation. And stuff. _Jo tightened her grip on him when she sensed Alex pull her closer, pulling his fingers out and embracing her, stepping out of the hot tub carefully, a chill circling her, goose bumps rising when they hit the chilly air. "Where are you going?" she mumbled against his lips. He just shushed her, kept kissing her, before he wrapped her in a towel that was almost as fluffy as the bathrobe, laying her down on a lounger, dabbed her dry gently, and started to pleasure her with his mouth. Jo lost all feeling of time or being, grabbing the top and the armrest of her chair tightly, closing her eyes and breathing heavily. When she came minutes later, she thought she had shot all remaining orgasmic energy off of her for the night, lying there like a limp fish, trying to ride out her high. Alex was resting against her thigh and she loved the weight of him on her, and they just relaxed, silently.

_1 a.m._

"Excuse me, Sir? Ma'am?" Alex and Jo turned back towards the staff member who looked at them weirdly. "May I ask what you're doing down here?"

"Of course," Jo instantly replied. "We got lost somehow… wanted to go look at the waterfront… I was so sure there was a back door to that porch… and now we landed here… and I just don't know how," she acted completely naïve. "Alex told me a hundred times that I was wrong… but you know… I tend to be right," she smiled at the person sweetly.

"Alright, may I escort you to the elevators?" he asked them politely, leading the way.

"Oh that would be wonderful," Jo sugarcoated his suggestion. Alex tried to hide his chuckles.

"So… did you and your… husband…," the staff member made an awkward pause. "Go swimming?"

"Oh, you silly," Jo touched the person's upper arm. Alex rolled his eyes at Jo, overdoing it boundlessly. "We were having a bath earlier today…," she winked at him. "You know," she linked her arm with Alex's, cuddling up to him. "some special time together," she eyed the staff member. The guy just raised his eyebrows and nodded, skepticism apparent in his eyes. They walked onto the elevator when the door dinged open and faced the guy again, pushing their button. "Thanks for taking us," Jo chirped towards him.

"Oh, hey man," Alex stopped the guy from walking off, getting out the card. "We found this down the hall, you mind giving it back to your colleague?" he gave him the staff swipe card unceremoniously, the guy widening his eyes at them, looking completely incredulous and speechless. The doors closed and they stood in silence for a couple of seconds before both of them just burst into laughter. "Did you see his face?"

"God, he's so gonna report us," Jo struggled for air with laughing so hard, bending over and holding her stomach.

"Oh, whatever, you'll flirt a little and get us out of that predicament," he winked at her, still chuckling. Jo smirked back at him.

"Well, _there's_ something I'm really good at," she enclosed, winking, leaning against him, Alex wrapping his arm around her. They walked out of the elevator towards their room. "I'm really hungry now… this is pretty strenuous, you didn't tell I was going to be up all night doing work out," she scolded him lightly, squeezing his back. Alex let them in.

"Let's get some pizza," he promised her, making her nod joyfully.

"Awesome," she lay down on the bed, resting comfortable. They ordered pizza and had some more drinks, getting woozy and a bit keyed up with each other's company, pushing each other, laughing hysterically, jumping on the bed childishly, tickling stories out of the other. When they had scarfed down the entire pizza together, they lay in bed together, looking at the fake fireplace. _This was nice. And both were getting tired. _

_2.45am_

"You tired yet?" Jo asked, having lost her jeans again, Alex having dressed down to his boxers a while ago, claiming it was too hot for his liking, cuddling up against him, staring at the flames.

"Exhausted," he gave her back with a smirk.

"Well, we've been busy all night," she gave him back softly, grazing his chest muscles. She turned to lie on her back, looking at the window front. "You know what'd be really pretty though…?"

"Hmm?" he hummed into her hair, snuggling up her side, Jo holding his arm firmly against her stomach.

"Having sex against that window," she fantasized, making him smile.

"You sure have one hell of a sex drive," he commented.

"You complaining?" she cocked her eyebrow up, questioning him with her looks. Alex snorted.

"Never," he told her, his eyes closed, kissing her shoulder. They lay in silence for a while, enjoying each other's touch. "You want to?" Alex broke it first. Jo who had closed her eyes just hummed.

"Sure. Just… let me… get some rest first," she told him sluggishly. "You tired me out big time." Alex nodded heavily, his eyes closed as well. They dozed off for a while, their limbs entangled and their breathing in sync. Jo looked over at him when she blinked her eyes open again, not really knowing if she had fallen asleep or not. She observed his peaceful face, not being able to resist to reach up and drag her thumb across his cheek. Alex opened his eyes as if he hadn't slept either. "You know," Jo murmured in a husky voice. "You're not the worst person to spend time with," she pondered, not breaking their eye contact. "You're actually a lot of fun. And you're good. I mean… you're a nice guy… I don't know why all that stuff you said happened as it did… but I can't imagine it was because of you… I really can't," she shook her head in a small motion. "I mean besides being one hell of a lover… you're actually a good guy from what I've picked up on lately… is all I'm saying… I don't know you very well, I know that… but I just… I can't imagine," she concluded. They stared at each other for a minute before he cleared his throat.

"Well, for what it's worth… I don't believe you have the guts to kill someone," he pointed out to her with a shrug. Jo looked at him for a second before closing her eyes and her chest shook with laughter.

"That's… comforting," she breathed. Alex smiled back.

"Of course I really don't wanna… be convicted for being an accomplice to a felony… but just out of curiosity… what are they thinking you'd do? Stab him? Shoot him? Strangle him?" he looked at her questioningly. Jo rolled her eyes with a small smile on her face, shaking her head slowly before matching eyes with him again.

"Actually, I'm trying to get him off life support," she smoothed her lips together, her face blank now. They didn't say anything for a long, long while, just listening to the other breathe. When Alex pulled Jo closer to hug her to him, she let go of a long and heavily needed breath she had been holding. They fell asleep in each other's arm, both of them having forgotten the window front and their intentions with it.

_5.30am_

They woke up slowly, kissing a bit, touching a bit, locking eyes, there was no talking though. When they got up eventually, cleared the room and checked out, Jo got some coffee for Alex before getting in the car to drive. They didn't talk, Alex just kept putting his hand back into Jo's lap, her embracing it, after every sip of coffee he had. Jo's thoughts were spinning. _She definitely felt that moment, that moment of awkward silence. They hadn't known awkward until then, not after they had both agreed on what this was, this relationship. It was fun and beneficial for both, they were using each other, for a lack of a better description. So now, when Jo felt the awkward silence in between them, she couldn't quite figure out what it was. It was like... there's a reason why people say 'good morning' and 'good night', 'see you later' and 'good luck' or 'have a good day'. None of those phrases really matched the situation, so Jo couldn't figure out what to say. She wanted to say something, hell, she needed to say something, cause that nothing she was experiencing at the moment was just... it was burning a hole inside her guts. She needed to say something but she couldn't think of the right words. 'Bye' wasn't enough, they had long since crossed the line for just 'bye'. 'See you later'? 'Have fun'? 'I'll miss you'? God, no! That's so inappropriate. So Jo kept on sitting next to Alex, clasping his hand tightly in between hers and kept quiet, the burning inside her reminding her of what she wanted to say desperately continuously. _When Alex had pulled up at a side street to the hospital, he looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back. _Yeah, now's the time to elaborate on your big thinking._

"This was fun," she told him sheepishly. "Lots of fun." Alex nodded.

"Yeah, you're good company. Thanks," he winked at her.

"Well," she said, gathering her things, trying to escape that awkward situation, even though she knew, if she didn't say what she wanted to, she'd feel like their whole thing wouldn't come to a proper end. "I guess…good luck," she quirked out awkwardly. "And see ya," she told him, not quite meeting his eyes. Alex tilted his head to his side, raising his eyebrows at her. "Well, what? You want me to wave you goodbye? Tell you that I'll wait for you?" she mocked him heavily for she felt too overwhelmed to actually deal with this and then shook her head. "I'm not an army wife, you know," she told him, both of them laughing now.

"No," he shook his head. "No, I don't want that," he snorted at the thought of that. "Just… take care of yourself, you know… with what happened with the car and all…," he reminded her. Jo rolled her eyes.

"I'll be fine," she gave him back in a bored voice, unbuckling herself.

"Take it easy on the guys," he advised her, making her look at him in amusement. "You've become very demanding lately, I guess not all can keep up with that," he winked at her, applauding himself at it. Jo sighed, her heavy tongue keeping her from saying anything. Instead she leaned over towards him, waiting for his reaction before he met her in the middle, and they kissed, one last time, both of them feeling their guts burn with fire…the kiss soft, but intense, not very deep, but they could again feel the longing between them, both of them trying to push it down desperately. When they parted, they smiled.

"Bye," Jo whispered softly, squeezing his hand before letting go and getting out of the car, watching him drive away.

_6.45 a.m. _

Jo stood at the curb, tightening her arms around herself for cold wind was encasing her. She replayed the last months in her mind, sighing for she wasn't sure how she was ever going to find somebody so sexually in sync with herself. He was just so perfectly hot and steamy and everything a girl could wish for. And even besides the sex...

"Hey girl," Jo yanked her head around, seeing Stephanie crossing the street towards her. "Early for rounds? That neurofibromatosis case really must keep you on your toes," she observed, linking their arms and walking towards the hospital together. Jo just hummed in reply and looked back at the intersection. _She had been distracted for one second, and now he was gone, the words still stuck in her throat. _


	16. Black hole

[Lucy]

Lucy walked into the bar the resident on her service had recommended for after hour drinks and where she anticipated to find some of her colleagues, one she had wanted to talk to for days now in particular. After what she thought was a wild goose chase, she found herself smiling in relief when she made out Alex's broad back at the bar counter, sitting there with one other female doctor… an intern, she thought. She walked over, shaking her scarf from the raindrops that were sitting on it and plopped down on the bar stool next to Alex, making him look back at her, his face immediately alarmed. She held his gaze while she was getting off her coat and studied his expression. _Anger. Annoyance. Pain? Maybe some defense._ He let go of an irritated breath and slowly turned back, taking a sip of his beer. When she was done undressing, Lucy tilted her head to put her eyes on the intern sitting on Alex's other side.

"Will you give us some privacy?" she asked her politely, with a friendly smile on her face. The intern looked up in surprise and some confusion but scurried away immediately, too respectful or even scared of the superior doctor. Alex turned his face back to her sharply, barking at her.

"What the hell do you want? I was having a conversation here," his eyes shot a death glare at her. Lucy just turned towards the barkeeper and ordered a drink and then sighed.

"Really, it took me two full weeks to get you to talk to me and that's what you have to tell me?" she replied soberly. Alex moved his head back the tiniest bit, in surprise and also confusion, she believed to see on his face.

"Why in the world would I talk to you and what is it exactly I'd _have _to tell you?" Lucy looked at his unfazed expression, all his little wrinkles and features that made him the person she had once known seemingly petrified. He was hiding his emotions very clearly, and also, very well. Lucy bit her lip insecurely, not knowing how to continue.

"Well, after all we do know each other… pretty well," she pointed out half-heartedly. Alex snorted, taking a sip of his beer, playing with the coaster. She did get why he treated her like it. And she did want to make it better, she just wasn't sure how. "Alex, I'm sorry, I really am," she started, not one muscle moving on his face. "About how it must have looked to you back then," she tried to explain.

"How it _must have looked _to me back then? What the hell was it supposed to be other than you snatching away _my _job and leaving?" he snapped back at her. Lucy pushed her lips together, having anticipated that route.

"Well," she stuttered. "Look, I know it's been a long time and you probably don't care… it's just… it wasn't all like that…," she tried.

"Yeah, whatever story you've fixed up for yourself, _I don't care_, so save it," he gave her back.

"Please, just let me explain," she asked him. "I've felt bad ever since and I've waited for the moment we'd meet again," she told him. Alex pulled his eyebrows together. "Look, we had only been dating for such a short time back then… and I wasn't sure about anything. I just… look, I liked you, I… you were… we had a really good time… of course it was way too short of a relationship to even judge about it… but I think we could have been… at least I would have been in it for a while," she said. At this Alex laughed, making her frown and throw him a questioning look.

"I wasn't the one who walked out," Alex told her, annoyed. She took another deep breath.

"I know that," she just said. "Remember, when I got that job at Baylor… I just… when I told you and asked you what… what you thought about it… and you just said… I mean you were just like… go ahead, this is what you wanted… and when I tried explaining to you that I meant… it would have been very hard to maintain our relationship… you just… you just didn't care… so I was like… I mean when you didn't take the job in Africa… I kinda… well something in me just snapped and I… found myself applying for it and taking the job and I didn't even think much about it… I just thought you weren't really in this anyway," she paused. Alex chuckled again, shaking his head.

"I'm used to being at fault. So yeah, just keep going about how I was the one who _made _you walk out on me and _made _you take my job. Sure, it's fine, all good. Just tell yourself that. But fucking keep it to yourself, _I don't care_," he told her sharply, making her heart beat wildly.

"I didn't mean to say that, I didn't mean to say it was your fault, Alex, I just wanted to explain what I felt back then. I was confused and I was insecure about us and you and I just… I'm sorry, okay? That's _my_ version of the story, I just wanted to tell you," she concluded.

"Again: Whatever," he finished their conversation.

"I just... maybe if you... I mean... if you ever have any... um... problems I guess with any of your... future serious relationships...," she started, looking up when he snorted.

"Are you about to give me relationship advice?"

"I'm just saying, I know you and I know you probably don't mean to but sometimes you're so very guarded and... it can play serious mind games with another person...," she got rid of that sentence rather quickly. They sat side by side, both staring at the counter, sipping at their respective drinks, silence engulfing them. Minutes passed, their glasses emptied, Lucy's heart was still going at a very strong rate. "So, are you… seeing someone back in Seattle?" Lucy started the conversation back up slowly, not daring to look over at his face.

"How in the fucking world would that concern you?" Lucy shrugged.

"I don't know… I just… thought about it, I guess," she told him.

"I'm not sleeping with you if that's what you're thinking," he told her in a mocking voice. Lucy's guts sank and she wasn't sure what reason was behind that, maybe his extremely hurtful voice.

"I wasn't going there," she just said but slowly realized they would probably not go back to their casualty and friendship they once had. "So… can we still be… friends? I mean, not… you know… can we be friendly? Cooperative? At work I mean…?" Alex looked at her with bored eyes.

"For how long are you planning to stay anyways?" he asked her.

"Just until Taona's had her surgery done and I see how her and the baby's recovery is going," she answered. "I'm not asking for us to be friends or for you to forgive me or I don't know… sleep with me if that's what you think I was trying to achieve… I'm just asking that our past stays our past and we can focus on work… together. Can we do that?" She heard Alex grunt and knew she wasn't going to get more out of him than that. She paid for her drink and got up, buttoning her coat.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex gulped down the last of his beer and ordered whiskey. When the barkeeper put the heavy glass down in front of him, he looked at it briefly before emptying it in one gulp, the burning soothing him somehow. Lucy was still hovering next to him, getting dressed. _Just get on with it. It was bad enough to see her face at work every day… He didn't wanna see it anymore. And to actually have the guts to come here, demand she wants to talk to him and tell him what she just did. Unbelievable. Seriously, unbelievable. Of course there was a reason behind it… of course she had a whole story to tell… of course he had been the one at fault again, who else, right? He was always the one at fault. Clear as day. Let's see. His family was definitely screwed up because of him, right. His parents would have been fine if it weren't for him. Hadn't his mom turned out pregnant, they could have split like early on and they'd never have had to raise a family. His mom would have been better off for sure, she wouldn't have had to endure all the beatings and he didn't even wanna think of how exactly his siblings had… emerged. You don't really sleep with violent, alcoholic… whatever else more people on a voluntary basis, do you? Well, anyways… if it hadn't been for him. If he had shut up more often back at home, maybe there would have been fewer beatings for them boys. If he had gotten them out earlier, maybe his mom and his brother would have stayed sane. If he had stayed, maybe his brother wouldn't have attacked Amber. If he were a better person, he'd get his whole family and situate them in Seattle, closer to himself, take care of them. If he hadn't been all moody while growing up, he wouldn't have gotten kicked out of the foster families. Same goes for aggressive, brash, rude, bold, uncaring, unstable, ignorant, silent, well, anything really. It always comes back to him. If he hadn't banged Olivia that very first night in Seattle, he wouldn't have had most of his future problems. He'd have had a better, stronger, healthier relationship with Izzie, they'd have married under different circumstances, she'd have never met Denny, or at least, they maybe, just maybe, wouldn't have bonded the way they had. She'd have told him about the cancer earlier. But he had slept with Olivia anyways. If he hadn't been such a crappy husband to her, she'd have stayed. Right. Cause it's all his fault. Every time. If he hadn't been so rational about job choices in the course of dating Lucy, she wouldn't have left him and taken his job at it? Sure, put it on the pile… we're collecting. People were better off without him. Clear fact. _

"So… is she gone for good now…?" Alex snapped up his head and spotted the intern from before. He smiled at her slightly.

"You sure you wanna spend your time with me?" Alex rasped towards her. She adopted a flirty look to her face.

"Unless you have something better in mind…," she told him, taking the stool next to him. He ordered her a drink, looking down at his. _And that's why he was so good with those one nighters. Brilliant for one night. Disappointing later on. But that was life, right. _He looked back over when she started the conversation back up. He observed her features, listened to her words, responding with chuckles and grunts and nods. They had a couple more drinks, Alex marveled at the girl who just talked and talked and never once realized he hadn't said one word. Alex looked down at his phone that was lying on the counter in front of him as it lit up and he felt a quick stab in his guts. _Arizona. _He sighed, somehow having expected someone else's name pop up on the screen, switching it back to standby and looking back over at the girl, biting his gum. _There was something that wouldn't quite drop from his mind though. _Someone_. Brilliant for one night… it hadn't been one night though… it had been 123 nights, and days, approximately, give or take a few. And they had all been brilliant. And there hadn't been any disappointment… as far as he could judge. So was that it? _Alex didn't know exactly what he was on about. He didn't know what was going on with him, why he hadn't had one single girl since he had left Seattle three and a half weeks ago, why he always hesitated to connect with the diverse range of women at the bar, why he would drift off when a perfectly sexy intern was sitting right next to him, obnoxiously rubbing her thigh against his, shooting him seductive glares, licking her lips ostentatiously, talking about crap and stuff. He really couldn't figure it out. It wasn't like he'd think about her all the time, he really didn't. He didn't _think _about her… he… kinda… he _felt her absence. _

_So… you miss her, or what? What did you guys arrange? Did you ever talk about it? No… right? You had your chance… you had absolutely amazing sexy times together… now it's someone else's turn. Right. _Alex sighed. _So, if you are actually thinking you really want to continue what you were doing before your trip after you go back to Seattle… you should probably have opened your mouth at some point… You could have just said so… or asked her… or talked about it. So, that's it. You've managed to mess this up, also. This something, that wasn't even anything. You've managed to mess it up. So, it's settled. It's your fault. It always is. It always will be. No point denying it. They're right. I must be a horrible person. _Alex's eyes focused on his cell phone, as if waiting for it to vibrate, to notify him of a message. A call. Anything. _Maybe he could still fix it… maybe he should call her? Text her? They could always have phone sex… right? _Alex smirked at the thought of it. _But then again, he had a perfectly sexy girl sit right next to him, blatantly offering. _Alex looked back at her. _Problem was, he didn't want her. _He felt himself shake his head barely noticeably to the girl besides him. _He wanted _his _girl. The girl who he had been looking forward to see every single night for the last three months. The girl he'd had amazing hourlong sex with. The girl he'd hold in his arms, smelling her skin, feeling her curls tickle him, and just look at, because she was that kind of beautiful that it just made him stare at her, drool all over her. The girl that had made him laugh, made him talk. The girl that he'd feel so comfortable with, so right with, that he hadn't even looked at another girl in months. _Alex gulped. _So... you kinda _do _miss her... as in... besides the sex? Have you...? Oh God... and you just let her go? Because... as Lucy has elaborated for you... you were too guarded to tell her or even cue her that you wanted to be with her?_ Then his guts dropped. _At this very moment, she was probably just getting off, hitting the bar for after hour drinks and talking up some guy to take her home. She surely wasn't at all thinking about things as he did. Oh fuck it. You did this to yourself. This is all your fault. You're horrible. You messed this up. Again. _Alex aggressively downed the rest of his liquor, facing the girl that was still rambling besides him, his expression shutting her up. _Whatever, horrible people can do horrible things. _

"Wanna get out of here?"

* * *

[Jo]

"So…," Jo made out Marvin's tentative voice while switching on the lights and stowing away some papers that were lying about messily on the coffee table. She looked back at him swiftly, awaiting his appraisal. "I would have thought a surgeon's paycheck… was a tiny bit... fancier… no offense," he chuckled, looking around. Jo snorted, making her way over to the kitchenette, purposefully hiding her face from him, rolling her eyes.

"Well, as they keep telling me, I'm the very bottom of the surgical food chain," she replied, boredom lacing her voice but she was sure he had no idea. They'd been having a pleasant evening until now, they'd conversed and laughed and flirted some.

"This is nice, though," he pointed out. "I didn't mean to say you live in a dump or something… I just always imagined doctors being… rich people living in their mansions on the outskirts, you know…," he added. Jo shook her head unnoticeably to him, scrunching up her eyebrows and opening the fridge to get out a bottle of beer that's been stacking in there among so many others since she hadn't been entertaining a lot of beer drinkers at her home lately. _One in particular. _

"It's been ten months since I graduated med school, what did you think?" she gave him back in annoyance. The guy just grunted in astonishment and then giggled awkwardly.

"I honestly didn't think that far," he said, making her chuckle now.

"You want a beer?"

"I'm actually not much of a beer drinker… water will do," he told her with a smile.

"You can have vodka," she offered him. He gratefully declined before Jo took the bottle of beer and water over to the couch where they settled and chatted some more. _This was super weird and it annoyed her. _Jo sighed loudly, taking a gulp of her ice cold refreshment while Marvin went on about the research he was doing, which she actually, honestly, genuinely found very interesting and exciting, but she couldn't quite stay focused, with him sitting on this couch. Everything had been fine, all night long, she couldn't quite figure out what was going on now. _Don't even go there with your thoughts. Seriously!_

_ She had been super crabby after Alex had left about... four weeks ago now? No, has it been this long? Not quite. Anyways, she hadn't been at her personal top. First, it had been okay, like, right after he had left, she had gotten her period, which was how she had wanted it, and during those days, she hadn't really been up to anything much. And she'd attended that neurosurgical seminar. That had distracted her big time. But then, she had found herself hanging around at home alone a lot, studying, drinking beer, surfing the databases for more info on the neurofibromatosis case she was now a regular to with Dr. Robbins, who had even asked the chief for an extension on her Peds rotation to keep her on that particular case. She had gone to the bar and she had met with the other interns and everything, but she just felt so off. Work wasn't as brilliant as it usually was and she was just… bored, somehow. And she cursed him for it. She had gotten spoiled rotten, seriously, now she was bored and unmotivated and… horny. So, she had finally decided to ask out that stupid hot research fellow that she had eyed up a couple of times at the lab, working on his dissertation for pharmaceutics. It had been a very, very nice night. She had actually laughed and talked and he had made her blush with all his flirting and very charmingly and moderately strewn compliments. That had been the reason why she had taken him home, because they had just hit it off. Everything was easy, everything was so nice, everything was just… well, it was meant to be explored further. But now… she felt weird, sitting on her own couch, having him sit opposite her. _

"So, how about, before you fall asleep on me while I ramble on about my fascinating work," he drew out the last bit, winking at her and giving her his perfect straight teeth smile, making her blush, "you tell me about your work? Or anything really… doesn't have to be work, but it just seems… as we met at the hospital… it's striking to me that we actually not once had to talk about work tonight… which is a good thing, I'd say… but you've made me curious," he grinned. Jo smiled back.

"Well, as I said, I've not been doing it for that long, there's not much to tell," Jo replied, shrugging.

"Well, how's it been until now? I mean... I'd expect you to have to tell lots and lots _particularly _when everything's new... and shiny... Is it what you thought it would be back in med school?"

"It's… hard. I guess… the first few days of wonder and amazement and fascination have abated and now we're being trained to get to the real stuff," she smiled. "It's still… it's so intriguing and sometimes I can't believe I get my hands bloody… like… actually, literally," she found herself marveling at her job. "It's just… there's days on which I just… I could stay at the hospital forever and I could just… I could treat patient after patient and the surgeries and diseases and whatever more would never cease to blow my mind… and then there are those days on which I just… I just don't even wanna get out of bed, not even for a really cool surgery, because honestly… it's just a hell lot of work and effort and… struggle really, and I'd rather not do it. _And _as you have noticed correctly," she added, "paycheck's not very respectable, so… well, it's a daily struggle."

"Wow, I can't decide if you love or hate your job," Marvin smiled back. Jo mirrored his face.

"Little bit of both I guess," she told him.

"So, where do you wanna go? As in… what do you wanna be? Once you're all grown up as a surgeon, I mean, who do you wanna be?" he joked. Jo shrugged.

"Very distant future, I'd say. No idea… absolutely no idea. I'm working a lot of Pediatrics right now… can't say if I'm all into it… but it's super intense, very demanding and so thrilling. But there's so much out there and I haven't been there long enough to actually have a good grip on all departments… and there's always some that you won't get an insight at that very program… so… I guess I'll just have to ask you for a rain check on that question until I actually have something to say," she winked, sipping at her beer again. Marvin nodded amicably.

"Sounds like a plan…," he told her, his voice having turned a bit raspy and his eyes darker. Jo bit her lip and felt a bit giddy with his lustful eyes on her, excitement rushing through her and her cheeks reddening slightly with the pleasant situation. He leaned forward, taking her beer and put it on the coffee table, slowly inching back to her, smiling. Jo looked at him expectantly, his hand resting on her thigh, not far above her knee. "I have a few ideas for what we could do to bridge that time." Jo took a shaky breath before Marvin leaned in all the way and kissed her lips softly, cautiously. Jo slowly put her hand on his upper arm and reciprocated the kiss, him deepening it. _Oh, alright, okay, this is good, he's a real good kisser. That's awesome, exactly what I need right now. _She felt their tongues unite and inched a bit closer, so the awkward space in between them vanished. They kissed for a bit, him holding her in a very gentle and loose embrace, his fingers roaming her upper back. When Jo pulled back slightly and looked at him, he smiled at her and then she watched his eyes flit over towards the only other door in the room except for the one they came in through, and nod his head in that direction. "How about we relocate further items on our agenda behind that door?" His voice was soft and seductive. Jo felt her heart beat rise and she knew it wasn't because she suddenly got more excited than she already was. Something inside her balked at the thought of taking their little rendezvous inside her bedroom.

"Let's just stay here for another while," she whispered and somewhat aggressively pushed her lips against his, putting her hands on his shoulder to shut him up. He was immediately on fire and kissed her back deeply, intensely, aroused by her being so forward. They made out for a little while, when Jo could feel his hands go a bit further down and feel up her bottom. She felt herself flinch slightly, squinting her eyes together even while already having them closed. Marvin didn't realize until he squeezed a bit harder and she swatted his hands away lightly.

"Sorry," he mumbled against her lips, but she just shook her head and kept on kissing him. After a while, his hands went back there again, and the same game started anew. This time, though, Marvin broke the kiss and looked at her questioningly. "Are you okay?" he panted. She just rolled her eyes and nodded, pushing him back on the couch's backrest and straddling him, starting up the kissing again. His hands roamed her waist now and he kept them at her torso. Jo put everything into that kiss that she wanted at that very moment – release. She didn't notice how desperately she forced herself to every action she did, which narrowed itself to kissing him and holding his cheeks, straddling him, until his big hands, not big enough for her taste but big, tried cupping her breasts and she pulled away, folding her arms across her chest, looking at him in shock. _What the hell was happening? Everything inside her strived against that hot piece of man touching her. Nothing about this made sense, absolutely nothing. _"Are you sure you're okay? You want us to take this slower? I'm sorry," he whispered frantically. "I thought you wanted this…," he pointed his finger at her straddling him. Jo just nodded, closing her eyes.

"Sorry, I don't really know what's going on… you're good, you're fine, please just… let's just… move on," she smiled at him sheepishly, biting her lip in anticipation of an answer.

"I don't wanna go further than you are comfortable with, Jo," he told her. _Oh, come on, just… screw me already. _Jo leaned in again and kissed him, before taking off his shirt roughly and roaming his chest. She was all into it, when she suddenly felt the now very aroused and fueled seeming Marvin push his hands underneath her shirt, squeezing her waist and roaming his fingers up her chest, and she couldn't help herself, she jumped up and put distance in between them, immediately turning away from him, exasperated with herself. "I'm sorry, Jo, I should have stopped earlier, we don't need to do this tonight," he told her.

"No, no, stop, you're fine, I promise, I'm fine… I'm just… I'm seriously… I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't," she told him, only half looking at him. _I want this, for God's sake! I want you, I want your stupid hot body, I want to touch you and… ugh, but no… it just… it feels so damn wrong. Oh God, he just can't touch me… he doesn't even know how! He doesn't even know what I like… right? What the hell are you on about, Jo? You've had so many one nighters before… why are you fretting now? Don't even think about him… just don't! He's not here… and he's not coming back… to you. He's probably out hitting it off with another girl… intern… whatever. He's getting some. While you're standing here and drying up, for God's sake! Just… get over it… let him touch you… you're just being stubborn cause he spoiled you… just… _Jo looked back at Marvin who had redressed himself and had gotten up, taking a few steps closer towards her. Their eyes matched, and then she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I can't," she apologized. _Even looking him straight in the eyes felt wrong. What's wrong with you, Jo? I know I'm not in love with him… I know that for God's sake. I don't even know him. But I'm acting like a stupid foolish girl who has fallen in love with the guy she had once been sleeping with. But I know I didn't, I'm serious. I'll confess, I miss him. I miss his stupid hot body and I miss his lips on mine and I miss his hands on my skin and his… well, him inside me… I miss his stupid jokes and his smell. I do, I miss him, why wouldn't I? I've never had more fun with anyone and it had been an almost daily arrangement back then… of course I miss him. But I'm not in love with him… I..think... ... ... yeah, no, I'm not, whatever. So, why do you want _his _hands touching you, _his _lips kissing you, _his _body rubbing against yours in particular, when you have a perfectly fine body right there, in front of you?_

"Do you want me to leave? Or do you want to talk some more?" Marvin inquired insecurely. Jo felt bad for him, he really was a nice guy and she could totally see herself dating him. But first she needed to get over her own stupidity.

"How about a rain check for that also?" she asked him in complete embarrassment. "I mean I don't know if you still wanna go out some other time… I know this is awkward and everything… I just… I seem to have one of those days that I'd rather have not gotten up to this morning…," she blushed. Marvin stepped closer and gently put his hand on her upper arm, making her look up at him.

"Don't worry, you didn't scare me away. Just let me know when you wanna see me again, alright?" He smiled at her. Jo saw him off with ambivalent feelings inside her, before plopping down on her bed and staring at her phone. _Ha__d Alex ever elaborated on his position on phone sex? She desperately wanted to hear his voice. She really did._ Jo sighed. _Well... m_aybe... _just maybe...__ you have... you know... _Jo turned around, facing downwards onto the pillow, groaning into it. _Stupid, stupid Karev._


	17. Miss(ed) you(r chance)!

**[10 days later]**

[Jo]

When Jo woke up Tuesday morning, she felt absolutely whacked. She drowsily padded around the bed to get her phone to stop vibrating with the alarm she had set the night before. _Yeah, yeah, I know I need to get up and get going. _She yawned widely and rubbed her eyes at it, not feeling like getting up at all. It was still dark outside and this month had done quite a job in being the textbook example of April weather, even though Seattle was rainy almost any other day as well. But the temperatures went up and down, one minute it was cloudy and then it was sunny again, it definitely started to mess with Jo's head even though she had now lived here for ten months already. There were those days, and she kept coming back to that statement, but there were those days that she just didn't feel like going to work. Her limbs just felt so heavy, her lids wouldn't open up all the way, her guts were crabby and she felt sick to her stomach and she knew for a fact that it wasn't a bug or because she had too much alcohol or something bad to eat the previous night. She had been working overtime so much lately and she just couldn't find any motivation left inside her. She still loved being on Dr. Robbins' service this much, every single procedure, pre- and after-care on Kara was a privilege to her, but it had been so exhausting.

Unfortunately, Jo also still hadn't managed to call Marvin back or go out with any other guy… she just seemed frustratingly asexual lately. Even thinking about doing anything… she'd rather sink even deeper into her mattress, pulling even thicker sheets or blankets on top of her and stay in like a hermit. Especially thinking about what part of the year was coming up for her again... she just didn't wanna get out of bed and rather forget. Jo groaned when the snooze function on her phone vibrated again and she turned it off aggressively, shifting a bit to stretch her toes out from underneath her warm sheets, only crinkling her nose at the cold air that immediately embraced them. Her guts dropped a little more even when she straightened up in bed and moved to get out of it, directing herself to the bathroom. When she had gotten ready to go, she looked into the mirror and evaluated her looks, before shrugging. She surely didn't look her very best, however, she had very hard-wearing skin, her slight shadows underneath her eyes barely noticeably, concealable with just a hint of make-up, the rosy lipstick giving her a fresh look and the streaks of mascara making her actually look alert and presentable. She drove into work, cursing the traffic at this hour of day, and a few minutes later she did the very same standing in line at the coffee cart. She couldn't be late for rounds, though, so starting this especially great day without the very necessary, life-prolonging caffeine portion, it was. She met up with Leah in the interns' locker room and snatched a sip of her way oversugared coffee, wishing she had never dared and making her way onto Peds, a path she by now knew by heart.

"Wilson, Murphy," Jo woke up from her trance anew when Robbins crossed their path with another doctor she had never seen before. "Great, you're here, we can start in a minute, _lots _to do today," she smiled at them brightly. _Lower your voice, woman, my head is already buzzing. _"Ladies, this is Dr. Lucy Fields," she introduced them, both nodding politely. "She's an OB/GYN and neonatal surgeon that we have borrowed for some special cases she has brought in for us," Arizona winked. Then she turned back towards the blonde woman and did the same courtesy for her. "These are my _highly valued _interns I've been working with for their past rotation. They've shown serious promise and I'm glad they got the chance to meet you and you can teach them some," she told the other doctor who had raised her eyebrows in amusement but smiled.

They walked towards the Peds ward together, Dr. Fields giving them a short recap of their soon-to-be patients. _Taona Lewis, 27, pregnant with twins, 32 weeks, some deformation on twin A that they still aren't sure if to fix before or after birth, inside or outside the uterus. Also, Cidreck Lewis, 3, Taona's son, is being treated here but all that they will explain during rounds. Awesome, but still… not making her eyes stay open without force. _Jo's thoughts were drifting on and off while she leaned against the nurses' counter, waiting for the attendings to start rounds. _How is it that I actually do what I love but then I'm so very tired and can't get my brain to start? _She felt Leah nudge her, looking back at her with a slightly awkward face and tilted her head over at the newcomer.

"Uh, sorry, what?" Jo felt her face redden when she realized that Dr. Fields had asked her something, she hadn't quite caught. _Or at all, to be honest. _Jo caught the superior doctor rolling her eyes and sighing. _Great, now she's gonna think Robbins had forgotten about the irony quotes around the _highly valued _during the introduction. Way to go with impressing new surgeons around here. _She scrunched up her face when she thought to have heard a familiar voice but then got distracted with a very pregnant, tired looking lady waddling towards them, smiling cautiously, nervously.

"Taona," the curly blonde doctor exclaimed, seemingly delighted. "How are you doing today? Everything alright? Did you sleep okay?" The lady looked a bit overwhelmed with all the questions but smiled and just nodded. "Alright," she clapped her hands, looking highly motivated, "I guess we only need to wait for Al-," she looked around, when Arizona interrupted her.

"Oh, he's already in with Cidreck," she smiled, making them all follow her into a patient's room. Jo narrowed her eyes at their conversation. _Did they actually mean who she thought they did? But it hadn't been six weeks, she was sure of that, she had kept counting in her head, she knew it hadn't been full six weeks. _She was the last one in their cluster of people, so she hadn't entered yet. _No, right? This is all… it's coincidence! Were they… this Dr. Fields person, she wasn't from here… she was new… and then Taona and her son… it had sounded like they weren't from here either… were they? No... they couldn't be from Alex's project, right? No… Jo decided she was just hoping for ridiculous happenings… _until she heard his voice. Jo could literally feel how her heart stopped and her guts dropped with immense... _relief_. _Whoa! Where had that just come from?! _She rounded the corner into the room and instantly laid eyes on Alex's back, sitting on a stool next to a little boy's bed and reading him a story, very animatedly. She felt herself smile and closed her eyes for a split second, reveling in the sight. _Stop it, Jo. Just because he's back, doesn't mean he's gonna... get you laid. Stop it. You act like… he's yours or something. _It didn't matter though, all the thoughts and cautioning words, Jo was still freaking out on the inside.

"Good morning, Cidreck," Dr. Robbins and Dr. Fields both greeted the young boy, while the mother walked over onto the other side of the boy's bed, smiling at Alex politely before kissing her son's head who faced her only for a split second before fixing his eyes on the book again, demanding wordlessly for the story to continue.

"How about we let those boring doctors talk for a little bit, Cid, and then we'll continue with the story, I promise, alright?" Alex suggested to the boy, making him frown and think for a second and then roll his eyes and nod. All the female doctors laughed and now that Jo looked closer, she could see that the boy had a tracheostoma, that's why she hadn't heard him talk yet. Alex got up from his sitting position and even though there were five people in between them, Jo felt butterflies in her belly and her breaths come out a little bit hasty for she was so excited to see him. _Gosh, stop it! Seriously… you're not gonna have sex with him! Or talk to him for that matter, probably… _She couldn't help herself, though, when he turned around and flitted his eyes across all of them, she gave him a cautious but intense smile, not believing how much her day had just brightened. Their eyes caught for one-sixteenth of a heartbeat or something like it before Jo's face fell slightly, her guts heavy. He hadn't even acknowledged her. Not that she had expected him to come forward and say hi but at least… look at her for one second longer, show her with his face that he actually… knew her. _What the hell? _Jo took a deep breath, trying to not get mad or worse – depressed. She observed the scene as the blonde started talking and put a hand on Alex's elbow, stopping short. _So, that's what this was about…? He's hooked up with the fancy neonatal surgeon in Baltimore and now he can't even look at me… well, Jo, _she shook her head slightly at herself, _you really are one of those girls now… one of the ones that he considers as over and done with, forgotten already, dubbed annoying if only trying to touch base with him somehow. Yeah. Great. _Jo tried to focus on the patient, frustration accumulating inside her.

"Taona, Dr. Karev will review Cidreck's history one more time for our young doctors here," at this the blonde pointed at Robbins, Leah and Jo, "if that's alright with you?" The mom just nodded and Alex walked around the bed to offer her a chair which she gladly accepted.

"Cidreck Lewis, 3 years next month," Alex smiled down at the boy who listened with a curious expression on his face, maybe even with a little fear in his eyes. "Born with congenital laryngomalacia," he continued, facing Robbins when they all made out her clearing her throat. Alex rolled his eyes and nodded towards Leah and Jo. "Anybody?"

"A disease which is characterized by soft, immature cartilage of the larynx," Leah spoke up tentatively. Alex nodded but still looked at her as if expecting something more. Jo spoke up when Leah didn't, which made him look over at her. Jo was astounded at how neutral and nondescript one could look at another person even considering that there was so much there would have been to say in her opinion.

"The soft part of the immature cartilage is prone to collapsing during inhalation, causing dyspnea or even apnea, especially in small infants and children, but also difficulties with feeding. Depending on what the diagnosis is, it can be treated diversely. Infantile laryngomalacia will in most cases show a thickening of the cartilage with age, during that time breathing can be supported with a tracheostoma if necessary, if a muscle tone defect is the root behind it, prognosis is different," she told, not once having wavered her gaze. Out of the corner of her eyes, Jo saw Dr. Fields raise her eyebrows and nod appreciatively towards Robbins. _Well, at least Alex's new chick wouldn't think of her as the imbecile who couldn't answer a simple question any more. _Alex turned over towards the boy again.

"Exactly. Cid here has had his tracheostoma for too long now, right, buddy?" he asked the boy, who nodded vigorously. "The cartilage has grown immensely and we are going to reverse the tracheostomy for you," he told him with his happiest voice. Jo couldn't help but smile, he was so good with the kids.

She focused again when they discussed procedures and took out her notepad to copy everything down. They all continued with rounds afterwards, except for Alex who had promised Cidreck to read to him and the blonde doctor who was conversing with Ms. Lewis about the twins. After rounds, Jo finally made her way down to the coffee cart, trying to revisit her mood. She was more exhausted than before, she found, since she had had that boost of excitement this morning, but then those levels of positive freak had dropped so fast, she just felt drained. Now, on the one hand she was bummed, but then again, for some reason she was just… glad he was back. Something had been missing… at least on the Peds ward without him there. She felt the agitation set inside her, all the emotions tumble within her guts. She'd missed him so much. She'd missed her teacher, the one he so unwillingly embodied. She'd missed her mentor. Not as in professional mentor, but she'd missed him giving her encouraging words or shutting her up because she was rambling medical nonsense and ran herself into something. She'd missed the snarky and the eyerolls, she'd missed the compensation to Robbins' happy, perky self. She'd missed him reading to kids, showing them cool stuff, calming them when they were anxious, hugging them when they were crying, explaining to them what other surgeons or even sometimes nurses couldn't. She'd missed him a lot, for obvious and selfish reasons, but she'd even missed his presence at the Peds floor. He was back now, so that was good_. Maybe she had to settle for that. He had obviously moved on. _Jo smiled at the clerk politely and ordered her coffee, instantly holding out the bills. _She'd thought about it, of course. She'd thought about him hooking up with someone else, meeting other people, dating maybe. But after her... pouty reaction to herself not being able to get it on with Marvin, she'd just... she'd thought... maybe they could still mend some things. Go back to how things were before... maybe, just maybe, Jo had considered... she'd have told him a little about what she'd been thinking while he had been gone. But _never, _not once had she thought about the possibility of him meeting someone that he'd actually bring back here... she'd thought, the very worst thing that could have happened was him having met someone but leaving that someone behind and well... maybe finding a liking to _her_ again once back in Seattle. _Jo was just turning back with a steaming hot coffee in her hand when she bumped into a familiar male, almost scalding him.

"Whoa, sorry," she apologized, still startled, trying to find her balance and looking up. "Hey," she smiled at the man.

"Sorry, Jo," he said, "I didn't mean to startle you," he explained. Jo just shook her head. _Hmm… let me think about that. Yep, essentially, this was perfect. _

"You working tonight?" Jo asked Marvin who lit up immediately. He shook his head.

"Haven't made any plans yet," he winked at her.

"Good, wanna come over after work? We can get some dinner and I don't know… hang out," she told him.

"Sounds perfect," he told her, and Jo mirrored his smiling face.

"Great, see you tonight," she told him in passing, waving at him. She headed back towards Peds, taking a deep breath. _Now that she knew, now that she knew for sure that their affair was over… maybe now it was time to actually focus on getting laid by _someone, _anyone really. _Jo took a sip of her coffee. She dearly needed some distraction this week. _Tonight was gonna be the night, _she decided, her mind set and all her emotions towards one particular person shoved way down into her pinky toe, ignoring him just as he had demonstrated for her earlier that fateful day.

* * *

[Marvin]

Marvin watched Jo dance around her own apartment, getting rid of their take out boxes and all there was to it, chatting animatedly about some case she was working on. This was only the second date they'd had but he'd been to her apartment every time. She was a lot more casual tonight also, a lot more relaxed, it seemed, chatty. She smiled back at him and he nodded, chuckling in response to her statement. _Was she gonna try to sleep with him again tonight?_ He didn't want her to, by all means, the last time she really seemed like she was forcing herself to do it and just couldn't… she seemed like she was… painfully compelling herself to get over something… and that just wasn't right. Marvin wanted her, no doubt, she was hot. And funny. And interesting. And smart. Basically, perfect. But he didn't want her to push herself, especially because he really started liking her. She was fun and easy-going, but serious and successful it seemed. She really was the perfect mixture.

"So, anyways," Jo walked back towards him, sitting on the couch, maybe a little bit closer to him as normal conversation space dictated, but he was comfortable with that. She put her hand on his thigh, smiling at him. "I'm rambling about stuff that, well… it gets me excited… but I don't wanna bore you," she told. Marvin smiled back at her and shook his head.

"You're not. Last time when I asked you what excites you about your job I was halfway convinced you hate being a surgeon. It's a relief to know that you do love it very much, especially because it's not a nine to five job that you can easily drown out in the evenings…," he winked at her.

"I really wasn't on top of things the other night… did I really sound like I didn't like my job? That's just horrible," Jo put her hands over her face to hide her expression, "That's horrible… I must have been a horrible date… I'm… I can't believe you agreed to date me again," she looked at him with a sheepish smile and a small blush. Marvin smiled back and pulled her a tiny bit closer, kissing her cheek tenderly.

"A woman as beautiful and interesting as you can't disappoint," he told her. "I had fun last time. It may have ended on a somewhat awkward note, but it's all good, don't worry," he told her. He couldn't define the micro-expression that definitely flitted across Jo's face before she smiled at him gratefully but it surely wasn't positive. He tried to ignore it quickly. "So… tell me about your-," he started, when Jo came closer and interjected his statement with a full kiss on his mouth. She was a good kisser, no doubt, but something about this was so stiff. He held her lower back gently, before pulling back and looking at her. "We don't have to do this, Jo," he told her.

"I want to," the woman just insisted, waiting for movement. Marvin sighed and then pulled her closer, engrossing her in a deep kiss. Again, she was a good kisser, but she wasn't in this. Usually, you'd feel it. You'd feel the smoothness of two people come together in a kiss, their lips moving in sync, their body parts adjusting, but not with her, she was preoccupied and he knew it. He pulled back again, softly.

"Wanna tell me what this is about?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked him in an irritated voice, trying to kiss him again.

"Who are you trying to forget? Or what? Did anybody hurt you? Or… I don't know…," he looked down in their laps when he started to blush. He felt as Jo put a finger underneath his chin and made him look at her. A smile was playing her lips.

"Nobody hurt me," she told him, almost seeming like she was about to laugh about that suggestion. "Everything's okay. Here is where I wanna be," she told him straightly.

"The fact alone that you just said it like that makes me think differently," he pointed out, smiling also. Jo looked at him before rolling her eyes and leaning against the backrest, exhausted. There was a pause in between them before she started talking again.

"I'm just not used to it yet," she shook her head, trying to explain. He let her. He was definitely curious enough what had shaken a beautiful and smart woman like Jo up like that. Marvin still remembered the way she had flinched when he had tried touching her the other week. _Either she'd been through something... horrible he didn't even wanna elaborate on in his mind or... or she really... she wasn't exactly shy... so that wasn't an argument... so yeah, Marvin was very curious._ "I… I haven't been… um… well, for a lack of a better word, I haven't been _single_ in a while… and I just… I need to get used to this again," she told him earnestly. He nodded. _And that's all? I can't believe that..._

"So… your ex… was he violent?"

"What? No!" Jo exclaimed, and he was relieved, but also… she was a bit too defensive for Marvin's liking…_ it sounded like…_

"Was he the one to break up with you?" Jo sighed.

"We both broke it off," she just stated. "But I really don't wanna talk about _him_, I wanna talk about us. I just… I don't know what you expect from me, but I'm in this… I swear," she almost begged him now. _Wow, she really sounded desperate. As in… either she really wanted him… or she really needed to distract herself… or she was super horny. _Marvin thought about this for a while.

"Well, again," he smiled after a while. "A beautiful girl like you needs to be given some time and attention," he said. They leaned in to kiss softly, when there was a knock on the door. Jo pulled back, frowning, before getting up. "Please don't leave me," Marvin called after her mockingly, stretching his arms to stop her. She walked over towards the door smiling brightly and opened it, stopping short. Marvin couldn't see who was behind it, but it had gotten very quiet. "Is everything okay?" he dared calling after a while. Jo's head snapped back after a second or two, smiling and nodding, before she protectively leaned the door against the frame, stepping outside to talk to the visitor. _Weird. _It wasn't a long conversation, though, and Jo came back in, smiling as before, sitting back down on the couch, having become silent.

"What were we talking before?" she looked at him, seemingly having grown confused over that late night visitor, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Marvin asked her, putting his hand on her thigh, leaning closer. "Who was that?"

* * *

[Alex]

Alex had been driving around Seattle for a bit before he had actually pulled himself together and driven over towards _her_ place. That day, his first day back, had been super weird. Since Taona's had complications with her pregnancy, Lucy had insisted to fly over here sooner than anticipated, to get her settled and meet with all the doctors she needed to, and so on. He hadn't quite been prepared but it was fine. UCLA had travelled back to L.A. the week before and they had basically finished their training and logistics meetings anyways, now going into full work-mode, Seattle Grace starting with little Cidreck and his mother and siblings. He had been nervous coming back, only for one very obvious reason, _an intern_. An intern that was actually his inferior, that he shouldn't worry about, but even thinking about her, thinking of talking to her, seeing her again, it made his guts drop and cramp at the same time. So, he had busied himself with everything there was to do, and he had ignored her for the most part. That first moment, he knew she had entered the room, he hadn't dared looking for ages. And then when he did, and she had given him that dazzling smile of hers, he thought his breathing might stop, so he had looked away. But he couldn't have shown any signs, he couldn't. He knew Lucy was still watching him like a hawk, and Arizona wasn't supposed to know either and well… anyways, he hadn't had the heart and the guts to… he had decided that… well, he had been so very confused. _How could a sex affair have turned into something so complicated inside himself? _He hadn't known what to do or say, he had been insecure and then he had missed his chance and now he was standing here, in front of her door, dreading to knock, not knowing if she actually cared about this or not… not knowing if she had moved on or not, not knowing if maybe, just maybe she was into this too. He took a deep sigh, and then knocked. _Not knowing was worse, right?_

Alex heard some quiet words and giggles before soft pads directed themselves towards the door. Jo opened it up with momentum, immediately petrified, staring at him. He didn't know what to say either, which was worse, since he had been the one knocking on the door, however, he just didn't know what to do. He just… he thought once he was locking eyes with her, standing face to face, he thought once he had shown her that he _was_ interested after all this time… once he had taken this first step, coming to her doorstep… he thought everything would be fine and they would just… he thought they'd just talk… and whatever… hang out. But she was just staring at him, and he was staring back, her beauty surprising him, taking him aback once again, all anew. His eyes roamed her face, they caught the sight of her lips that seemed slightly swollen and exceptionally rosy. _Oh God, I'm an idiot. She has someone in there. _In return, Alex watched her lick her lips and rub them together instantly, as if she had just put on some lip balm, blushing slightly. Alex opened his mouth, trying to… say goodbye again, when he heard a guy call if everything was okay. He felt his guts sink and his blood drain from his face. _H__e definitely was too late now. She'd moved on. Well, there was his answer. That's what he had wanted to know. He could leave now. _After a second, he watched as Jo turned her face and nodded at the person, before turning back to him, closing the door and stepping outside with him. _No, no, what is she doing? No, just... go, leave! Her closing the door to give them privacy made everything even more awkward._ She shook her head at him in confusion it seemed.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him eventually, her voice a little bit squeaky, dried up. He mirrored her head motions and sighed, his shoulders falling.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just shown up," he said, backing away a bit. "I should have called or something… I shouldn't have assumed you were… well… sorry," Alex stumbled out awkwardly. Jo bit her lip, her knee trembling, her eyes narrowed.

"Alex," she wanted to explain the situation it seemed, but he just held up his hand and shook his head again, smiling. _Don't. Please just don't pity me. I know I'm pathetic._

"It's okay, I should have… as said, I should have called… I'll go," he threw his thumb over his shoulder.

"Alex, I didn't kno-," Jo started but he raised his hand again, already walking away.

"Don't, Jo, it's me who's sorry. Sorry for interrupting. Have a nice night," he quickly descended the stairs and got into his car, putting his forehead against the steering wheel for just a tiny second, groaning. _Of course she had moved on from their weeks of joy and pleasure to someone else. Of course she'd had a guy in her apartment. What were you thinking just showing up at her doorstep and thinking she might have waited for you? _Alex drove home through the darkness, not knowing what he was feeling. He wasn't angry, he wasn't jealous, he wasn't sad… he wasn't… mad… he just… he had been so excited… and nervous… and he had… well, he had run himself into something and now he had run into a brick wall, head first. He kept shaking his head at himself. When he had arrived at home, he immediately went upstairs, had an ice cold shower, trying to shake all those thoughts about her off for good, rubbed himself dry, put on some sweats and a shirt before walking down and back into the kitchen, getting out a beer and deciding what to eat. He dialed Cristina's number and conferred with her on take out choices that she was supposed to bring home. He folded some laundry, feeling very… it felt to him… Alex had just come home from a… five week trip to Baltimore… and here he was, on his first night back… and he realized… he really didn't have anyone. Everyone at the hospital had been thrilled to see him again, but now that it was night time and they were all off, they all had their own lives. Mer was with her family, Arizona with hers, Cristina was doing late surgeries… or screwing someone in the on-call room… everyone had something to do… but him. He was alone, and he hated it. _For the first time in a long, long while that he could remember, he hated being all by himself. He was lonely. And it felt so crappy. Especially because he had been looking forward to spend time with one particular other person. He just... it felt so crappy._

He had just decided to catch up on some college football, when the sound of the doorbell cut into the silence around him, and he stopped short. _What the hell? _He walked all the way down the dark hallway before he came to a halt, seeing his late night visitor through the glass door. They stood there, looking at each other, for… well, forever it seemed, before Alex unfroze and made a move, opening the door, still looking at her unbelievingly. _Now I'm just really confused._

"You didn't have to cancel your… night with… you shouldn't have," Alex stuttered. Jo just shook her head. Alex sighed, and then stepped back a foot, inviting her in. Jo just stood there, staring into his eyes. _Was she actually going to come in? Or not? What was this now? Were they going to..? Or was she going to yell at him because he had ruined her night? Or was she going to... what the hell was this? _Alex watched her with a deep crease on his forehead. She looked insecure, defnitely insecure. She looked... like she didn't know if she was supposed to come in or not. "Do you want to... come in?" His voice was quiet. "Jo?" he asked her, his voice unsteady, so he cleared his throat. There was a longer pause, even. _Say something._ Alex's heart skipped a beat, when she smiled the tiniest smile ever seen on planet earth.

"I'd love to."


	18. Breakthrough

[Alex]

Alex smiled back slightly, watching her passing by him and closing the door, both of them standing in the dark hallway awkwardly. "Um," he started, not really knowing what he was going to say since he had absolutely no idea what they were about to do with their shared time, even though they had spent so many hours together, even though he had positively anticipated their meeting again for so long now, even though he was elated to see her, to be absolutely honest, however, everything about this was awkward. Everything about this day was awkward, first meeting again at the hospital, not interacting in the slightest, then showing up at her door, leaving again, and now this. And there was absolutely no notion coming from her, where this was going, or supposed to be going. He didn't know where they were standing, he didn't know if she still wanted to engage in their sex affair, he just _didn't know. _He decided quickly when there was a pause and she cocked her eyebrow at him, waiting for the statement he had begun. "Do you want a beer?" Jo chuckled quietly and nodded, making him pass her and lead her on towards the kitchen, which was still lit and walked over to the fridge, getting out two of them, hearing her follow him, not knowing where she had positioned herself in the room. When he turned around, he saw her a few feet away, standing next to the far corner of the kitchen island, thanking him for the bottle of liquid courage that they both seemed to need dearly. They both took a long gulp. He leaned against the counter, looking at her, while she had placed the bottle on the island, still holding onto it though, and fidgeted slightly, biting her lower lip, averting her eyes.

"I… I didn't mean to interrupt anything," she started out clumsily, pointing at the empty kitchen sheepishly. Alex raised his eyebrows at her, trying not to laugh. "I mean… if you have something else to do, I don't wanna just barge in here," she corrected herself, blushing slightly. When she finally looked up at him, she smiled at his genuinely amused face, blushing a bit more.

"You mean this ongoing party I'm hosting momentarily?" he motioned with his beer bottle, Jo looking back at him timidly, but then rolled her eyes.

"I meant… you know what I meant," she told him in an irritated fashion, both of them laughing.

"When did we become this awkward?" Alex looked at her with a chuckle in his throat, shaking his head at themselves. Jo laughed.

"I don't know… it's been a while. You're back to being my superior I guess," she stated. Alex rolled his eyes and took a sip.

"As if I had ever taken that place with you," he pointed out. "You are the most insubordinate intern of all, might I add," he added.

"Well, I have my ways," she wriggled her eyebrows. Alex snorted, followed by another break in conversation.

"But seriously," he then decided to speak of it again, since he felt like they were not moving towards anything productive if they didn't start speaking. "I didn't mean for you to… cancel your date…," he shook his head, her matching his head movements, for different reasons though.

"No, Alex," she tried but he held up his hand.

"No, let me finish. As said, I should have called… I shouldn't have assumed that we'd take off were we left things, it's been weeks… and then I kinda ignored you at the hospital today and… I just didn't mean for you to think you have to send this guy home because I demanded your attention or something…," Alex talked really fast cause he wanted to get it out and he was unsure about two thirds of all statements that he had chucked out. He looked up when she didn't say anything, meeting her eyes and a curious smile on her features. Then she shook her head again, as if she had been waiting for him to look at her.

"I wanted to be here instead of with him," she said slowly. "I much rather hung out with you than torture myself through another one of those," she explained.

"How bad were those guys if you'd rather hang out with me of all people?" he teased, sheepishly though when he noticed her rolling her eyes. Again. _Maybe now was the time he should consider Lucy's advice. Maybe he should cut back on the self-depreciating and explore future options with Jo._

"Well, apart from you being super awkward tonight, I do feel rather comfortable around you, _especially _because usually I collect benefits at the end of the night…," Alex snapped his head up sharply to match her eyes, not knowing what to do with her teasing voice. _She meant what she just said, right? _"And yes, Alex, as long as you didn't form some bond with that Fields chick that keeps you from sleeping around, I'm still all into that… latching on where we left it off," she said, and her voice sounded like she wasn't sure how he was going to react but pushed through anyways. He admired her boldness since he never would have dared just saying so. When the silence between them stretched, he observed as she let her head fall again and looked down with a horribly nervous and let down posture, as if she had just made a total fool out of herself. Alex tilted his head at this and took two long strides towards her, making her snap her head up in surprise and kissed her fully on the mouth. Jo moaned loudly into his mouth, mostly in surprise he thought, even though he himself had tried to keep a yelp in too, for kissing her, touching her, felt like the first breath of air in five weeks. _Oh God, oh God, it's Jo. My Jo. _They immediately deepened the kiss, he felt Jo's right hand tighten on his neck while she did something weird with her left side. All of a sudden both of them startled and yanked their heads apart when the beer bottle Jo had just been trying to place on the counter smashed down to the ground, beer and shards clustering around their feet. Jo looked completely distraught and apologetic while Alex chuckled and pulled her closer, trying to kiss her. "Wait, no, let me," she pushed him away a little. Alex held her closer.

"Don't worry about it _right now_," he hissed against her, his eyes fixing hers, trying to tell her about all the turmoil inside him that she was causing. _Good, though, good chaos. It felt perfect to him._ Jo let him have a vulnerable insight into her eyes before they flew into the kiss once more and everything around them was gone, just gone. Alex pushed his tongue between her lips, meeting hers, holding her to him so tightly, he could feel every single inch of her that he had missed so much, his breathing almost not being able to keep up, her hands roaming his back, his throat and guts burning with desire and relief and his muscles clenching around her. Their erratic breathing was so loud, it was ridiculous. Alex grabbed her butt and squeezed it hard, finally feeling her again, pushing her up, so she was solely held by him, pushing her onto the bar stool, which just wasn't enough, so he heaved her up onto the counter, placing himself between her thighs. Jo held on really tightly to his head while his hands went down to her waist, going straight underneath her shirt aggressively, making her gasp against him, breaking the kiss and biting down on his lower lip. They were so close, so tight, but it still wasn't enough. _The scent, the touch, everything about her. _Alex felt himself grasp for her frantically, squeezing her against him, already dreading the minute he had to let go of her again. He didn't ever wanna let go of her again. Jo slowly reclined her back, pulling him with her, Alex clearing the island of all unnecessary props, both of them hearing stuff clank to the floor, not caring in the least. Nothing mattered anymore but them getting what they had wanted and craved for so damn long. _Each other._ He could feel Jo go for his waistband, while he kissed her neck, suckling on her skin lightly, making her moan quietly, beautifully, inhaling her intoxicating scent, nuzzling his nose against her clavicle, placing a kiss on it, trying to rip her bra strap down when they suddenly both stopped cold, hearing the front door bang close and his housemate yell.

"I'm home."

* * *

[Cristina]

"Where the hell are you? I brought over stuff from that sandwich place you wanted… I didn't wanna deal with grumpy you on your first day back," she yelled, looking around. Everything was dark, besides the kitchen. Weirdly though, apart from some rattling and jarring, she couldn't make out a reply. Cristina slowly moved towards the kitchen. When she turned the corner into the only illuminated room of the house, Cristina stopped short, caught in surprise, before she smirked at the scene. "Well, well," she chucked out, walking a few steps closer and taking in the scene. "Who do we have here?" she mocked the intern standing in the midst of their kitchen, no sight of Alex. The intern looked slightly disheveled and vastly distraught – probably by the disruption… _or maybe because Alex was such a bummer lover? Well… could be both._ The floor was spilled with what looked like beer and shards, the items on the counter had been messily replaced, or at least it looked like it.

"Hi," the intern looked at her as if she were scared of her reaction. Cristina laughed.

"Got a little out of hand, your little welcome shower there… huh?" she teased her cruelly, before dropping the take out bags onto the counter and looking around. "Where the hell is Karev?" The intern had become very silent, just looking at the door towards the laundry room, making Cristina follow her gaze and spotted her housemate, who seconds later walked out of there, carrying a broom and a shovel, moving towards the shards, ignoring her completely. _This was too good. _Cristina plopped down at the other end of the island and watched them, the intern's face reddening by the instant. "You know," the cardiothoracic attending propped her elbow up to rest her chin in her palm. "I wouldn't have taken you for the slutty intern," she mused, Alex's head snapping up instantly.

"Shut up," he told her. She just laughed.

"No seriously, she always struck me as the nerdy one… the prissy one, you know," she pointed out.

"Yang," his voice rose a bit. Cristina snorted.

"Well, anyways," she turned her attention towards the intern. "At least I don't have to continue with the moaning analyses I've been trying to come up with the last months… I was actually about to start keeping a diary… you know pitch of voice… length of syllables and screams… that kind of thing," she mused on, the intern's eyes widening. When Alex bent up again, she could see him hide a smirk and shake his head.

"Just, shut up, will you?" he asked her in a dangerous voice that was noticeably softened by his almost chuckles.

"I'm handing out compliments here… it's not like I'm insulting… right? Are you insulted…, intern?" she turned towards her again. This finally made the younger woman snort and close her eyes with chuckles. "See, I didn't insult her," Cristina pointed out. "So…," she lazily munched on some fries from the take out box. "You guys planning to go at it all night tonight… with the usual volume… and stuff…?" she questioned them, completely indifferent to the answer, really. "Ugh, or even more… with having had this dry spell for a while now…," she added grudgingly. The intern raised her eyebrows and hid a smile with biting her lips. By that time, Alex was done with removing their mess and looked back at her.

"I wouldn't trust you are going to be able to sleep tonight, let's put it like that," he looked at her sharply, before taking the intern's hand and pulling her towards the door, smiling at his roommate with a completely fake expression. Cristina rolled her eyes. "Put in some earplugs," he told her. As her eyes darted over the intern, she was shaking her head, laughing in embarrassment, apparently, letting herself be pulled after him. Cristina groaned, putting her head into her hands. She raised it up again, when Alex came back in, talking to her more seriously now. "Just shut up about it, alright?" he asked her, sincerely. Cristina rolled her eyes and put her head back down.

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

[Jo]

Jo felt all kinds of emotions inside of her when she stood in the dark hallway, waiting for Alex to come back and get her, having turned back to the kitchen without saying much. Jo had heard the words he had hissed towards Yang just fine, however, she really didn't care what the superior doctor was gonna do with them. She didn't care anymore if anyone found out. She just wanted him. Thinking about her bodily reactions, Jo smiled subconsciously. Everything inside her tingled as if she was about to go on a particularly wicked rollercoaster ride, as she had done so with Andrew when she had been younger for so many times. Her guts felt airy, the butterflies very much alive, just as she had felt when her parents had accompanied her to her first day of school way back. Her hands felt sweaty, and she kept brushing them off on her jeans, but they really weren't, just as they hadn't been on that first date she had ever gone on. She felt light-headed, just as she had, that day that boy had taken her virginity. Jo smiled and closed her eyes, thinking back, trying not to snort. It was just like back then – with one very crucial exception: she knew she was gonna go out of here tonight very much satisfied whereas that time that boy had tried to please her… well, it hadn't gone all that well. Jo startled when Alex cupped her waist and she felt him step very close, pressing her against the banister of the stairs. Her eyes flew open, immediately focusing on his smirking face. His face drew closer, teasing her, while he whispered at her with his hot breath.

"What are you smiling at all alone out here?" he questioned her, running soft fingers down her back and bottom, resting them there casually. Jo smiled while biting her lower lip gently and exhaled extensively through her nose before chuckling.

"I was actually thinking back to the night I was deflowered," she confessed, making him smirk even wider.

"How so?" he asked, seemingly interested in the story, teasing her backside while she fumbled with the front of his shirt.

"Mh, something just… I just remembered what it felt like… how excited I was…," she told him. "And bummed afterwards," she laughed, infecting him. He scooted a little closer still, nuzzling their noses together.

"How about we find a different ending to that story?" he suggested, making her smile her most beautiful smile and nod.

"I'd like that," she said, tugging at his shirt to get his lips on hers quickly. "Very much." Jo sighed when Alex took a step back, grasping her right hand and pulled her upstairs, into his room, closing the door behind him. When he turned back to her and gave her a burning look, her heart skipped a beat, she was sure of it. _She'd finally made it back to him. Alex. She was back to her Alex. And it felt like everything to her. Everything. Maybe she hadn't craved sex so much recently. She'd craved him. Being with him. The way he looked at her. The way he made her feel._ They stared at each other, before Jo took her shirt off unceremoniously, knowing she was doing him a very big favor. He loved watching her undress for some reason. He just loved gazing at her body, she knew that. She herself could watch as he hardened only by looking at her undressing and it had gotten to _her_ in return every time, this night no difference. When she had gotten rid of everything but her lingerie, she stepped towards Alex, touching his chest, matching eyes. He immediately embraced her, tightly even, kissing her deeply, gratefully it felt.

Jo let herself fall. This was ineffable to her. Since her dreadful 9th birthday, the absolute worst day of her life, the day that had kept repeating itself year after year and she so wished it wouldn't, she had learned to deal with negative emotions. She had learned way too soon to embrace unbelievable, ungraspable grief, horror, fear, loneliness, insecurity - she had learned that there were no emotions that were stronger than negative ones. However, right now, right at this moment, she doubted everything she had ever known. That moment, that wonderful moment Alex was holding her so tight, his kiss making her mind jittery and her knees uneasy, his skin on her skin giving her goose bumps – all those exclusively positive emotions, want, need, longing, desire, elation, positive anticipation, joy, excitement… _affection. _She had known none of those, not in this plenitude, not ever having had to deal with all of those at once, and every one of them coming in so much wealth, she almost buckled. Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe negative emotions weren't the strongest of all, maybe she had just never learned to embrace positive ones. Jo tried to put all that in their kiss, and for some reason, she knew he knew.

Their kiss and touch softened a little and Jo slid her soft palm down towards his bulging man parts, gently massaging him through his joggers, eliciting soft moans of pleasure from him. Alex grasped for Jo's bra clasp and opened it unceremoniously, getting rid of the garment, shoving her back to the bed gently, his arms around her. When she sat down and rolled onto her back, she watched him bend down and closed her eyes when he took her left breast into his mouth, sucking on it, kissing it feverishly, Jo's left hand rooting in his hair. She felt him tug at her thong, kissing her backsides of her thighs and opening. It was hard not letting him get to her but she wanted to try. She needed to last somewhat longer tonight, she needed to breathe it out, not be done within five minutes. She needed him all night long. That's what he owed her for leaving her back for that long. Alex sneaked up her body, kissing her intensely while she wrapped her arms and legs around him impatiently, kissing him back with the same amount of passion. She tugged at the collar of his shirt on his back, illustrating she wanted it off, making him straighten up in his kneeling position between her legs and take it off instantly, his eyes never leaving hers, making her feel so good. There was a spark in Alex's eyes and she knew he was getting frantic. Jo sat up, but he had already reached for his own drawstrings, opening them hastily, not even letting her help, bending down to kiss her roughly in between. She pushed him back, pulling his pants down to his knees. Meanwhile, he leaned onto her, pushing her back into the mattress, putting all his weight on her. Jo gasped for she suddenly felt all the right spots stimulated, everything turn sparkly. They smiled at each other before Jo brought up her hands to cup his cheeks and let him kiss her again, Alex rubbing his still covered erection on her naked privates, Jo's knees bent upwards, grabbing his butt to feel his muscles and entire gorgeousness. Alex's tongue was hypnotizing her, and she knew he wasn't doing it on purpose, he just couldn't help it.

The next time Alex got up on his knees, he pulled down his boxer briefs and pushed Jo's feet up and out of his way to kiss her intimately again, parting her folds with his tongue and teasing her, making her melt. She could already feel the runny and the sticky, the hot and the sweaty, all those things she had experienced so many times in her life before, but never at once, never to such an extent, and never with so much passion behind it, with the same man, over and over and over again. Jo sighed heavily, grabbing for Alex's forearms to find some stability, his palms cupping her butt cheeks widely, kissing her feverishly, as if he was kissing her lips. Jo brought her left hand to his head, caressing him while he did what he did to her, watching him at it, watching his face reddening gradually, seeing the thin film of sweat on his forehead, getting distracted when he went as far as nuzzling her clit with his nose, getting back her arm and holding onto the pillow lying next to her, hissing noisily. She threw her head and her right arm back into the mattress, reveling in the feeling of Alex's hand kneading her right breast, rolling her nipple, all of a sudden doing the same with his other hand, moving upwards to kiss her breasts open-mouthed, her thighs smacking against her abdomen, her lower lip sucked in vigorously to keep from moaning, her left hand holding his neck to get him to kiss her again, kiss her lips this time, deeply, intensely. When they parted, Jo caressed his face and he smiled, making her do the same thing and sit up with him, feeling his smiling lips on hers immediately again, their tongues twisting around each other wildly, Alex twisting his body back to lie down and Jo rolling over with him, on top of him.

She felt Alex's thigh between her legs, felt his big hand on her head, caressing her, brushing his fingers through her curls when she bent down and kissed his chest, his nipples, his belly button, his penis that was lying on his abdomen erectly, licking along it while her fingers rested at his groin, making no fuss at taking him deep, Alex's hand immediately cupping her cheek and then getting her long hair out of the way for her to suck him generously. Jo felt him breathe heavily and sigh contently while bending his torso up in satisfaction, holding her head gently with both his hands, trying to not come undone just yet. Jo took him deep, again and again, holding him down gently, but forcefully, realizing for the umpteenth time how much she had missed that man underneath her, how much she had missed his smell and his noises and his body and the way they… did it. On a particularly deep note, Alex scrunched up his abs and she felt him push his thighs together in anticipation, enjoying himself to the fullest. Jo was just coming back to his tip when he sat up fully, guided her face up from his penis to his lips and lured her into a sensual kiss, Jo immediately going over to stroking him with her hands instead, relishing in the feel of his stubble against her lips and face. She broke the kiss while he squeezed her boob gently and looked at him, breaking out in a smile. _Nothing she had needed more from this night. _While stroking him madly and Alex's tongue seduced her further, Jo fell onto his shoulder, him shifting so they were still kissing, their tongues dueling.

It wasn't long after that, that she inched upwards a little bit, positioning herself at his penis and putting her arms around him while he entered her. Jo rested the side of her face against his head, Alex kept kissing her temple, over and over and over again, his arms tightly around her, grasping her smooth skin at her loins. Jo moved on top of him rhythmically, automatically, moaning continuously as she rode him slowly, sensually, feeling heat rushes come and go, a film of sweat building on her skin all over her body, Alex's hands cupping her butt. She sat up for a minute before leaning against him again, kissing his muscles on his shoulders, running her hands up and down while Alex kept roaming her back, driving her crazy, their bodies moving together perfectly. Jo felt like she couldn't sit still, hold still for a second, getting up again and arching back to hold onto his thighs, moving in circles on him now, gasping without an end in sight. Alex came up with her a minute later, massaging her boobs determinedly, holding her to himself firmly, searching her lips again. They did this for a while, Alex's head buried in her neck while Jo had her eyes closed, enjoying the sensations in between them. It wasn't even a minute before Alex twisted them again, so Jo was lying on her back, Alex between her legs, humping her now, feverishly. As much as she wanted to, Jo couldn't hold it in anymore. Her breaths were coming so loudly, every motion down there accompanied with a gasp. Her hair kept sticking to her forehead, so she tried combing them back, reaching for Alex's neck again but when he tried kissing her, she realized it was too late, she was occupied with something very else. She held onto the rod of the bed with her right hand while she clawed into Alex's lower back with her left, opening her mouth widely, inhaling deeply, feeling her climax coming on. She sensed as Alex held her head tightly, kissing her cheek and ear, going so fast down there, she wasn't sure what was happening anymore. He sped up one more time, both of them experiencing Jo's peak, making Alex go in and out of her slower now, deeper, more intense. Both their mouths wide open, Alex groaning with her convulsing muscles around him. He bit her lip and kissed her again and again while he kept humping her, almost climbing her even higher, grinding against her.

They were on eyelevel, Alex looking down on her, his head red and his veins pulsing at his temple, Jo going through his sweaty hair, his hand clawed in her own, when he picked up speed again, making her screech and him clenching his teeth, taking raspy breaths, working hard to get to his own orgasm. When he did he mindlessly slid in and out, resting his face against hers, his nose on her cheek before she tilted her head and they were nose to nose, so close, kissing and breathing and moaning together. Jo let out a final moan when she brought her right hand up to join her left hand to hold Alex's head closer to hers, making him kiss her repeatedly now, smiling in between, stroking his thumb across her cheeks and looking at her with those eyes, those eyes that just… they were marveling at her, she could see it clearly, and she had missed them so much.

Amidst all those emotions, Jo was having that feeling again, though. That quick stab, that single second of feeling empty or lost because this was a moment to say something and they just weren't… they didn't… there wasn't anything to say… or rather… there was so much to say but they couldn't… cause they weren't… or she wouldn't... because she wouldn't dare... but then, when she took another cleansing breath and closed her eyes for a second, she just heard it slip out.

"I missed you," she breathed out, not caring about anything anymore. "God, I missed you," she shook her head, pulling him even closer. Alex just closed his eyes, breathing hard, before they kissed again, coming down from their highs together. Alex lay in Jo's embrace for quite a while, breathing heavily against her chest, Jo's fingers drawing shapes in his hair and on his back, holding him close, reveling in the feeling of reuniting. He slipped out of her a little later on, as always Jo hated it, she just hated the feeling of him leaving her, she couldn't help it. When she reached over for the water bottle on the nightstand she expected to be there because it just always was, she missed Alex's epiphany but she turned her face quickly when he spoke her name somewhat weirdly.

"What? What is it?"

"We forgot protection," Alex said and she couldn't clearly read what it was that made his face.

"We did?" she asked, not having realized _at all._ But that was also pretty much how much she cared about that fact itself.

"I'm sorry," Alex shook his head and looked away guiltily.

"It's fine," Jo assured him, reaching for the water bottle eventually, falling back and taking a sip, watching him look like he had just done a crime. "I'm on the pill, you know that," she told him. He just nodded. She smiled slightly but knew he wasn't even looking, so he had no idea. Jo waited for another second, not really knowing what had gotten him so awkward, before placing the water bottle back on the nightstand and trying to pull him back down towards her. He lay down on his back, propping his arms underneath his head, looking at her, while she rolled over sideways, propping herself up on her elbow, looking back at him. "So," she knew this was probably going to be another shot in the dark but she needed to ease the tension. "How many girls did I have sex with, then?" Alex looked up at her, and his face was so damn neutral, she couldn't read anything on it. No pride, no disgust, no offense, no boredom, nothing.

"None," he just said, shaking his head, waiting for her reaction. Jo laughed. His face didn't change.

"Oh come on now, I promise I won't be mad. I forgot about the condom just as well," she tried to reassure him. He just shrugged and scrunched up his forehead.

"Well, still," he told her.

"M-hm, whatever," she laughed again.

"I guess I can or should ask you the same thing, with all that dating you've had going on," he said. Jo smiled, putting her palm on his abs, before tracing them with her fingers, following them with her eyes. She felt as he kept playing with her hair, which calmed her a bit.

"I dated. I took them home at times. I never slept with anyone, though," Jo admitted quietly.

"Why not?" Alex sounded surprised. She looked up to make out his face. Jo felt her guts sting.

"I actually have no freaking idea," she laughed unsteadily. "I… I mean… I tried… on a couple of occasions… I guess they just didn't work out…," she elaborated. "So, yeah," she smiled at him innocently and she hated to admit it but she thought there had to have been insecurity mirroring on her face. "You were the last guy I slept with." They looked at each other for a minute but then he spoke up.

"There were bunches of interns," Alex started to tell, making her look up in surprise and amusement, inching a little closer, roaming his chest absent-mindedly. "They crowded around me day and night," Alex put on his little show, making her laugh.

"Oh yeah? You have any autographs left? Topless preferred?" Jo took the bait.

"Sorry," he shook his head. "Had to scatter them among my groupies," he pointed out, making her nod with raised eyebrows and a smile. There was a short pause in which he chuckled and even though they both smiled and the mood was joyful, she knew that he was about to get serious. "I took one back to the hotel one night," he rubbed his eyes. "I had a fight with Lucy and I kinda… I just had too much to drink," he said, making her nod. "She wanted to go down on me and it just… it just wasn't right… I just… something made me… I don't know… I guess I had too much to drink," he wrapped up his story.

"So, you didn't have sex with anyone? At all? I can't believe that, Alex, as much as I want to," she shook her head, making him roll his eyes and laugh. "What about that Lucy chick?"

"She's my ex-girlfriend," Alex told her matter-of-factly. Jo stopped short, losing her grin and feeling weird inside. "She's the one that took my job and then broke up to go to Africa," he explained. Jo didn't know what to say… or do.

"Um… I'm sorry, I didn't know," Jo stuttered awkwardly, making him raise his eyebrows now.

"Well, how could you have?"

"Well… no. I just shouldn't have said anything… I'm sorry," she apologized. Alex chuckled.

"You act like you just… I don't know… I mean… if I hadn't known her I promise you I would have had sex with her," he winked. Jo smiled at him appreciatively, him getting her out of her own predicament. She blushed slightly, but Alex immediately cupped her cheek and pulled her upwards, so she was lying on his upper arm, facing him. Jo felt her guts knead themselves through. _Please, this needs to stop. I'm trying so really hard… I just… I can't stop myself… I just… I can't stop myself from… _"You're so beautiful," Alex told her quietly, stroking her cheek and brushing her hair back behind her ear repeatedly. She stared back at his sincere eyes. "I guess it must be obvious by now but... I missed you, too." Jo's heart stopped and everything inside her burnt up, same feeling as severe heartburn or the prologue to vomiting. She felt sick. And she was sure of one thing. _She sure couldn't stop herself_… Alex kissed her lips softly, exploringly, lingering. _She'd never be able to stop herself from... _She opened up her eyes, staring back at his deeply sincere ones.

_… from __falling in love with Alex Karev, the one last guy she shouldn't ever have laid eyes on. _


	19. Falling and catching

_**IMPORTANT, please read**: There's been the one or other mention of Jo's family situation until now, however, there's a lot more to come. I have one small request once going forward with this now, and I really hope you guys understand. Again, when I wrote this I knew nothing about Jo, and now, it's too big a part of this story to just erase and rewrite it, or maybe I'm just too lazy. It's very AU and hence, she'll probably be OOC for good parts. Concerning Jo's family history: none of it is made up, it happened all before my eyes within a family that I used to work with. What I'm saying is, all of the things that will come up mentioned as Jo's history are a reflection of reality- NOT a collection of what happened in different families, but all that happened in one family-, nothing about it is made up. If it feels strange or too far-fetched or too unrealistic to you, please keep it to yourselves, cause I was very invested with this family and they are very dear to my heart and thus, unobjectionable. Please, keep that in mind if you choose to write a review, which of course, I always love to read! Also, I have no freaking idea to be quite frank if a situation like that could or would be realistic in the U.S. system but it is in my country… so, just know. Everything else is totally objectionable and pure fiction – I'm open to all kinds of criticism apart from everything regarding Jo's history, is all I'm asking : ) Thanks!_

* * *

[Alex]

The next few days seemed to fly by very quickly. After reuniting with Jo that first night back - Alex had to smile about the thought of that - after hearing her confess that she had missed him, after having felt that immense relief when hearing her say it and knowing he wasn't wrong in having done so, in having rejected every other girl while residing in Baltimore, having missed her so much, after all that time, everything felt right to him. He knew that his mind was still very much too far in the course of their _relationship_, or whatever it was really, compared to what they were to each other in reality, sex buddies that was, but he couldn't help it, she just excited him, she took him in wholly, she mesmerized him, hypnotized him to an extent that he wasn't sure he could ever look at another girl like he looked at her. She was so perfect to him and he wanted her all to himself. When she had told him that she had dated while he was gone, even though he had totally expected it and braced himself for it, he had felt the stinging deep in his guts. When she had told him, though, that she hadn't slept with one other guy since him, his heart had settled and he had tried to not show too much relief on his face. He wanted her all to himself. He wanted her so much, it was ridiculous. And as stupid as it was… but he couldn't bring himself to actually articulate that thought in her vicinity. _Maybe… just maybe… she'd be into that as well… right?! There was a chance… right?_ Alex didn't know. He was so unsure, it drove him crazy. They'd spent all spare time they had together from that day on, not getting enough of each other. They'd been playful… as they always had been… but Alex felt that something… something he couldn't quite define… was different. Something was off, and he couldn't put a finger on it. He was just making his way over to fetch a sandwich after his surgery, having sent Jo into post-op, when his phone buzzed.

_J – STOP looking at me like that!_

Alex smirked, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

_A – Like what?! _

_J – You know what! I can't focus when you keep looking at me like that. _

_A – Well, STOP being so sexy then_

_J – I mean it, Alex, stop! I need to focus on work. You may be able to pull off all kinds of reverse-tracheostomies in your sleep but I can't. STOP _

_A – Oh, you poor baby_

_J – You make me all giddy and blushy, stop it, seriously_

Alex snorted, knowing Jo was far from a giddy and blushy girl. The mere thought of that amused him. _See, that's why she could be very well into you too… right?! _He was typing his next message when he got interrupted by Lucy.

"Alex, how did the surgery go? How's Cidreck?"

"Very well, everything went smoothly," he answered shortly, already back to typing.

"I watched for a bit upstairs. That intern… what's her name? She's pretty kick-ass," she told him her observations, making him hide a smile.

"Which one?"

"The one that's your type," Lucy gave him back snarkily, making Alex snap his head up and felt his windpipe close dangerously, cutting his eyes at her. "I'm kidding," Lucy laughed, "just trying to get your attention," she pointed out. Alex rolled his eyes, looking back down, relieved that she actually hadn't picked anything up but was joking around. "The curly one," Lucy clarified. "Is it Murphy? Or Wilson?"

"Wilson. Yeah, she's good," he told her, trying to sound as distant and uncaring as possible.

"Care to lend her to my service for a bit? I'd like to see if she has any maternal fetal potential… you know with Taona's surgery coming up?" Alex looked up at her in surprise.

"Sure, go ahead, take her," he told her, excited to tell Jo about the impression she had left behind with the fellow surgeon. _Even though he did not at all like the thought of those two in an OR together, all alone. _Alex watched Lucy smile gratefully and turn on her heel, making him change his plans.

_A – You done with post-op?_

_J – Yeah_

_A – Meet me in the on-call room on 5_

_J – Need to do charting_

_A – That can wait, come on_

_J – I can't always come meet you when you feel like it, I still have something to prove_

_A – What the hell's wrong with you today? I have good news, just come on up_

_A – Please_

Alex walked into the empty on-call room, leaning back on the window sill, waiting for a reaction, either on his phone or her materializing in the doorway. He pondered. _What was going on with her? Yes, everything had been a bit… weird lately… not weird in a sense of… he couldn't quite wrap his head around it. Everything was good between them, he knew that alright. Just… as he had pondered before… something was different. And he had always thought that it was because of their new situation… the whole… admitting that they had missed each other thing… but now… now he had to admit that it was her that had been different… she wasn't so… she hadn't been as… playful and cheery and easy-going anymore… she'd been tired and a bit moody and distant lately… not necessarily towards him but he could feel the effect… well, maybe this would cheer her up… IF she was planning to come at all. _Right that second, the door opened quickly and he smiled when Jo came in hurriedly, locking the door behind her, staying in the vicinity of it, though, propping her hands up on her hips.

"What's up?" Jo asked him, her eyebrows raised slightly, looking very dismissive. Alex frowned, not knowing what to say.

"Are you okay? Is something happening? I think I missed something…," Alex inquired. Jo rolled her eyes and exhaled noisily.

"Everything's fine," she said barely. Alex pushed himself off the window sill and took a few steps closer, tentatively though.

"Was it the looks? Or the texts? Are you upset because you think I'm trying to distract you from work? Cause seriously, I'm not, I swear. I couldn't help it…," he looked at her sheepishly. Jo smiled at him playfully.

"No," she shook her head, chuckling quietly. "I'm just tired and in a bit of a mood… and stressed out… that's all," she admitted. Alex found it safe to take another few steps closer, smiling at her cautiously and cupping her cheeks. Jo looked up at him, somewhat reluctantly, though. "So," she asked him. "Is that all you needed to know?"

"Actually I wanted to hand you over the good news myself… and a warning," he added sheepishly, letting go of her cheeks and pulling her over towards the window again, leaning against it, shoulder to shoulder.

"What's that?"

"My _ex-girlfriend_," he stressed that first part purposefully, making her raise her eyebrows. "Was very impressed with your surgical talent," he smiled at her. Jo looked surprised.

"She was?" He nodded at her.

"She wants you to scrub in with Taona's surgery," he elaborated. "That's how impressed. And let me tell you, that means something," Jo looked up at him seemingly intrigued. "First of all, it's maternal fetal medicine… barely any interns get hands on that," he pointed out. "And second, Lucy is very critical when picking her interns… she must really like you," he finished.

"What's the warning?" Alex took a breath and looked away.

"I don't know… it's just… I just wanted to remind you again that she…," Alex started but got interrupted when Jo pushed herself off the windowsill all of a sudden, taking a few steps away before turning around and looking at him incredulously.

"You have to be kidding me, please don't say you were about to say you wanted to remind me she's your ex-girlfriend and what? Take care? Or I'm not supposed to scrub in with her? Not take that incredible chance because you screwed her before me?" Alex was completely taken aback by her outburst, never having seen her like it before.

"No," he shook his head in defense, irritated. "No, that's not what I wanted to say," he told her. "Jo, what the hell's going on with you? Did I do something? Are you sick of me? We can totally shut this down if you're being annoyed by it…," Alex suggested in the heat of the moment, surprised about the words himself, looking up at her in complete confusion about what the hell was going on. They had just been flirting minutes ago. When he looked at her, matching eyes, he realized for the first time how his throat had dried up completely, and gulped noisily, moistening it, waiting for a reply. He watched as Jo took a deep breath, shaking her head but he wasn't sure if she was shaking her head no or if she was just… shaking her head.

"No," she said quietly, shaking her head and closing her eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to lash out on you," she apologized, her words almost too quiet to understand. "I'm just having a bad week… day… I don't know… I'm sorry," she repeated. Alex looked at her before deciding to inch closer, again. He observed her meticulously when he approached her, Jo looking up at him, sucking in her lower lip, before he took her in his arms and hugged her to him tightly. He felt her sigh and reciprocate the hug, making him stroke his arms up and down her back.

"Is there anything I can do? Apart from shutting up I guess?" he asked her quietly. Jo chuckled silently - he could feel it, and it made him smile.

"No, you're good at distracting at night," she told him. Alex felt the quick sting when she said it, but nodded, holding her tighter. _And _there_ was the reason against her sharing his sentiment of bringing their relationship to the next level. _

"I hate seeing you like this," he confessed, despite her exclaiming he was just functioning as her toy boy. "I want to help, please, just let me help, whatever it is, I'm sure we can figure it out together," he whispered against her, swaying her gently, feeling how she nestled in the crook of his neck, shaking her head almost unnoticeably. Everything inside him screamed when he felt, and he was sure of it, tears running down her cheeks, wetting his collar. He pulled them apart a few inches, looking at her face, stricken, never having seen her cry, as in genuinely. "Jo," he immediately whispered frantically, trying to dry her tears with his thumbs, her shaking him off.

"I'm fine, I'm good," she told him, wiping them away herself, looking down. "I don't even know why I'm crying."

"Jo, just tell me what it is, please," he begged her, holding her shoulders, seeing another tear rolling down her cheek, for she couldn't help it, it seemed. She wiped it away again before smiling up at him, her eyes shining with more tears and her entire face just looking fake.

"Just distract me for a while, okay?" she looked up at him.

"Jo," Alex tilted his head, trying to make her see that she _could _in fact, _just _be herself and cry or whatever she needed with him, they didn't have to… _do_ it by all means.

"Please," Jo breathed out, leaning forwards and kissing his lips softly. It felt to Alex as if she didn't even have enough strength to put more into the kiss. He pulled back, looking at her intently.

"This is not right, Jo, just… calm down and then maybe we can talk, okay?" he tried to pull her a little closer. Jo, though, teared away from his embrace, losing another tear and wiped it away madly, turning back one more time when reaching the door.

"I said I didn't wanna talk, how hard is it to just get that into your brain, huh?" she hissed with a malicious look on her face and yanked the door open, vanishing through it. Alex stood frozen, not comprehending what had just happened.

* * *

[Jo]

Jo sat in her car in the dark neighborhood street besides Alex's house, fidgeting with her keys. That day had not at all gone like she had planned it. Usually, and in retrospect, she had always dealt with that day in her life just fine. She didn't wanna be the kind of person who associated certain days in a year with a certain feeling, it was just stupid. She had never really comprehended how couples got all hyped on Valentine's day and their anniversaries instead of just celebrating their relationship every day of the year, loving each other every minute of every day, she didn't understand why birthdays and name days and break up days and death days were to be celebrated or mourned but all other days were spent without a thought to the matter. So, she was appalled with herself that she had broken down in Alex's arms like she had earlier that day.

She usually made it through the day just fine, just like any other day. But for some reason, today had just been awful. It had started fine, her and Leah scrubbing in with Alex and Robbins for Cidreck's surgery, her actually meaning to tell Alex off _playfully_ for ogling her all throughout the surgery, risking people to find out, being totally genuine about the fact that it made her knees a tiny bit weaker every time he gave her those eyes. But with already being irritable, it had quickly gotten out of hand, and then when he had held her, she just hadn't been able to keep the tears in and it was just awful. She hadn't meant to lash out on him, she hadn't meant to be so testy, she had just needed him to not talk or ask or hover, she had just wanted him to be there as he usually was, not questioning her motives or mood. Besides dealing with the fact that she was slowly falling for Alex and she didn't know how to handle it since he was on a very different page, she was sure, that was the one good thing of their exclusively sexual relationship. They didn't have to share. She didn't have to share. And that was one thing she embraced very much. She knew she had kinda messed that up now, so now she was nervous.

She knew she had to explain herself and on some level… she was willing to talk to Alex about it… even though, she hadn't once in her life talked to anyone about anything who hadn't been involved for starters. But she sure was willing to try opening up. She just wasn't sure… true, he had told her before she could come talk to him and she knew he would listen. She just wasn't sure how much she could enclose and at the same time stay distant enough to not fall for him even more than she already seemed to have. Jo took a deep breath, closing her eyes, trying to steady. Afterwards, she grabbed the six pack that was sitting in her passenger seat and got out of the car, locking it and climbing the steep stairwell towards Alex's front door slowly. She startled when Yang crossed her path, walking down the steps towards her own car it seemed.

"He's in a mood," the superior doctor, used to her appearances now it seemed, informed her, "just letting you know. You're still good for turning around," she pointed out in passing. Jo smiled a small smile, walking further up and standing in front of the door, her knees jittery. When she pressed the door bell, her heart fluttered with nerves. It only took seconds, Alex's shadow rounding the corner from the living room, switching on the lights before opening the door and staring at her in surprise. They looked at each other for a second before Jo chimed up sheepishly.

"Sorry?" she held up the bottles of beer slightly, trying to tell him that she had done him wrong. She watched him tilt his head and take a step back, motioning for her to get in. She immediately felt relieved and smiled slightly, even though the lump in her throat hadn't subsided yet. They walked into the living room, where Alex turned the volume of the show he was watching down and waved her towards the couch. Jo waited until he had sat down, before putting the beer on the coffee table and settled next to him, on a couch he had himself delivered while in Baltimore. She turned over to face him with her whole body and sighed, instantly shaking her head with the thoughts that went through her mind. "I really am sorry, Alex, something went through with me today and I just… it turned me into a bitch and I took it out on you… I'm… I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry," she told him. "I didn't mean to be so… I just…," she tried to explain herself and she really was willing to do so but she just couldn't find the right words. Alex shook his head slightly.

"It's okay," he told her soothingly. "You told me not to pry and I did… so… I guess I'm sorry," he waved her off.

"No, absolutely not, Alex, you were just being sweet, I'm at fault here, please, just let me explain," she said. Alex caught her hand in between her wild gesturing and shook his head.

"I don't want you to explain, Jo. You made it very clear that you don't wanna talk about it and I overstepped the line. I just don't like to see you cry, I just thought… maybe you needed some comforting… but I get it… it's not my place," he said. Jo tilted her head, hearing the slight pain in his voice, he was hurting for her… apparently… and even though she did not know what to do with that fact… she couldn't help herself. She inched closer towards him and pecked his lips, pulling back immediately to look at his reaction. When he looked back at her without any trace of awkwardness or rejection, she leaned in again, initiating a deeper kiss. Alex instantly pulled her over into his lap, embracing her whole body, leaning back against the armrest, pulling her with him. They kissed for a while, Jo finding some peace in his soft lips on hers, his big hands holding her firmly. When they broke it gradually, Jo trailed some kisses down his neck before settling on his shoulder, Alex's arms holding her tightly, making her feel so safe, in such good hands. The only hands she wanted to be in. They stayed in silence for quite a while, Jo synchronizing her breaths with Alex's, calming her immensely.

"Would you tell me about your family if I asked you?" Jo found herself questioning him after a while. Alex kept drawing shapes on her back, seemingly in thought.

"What do you wanna know?" he asked her back after his reminiscing. Jo shrugged and bit her lips.

"You once told me about all those foster families… I mean… that just… it sounds so… I mean, I don't know if there's a reason for that… it's just… so out of context I guess, for me… to understand… and I was just… wondering I guess…," she told him quietly. When Jo felt Alex tilt his head to look at her, she looked up and matched their eyes. She was surprised when Alex smiled at her.

"You know," he traced her cheekbones thoughtfully. "As much as I do understand where you're coming from… hearing another messed up family history won't make yours less tragic," he told her with his gaze fixed on hers. Jo mirrored the smile playing his lips and closed her eyes, sensing him kissing her head.

"I know," she admitted. "I guess I just…," she pondered.

"Need some courage?" Jo shrugged, looking back up at him, uncertainty surely reflecting from her eyes.

"No… I mean I don't know… I just… I've never talked about… anything… ever… and I… just…I really don't know how to do this it seems," she chuckled insecurely. Alex smiled.

"Don't worry, I don't know either. I've given up bits and pieces… I've never bothered telling someone 'my whole story'… it just never came up…," he gave her. Jo nodded, interestedly, waiting for elaboration. "I mean I've had talks… but mainly with people that were close or had something to do with it all… it's not that heart-stopping either… from what my social worker used to say, I'm just one of so many kids out there that come from parents who just shouldn't have had kids…," he trailed off. Jo was taken aback.

"Wait, somebody actually told you that?" she looked at him, completely enraged all of a sudden for the extreme lack of empathy a person in that field seemed to have had towards Alex. She sat up, their legs still entangled but feeling more comfortable to have this conversation upright. Alex chuckled.

"Yeah, she was… a bit _blunt_," he added.

"You think?" Jo asked back, grabbing for a beer, opening it and taking a sip.

"Well, it's true… there's too many homeless kids out there," Alex shrugged, taking the bottle over and sipping at it himself. Jo kept looking at him, seeing if he was willing to elaborate. He sighed, putting his arm that had been holding Jo on the back of the couch, playing with the collar of her shirt. "And you know… I did have a family… or… I do have a family… it just didn't work out too well for me and my siblings," he said. "My dad was absent most of the time… when he _was_ there, he beat my mom mostly… sometimes me or my younger brother. He spared my baby sister, thanks to God or some remaining common sense in his brain. He was an addict… heroine mostly but he did other stuff too… he disappeared for good when I was 8… don't know where he is now… maybe he's ODed by now, who knows," Alex recounted his past, making Jo's insides wrench. "All that drove my mom crazy… I mean she did everything she could but by the time my dad was gone she herself was addicted to her pain meds and she had serious psychological problems… from then on we were in and out of foster families… at times together, at times apart… at times mom would clean up and they'd let us go home for a while, it never stayed the same for too long. I learned to take care of stuff for my mom, for my siblings, I learned to stay calm in crises I guess. Mom was admitted into a home after having been diagnosed schizophrenic when I was 14. I never stayed long in any foster settings. It'd been too late by then. I aged out at 18 and went to college, and that was it," Alex shrugged. "My brother was institutionalized… well, actually _I_ admitted him just a few years ago… same diagnosis… he tried killing my sister…," he added on. By the time Alex had finished, Jo was horrified, speechless. She needed some time to process before speaking up.

"I am so sorry, Alex, I should have never just made you tell me that," she looked at him earnestly. "This is so awful," she added, shaking her head frantically. "I mean… don't get me wrong, but this sounds like there is so much wrong with people or the system or whatever it is… I mean, come freaking on, 17 families and not one that made it work for you?" Alex looked at her and laughed. Jo was taken aback. "What?" He shook his head and his eyes glittered.

"I wasn't sure what you meant before… I was halfway thinking you were saying 'there's so much wrong with people… in your family' or something like it," he winked. "Which would be true as well," he told her matter-of-factly, making her widen her eyes.

"Alex," she reprimanded him.

"No, it's true, I have a very messed up family. And I'm a foster kid… which probably makes me a messed up person by definition," he elaborated. Jo scrunched up her face.

"Why?" she chucked out. When he shrugged, she grinned. "First of all, your whole attitude has nothing to do with you having once been a foster kid," she told him matter-of-factly, tracing his shape in mid-air. "Don't think you can get away with being a jerk just because you have a messed up family history," she told him provocatively, making him laugh, "You do that all to yourself," she chuckled, making him catch her wrist and pull her in for a kiss, laughing against her lips.

"Thank you for putting me straight," he murmured against her. Jo laughed and kissed him a bit deeper, tracing her thumb up and down his neck before pulling back.

"And secondly, what do you mean, you're messed up because you're a foster kid? I mean… I was a foster kid at times and I'm not messed up," she stressed her last words, sounding a bit offended on purpose, making him snort and raise his eyebrows. "What?" she looked at him wide-eyed and wide-mouthed.

"You are more messed up than you think you are," he told her unceremoniously, making her slap him on his chest.

"Take that back," she threatened with her finger raised.

"Nu-uh," Alex shook his head with a smile, Jo narrowing her eyes before she tackled him, instantly getting distracted when Alex pulled her down into a kiss, making her moan loudly and tighten her arms around him quickly, deepening the sentiment. The way Alex managed to send her to the moon and through the whole universe and back had never quite occurred to her, the way her insides felt like they were going through a grinder made her brain dizzy and her blood flow direct itself somewhere lower. The way Alex held her, in her mind… it just felt to her like… he'd never let her go again… but she knew… she knew she couldn't let herself think that… because it wasn't what he was thinking… or at least she didn't know what he was thinking… and she wanted it too much… because ever since she had formed that thought of maybe, just maybe, falling for Alex… she just had gotten stuck on it and it just grew more and more real every day… The kiss softened and Alex smiled at her, pecking her lips again, catching her eyes, stroking her waist, holding her close. "I didn't know you were a foster kid, by the way," he mumbled through feathery kisses. Jo looked at the ceiling, nodding and shaking her head at the same time, not knowing how to explain.

"Hm… I don't know… not really… I mean, yes, of course, I was in the system… but only temporarily," she told him.

"And that doesn't make you a foster kid?"

"Well… no… yes… no… I don't think so… see, it was always obvious that we wouldn't stay in the system, it was just temporary from the beginning…," she told, and she felt like it was much easier than she had thought…now that they had kind of established a baseline… kind of gotten the whole conversation going… it felt easy talking to Alex. She propped herself up on her elbows on his chest, only inches from his face.

"That's not very comfortable," Alex let her know, making her chuckle. She leaned down to peck his lips again before sitting up, making him do the same, so they were sitting comfortably again, both taking a sip of their shared beer. There was a pregnant pause in which Jo started fiddling with Alex's fingers, not knowing what to say. "You don't have to, Jo," she heard him whisper again. She smiled. He was being too sweet. She leaned back against his arm, nestling against the backrest, so she could look at his face.

"I had an awesome childhood," Jo started, making him look at her eyes. She smiled. "I did, I swear. We lived in Hyattsville, my mom, my dad, my siblings, my dog, my hamster," she chuckled, him smiling at her reliving something good from her past. "My dad owned a construction business, pretty successful one even," she remembered. "My mom was with us pretty much all the time from what I remember… she used to work in DC before I was born… something administrative," Jo told slowly. "Anyways, everything was fine, so I can't complain for like… half of my childhood," she told him, Alex listening closely, having put his left hand between her thighs, running his thumb back and forth. "Until that day… 17 years ago… it was my, _and_ my brother's, birthday."

"You have a twin?" Alex interjected interestedly.

"Nah," Jo smiled. "It was my 9th birthday, while it was his 8th. Almost, though," she winked at him. Alex nodded with raised eyebrows, seemingly impressed.

"That's one hell of an achievement," he told her, making her laugh and nod.

"I guess, yeah," she said, her smile growing a bit sadder when she thought back to that day, a deed she hadn't done for so long. "It was a really nice spring day, Danny and I were so excited, we had that big party planned, all our friends were coming over, my grandparents had wanted to come up from Florida and there was going to be a moon bounce," she smiled absent-mindedly. "And cake," she said a little more quietly, trying to keep the tears in that bothered her greatly, since she didn't know why they kept on coming today when they hadn't done so in years. She sighed greatly.

"Anyways, I remember Danny and me fighting about something stupid like who got to blow out their candles first, just as every birthday we ever had together, and I remember my grandma telling us to keep it down and that the party and the hubbub was going to start soon enough, and I remember Andrew walking out on the porch, rolling his eyes at us, carrying out Carly, she was only 10 months old at that time. I remember it was really hot in our backyard and I was whining that I wanted my cake and I remember my grandpa getting really irritated with us, getting the cake out from the fridge and walking it out on the porch, saying something like 'we're gonna let this sit here in the sun for a while and once it's time to eat, it'll all be run down and nobody will want to eat it anymore and everybody's gonna leave the party but that's how it's going to be unless you shut up'," Jo suddenly remembered all those tiny details.

"I remember him balancing the cake on one hand and the phone ringing, him getting it, and his face falling immediately, and the cake… it just… I remember it falling in slow motion, I remember crying out loudly and I remember Danny starting to run towards it, trying to fetch it, which of course was silly - since Danny has infantile cerebral palsy," she noted towards Alex, realizing she needed to explain stuff to him not just chuck out stuff he wouldn't be able to follow. "He can walk but I remember he wasn't as stable back then, yet, he still used his wheelchair a lot back then," she elaborated, making Alex nod. "So, I just remember, everything happened so fast after Daniel started running. He of course stumbled down, cutting up his eyebrow on the porch steps, the cake falling and smashing on the porch, my grandpa gripping his heart and sagging to the floor, my grandma yelping, Carly starting to cry and Andrew picking up the phone, since we all didn't know what had happened. I remember Andrew freezing like a statue and just… he just didn't do anything and I got so scared. Cause Andrew was always so reasonable. Anyways, I remember running over towards grandpa, but he was dead and I tried to do CPR but I just… I was a child and I really had no idea how, and I don't know what was going on with me but I just got back up and took Carly from Andrew and shushed her, going to the kitchen and getting a cup of water for grandma who had a complete meltdown and then took a cool pack towards Danny, sitting him in his wheelchair and making him put it on his cut, putting Carly into his lap. And it's all so weird because all that happened within the timeframe of me not even knowing what had happened. I just went into this… survival mode… and I guess I just never made it out," Jo realized all of a sudden, looking at Alex who was frowning at her.

"What the….?" He whispered at her carefully, making her smile but only because she didn't know how to handle all that.

"When Andrew dropped the phone, he just said, _they _were going to send the police. He had started CPR on grandpa once I had taken Carly, but he never revived. There were lots of police officers at our house that day, and lots of paramedics, and a psychiatrist. They took my grandpa away, my grandma was sedated, and there were hundreds of people swarming in and around our house and us kids sitting on the porch. Not even then had Andrew said anything. Carly had fallen asleep and Danny was crying really hard and I remember asking myself if I was supposed to cry, so I asked Andrew if mom and dad were going to come back or if they were dead," Jo felt the words that escaped her lips and she remembered, they felt the very same as that first and only other time she had said them. "He just shrugged and we waited, and waited, and none of those people ever cared talking to us, except for that freaking psychiatrist, he sat with us for a while and kept asking us how we were feeling but since we didn't know anything about how we were supposed to feel, he just irked me to be completely honest," Jo told Alex.

"I remember it was getting dark and I was thinking, what a stupid birthday that had been, when my grandparents – the ones that had travelled from Florida – came out on the porch, looking all fabulous as they usually did, carrying bunches of presents, their faces distraught. They were the ones telling us that they had waited and waited at the airport, suspecting nothing. That my parents, who were supposed to pick them up, never did so, but instead of that, had had a car crash, in which my mother died, the driver in the other car died, and my father got badly injured. I remember my grandparents stay for a while, until my mom was buried, but for some reason, they left us and never really came back to visit, sending postcards and all for birthdays and stuff, but never feeling responsible for us. My dad's mom never really recovered from my grandpa's death, she lived with us until the end but you know… she wasn't really fit to raise us. My dad was in a coma, and they couldn't tell us anything about it, how long it was going to be, if he was going to wake up or die… we just… didn't know anything. Andrew was 17 at that time, so he had that idea in his head that he was going to fight for custody once he turned 18 unless dad woke up, of course. He never did, though. We were placed in different foster families, they wanted to place Carly in long-term fostering, Andrew fighting them like a crazy person. They placed Danny into a home, since they said he wasn't placeable. He never recovered from that. He was traumatized the most, I guess. The first year he'd keep talking about that stupid cake, he wouldn't respond logically, he was just… he was falling behind and nobody cared because of his stupid handicap everyone thought he was mentally disabled as well. We tried so hard to get it into their brains, but they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand that in one day, in one day that should have been one of the best days of his life, he basically lost both his parents, 4 of his grandparents through different circumstances, his siblings temporarily… everything he had, basically. He never really recovered from that. He's good now, I mean, he's moved on… but he'll never _really _move on… I think," Jo told Alex who sighed heavily.

"And above all that, they found out it was my dad's fault apparently and we were covered in medical and court bills and… well… we had that guy who did all that… selling dad's business and the house and all that… I moved between different short term crisis foster homes until Andrew was 18, and he actually was granted custody of Danny and me, so we moved in with our grandma. We fought for Carly, so hard, we almost didn't get her back. But we did, in the end. So, Andrew raised us all in a way. My grandma passed not long after that. We had a social worker for years, her name was Mrs. Collins, she was the best. She and her colleagues came to us every day, helping us with everything, finding schools and therapies for Danny, helping with raising Carly, household stuff… getting Andrew some time off to get his education done and get a job. I'm still glad they were there… it's just… it's very intrusive… you know, having people there all the time… and they change too… cause needing someone to be there all the time, it just needs a lot of people and they just walk about the house and into your life and family…and even though they all have good intentions… you only hit it off with like… one or two… or maybe three of them… and then the rest are just intruders. It was hard. But we kept on hoping dad would wake up. I once asked Andrew why our grandparents never came back, he told me that when it was only him and mom and dad, cause he's so much older than we are, before mom had us three, she was a bad druggie too… and she'd apparently been to jail and all… like I don't even know what to think about that, I wouldn't know anything about it and for some reason I couldn't ever wrap my head around it since my mom was such a different person than Andrew thinks she was… so yeah I never gave much thought to that… anyways, apparently my mother's parents had some beef with my dad and accuse him of getting her with the drugs and stuff… running her down or something… and then killing her basically… so for some reason that's the reason they couldn't find it in them to care for us. Also, apparently Carly's not my dad's child, but that's only guessing… but Andrew's scared Carly wants to find out at some point… I don't know… everything's just so messed up… anyways, it was a couple of years after the accident that my dad seemed to wake up. He didn't, though, not really... he just... moved on to a vegetative state... but you know, we were all excited. I mean, we were kids, we didn't know anything about it... and the doctor's kept saying this was good, and there's a real chance here... he moved on to persistant and then permanent vegetative state... was moved to a home... we kept hoping... they did treatments on him... I really do think the doctors just kept trying for us... because we were all just kids even though they must have known it was... hopeless. He responded to feeding first, would open his eyes, you know? But it just became worse, he got a feeding tube... he kept having bad pneumonia spells... but he recovered, again and again. I grew older and started to understand bits of it... I started reading up, I started taking AP biology and stuff... I went to pre-med... that's when I first suggested to my family that dad may have been better off if we had just let him die... that's when we started to grow apart... my family was horrified by my explanations... they were shocked. They kept saying he was fine and he was awake and he'd get back to himself... that was more than ten years after the accident. He had bacterial meningitis soon after that... he never recovered from it. He had some minor strokes after that, leaving him with periodic seizures and going back into coma... they still wouldn't see. They kept saying he made it through all this, why would we let him die now. Anyways, he's had three more only this last November and they still won't see. It's been freaking 17 years. I've begged with Andrew… I have. It's just… they need to let him die for God's sake. I'm not trying to be… awful. I'm trying to be humane. I miss my dad, too, don't get me wrong, but they need to let him go," Jo took a deep breath. "At this point, and please go ahead and judge me for it but I just...," she shook her head. "I'm actually crossing my fingers that his next stroke will affect the brain stem... which sounds horrible I know... but you know, my siblings don't know anything about it... and if he had a stroke there, they'd need to hook him up to ventilation and everything... and they'd finally see, that he is in no state to survive... they just need to _see_," Jo ended her monologue, both of them sitting in silence for a while. When Jo looked up at Alex, she felt him at odds with himself. She smiled cautiously and raised her eyebrows.

"I honestly don't know what to say," he shook his head, looking completely lost. Jo smiled, shaking her head.

"It's okay," she put her hand on his chest, soothingly.

"I'm so sorry for what I said the few times before we started… hanging out… what I said about being spoiled… and schooling and traveling and stuff…," he stuttered. Jo scrunched up her face and actually chuckled.

"I totally forgot about that," she said, inching closer, Alex putting his arm around her, Jo nestling her head in the crook of his neck. He kissed her forehead, repeatedly, holding her tightly. She had never felt so safe.

"It's your birthday today, isn't it?" Jo just nodded, and she felt how one tear escaped her left eye, falling onto Alex's neck, vanishing into the collar of his shirt. "You're badass, you know," he told her without much fuss after a minute of hugging. Jo inched her head back to look at him with an amused frown, shaking her head in confusion. "At some point today you told me something like 'I don't even know why I'm crying'," he looked at her pointedly. Jo laughed, rubbing her face on his shoulder. She watched as Alex bent down, smiling in anticipation, and kissed her gently. She cupped his cheek and held him there for a bit even though she had that feeling that he wasn't going anywhere. That he'd stay. With her. When they broke, they shared a somewhat sad smile. "Happy Birthday."

* * *

[Carly]

Carly flung the door open and stepped into the quiet house, letting the gym bag slide from her shoulder and accumulate at her feet. She walked up into the kitchen, getting herself some water and sighed. _Finally, alone. _

"How was practice?" Carly startled and turned around to spot Sally walk in with Lyla on her hip, getting out some fruit mush for her to feed.

"Fine," Carly groaned, putting down the water. "I thought you went to the hospital?"

"Nah, your brothers needed some alone time, you know how they are, especially today," she pointed out. "To be completely honest, I'm glad Andrew suggested I stay," she told the younger one who nodded at her.

"Are you making cake?" Carly asked Sally insecurely, tilting her head and looking at the oven. She nodded. "Seriously? You know Danny won't wanna celebrate," his sister informed his brother's wife who just rolled her eyes.

"Well, he's going to," Sally told her off matter-of-factly. "This is ridiculous, it has gone way far," she shook her head, having seated Lyla in the high chair and feeding her now. "I understand, I do… but it's stupid, frankly."

"I know," Carly chuckled. "I wouldn't say so towards them, though," she added. "I mean, every time I say something, they're like… you were way too young, you can't even remember, you have nothing to say whatsoever… every time Jo tells them, they're like… you've always been too eager to get away from us, away from this, why do you have an opinion on it now? And with you… they're just gonna say you have nothing to say cause, well, you know… you're _only _in-law and know nothing of it," she explained. Sally wriggled her eyebrows and laughed.

"Well but he does like sleeping with me and I'm supposed to have all his babies, so… you know… he'll manage to eat some cake tonight," Carly coughed and spat out the water she had just had a sip of, looking at Sally ridiculously.

"Danny?!" she shrieked towards her sister-in-law whose face had fallen and it screamed panic and disgust.

"What, God, no! Andrew, I was talking about Andrew!" They both laughed awkwardly, staying quiet for a little bit. "I did invite Marie, though, he's gonna kill me, right?" Carly nodded back at her, smiling. "She didn't even know it was his birthday!" Sally looked at her outright scandalized.

"Yeah, well… I wouldn't have expected anything else from him," Carly replied, pushing herself off the counter.

"Go, get ready before they come back home, will you," the older woman said.

"Gonna call Jo before, though," Carly informed her. Sally raised her eyebrows and nodded.

"Totally forgot, there's just too much going on this freaking day," Sally admitted. "Tell her I said happy birthday," she added. "And I hope to God she's celebrating it a bit more reasonably than Danny," Carly heard her say but she was already out and on her way over to her room. She flung herself on the bed and video dialed Jo. There were a few rings before she heard Jo pick up the call and looked at something that very much looked like Jo's squished face or rather ear.

"Hey Carly," Jo greeted her, sounding tired.

"You know, I really wanna think you're trying to make a point… I mean… do you have new earrings or something? But I'd say this is still a tad close…," Carly joked, waiting for her response.

"What are you talking about?" Jo asked her, making her chuckle. "Oh, _oh_," she realized it halfway through, yanking back her face and looking at the screen, laughing, "sorry, didn't realize," she said, moving to get up from a couch, Carly had never seen before.

"Stop right there," Carly told her, making her actually sit back and stare at her, she hadn't thought so. She must have really rattled her with calling. Carly smiled and she knew her eyes were glimmering. "Who's that?" she asked in a teasing voice. Jo rolled her eyes and looked over at the guy, Carly had seen for a split second when Jo had wanted to leave. "Let me meet him," she urged her sister.

"No," Jo just said.

"Come on, don't be a bitch," she gave her back. Jo scrunched up her face and shook her head at her little sister, smiling in complete bewilderment.

"Really? You called me to tell me that?" Carly sighed, rolling her eyes now.

"Happy Birthday," she told her half-heartedly, wanting to see the guy so badly. Jo snorted, and so did the guy as she could hear him clearly. "Sally says happy birthday, too, she hopes you celebrate it better than Danny or something," she delivered the message, making Jo nod and smile. "But you most obviously are," Carly wriggled her eyebrows. Jo just shook her head, bored it seemed with her behavior.

"So, he's refusing to have the cake?" Jo asked her exasperatedly. Carly shrugged.

"They're still at dad's," she informed her sister, her nodding. "He's in the hospital, by the way," she added sheepishly.

"Why?"

"He has this brain bleed apparently… they want to observe him or it… or whatever," Carly recited what had been told to her. Jo just looked.

"It's strikes me as amazing that I was on the phone with both Drew and Danny today already and neither of them mentioned a thing," Jo came back to her, making her blush even brighter.

"I guess they didn't wanna spoil your day…," Carly commented stupidly. Jo laughed.

"Trust me, there isn't anything… well, I can't think of anything much that'd be able to spoil this day for me anymore," Jo told her.

"Well anyways," Carly went back to business. "Tell me about your boyfriend," she demanded, Jo sighing. "You have a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell?"

"I don't," Jo just shrugged, making her narrow her eyes.

"Oh, so you guys are just… you know…," Carly narrowed her eyes, moving her head right and left in a slight motion, grinning slightly.

"Carly," her sister immediately reprimanded her.

"Well, if he's not your boyfriend, but you're over to his place and sitting like… in his arms… what is he? Your boss?" Carly giggled stupidly. At this, Jo laughed really hard, hysterically really, making Carly frown. "Is he _really_? Your boss?" She heard her own voice pitch with the incredulity of it.

"Is there anything else we can talk about? Like… how's school?"

"Really? I mean don't get me wrong, I loved those three times a week phone calls when I was little, in which you'd ask me about school and the hamster and my friends, but I'm a bit too old for that now," Carly pouted. Jo chuckled again.

"Well, I'm not talking about Alex, either," Jo told her matter-of-factly, making her giggle.

"So, _this _Alex," Carly immediately came back, making Jo cover her face with her hands now.

"I'm hanging up now," she announced.

"No, please," Carly giggled wildly. "Just one look, pleeeease, let me see him," she screeched, Jo only shaking her head and smiling, mouthing 'bye'. "Happy Birthday!" she called into the phone, hoping Jo had still heard it, lying back on the bed, smiling. _Well, at least she knew now why her sister had been so preoccupied lately. _Carly sighed. _Alright, back to business. Why can't this day ever end?!_


	20. Half-hearted confessions

[Jo]

Jo dragged herself up the stairs in the front of her apartment, feeling crabby. Today she had tried contacting Montgomery General Hospital, the facility her dad had been brought into with the brain bleed, since it is nearest to his usual home. They had not been very cooperative, almost as bad as her family. However, from what she could depict of their cryptic descriptions, her dad was doing okay, the brain bleed didn't need to be operated on, they said. _Whatever that meant. _Ever thought about a comatose patient residing in a nursing home for just short of twenty years, not regenerating in the slightest bit in all that time, if all, then degenerating with all the minor strokes and brain bleeds and whatever all he's had, and then some doctor telling you, he's doing _okay_? Hilarious, really. She smiled at Sam who was just exiting his apartment, rushing by quickly, trying to avoid the small talk, putting her keys into her lock and letting herself in. Well, at least she'd had a great week at work with having been able to get on some of Alex's project cases. That really had been distracting and very educational and super relaxing. For her mind, that was, relaxing for her mind. She cracked her neck at that thought, her hands flying up and trying to smooth out some of her knots in the back of her neck. She sat down on the couch, spreading all her case files around her, grabbing the burrito from the take out bag and started reading. Her apartment was dark and she was exhausted. The lines on the papers kept blurring, she kept missing the lines or read them twice without noticing, having to start back from the top several times. Her lower back twinged uncomfortably with the pains of mild contractions inside her, her head making her eyes close automatically. She reached up to massage her temples, trying to fade out the feeling of queasiness. It irked her immensely that after her week of personal low, she'd had to go on to her period, just… perfect timing. Jo shook her head in exhaustion. All she wanted to do was go over to Alex's and lie in his huge comfortable bed, beneath layers of comforters and sheets, pressed up against his heated body, sleeping it off. But she couldn't and it drove her crazy. Also, he'd been trying to get in touch with her and she had feigned all kinds of excuses for him… a slight fever and too much work and some girls' night out. For some reason they'd been seeing each other regularly for about five or almost six months now and not once had her period been a problem. It usually fit right in with their schedule, so they wouldn't see each other anyways. She'd once pushed out her period, taking her pill for two cycles in a row to give them more time… that was before he'd gone off to Baltimore and she surely did not regret that. Anyways, the three or four days of light bleeding she usually experienced seemed to go on and on for ages momentarily. She knew it was just in her head… but she just… yearned for him so much, it was ridiculous. And that was a big problem with a sex affair… there wasn't anything you could really do other than have sex… and if that was not going to happen… they just weren't to see each other… even though she just wanted to lie in bed with him, have him hug her while she was sleeping. And she surely wasn't going to have sex with him, that's one personal line she had never and would never cross. Jo took a deep sigh and got up, getting rid of the trash and warming herself some tea water, walking into the bedroom and then bathroom, flirting with the idea of a steaming hot bath… she just needed some bodily relaxing… she looked back to her bed when she heard her phone vibrate with a message. When she walked over and read who it was from, a wide smile crept up on her face.

_A – Whatcha doing tonight?_

Jo sighed, biting her lips. She really didn't wanna have that conversation again. She didn't really wanna have to tell him that she was on her period. Wasn't it obvious?

_J – Should be studying. Just decided to take a bath instead_

_A – You want some company?_

Jo sighed again, not knowing what to tell him.

_J – Not such a good idea…_

_A – Okay _

He really wasn't getting the drift, right? Was he bummed now, for her turning him down? Was he thinking she didn't wanna do this anymore? Jo pondered. She really should get this straight with him.

_J – Sorry… Maybe in a couple of days or so…_

_A – You're so very busy lately, missy_

_J – Just seems like it_

_A – Well, my bed's been very empty lately_

_J – Go get yourself laid? Joe's?_

Oh, come on, Jo. Seriously? Now you're being that girl who just writes stupid stuff like that only for him to drop a hint if he's actually still doing that? You're pathetic… why don't you just talk to him? For real? At some point…?

_A – Nah… too much effort involved _

_J – LOL so you're sleeping with me cause I'm an easy lay? Nice _

_A – No, you're gorgeous and wickedly in sync with me in bed_

_J - :) _

_A – And the goonies are on_

_J – Whaaaat? Awesome!_

Jo smiled, walking over to the bathtub and started the water, getting herself her tea, putting it down on the tiles next to the tub and put some smelly stuff in the bathtub, seeing if she could angle the TV, so she could watch from the tub, giving up on it after only a minute.

_J – Sadly it's too cold to leave the bathroom door open for me to watch them at it… _

Jo closed off the door and put down her phone, getting off her clothes and sinking into the steaming hot bath, immediately relaxing. She put her head onto the towel she had prepared for her neck and startled when her phone rang, surprised when it was Alex.

"I hope you didn't come over, I told you, you can't come over," Jo told him immediately, hearing him chuckle on the other end.

"_I'm going to keep you updated on what's happening on TV while you're soaking…," _Alex told her. Jo smiled at his statement, closing her eyes and delighted about the company, which she would have never dared asking for.

"So, what's happening?"

"_Matching the map with a map at the store… Andy and Stef just came in…," _he told her. Jo laughed.

"OH, Stef was my _favorite _character like EVER!" Jo screeched, making him laugh.

"_She's ugly," _Alex told her, put off.

"I had this phase when I would always chew on pieces and pieces of bubblegum, just to look like her… remember when she would always blow bubbles and stick it on her glasses," Jo was having so much fun.

"_Yeah, she's doing it right now," _Alex told her in disgust, making her chuckle even more.

"Of course you were more into _Aaandy_," she teased. "But Stef was badass," she giggled.

"_I think my first girlfriend even looked a bit like Andy_," Alex admitted.

"Oh, I can totally see that," Jo laughed. "Did she have pleated hair like that too?"

"_Yeah!_" Alex yelped. "_She totally did… I think I was 13 or something… I took her to the spring dance_," he narrated, and she knew from the tone of his voice that he was blushing. Wait, seriously? She could tell that from only hearing his voice?

"Awwww," she commented on his story, the grin spreading wider and wider on her face. Their conversation went on and on, inching about the subjects of being kids, dating as kids and the likes, before the topic changed gradually.

"_You okay, right? You've been… distant_," Alex pointed out quietly. Jo smiled.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just had a lot on my mind lately," she told him, soothingly. "It's not you I'm avoiding," she winked at the walls of her bathroom.

"_Well, phew, I'm glad you actually feel you were avoiding me, too, or at least something_," he gave her back, kind of questioningly. Jo smiled.

"No, I'm just… tired all the time… work's so good but so exhausting… thanks by the way for today," she added in between, him grunting in acknowledgment. "And I've been trying to talk to Andrew some more… and the hospital… everything's just so complicated… and I'm really supposed to start studying for intern exams… and I still haven't done so… so, yeah… basically I'm just tired…," she ranted a bit.

"_Sounds like you could need some rest…_," Alex commented. Jo smiled.

"Yeah, I wish you could be here and _rest_ with me…," Jo stressed that word on purpose.

"_I can, you know_," Alex told her, and there was still a question mark hovering in his voice.

"Alex, do I really have to spell it out for you…? I'm on my period," Jo told him sharply, waiting for it to click.

"_Ohhhh_," Alex let go of a chuckle, making Jo laugh and shake her head. "_I did not get that, no_," he admitted sheepishly.

"Well, now you know…," she responded lazily.

"_Well… I'm still a bit peeved that you are very obnoxiously lying in a pool of hot water, all naked, writhing against your own slippery wet skin and the foam sticking to your boobs… and you telling me all that and I'm not allowed to come see and touch for myself_," Alex made a point in stressing that. Jo had raised her eyebrows and wetted her lips, biting them now.

"You're turning me on so much right now," Jo breathed out, feeling her nipples tingle with erection and her vagina sting in pleasure filled anticipation, even though there was still the uncomfortable pressure within her lower stomach and back. She was holding her phone up to her left ear, her right hand resting on her stomach gently, and she closed her eyes, imagining Alex with her, kissing her neck, her cleavage, her breasts, feeling the goose bumps on her skin as if he were really there.

"_Have you ever noticed how perfect your boobs are in my hands?_" Alex asked her after a while, making her smile widely, knowing he was thinking the exact same as her. Before she knew it, she was touching herself. "_They just fit perfectly, my fingers grazing the side of them while my palm holds them up and my thumb resting at your cleavage, perfectly sized to stroke your nipples…_," Alex teased her, slowly, deliberately.

"They aren't that small," Jo whispered, completely absorbed within her fantasies.

"_But mine are that big_," he gave her back. "_Seriously, it's ridiculous how perfectly those hands fit with everything, haven't you ever realized? Like when I smooth them down your waist, they just top of your hips to perfection and when I hold you up to me, you sit in my palms comfortably, and when I hold you down to spoil you with my lips and my tongue_," he drew out his explanations. "_It's just like two puzzle pieces matching to your groin. And sometimes, when we lie besides each other, and your perfect sized head lies on my upper arm and I smooth my hands down your body and spoil you with my fingers, it just feels like they're the perfect size to do that, too, you know… stroke you, tickle you, slowly get you off_," he murmured. Jo tried to not sink deeper into the bathtub since she was still on the phone with Alex, even though while having her eyes closed and living her fantasy unashamedly, she could have totally been tricked into thinking he wasn't just talking to her on the phone but doing all those things to her body, right at this moment, she felt every tiniest bit of it. She felt her tongue dart out to moisten her lips, a motion she did often with him, before anticipating his kiss, and she could feel how she arched her neck the tiniest bit and waited for his lips on hers, hitting cold air instead.

"They're perfect," Jo rasped, knowing she needed him to keep going.

"_Well, yours are just as perfect_," he sounded husky as well. "_Just imagining you sitting in that steamy bathroom, in that steaming hot bath, touching yourself with those soft, small hands. Those perfect hands on your boobs, brushing your thumb against your own nipple, smoothing them down your abs and between your thighs, hovering across your lips, touching them in passing, rubbing the heel of your hand against your spot, slowly, putting your right leg up on the tub, opening your legs, spreading them, for me, feeling the soft gush of the water between them, going down and circling your entrance, slowly, softly, rubbing across it, just the same motions as when I kiss it_," Alex hushed. Jo's head was swirling. She was climbing higher and higher with every word and every motion, not realizing he hadn't yet materialized but at the same time wishing he was there so badly. They stayed in silence for a while. Jo knew how Alex was listening to her every breath and hiccup of hers, how he was turned on by her slowly progressing orgasm even only by hearing it.

"Wouldn't you rather have them on you?" she managed to get out right after her hand had floated up and she rested it on her abdomen again. "Against the hard planes of your abdomen, rubbing your nipples, rounding your neck, hooking into your hair, smoothing them down your back and squeezing your ass, feeling them on you so tightly, feeling like I won't ever let you go, feeling the sensation of one tiny finger running a trail from your ass down to your balls, teasing them, clasping them, gently, before feeling that exact tiny finger how it's making its way up your hopefully by now proud erection," Jo whispered, her hands still on herself, her mind taking in his gorgeous body.

"_Trust me, it is_," he mumbled sloppily. Jo smiled slightly, hearing how much this affected him.

"Those silky fingertips swiveling around your tip, making it tingle, leaving you restless for more, one of my hands cupping your balls now, firmly, while the other one barely gets a grip on you and goes up and down in a super small motion at your base, leaving you beg for more now, making those hands go up and down now in more generous motions, a wide bow, feeling the friction between my skin and yours, feeling my lips kiss you – your lips first, and then your neck, your chest and your abs, each one, coming down on you teasingly slow, kissing your groins and the side of your base, until I'm at your shaft, kissing upwards sloppily, reaching the heights of you, running my tongue across your tip, making you dizzy with the rubbing and my warm, soft mouth against it. Those hands, that are instantly forgotten once the warm and soft insides of my mouth stretch across you, taking you in as far as comfortable, sliding you up and down, the heat and the coolness meeting, my hot breath devouring you while the wetness on you leaves it cold, ready for more in a second. Those lips and that tongue and those muscles inside my mouth that work on you now, are making you see stars, right," she talked to him airily, hearing his breath get a bit rougher and catch when he had himself at peak. They stayed in silence for a bit before Alex spoke up first, quietly though.

"_Fuck_," he whispered. "_Now I really want you_," he exclaimed, making her smile.

"Not gonna be much longer," she promised him. "Thanks," she blushed slightly, so happy that he couldn't see her. "I really enjoyed myself."

"_I'm glad, princess, I did, too_."

* * *

[Alex]

**[Next day]**

Alex found himself pacing up and down the few feet of space in the supply closet, alternating between checking his phone and his pager, feeling restless. He had just started out his day with rounds, delivering good news exclusively, talking to parents and families, feeling good. He was about to go into a video conference call with Lucy and the project administration in Malawi when he had had one more intense couple of minutes with a recurring family on the Peds ward. Now, he was tapping his fingers on his thighs, not really knowing what had gotten into him, but waiting impatiently for Jo to come running after his page. It was ridiculous. He irritated himself with being like this. He could see her all the time, really, he could text her or call her, go over to her place or invite her to his house, they saw each other all day at work, last night they'd even established the fact that they were brilliant at phone sex. He had or could have her all day, and all night. Still, he wanted more of her. She'd been reluctant to see him lately, and first, he had seriously debated if he was going on cold turkey. But after a while, he had actually felt that he was missing her. Terribly. Something inside him even told him that this was worse than when he was thousands of miles away. Now, he was in her immediate vicinity and still couldn't have her and it was killing him. He didn't know what she was doing, he couldn't think straight when she wasn't with him at night, when he wasn't able to just pad around the bed and check if she was still there, finding her fast asleep, pressed up against him, completely content with the world. It drove him crazy. He missed her. And it was bad. He had never meant to get so close to her. He had never meant to approach her on anything more than the sexual level. _Well, that's not true… remember when you first slept with her and were completely bummed out because you had thought you guys could maybe be more? _Alex sighed. _Well, but I at least tried to go with the whole sex affair… I tried, I really did. _Alex just hadn't been able to help himself. He'd fallen for this particular girl head over heels, wanting her with him always. Thinking about her smile, it made him smile, thinking about her laugh, the hypnotizing way she tended to throw her head back, chiming out throats full of laughter, giggling away, closing her eyes and holding her stomach at it, shaking with joy – he couldn't help it, she was so beautiful. The way she talked, so easily, so casually, the way they connected about things, not even meaning to go that deep but sometimes finding themselves up all night, just talking, it had left him panting for more. The way she had looked at him when he had told her about his past, the way she had gotten angry at the system, it had made him smile. It had made him feel butterflies inside him for she seemed to care a whole lot about it. And he hadn't experienced butterflies in such a long time. The way her eyes sparkled when he held her and the way she touched her lips to his when they shared a moment, it gave him goose bumps. Alex rubbed his forehead. _Fuck. You're deep into this shit. Why did you let it get this far?! _Alex wanted nothing more than to hold her forever, kiss her, make love to her… Alex gulped. _Because that's what they were doing, right? I mean… sometimes… while being with her… all the emotions that were passed between them, they were so overwhelming… or was that just his imagination? _The way Jo had moved against him the night of her birthday, the way she had looked at him, held him, kissed him… the way they had made love to each other… it had blown his mind away… but again, he couldn't bring himself to just talk to her… ask her… Alex startled out of his reminiscing when the door swung inwards and he caught sight of Jo walking inside swiftly, her braided hair flying around her neck with the bounce of the door, closing it behind her, looking at him half questioningly, half smilingly.

"Didn't know you had some fancy meeting tod-," Jo started saying, reaching for his tie playfully, batting her eyelashes at him, but he didn't even listen to what she was about to say, flying down towards her and into a much needed kiss, pushing her against the door with momentum. Jo let out a surprised yelp, clasping her arms around him quickly and kissed him back feverishly, giving him some soothing moments. He moved his lips against her hungrily, opening her lips wide and playing with her tongue masterfully, first cupping her cheeks before running them down her neck and her body, getting a good hold on her, feeling her against his own body, blacking out completely. He heard Jo's beautiful moan that she usually just kept for when he took special care of her, earning that one whenever she was experiencing the most spectacular sensations. It went through his lips and head with the help of small vibrations, instantly making him hungry for more, unclasping his arms from around her waist and going to her bottom, squeezing it, pushing her legs apart and giving himself space to draw closer. While his left arm held her tightly, his right hand started exploring her body, wrestling with the shirt to go underneath it and moving to meet her boobs, going straight underneath her bra, feeling her arousal on his own hands, eliciting a groan from his own lips. Jo's right hand had looped underneath his armpit and held his shoulder blade tightly while her left was cupping his cheek and then neck firmly towards her own body and face, reciprocating the seemingly desperate moves. He felt as she softened the kiss a bit, which he immediately counteracted, making her sigh, and try again, meaning to break it, mumbling against his lips with hot breath. "Alex," she whispered, still cupping him tightly, holding him to herself. Alex just changed his plans, his mind and reason completely clouded, kissing down a sloppy but determined trail on her neck, staying at the junction of her chest and spoiling her. "Alex," she tried again, stroking his back up and down now, wanting for him to react. "Babe," she called him and he knew it was to get his attention but he didn't care. He wanted her so much, he was not letting her go. His fingers roamed down her tummy, changing sides and swooping into her panties, grabbing her ass, feeling the soft skin underneath his fingers. "Hey," her voice got a little louder now, grabbing his head with both her hands and guiding his chin up, only for him to kiss her lips again, pecks though, since she kept on talking. "Hey, hey, hey," she whispered with a smile. "Is everything okay?" Alex just nodded, kissing her deeper now, luring her into it, making her tighten her arms around his neck so firmly now that he automatically lifted her up and onto his waist, pushing her against the door, pushing his semi-erect penis into her. She moaned. "No, no, Alex," she told him frantically. "Alex, I'm on my period, remember," she breathed against his lips with heavy breath. Alex opened his eyes for the first time and tried remembering where they were and what was going on, having completely blacked out with this gorgeous girl in his hands.

"Sorry," he whispered, pecking her again, going back to nipping her neck, kissing her passionately, eliciting more pleasure filled bits from her lips. "Forgot."

"Okay," she sighed, letting him explore her once again, her head falling back on the door. When he came back to her lips again, the kiss actually softened and he felt her fingers go through his hair repeatedly, trying to calm herself it seemed.

"I'm sorry," he told her again, shaking his head, looking down. "I got carried away," he added, feeling her kiss his cheek and temple, nuzzling her nose against him.

"I can see that," she chuckled softly against him. "Are you okay, though? You seem upset somehow?" she sobered up gently and ran her thumbs across his cheeks, searching his lips for a soft kiss.

"I'm fine," he told her between still raspy breaths evening out somewhat.

"And here I thought we were doing just fine last night," she gave him a small smile, blushing the tiniest bit. Alex closed his eyes and smiled, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Too well," he commented. "You can't keep teasing me and not actually come over any more, it's mean… either you want this or not," he told her matter-of-factly, having concluded if he couldn't tell her the one thing, he needed to tell her another. Jo scrunched up her face and pushed his an inch off, so she could look at him.

"Alex, what are you talking about? I told you I'm on my period_… I'm sorry_," she shook her head.

"You could still come over," he suggested.

"For what?"

"Well, everything else," he looked down.

"Like what? Everything we did last night…? You know that once we're in the same room that doesn't stay PG-rated and I'm not willing to do that," she told him.

"I'll behave," he tried to convince her.

"What the hell's going on, Alex?" Jo shook her head with a slight smile playing her lips. "It's not that much longer. We see each other all the time. You've made it five weeks without me, now you can't go through a couple of nights?"

"I only barely made it," he pointed out.

"Oh, come on," Jo laughed but then softened and searched his eyes. "I don't get what this is about and it seems you won't tell me… but it's not gonna be much longer… but if you want I'll come over tonight… I mean… we can totally do stuff, I just… I know myself and I get so frustrated if I want something and can't have it…," she blushed slightly. Alex chuckled, kissing her again.

"It's fine. I'm probably gonna work late tonight anyways. Just wanted to see you real quick before today starts…," he confessed. Jo smiled.

"Okay," she said. They looked at each other for a minute, Alex finding himself going completely jingly and tangly inside. _Just tell her. Tell her you're falling for her. Just open your mouth and tell her. Tell her you wanna be with her. You've said this much, it's only a tiny step further. _Instead, Alex bent down and kissed her again. It was so soft, it almost made his knees melt. For he didn't know how to part, he broke the kiss, pecked her neck and lured her into a hug, holding her tightly to him.

"You drive me crazy," is all he could admit to, even though he tried so very hard.

"You're welcome," Jo gave him back, both chuckling, before Jo tilted her head and kissed his neck, gripping to him tightly once more before letting go. They brought some space in between them, staring at each other. He watched Jo, as she seemed to be unsure how to depart.

"Just go," he told her with raised eyebrows. "I swear if you stay in here for one more minute, I'm gonna jump you again," he told her, leaning back against the makeshift shelves. Jo smiled and rolled her eyes, stepping towards him again, making him sigh, placing her hand on his chest and touched his lips again.

"Couple more days. You'll survive, I promise," she told him, before she turned around and left the supply closet. _Oh God, you're so stupid. You need to make a decision at some point. You know, either you tell her or you don't, but if you don't, you need to figure something out with how to handle all this because what you just did… it just can't go on like this, seriously._

* * *

[Stephanie]

**[That night]**

"Hey stranger," Stephanie called out, delighted to see Jo join her at the bar after their shift, not having socialized with her friend in what seemed like forever. "Didn't think I'd see you here again at all," she winked at her. Jo rolled her eyes and ordered herself a beer, sighing.

"Sorry," she just said, looking over at her.

"What have you been up to? I swear if I didn't see you at work from time to time, I'd think you had moved across the country or something," she pointed out.

"I've not been in a partying mood much lately," Jo told her jerkily. Steph scrunched up her face.

"That sounds… made up," she observed. Jo sighed again, as if she really didn't wanna elaborate.

"I've had some family troubles and you know… trying to study for exams… and just… haven't been up to anything much… I swear," she told her, taking a sip of her beer.

"Uh-uh," Steph grinned. "And here I thought you had a new guy or something that keeps you from fetching a beer or two after work," she drew out her last statement, making Jo blush slightly and smirked at having thought right. "Theeere we go," she teased her. "Who is he?"

"Shut up," Jo tried hiding a smile.

"No, I wanna know," Steph whined. "Why don't you ever talk to me?"

"It's nothing… just… nothing serious, I swear," Jo concluded, sounding like that was the end of that particular conversation. "Speaking of which, how's it going with Leo? Still seeing him?" Steph smiled.

"Yeah," she got a bit flustered. "We're still on," she admitted. Jo smiled.

"Sounds and looks like you really like him," Steph felt Jo's watchful eyes on her.

"Well… it's been really good… he's… I'm…," she stuttered slightly, blushing more.

"Totally into him?" Jo teased her back now, making her giggle.

"Something like that, yeah," Stephanie admitted. There was an awkward pause between them, Stephanie not knowing how to say this without sounding too mushy. "I've been trying to… you know… assess if I'm actually… maybe… kind of… falling for him," she confessed.

"Awww, that's great, Steph," Jo nudged her slightly, both of them smiling and sipping at their beers comfortably.

"You know… this might sound really… corny… but I was on Peds today… and this morning when we were doing rounds… we had this talk with the parents of one kid that has been in treatment recurrently with us… he's a terminal patient, leukemia… and we were just talking further options… and that couple was just so… inspiring somehow… they kept on talking so positively… and they just radiated optimism… and Robbins kept complimenting them how well they were doing and that she couldn't believe how long the little boy has been alive despite all their predictions when he was really little… and then they just responded with something like… as grateful as they are for all the treatments that actually are available and the continuous support from us… they think that what's even more important and helping with recovery is that they love each other and they love the boy and they try to show him every day and they try to not make him feel like everybody's just waiting for him to die but just try to make him live as comfortably and normally as every other kid… and that they are so sad that they see people on a daily basis who just give up and give in to diseases like that and still don't find it in them to tell their loved ones how much they love them and want them in their lives and crap like that… and I know," Steph rolled her eyes when Jo smiled at her slightly amused, "I know it's all very corny and dramatic but I just thought that was so beautiful… and it reminded me of how many days pass in my life and I never really think of telling the people I love how happy they make me… you know what I mean? We just live on without ever stopping and thinking about how grateful we should be about everything good in our lives… and Leo… he's just really good… for me…," Steph trailed off. Jo chuckled slightly.

"Well, despite that very kitschy scene you just described, I'm glad you think about him like that… you deserve it, Steph, it's good that you found someone you like this much and who makes you happy like that," Jo admitted. Steph smiled back at her and then laughed.

"You know who wasn't impressed with their speech at all? Guess," Steph looked at her amusedly. Jo shrugged. "Karev," Stephanie laughed. "He was all fidgety and awkward… not that I expected anything else from that guy," she wiggled her knees and shook her head with laughter, "bolted the second they stopped talking, I swear…," she described the scene. "That guy's just not to be helped… don't even wanna imagine what skank he sought out to do after that scene to forget about all that kitsch," she said, looking over at Jo who was watching her outburst calmly, smoothing her lips together, looking odd. "What?"

"Nothing," Jo just said, smiling. Stephanie frowned.

"You look weird… pale," she observed, trying to think what had gotten into her. "Are you thinking about what I said about Karev or what I said about telling your loved ones how happy you are they're in your life?" Stephanie asked her, her eyes narrowed. "Oh, you _are _sleeping with someone, aren't you? Are you falling for someone? Do you wanna go tell your someone how much you enjoy being with him?" she teased her. Jo smiled, shaking her head.

"No, I wasn't thinking anything, stop talking," she told her matter-of-factly. Stephanie didn't know if to believe that or not. Her thoughts roamed back to the doctor she was talking about.

"Do you actually know who he's sleeping with at the moment? It's not Leah, right? Or still? That'd be really weird if that was still going on… but then again, the way she keeps harping on about him… maybe they _are _still doing it…," Stephanie rambled on. Jo just shrugged, seeming bored with that conversation or something. "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Know who he's sleeping with?"

"No," Jo shrugged and shook her head.

"He's been in here the last couple of nights, though, with Avery… never saw him leave with anyone… I guess he's having a dry spell as well," Stephanie concluded.

"Why are you so interested in his love life anyways?" Jo asked her, her eyebrows raised but her eyes fixed to the counter.

"Though I doubt that empty shell of a man has a _love _life as such, it's always struck me slightly entertaining to observe his patterns of sleeping through the whole hospital staff… I remember you bitching about it once, too…," Stephanie added. Jo looked up at her in surprise it seemed, and then snorted.

"Seriously, Steph, I do have more entertaining thoughts on my mind than keeping track of who my boss is sleeping with," she told her. Steph shrugged.

"I guess… oh look, here he is, we could go ask him," Steph winked at Jo, making her turn back and look at Karev and that Lucy Fields trudge in, looking around for a table. "Ohhh, oh, that OB/GYN… he's probably doing _her_…," Steph felt like something clicked inside her brain and it gave her immense relief. "I totally forgot he was gone for a while," she added.

"She's his ex-girlfriend or something," Steph turned over towards Jo, surprised about that piece of information. Jo looked at her with a weird look on her face.

"How in the world do you know that?" Stephanie asked her, confused.

"Um," Jo seemed stuck. "I heard them talk about it… Robbins… and him," Jo said slowly. "That surgery Leah and I were on… the one with the mom… Dr. Fields said something about it too… she was an attending here once or something," she informed her. Steph nodded slowly.

"Well… oh, maybe they're on again and now he was all flustered today because he actually still likes her or something… oh, this is so good, I swear," Steph chuckled, turning her face towards them again, finding the doctor looking at her, blushing furiously and looking down. "Oh God, did they hear us talking?" Jo laughed.

"I don't think so, but maybe we should change the subject for good this time," Jo suggested, making her nod.

"Alright, tell me who you're sleeping with," she smiled at her teasingly again.

"That's not changing the subject," Jo shook her head, seemingly irritated. Steph frowned.

"Um, duh," she countered. "We were talking about Karev's sex life," she hushed out. "Now I wanna talk about yours," she announced. Jo shook her head and rolled her eyes extensively, putting her head on the counter.

"You're driving me crazy."


	21. Let's get straight Or something

[Jo]

Jo rubbed the bridge of her nose, tired of her neighbor's attempts to charm her. She had only been walking up the steps from her car, trying to end a horrible day in a peaceful night, smiling at Sam politely in passing when he had struck up a full blown conversation and just wouldn't get the drift, even though she kept sighing and rubbing her nose and forehead and eyes and whatnots and yawning. She really just wanted to go to bed.

"So, I was thinking I could take you there some time?" Sam looked at her with a shade of rose grazing his cheeks.

"That Mexican place? I heard it's not supposed to be very authentic, did you read that article?" Jo fabricated that story, subtly trying to tell him that she just wasn't interested. _Not that Alex and her were an official thing or anything… but at least he was supposed to believe just that, right?_

"Oh, ok," Sam looked a bit let down. "Well, maybe another one then," he suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," Jo found it appropriate to leave the conversation now, smiling at him again before strolling towards her apartment. She realized him following when she was already at the door, shooting back a questioning glance.

"What time are you getting off tomorrow?"

"Not at all, I'm on the night shift," Jo informed him, unlocking the door, putting the bag of groceries right inside the door, standing one foot in, one foot out, seeing if he had anything else to say. "Maybe another time," Jo told him before he could say anything else, though, and closed the door right in between them, leaning her head back against it and exhaled slowly. It wasn't half a minute later when it knocked again. Jo rolled her eyes, whining voicelessly, scrunching up her face and swiftly opened the door. "Sam, I rea-," the words got stuck in her throat when she saw who her visitor turned out to be. "Oh, thank God," she exclaimed, feeling like relief was washing her down, taking his hand and pulling him in, closing and locking the door. Alex was looking at her with a curious gaze, his eyebrows hiked.

"So, you _are _home," he assessed. Jo looked at him with uncertainty for a second before grabbing the grocery bag and walked into the kitchenette, stowing the stuff. "I was pretty sure by now you were hiding out somewhere," he walked over towards her slowly, leaning against the counter, watching her from behind.

"Why would I do that?" she purposefully busied herself with sluggishly getting out the last few items.

"I kinda had the impression you were avoiding me… again...," she heard Alex say. _Damn it, Jo. _

"I was just busy," she replied without much energy to the flat out lie. _When did you start being such a coward? By now it's so very crystal that you are way into this, into him. Getting jealous of some girl he had once dated, on a night you had even told him you weren't willing to meet? Not being able to think straight anymore, think reasonably, not knowing what had really happened that day, Stephanie telling you about the love speech and Alex rushing off, and if you're not completely in the dark here… he was running off to meet with you in the closet. Come on, it's pretty damn obvious that he wants you too. Right?! Just say something._

"You sure?" Alex sounded something in between teasing and insecure probably because she still wasn't facing him. Jo sighed and turned round, leaning against the opposite counter and looking at him straight faced.

"I didn't wanna intrude your cozy time with Dr. Fields before she left for Africa again… thought I'd give you some space," she concluded to, watching his reaction closely. To her surprise but definitely delight just as well, he furrowed his forehead.

"What are you talking about?" he shook his head, apparently not catching on.

"Ugh, nothing," Jo rolled her eyes at herself, turning back and getting out a beer. "Want one?" Instead of an answer, she startled mildly when Alex came up behind her, tentatively reaching out for her waist and nuzzling her neck, making her eyes flutter shut and still her movements.

"You sound jealous," she heard his amused whisper near her ear. Jo snorted forcedly, not for him to notice though. He chuckled into her neck.

"Yeah, whatever," she said, opening her beer and taking a sip, waiting for him to move the conversation along. When he didn't, she sighed and gently put her own arm to lie on the one he had slung across her waist, linking fingers with him. "I guess I thought you might wanna take the time to re-evaluate dating," she said, leaning back. Alex kissed her neck.

"God, I don't miss dating, trust me," he told her. Jo bit her lip, disappointed with his answer. "Why would I anyways? I have you," she felt him smile against her neck and his second arm looping around her torso, holding her tighter.

"Well, I won't always be available, either," she gave him back snippily, surprised about the tone of voice herself.

"That's why I totally root for making every last minute count with you… once you stop avoiding me and talk weird stuff about me dating and you _not _being available anymore," he answered sarcastically. _Oh well then, that's settled, I guess. _Jo was struggling for something to say but she couldn't think of anything really. She couldn't think of a reason why she hadn't called him back or taken any of his calls for that matter. She couldn't think of a reason why that Lucy person had made her mad even though she knew there was nothing going on in between them and she could have had him if she had wanted him. She couldn't think of a reason why all of her feelings and thoughts circled around that very person holding her tightly while she couldn't express just any of those feelings towards him, feeling too… vulnerable, too daring… too stupid. Despite all her efforts, despite her values and attitudes and resistance, despite her derisive comments about all those girls who Karev had cast a spell over, making them stupidly panting after him… despite all those hours of telling herself it was just the unbelievable hot and satisfying sex she was after… after all that, she found herself to be the stupidest of all Karev girls imaginable. _She had fallen in love with Alex Karev and she couldn't find her way out. _"Tell me what's going on," Alex brought her back into the real world, running the tip of his nose along the outsides of her left ear, tickling her, Jo feeling the soft breaths on her. Jo grasped his arms a little tighter still, since words apparently were failing her at the moment. She shook her head after a moment, tilting her head the tiniest bit and pressed her cheek up against his, closing her eyes. "Did I do something wrong? Or… are you… with someone else now or something…? Just… you just need to tell me and I'll back off… but as long as you'll keep me around I'm here… so… just tell me what's bugging you," he murmured into her, kissing her softly on the cheek. _The way he was holding onto her, talked onto her, again, Jo wanted to never let go of this. _

"It's fine, I just had a _really _crappy work week and I'm exhausted. That's all it is," Jo was tired of staying away from him but couldn't find the guts in her to actually tell him the truth. Why was this so freaking hard? He was holding Jo right at that moment, tightly, intimately, almost lovingly, it was completely obvious, right? So why in the world does his reaction to your words scare you as if you were admitting to him... Well, something... Like it was so ridiculous, Jo felt helpless without end. "I'm glad you're here," she added, sensing his smile against her skin. "For a moment I thought it was Sam again."

"Alright, I feel like I keep repeating myself, but is this guy bothering you? It sounds like he is… and I know I haven't been here much lately… but it seems he's getting creepier… or am I overreacting?" Jo sighed, rubbing his arms gently for him to loosen them and turned around in his embrace, resting her palms on the edge of the counter as she looked at his face which had worry lines all over it. She tilted her head and smiled, touched by this gesture.

"He's creepy, yeah. But he isn't… I mean he gets on my nerves but he's not seriously bothering me… I think," she said.

"You think?" Alex asked her in amusement. Jo chuckled.

"Well, I could tell him to back off, I just never did," she pointed out.

"You're too nice, I've always said that," Alex shook his head. She did too.

"No, no, it's just…," she shrugged. "I mean he isn't bothering me… he's just making a fool of himself. He knows I'm with you…," she pondered before her face fell awkwardly and she realized what she had just said. "What I mean is… he thinks you're my boyfriend… and I never made the effort to correct him… you know?" She looked up with him, feeling the blush coming on. There was nothing she hated more. Feeling embarrassed or awkward about something, putting her foot in her mouth… was bad enough. Furthermore, showing the entire audience that you are doing so was even worse. She hated it. "I just thought I could keep him off me as long as he thought I was in a relationship… that's all." To her surprise, Alex didn't show any awkwardness towards her at all.

"I'd think that was enough too… for me at least… I don't get why he'd put himself in that spot over and over again… it's humiliating… isn't it? I mean I don't know how you see him but if I were him… I'd just… be really embarrassed if you clearly don't wanna have anything to do with me…," he pondered.

"Well… again, I never told him to back off… I never told him that I wouldn't hang out with him… I just never do and never planned to… and I never saw the possibility of it arising to be honest… especially with my fake boyfriend coming over so frequently… having introduced each other… I don't get it… I'm not sure though what it is that I _can _say to make him back off without snubbing him completely," she admitted.

"I don't think there's a good way to do that to be honest… I'd probably be awkward around you for a teensy tiny bit if you told me to get lost," Alex looked down sheepishly, developing a blush. Jo grinned at him.

"You went full on bat shit crazy on me when I denied you sex for a while, I don't know what's your measure of _teensy tiny bit _but you get _very _passionate about things," she winked at him.

"I told you, you have addictive qualities and I have a weak spot in my genes," Alex came back matter-of-factly, making her laugh out loud.

"Are you gonna go crazy on me when I meet a nice guy to settle down with? Are you gonna go all _if I can't have her nobody can,_" Jo asked him teasingly. Alex nodded at her with wide eyes. Jo let go of a giggle, pulling her shoulders up.

"Just give me fair warning, will you?"

"May-," Jo started but got interrupted.

"Oooor you'll get yourself a dude who doesn't care about… polygamous ways," he struck that new idea in his head.

"I'm no cheater material," Jo told him soberly.

"It's not cheating if you declare it," Alex countered. Jo smiled.

"I'd rather have one healthy happy relationship than getting all necessary details from different people," she dreamed. "There must be someone out there who can give it all to me," she decided.

"Well… until you've found that perfect guy of your fantasies, I'm glad to be of service," Jo watched his face, his small lopsided smile, his gaze casted downwards, not quite on her eyes, not quite on her lips, somewhere in his odd world of insecurities that she knew so much about but then on the other hand nothing. And it drove her crazy. She touched two fingers of her right hand to his chin and guided his head up to look at her.

"And you're doing an amazing job at keeping me happy," she told him. Alex's smile widened a bit, but his eyes still radiated… conflicting emotions it seemed. _Even that was too much for him? Okay… I can't get smart with this one… better say nothing at all I guess… _

"It's easy with you," he confessed, making her guts coil. _And then he says things like that. Maybe… just maybe he was insecure because he actually wanted more and thought she didn't? No, that'd be blatantly stupid. She was so into him, he could surely see that. She wanted to spend day and night and every minute of every hour with him. She got sick when thinking how many women had and will have _her _Alex as she had him. _

"Yeah, I know… same with you. If you ever decide on leaving your wild days behind you're gonna make some girl very happy some day," she said with a sigh.

"Wow, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever told me when mentioning me sleeping around too much," he told her. Jo smiled and smoothed her fingers across his biceps, following them with her eyes.

"Yeah, you have great potential. Sleeping with you, though initially I was horrified about that thought, has benefitted me in more ways than you'd think," she admitted slowly.

"You mean surgeries?"

"No," she defended herself. "I meant you're great company… I've enjoyed myself so much… not just sexually speaking," she flitted her eyes at his for an instant. "That's why I said… you should re-evaluate dating again… someone's missing out… I think you're decent guy," she scrambled on.

"Is this goodbye or something? It feels like we're saying last appreciative words," Alex chuckled slightly. Jo looked up at him now.

"No," she shook her head. "I'll keep you around as long as I'm not interfering with anything serious," she said. "But you deserve it is all I'm saying," she smoothed her thumb across his face, looking at his stubble, thinking, and missing the split second Alex came rumbling down on her, pushing his lips onto her, making her gasp incredibly loud, her eyes wide open in surprise, her mouth open with the shock and the deep sharp breath she was taking before she let him take her into the most spectacular kiss. "Mmm," Jo hummed against him as she felt his tongue enter her, slinging her left arm around his waist, cupping his cheek tightly, pulling him down desperately, while he kept pushing her back into the kitchen counter, touching her feverishly. "Uhh,uuuh," Jo sighed stupidly with the overwhelming desire drenching her.

"Problem is," Alex croaked out with hot breath and a stare that connected with her own eyes and made her cringe with pleasure and longing, panting openly into his face. "I want _you_," he said without adding unnecessary detail to it, deepening the kiss from before, groaning against her. Jo desperately tried to get her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. At the moment, she had no idea what he had meant by saying those words, if he had just admitted his feelings to her or if he had just meant he wasn't thinking of dating because he was involved with her as they were or if he was just really horny and couldn't listen to her harp on anymore. She also didn't know what the hell had struck her to have this conversation with him, she just felt like… sometimes he was giving her those looks… those deeply insecure, self-unworthy, underappreciated looks that she couldn't stand and as much as they had talked and as much as she knew where they were coming from, she didn't want to see them on his face, not when she was with him, not when she was trying so hard to show him he was a good person, all around, even if it was hard and tedious since at the same time she was scared to admit she had feelings for him, many feelings, strong feelings, and cared deeply about the fact that Alex thought of himself that lowly. And what she was scared the most was…acting on those feelings… what if she eventually told him about all this… and he wasn't all averse to it… and they'd… take their relationship to the next level… and then it didn't work? There were endless scenarios which she could imagine that could happen… and she knew with already having built _this _much affection towards him, which would most probably only deepen over time, she wouldn't be able to take it if something might happen… something she could and would never anticipate. As usual, she concluded, she was far better off staying on her own two feet.

At the same time and completely contrary to her thoughts, Alex swept her off her feet easily, pushing her up towards his own body, kissing her intently, groping his way towards the bedroom. Once they had closed the door behind themselves and stood in the dark, Jo felt a lot better. Here, it really didn't matter what was happening in between them. It was just them, all lights off, all inhibitions off, nobody watching, not even themselves watching, just doing, and feeling, and they were excelling at the practice of ignoring the reasons behind all those spectacular things that kept going down between them when the lights were off.

* * *

[Alex]

_I want you. _

_Alex, you stupid fool, why did you say that? Why did you have to say it out loud? Why couldn't you just have shut up? Now, you're going all caveman crazy on her, having said those words out loud, not only with the blatant truth of it that was sinking in cruelly but also with the anger you feel towards yourself, and you know you do, wanting to erase the last couple of minutes, wanting to make her forget, wanting to reverse time for just a little bit to leave their being together uncomplicated and casual. You need to erase this. Do something._

Alex put Jo back down on her feet, sensing the tension in between them, the deeply seated need for each other, the almost crude moves on each other. He felt his facial muscles scrunched up with exertion, working to keep his whole body and mind upright with kissing her that hard. He felt how with every passing second, Jo's frantic hands on him grew more erratic, her movements more chaotic, he heard how she moaned continuously through breaths and kisses, as if she was just generally overwhelmed with this. He broke the kiss, ripping the shirt from her upper body wildly, doing the same with his, spying a confused look on Jo's face; as if she was worried… she looked deeply worried and confused. Alex sighed and took her wrist, pulling her a step closer to him, and their foreheads softly bumped onto each other, both of them breathing hard. He had closed his eyes, trying to tell her with his train of thought what he had meant to tell her before. He sensed Jo smoothing her hands across his shoulders in a soothing motion, stopping them to hold onto his upper arms, restraining him somehow even though he knew if he wanted to he could escape her easily. They stood like that for a second before she smoothed her hands up to his cheeks, searching his eyes. He knew with how she looked at him, that she saw the undeclared anger mixed with the deep desire swimming in his eyes, he knew she sensed his tensed jaw muscles underneath her palms, he knew she knew all about it, but she stayed all the same, right in his arms, telling him she could take it.

He bent down to kiss her again, roughly, and at the same time she grabbed for his belt buckle, opening it aggressively as if she was trying to match his general mood, fidgeting with his button and then opened his fly, flicking his waistband teasingly, making him even madder. By now she knew he was really, very angry, although she probably had no idea as to why, but she was definitely playing with it. _That much for keeping a secret from her. And that much for not telling her what this was about. Her kisses and moves definitely told him that she was just as mad right then for exactly that, not telling her. _Alex not so gently pulled Jo's tank top over her head, unclasping her bra. While she reached up to hold his head to hers and kissing intently, Alex let his pants fall and felt his insides flare up with her erect nipples touching his bare chest. He took her into a fierce embrace and stumbled forwards, almost shoving her onto the bed, a tiny bit too untamed. Jo looked up at him with narrowed eyes, assessing his savage behavior, crawling back onto the bed, watching him get rid of his pants from around his ankles and then his socks. He crawled towards her, getting rid of her jeans with some fuss and moved her panties aside to enter her with his fingers before doing anything else. He knew this drove her crazy, he knew she didn't like to be manhandled like that, she usually wouldn't accept him going all _now or never _on her but she also knew he was mad for some reason and by then she was too and he knew that she knew he was doing it on purpose to get a rise out of her. As predicted, Jo threw him a fierce glare, pulling on his shoulders, forcing him down onto her and into a ferocious kiss, her left hand around him, holding onto his skin so tightly, it almost felt like she was pinching him with her entire palm and her right hand going down towards his hand action, furiously ripping down her panties, actually ripping the material at it and not so gently pulling his briefs down, grasping his penis, making him buck and groan into her mouth, breaking the kiss. The look she was giving him was full of reproach, making his stare that had just felt… raw to him, wild somehow, with undefined emotion behind it, change to a look of sudden panic, a restricting feeling inside him that he couldn't explain, as he couldn't explain the last ten minutes – frantically going from need to passion to desire to anger to despair to aggression and then panic. Jo's reaction completely threw him off, she let out a silent breath of laughter, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at him. When he just kept staring down at her, she shook her head at him questioningly, and smiled teasingly.

"So….?" She asked him in a whisper. "What were you about to do next?" she mocked him. Alex tried to keep his anger in. _Did she really think now she could fiddle with him, now that he had admitted he wanted her? Did she really think she had the upper hand now? _Alex puffed, getting himself up onto his palms, when Jo grabbed a hold of his cheeks, making him pull her up with him to a sitting position, him still hovering over her. "Stop being such a baby," she told him, pushing him down on his ass and scrambling to sit in his lap. "I want this just as much," she told him with a shake of her head, staring him down. Alex sighed, rubbing his eyes, failing to see her lips coming onto his, diving into a fiery kiss with her once more, falling onto his back with her hovering on top of him, pressed up onto his torso. He felt her tease his erection that was lying flat against his groin with her wet entrance, reaching down and touching her, feeling the softness, the slippery sensation of it. He felt her flinch, broke the kiss and sat up, guiding her up, so they were both sitting again. She climbed down from his lap and opened the drawer to her nightstand, fumbling around, scrunching up her face before getting out an empty carton of condoms. "Ugh," she ranted and he could see her irritated face. Alex moved over to get to the edge of the bed, when feeling her hand clasp his upper arm again. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked him reproachfully.

"Well," he told her, shrugging.

"You're so weird sometimes, Alex," she told him, pulling on him. "Come here and kiss me," she told him. "Now," she added with much force when he looked back at her with a completely emotionally drained face. Alex was exhausted by that time, he was confused, and he was angry with himself for being angry and for being weird with her and for saying those three unnecessary words and _ugh_. When he sat for a second too long, Jo had crawled over and kneeled next to him, embracing him from the side. "I don't know what's wrong with you… I don't know what happened the last ten minutes but you're being weird," Jo whispered against his ear. "Stop being weird and start being Alex again, please? We can talk later," she added. "Or not."

For the first time in ages it seemed to him, he looked over at her, as in really looked at her, connected with her, finding her having clasped to him firmly and how she looked at him gently, pleadingly, as if she really _did want him, too_. Alex tilted his head and shook it. She smiled at him and then they kissed and everything after was just a blur. He remembered guiding her down, aligning her with the bed frame, he remembered how they had sex with no space in between them, him lying in her embrace, her having constricted him with her heels wrapped around his knees. He remembered that he was thinking how beautiful she looked and how smooth her skin was and that the way she looked at him sometimes just gave him the creeps… because it was so sincere. He had watched her while he entered her, he had watched while they had built up to their climaxes, he had watched her orgasm and it had all just trapped him in a state of trance. The way she couldn't hold her eyes open when he did what he's by now used to do to her, the way her fingers kept searching for somewhere to claw themselves into, first the pillows, then the rods that just weren't there because they were at her house rather than his, eventually clawing them into his back. The way she sighed his name, _his _name with such conviction, as if that was the name that was supposed to fly from her lips always, as if that was her right and nobody else's… as if she was adamant about the fact that she was the only one calling out for him in the middle of this. He had watched her for all this until he had felt his own eyes flutter close, speeding up for the last part, feeling her clutch him closer, embrace him fully, resting his head in the crook of her neck and rub against her, hump her deeply, feeling her constrict, feeling that she was riding a dangerous high and hadn't come down yet, making it a double jackpot for her. He remembered that just before he blacked out on her, he'd be spilling himself inside her, completely unshielded, for the first time with him realizing, and for some stupid reason even that gave him a high. He remembered her holding him tightly, as they had stopped moving, sensing her kiss his sweaty hair and scratch through it gently, having kept his eyes closed tightly, not wanting to have that talk she said they could have _later. _It was _later_ then.

Alex guided himself out of her and rolled off her, stretching for a couple of seconds before rolling back over, finding her stretched out on her back and throwing an arm around her waist casually, placing his lips at her shoulder, leaving his left leg on top of hers. She didn't talk, so they remained silent for a long while. Jo was reading a text on her phone, he squinted with the brightness of the screen in the completely darkened room, no windows, no nothing, a room in an apartment Alex had had criticized often enough, making her mad and tell him to fuck off with his _stupid attendings' paycheck_ and shut up. The only thing he could think of was the smell that he loved so much. Resting his nose at her shoulder, he could smell the faint odor of sweat on her, mixed with the soap and whatever shampoo or perfume or lotion she was using. But more than that, he could smell _her_ on himself, on the sheets, in the air. He knew knowing the smell of a person was one of the most intimate things one could be prized with. He'd know her scent anywhere. And he knew their mixed scent after spending themselves generously… he just knew it. He knew also that she hated it, especially because, once again, there was no window to her bedroom and she couldn't get rid of it. But smelling her spent scent did something for him… it was so pure somehow, so raw, it felt to him that this was such a privilege, knowing her scent. She hated it, but he loved it, and there was nothing she could do about it. It somehow made him feel closer to having her as his. Calling her _his_. Knowing this about her made her closer to him. And it soothed him.

Alex opened his eyes when he felt her move and get up, watching her walk into the bathroom with the sheets around herself, closing the door behind her. He climbed down to reach for his pants, getting his phone out, seeing a few messages from Arizona. When Jo came back out, she sat down beside him, reading the texts over his shoulder.

"You going in?" she asked him, and he could feel her breath on his shoulder blade.

"Trying to figure that out," he gave her back dismissively. _Please don't make me talk about it. _

"So…," he sensed her shake her head. "You wanna talk about what happened earlier?" When he looked back at her, she had adopted a face of genuine cluelessness on her face. _Act clueless._

"Talk about what?"

"About… what you said… and then…everything else I guess," she suggested. Alex sighed.

"What did I say?"

"You… _want me_," she told him. Alex turned back to his phone and started typing a reply.

"Didn't I just show you that I do," he gave her with a slight shrug, trying so hard to not having to face her.

"Okay," Jo said quietly. "And… what does it mean?"

"What's it supposed to mean?" Alex felt himself get exaggerated again. _This was going nowhere. _

_AZ – forgot you lost your pager, please come 911… at least a precautious 911_

"You lost your pager?" Alex shrugged.

"I actually meant to ask if I left it here somewhere… or if you pocketed it or something…? I can't seem to find it… well I haven't been able to find it in weeks now…," he told her, looking at her face. She just looked a bit lost and shook her head.

"I only have mine, right here," she pointed at the nightstand. "I haven't seen it, sorry," she gave him with a shrug.

"Alright, I guess I gotta go in anyways," Alex said, scooting towards the edge, knowing she was watching him.

"So… we're not talking…?"

"I have to go, Jo," Alex told her impatiently, walking over towards the bathroom and relieving himself. When he came back out, she was still sitting in the same spot, looking like she was not gonna let this go. "Jo," he sighed. "I want you. You're hot. You're amazing. You're freaking mind-blowing in bed. I want you, okay?" Jo looked up at him, pondering.

"What about all the others... that you want...?" Jo asked him, blushing like a schoolgirl.

"What others?" Alex scrunched up his face, getting his boxers on.

"Well… the other _girls_…?"

"What girls?" Alex looked back at her in irritation now, trying to untangle his jeans from the inside out. _Seriously...? Did he have to spell it out for her?_

"Well… I thought you wer-," Jo started, making him roll his eyes.

"You know I'm not," Alex simply answered. _Best to go with the truth I guess._

"I don't know anything anymore," Jo barked at him, probably for not engaging in this conversation much.

"Tell me one thing, though," Alex straightened up, looking her deeply in the eye now, meaning to say something nice, bending towards her. "When would I have time for anyone else?" Jo, though, looked seriously offended, making his lungs restrict.

"Charming, really," she commented. "I'm sorry I take up all your time."

"Jo," Alex groaned. _Why was she being like that... was she... _Alex was confused with her, not knowing why exactly she was asking him all this. First, he had thought she maybe wanted... maybe she was jealous? But then... _Well... maybe she was jealous? _Alex's insides flared. "I'm serious… when would I have the time? I'm with you all the freaking time," he shook his head, putting his t-shirt over his head.

"You weren't lately," she pointed out weakly. _What?_

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?"

"No… no…," Jo's eyes fluttered. "But I mean… you _could_ have," she shook her head also. _Huh? I just told her I'm not... why was she being so stubborn? Oh... oh... it's about the condom thing again..._Alex's heart sank with losing hope again.

"Is this about the STDs again? I told you I haven't had sex with anyone else since November," he gave her casually. Jo looked at him with wide eyes. "And also, I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I won't…," he gave her, half-heartedly referring to what he said earlier. _Well, here it is. Go deal with that._

"So…," he stood there, narrowing his eyes at her fidgety demeanor. "Does this mean… we're… exclusive… or something like that?!" Alex sighed, gathering the rest of his stuff and walked towards the door. _I've been - unintentionally - exclusive from the start... I don't know if you have._

"I don't know what it means, Jo, it just turns out that I am on my part…," he gave her, when she got up, wrapped the sheets around her and followed him. "It doesn't mean you have to be, you know that. I… I," he searched for the right words frantically, getting on his coat in the living room. He closed his eyes in defeat and shook his head. _Just because you were stupid enough to fall for your fling... doesn't mean you have to be mean towards her._ "I didn't mean anything by saying I want you… I just… I was horny and…," he walked towards the door, trying to make a quick leave, feeling sick.

"I-," Jo started, shaking her head all the while when Alex's phone rang again. _Ugh, really? What was she about to say? Or maybe... maybe it's for the best if you don't know... _Alex picked up the phone hurriedly.

"_Alex, this is real 911 now. I need you here," _Arizona called into the other end of the line.

"I gotta go," Alex shook his head sorry at her. Jo nodded.

"Can we talk about this later?" Jo walked up towards him, while he listened to Arizona ramble on about what had happened. Alex sighed.

"Sure," he murmured, nodding, closing his eyes at it.

"I just don't know what's going on with us and I… I think we're not exactly on the same page and I really… we need to talk," Jo said in a whisper also. Alex's guts stung. _Not on the same page. That was a nice description. _

"Okay," he told her, already halfway out the door when he felt Jo's hand clasp his elbow, pulling him back and kissing his lips softly.

"See you later, okay?"

* * *

[Stephanie]

Stephanie rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to blank out the obnoxious paging coming from one of the lockers, not comprehending how a pager that seemed to have been locked away purposefully – since if you really were on call or something you'd have it with you, right? – could beep for such a long time without going out of battery. She got herself into her street clothes and just tucked away her scrubs in the laundry basket when Jo entered and sat down on the bench, looking sick.

"You on call tonight?" Steph asked her in confusion. The other woman just shook her head. "What are you doing here then?" She watched her friend sigh and then look up at her.

"You up for a drink?" Jo asked her and she did not look good at it.

"Are you okay?" Steph immediately walked over, sitting beside her.

"I'm having a crappy night…," Jo told her. "I just really need a drink- and _what _the hell is this beeping?!" Steph frowned at her friend's irritable state.

"Um… yeah, someone left his pager in there…," she explained.

"Well… whose is it?" She got up and listened to the individual lockers. "Somebody is needed somewhere it seems…," she got really riled up. Steph just shrugged, watching her at it, as Jo came closer to her own locker and gulped, mumbling obscene words underneath her breath.

"What? What is it? It's yours?" Stephanie looked at her unbelievingly. She observed as the other woman unlocked it and got out some stuff before finding the noisemaker, closing her eyes. "Seriously, Jo? I thought you said you weren't on call?" Jo just shook her head.

"It's not mine…," she told her with a sigh, groaning. Steph hiked her eyebrows. _Oh this was going to get interesting. _

"Whose is it then?" she asked her, when she finally switched it off and got her phone out, typing in a message. When there was no answer, Stephanie felt herself become impatient with her friend. "Who the hell are you sleeping with, Jo?" This made the fellow intern look up and after a second of matching eyes, away.

"Can we just go have some shots?" Jo begged her, closing the locker door. "Please?" Stephanie got up and nodded, starting to worry. She really didn't look good. Or sound good. Jo rushed ahead towards the nurses' counter and as much as Steph tried to keep up and wanted to listen to what exactly she was telling the nurse when handing over the pager, she couldn't. A few minutes later, they took their seats at the bar and Jo had already ordered some gin shots.

"Ew, Jo, really?" Jo didn't reply and just chugged down the first of her shots, shuddering at it. "Jo…," Steph was sitting sideways, contemplating how to go about this. When her friend had downed her second shot, she moved her body towards Steph and faced her, her expression completely desperate it seemed.

"I'm falling for him, Steph. I'm falling for him and I don't know what to do about it," Jo confessed. Steph took a deep breath. _So, they had already established that she _was_ sleeping with someone from the hospital then. _She reached over to take Jo's hand in hers gently, not knowing how she would react.

"Jo, who are we talking about? This can't be so bad… let's just figure this out, okay?" she tried soothing the distraught woman who just shook her head. "Jo, you can tell me… come on, I won't judge you," she tried, making the other one pull up her eyebrows and laugh madly, staring at the next shot.

"Oh, but, you so will," she let her know, downing the next one.

"Now, stop it for a minute, you're being a bitchbaby and it's getting on my nerves," Steph ranted. "Either you tell me or you don't," she let that sink in. "Jo, who is it? Is it Shane?" Jo cut her eyes at Steph, wrinkling her nose and smiled.

"Ew," Jo slapped her thigh, making her friend laugh for a minute.

"God, I'm so relieved, I actually debated if that was a possibility," she sighed happily. They sat in silence for a bit, Steph still watching Jo fiddling with the empty shot glass. "You sleeping with an attending, Jo?" Steph asked her cautiously, wishing so much that she hadn't gone down that road. When she didn't react, Steph put her elbow on the counter and rubbed her face inside her palm. "Why, Jo? Why did you do that?" Jo just shrugged.

"I don't know… I don't know, Steph. I didn't mean to, I swear… I… I didn't mean to at all… I just… I did and then we… we couldn't stop somehow and I found myself wanting him more and more and I know… I know he only wants sex and I just… I swear it was the same for me… but then… I mean I don't know anything anymore... I don't know just what it is he wants... he's so sweet at times and says he wants me... and first I think he actually _does __want me_ and then he's all weird and acts like... like he's mad at me because... I don't... I don't understand... I just... or... I mean," Jo shook her head frantically. Steph scrunched up her face, not really following as all the unrelated facts came tumbling out of Jo's mouth. "And then he keeps going on about how he doesn't miss dating and he's so done with that shit... and I'm just... I don't know anything anymore... I'm trying to not be _that_ girl here, I am… I just… I don't know how to stop," Jo rambled all of a sudden. "I tried talking to him, I did... it's just... every time I open my mouth and I really really believe I'm gonna just... talk to him... the words I actually say are not the ones I actually thought I would... I'm just... now I feel even more confused... I just...," Jo sighed. Stephanie listened and pondered. _Who was she sleeping with? It couldn't be Shepherd or Hunt or…_ she looked around the bar, spying another attending… _Avery…_ _no, she wouldn't, right?_ Steph thought about the last few weeks and what had been going on with Jo. She'd been weird lately… especially when she had been asking her about her sex life… and all of a sudden it dawned on her… _oh God, Jo, no… you didn't, did you? Oh God… yes, it's so freaking crystal… Leah telling about Jo hooking up with someone in Baltimore… all the nothingness coming from her front… hearing no gossip about him sleeping round the hospital anymore either… her starting to date when he was back to Baltimore... it all fit… oh God, him running off after that love speech… her being weird about it afterwards… oh God, Jo, you stupid, stupid girl. _Steph found herself looking at Jo painfully. She didn't know if Jo was ever going to say something and she didn't know if _she_ should say something herself but… "Don't look at me like that, Steph," Jo whispered really quietly, seeming to know that Steph had figured it out, still looking at the bar counter desperately. Steph bit her lower lip and looked her over. _She really seemed completely off her game. But her? Jo? Sleeping with Karev? _Falling in love _with Karev?! _Steph turned towards the bartender and sighed, trying to get his attention.

"Can we have two more of these?"


	22. No way around it

**[Next night]**

[Cristina]

"Umm… let's do that angioplasty on 3775 tonight," Cristina lazily hung out at the nurses' counter, speaking to her intern. "It looks slow tonight, and he's been whiny… get me those films, will you?" she tossed over the counter towards the eager looking doctor. "Hey, Mer, you on night shift, too?" Cristina's mood somewhat elevated when seeing her friend. Meredith looked up in irritation. "What's wrong with you?"

"I am missing my intern," Mer chucked out angrily. "She's supposed to be on my service tonight and she hasn't shown up, nor replied to any pages, I've even had the nurse _call her_," she ranted. "She missed evening rounds and I _need _her to do post-ops on Bailey's colonectomy before I do my gastropexy on a patient who has been waiting for a week now with all the rescheduling going on here," she sounded mad. "And after that, I assure you, she will be _off my service_, if not _off this program_ once I tell Owen," she added, plunking down several charts on the counter. Cristina chuckled.

"Who's your intern?"

"Wilson," she replied dismissively.

"Maybe you should ask-," Cristina started, when Meredith had detected Edwards, still hovering near them and called out to her.

"Aren't you her little intern friend? Can you tell me where the hell she's vanished to?" Cristina looked over at Edwards curiously, finding the intern giving her an insecure glance. Cristina narrowed her eyes. _Oh, so she knew about Karev and the intern… but Alex was on shift... she had seen him around only hours ago._

"Um…," Edwards stuttered. "I haven't seen her since last night… she should be here, really," she answered.

"You don't say," Meredith barked at her. Edwards shrugged.

"We went to Joe's and she stayed in an on-call room since she… well, she should be here somewhere… I haven't seen her since… or heard from her," she tried to explain.

"So, her stupid ass got drunk and now she's bailing? Oh, Hunt's gonna like that…," Meredith smiled devilishly.

"No, that's not at all what I'm saying… or at all like her… I'm pretty sure there's a reason for her absence…," Edwards tried to put her last statement into perspective.

"Go call her, will you?" Meredith snapped at her.

"Hey, just because you have to deal with an incompetent intern, doesn't mean you can just swipe mine," Cristina tried to intervene.

"I'll just call her really quickly," Edwards told them, already having gotten her phone out. They both waited for a reaction, but Edwards just shook her head. "She's not answering…," she looked uncertain.

"Well, too bad. Go get those films, Edwards," Cristina ordered. When Meredith left her side too, Cristina stretched and walked towards the attendings' lounge, anticipating finding it cleared due to the hour and expecting to peacefully being able to go through the articles she had meant to read for her next big surgery. When she entered, she found Arizona sitting at the table, browsing through some journal and sipping at her coffee, looking up with a smile. "Oh hey, we all on the night shift tonight?"

"Nah… I'm _still _here… had a couple of emergencies coming in late last night, Alex and I've been working on them ever since… he's doing post-op as it is… I'm on my way home but I couldn't get my feet to carry me to the car," she chuckled. Cristina nodded and narrowed her eyes. _So Alex couldn't have been with the intern all night… hm. _They settled besides each other, quietly going through their respective perusals, when the door opened again and Edwards came in with the films an hour later.

"_What _took you so long?" Cristina let the intern know of her mood.

"Something's going on in the E.R., I don't know, everybody's acting crazy and the radiologist was all distracted… sorry," Edwards told her.

"What's going on? Incoming? Why haven't we been paged?" Cristina asked her, making Arizona look up. Edwards just shrugged, when Hunt came rushing in. "Hey, what's going on in the E.R.?" The chief looked at her stupidly.

"What's going on in the E.R.?" he asked her back before looking down to his pager that had started up beeping. "Well, something's going on, Grey is paging me," he told them, already on his way out again. "Any of you seen Wilson?" he asked them hurriedly. They all shook their heads. He turned round and bumped right into a heavily breathing Meredith who looked like she had run all the way up from the E.R. Cristina watched the scene closely.

"Grey, you just paged me," he told her questioningly.

"It's Wilson," Meredith chucked out between pants. They all turned their heads over towards her.

"What about her? Did you find her?"

"She just came in, severely injured, police escorted, she's in and out of consciousness, Kepner is trying to examine her, she won't let us touch her though," she informed them quickly. Cristina got up, trying to form thoughts.

"What? What happened?" Hunt called out shocked, all of them moving towards the door and jogging towards the elevator.

"I don't know, I don't know what happened, I need an intern who knows her, I need you to tell her she _needs_ to be examined," she talked onto Edwards who just nodded frantically, looking completely overwhelmed. "She has a bad head injury, she's bleeding profusely, and she just _won't let us touch her!_"

"Does Alex know? Have you called him?" Cristina asked them, while running along with them.

"What, _why_?" Both Meredith and Owen looked back at her in surprise.

"I'll go get him," Arizona nodded at her and left instantly to go up to the NICU.

"Why Karev?" Owen asked her again when they boarded the elevator. Cristina rolled her eyes.

"They're a thing," she found herself telling them unceremoniously, at the same time as Edwards did. They looked at each other, both looking worried. Owen and Meredith gaped at them.

"They're what? Wilson and Alex? Are you kidding me?" Meredith looked at her completely bewildered. Cristina shook her head. "And you think that makes him qualified to care for her right now? Sleeping with her? What – once, twice?" Cristina shook her head again.

"It's been going on for months," she elaborated when they all ran towards the trauma room that was crowded with a couple of police men, paramedics, Kepner and Murphy.

"She won't let us touch her," Kepner shouted out in worry, frustrated at it.

"Jo, calm down, it's me, it's Leah, just let us examine you real quick, it's gonna be over before you know it," Cristina watched Murphy talk onto her.

"Everyone, out," Hunt instantly ordered, looking at Murphy, the paramedics and the police. "Murphy, get the information needed from the paramedics, _you_," he pointed towards the cops, "please let us do our jobs before you do yours," he definitely tried sounding polite, hastily though.

"Chief, she's losing blood. She has a bad head wound, we _need _to examine her," Kepner told him frantically. Cristina sighed.

"Let's wait for Alex, she won't let you touch her like this," Cristina observed Wilson, who looked completely distraught, sitting up on the gurney, holding all her belongings to her body and flinching with every movement made in the trauma room, especially towards her. Kepner shot her a confused glance, frowning and mouthing _Karev _questioningly.

"Edwards," Owen commanded. "Try talking to her, do your best," he whispered, making her nod and move closer. Jo immediately flinched away, looking at her as if in panic. Cristina observed the profusely bleeding head wound and sighed. _Alex, speed the hell up. She's going to lose consciousness in a minute or two and sedating her in this state would only make matters worse. _

* * *

[Jo]

Jo sat on the gurney, feeling empty, and threatened, by all the empty glares and almost-touches and people and words thrown onto her. She held onto herself tightly, clasping something in her arms, she didn't even know what it was. She was sitting upright, but she wasn't sure how, she could feel the head wound bleed profusely, a wound she had gotten earlier tonight when

_breathe_.

_breathe_.

_breathe_.

_breathe_.

_breathe_.

when it had happened. Jo's eyes kept focusing on things and then blurring again. _She wouldn't say she felt dizzy, she just didn't feel like she could walk. Or move. Or hold on to the glass of water that had been offered to her. Or talk. She just felt woozy. Not drunk woozy though. Not sick woozy. Just woozy_. She felt the hot blood trickle down her neck. _That was gross. But so be it_. She felt cold somehow. She looked down to assess what she was wearing. She was wearing jeans and a brown cardigan. _Horrible color. Ugh. What had she been thinking? She'd have never worn that if she had known that she was going to be wheeled right into the place she usually worked at. By the way. _Jo looked up slowly._ Whoa, stop coming so close. _Jo felt herself flinch back and at the same time sickness rising in her throat. _Steph, right? Yeah, Steph. I don't want you to touch me_. _Can you just please, everyone, just please, stop trying to touch me? It makes me sick. _Jo stared back at them, feeling the emptiness inside her once again. _What are you guys talking about? I kinda… did I lose my hearing? This is so weird, I could swear that I hear buzzing but I just don't… I don't understand your words. _Jo gulped, flinching at it. _That hurt. _

_How did I end up here? How in the world did they find me? _Jo tried thinking back. She remembered clearly that she couldn't reach her phone. She remembered Steph calling her, as she was lying in a soggy, hot and gross pool of her own blood, soaked into the mattress. She had wanted to reach for the phone but her wrist had stung terribly, it had forced tears out. _Tears. _Jo wasn't a person to cry much. She never had been. _She hadn't even cried when her mom had died. And her grandpa. And her dad… somehow. There was no need to cry now, right? _She remembered trying to get to it desperately, but she couldn't move quite well, everything had hurt. _I didn't even realize he was being that violent on me while at it… it just hurt afterwards. Everything hurt. _Jo was still looking at Steph who was talking to her. She still couldn't grasp the words but it definitely gave her a better feeling than Leah talking to her. _Leah was a nice girl, she liked Leah. But she wasn't Steph. Steph was her best friend, she thought. _Jo tried focusing on Steph's eyes, _they looked terrified. Why are you terrified, Stephanie? Do I look horrible? _Jo felt fatigue coming over her. The blood kept dripping. _Well, at least she was still alive and they had found her, right? How had they found her again? _Jo kept trying to remember. She had definitely fallen unconscious at some point while reaching for the phone. She couldn't remember the end of that. Like a horrible dream, a dream in which you try getting somewhere but you just never do… and then it's over because you wake up and you'll never find out the end of it. Jo remembered flashes of red and blue, she remembered being strapped to that gurney which hurt even more than when she was lying in her pool of blood mattress. And then she remembered being at the hospital all of a sudden. Freaking bright fluorescent tubes glaring right at her face, people talking onto her, Meredith Grey's face, April Kepner's face, all seemingly panicked. The light still stung, she had scrunched up her face, feeling the buzzing headache. She remembered April Kepner reaching for her head and her pushing her off, getting off her chest belt and sitting up, feeling even woozier than now. She remembered that for those seconds, she'd felt so strong, pushing her superior away, unstrapping herself, getting up to a sitting position, and then when she finally had sat up, she felt like she was going to fall. She had started trembling, but it was more internally than on the outside. It was strong and had taken her wholly. _It had gotten better though, then, she thought. Sitting was better. Her throat hurt. It was too dry. It was parched, really. Why were all those people staring at her for God's sake? She was fine. She was fine! Fine. She was totally fine. She was fine. She could have sworn. Fine. I don't think I am, though. Am I? I feel dizzy. _Jo felt her lips starting to tremble. _I'm all alone here. I have nobody. I left my family. I decided to leave them behind. And the one person I have here keeps staring at me and I won't let her touch me. She's too close. I can't help myself she's too close. _Jo's eyes wandered across the people in the room, strangers, all strangers to her. She tried focusing on the dark ones. The uniforms. _Hey, I know that face. Who is he? _Jo scrunched up her own face and felt the stinging in her head wound.

"Jo, let us at least look at your head real quick," Jo could all of a sudden make out Steph's voice, looking over at her slowly, irritated that she wouldn't let her make out who the guy was. When she met Steph's eyes, she thought Steph was realizing that she was somehow responsive. "Jo, I'll look at yo-," she started coming closer and Jo tried leaning back again. _Why do you want to touch me so badly? I don't want you to touch me. _Jo felt the surge of sickness again that went through her when moving her torso away. She was still strapped to the gurney around her waist, even though she was sitting up cross-legged. Her gaze went back to the uniform. _You're the guy that came knocking on my door in the middle of the night a couple of months ago. You were the one investigating the car issue. _He gave her a scary look. Jo gave him a slow up and down and looked at the clear bag in his hands, containing… _that's my shades. Where did he get those shades all of a sudden and why now? Did he think this was a good time? _When she slowly raised her eyes up to his again, he nodded at her. _What are you trying to tell me? _Jo felt irritated when the cop looked away towards the door, as if he had gotten distracted. Jo noticed someone breathing heavily and she turned her head over towards the door, crowded with people staring at her. And in the midst of them was Alex. _Alex. Oh my God, Alex. _Jo felt her lower lip shiver violently and her breathing shorten with the realization of him. _She still had him. For a long moment, she had totally forgotten about him. But she still had him. He was still her Alex. Come here, please come here, please just take me into your arms. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to annoy you so damn much the last time I saw you. I didn't mean to mess things up. Please come here. Please just hold me. I'm begging you, please. _

"Jo," this time it was April Kepner speaking. "Jo, calm down, you're alright, take a deep breath," she told her.

"Close the freaking blinds, will you," she heard Alex snap at someone. She followed his eyes over towards that person, it was Meredith Grey. She flitted her eyes over the people remaining in the room. _Wait, where had all the people gone to? Where's the cop? Where's the paramedics? They had all been there a minute ago… had she blacked out again? She was confused… how had they vanished all of a sudden? _Her eyes went back towards Alex who was walking towards her. _Just hold me, please. _"What are you all staring at, why's nobody treating her?" he barked out.

"I wouldn't do just that," Jo heard Steph say as he reached out to her. She saw him hover for a split second with what Steph had just said and then they matched eyes and she could see the pain in his eyes. _He was hurting. No, don't, stop it, I'm fine. I'm fine. I swear I'm fine. I'm fine. Stop looking at me like that. Everything's okay. But you're not. _

"Dressing," she heard him say to nobody in particular, because she was still holding his gaze. He came closer towards her, pressing it onto her head wound gently but firmly, making her close her eyes in pain and grasping for his shirt. She felt herself buck and her lip trembling wildly, her breath shaky. "Basin," she heard him go on. She sensed as he pushed the thing into her hands and seconds later she found herself vomiting into it. _This wasn't good_. _This was bad. _She raised up again, accepting the wet cloth he was holding out for her, trying to clean herself up a bit. She felt him standing right next to her, felt his body against hers, and that was all she needed for stability. But she felt him tense, and she knew he was angry. He also probably knew what had happened and he probably blamed himself for not acting on their several talks about... about

_breathe._

_breathe._

_breathe._

_breathe._

him.

Jo looked up at him when she felt Alex unbuckle the belt that was still around her waist. "Let's get you on a hospital gurney," he told her soothingly. Jo was so focused on Alex that she barely saw Kepner coming from the other side, flinching badly. "It's okay," Alex said, and she didn't know if it was meant for her or for Kepner. "Can you walk?" he asked her. Jo nodded. She grasped on tightly to Alex's scrub top on his back and he was holding her up underneath her armpit, Jo trying to put her weight on her feet when getting up from the gurney, her knees immediately trembling violently and sagging down before Alex scooped her up and brought her over to the gurney the other doctors had tried preparing for them. Alex helped her lie down on it. "Set up an oxygen line," she heard him say while he raised the head part of the gurney slightly. "She tends to hyperventilate." At this Jo looked up at him in wonder. _I do? How do you figure? _Only then she realized she was breathing really hard and the air came out in small puffs, her throat completely dried up and her chest barely coming up. It was the chief who came over with the oxygen line but she tried pushing back into the gurney for him to not touch her. With a strange look, Hunt handed the line over to Alex who put it onto her ears and placed it at her nostrils. _God, that's better, that's a lot better. _Alex turned away from her, accepting something from Grey before turning back and offering her a glass of water. He held it up for her when she took a sip, scrunching her face up while swallowing. _Ouch. _

"We need to examine her, Alex, she's losing blood," she heard Kepner say, everybody nodding. Alex looked back at Jo's face, studying her it seemed. Then he nodded. Jo instantly panicked, shaking her head wildly, hurting herself at it.

"Hey, hey," Alex immediately shushed her, "We need to examine you, okay? You're badly injured, Jo, there's no way around it," he told her matter-of-factly. Jo felt her breath get stuck and her heart race. "Hey," he for the first time touched her with the intent of calming her, at least that's what she thought, smoothing his palm down the side of her face and cupping her chin, looking at her intently. "Let go of me," he told her, making her realize she was still holding onto Alex's scrub top so tightly, her fingers were hurting when she loosened them. Jo felt her lower lip tremble again, and she had to think of a kid, devastated about another kid crashing its sandcastle or something. _Had she been trembling like that the entire time? She felt cold. And she couldn't stop the shivering. _"Hey," Alex bent down towards her, so he was right next to her ear and nobody could hear him but her. "I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere, I promise," he told her, making her close her eyes. "But you need to let them examine you, okay? I can't let you be like this, you're hurt, Jo. I need you to get better, okay? I need you to not be hurt anymore, okay? Can you do that for me?" Jo felt herself bite her lip to stop it from trembling and nod. "Okay." She was still holding her eyes closed so she only knew that he had straightened up again because the heat of his body had vanished from so close to herself. She wriggled the fingers of her right hand slightly, and then opened her eyes a tiny bit. Without another word, Alex took Jo's hand into his, holding it while she let them examine her. Kepner and Steph kept asking her if something hurt or didn't and Jo wanted to laugh, she did, because everything hurt. There was no more or less or uncomfortable, everything hurt. So, she didn't say anything, making them look at her desperately, trying to figure it out by her narrowing her eyes or biting her lips. They tried cleaning the head wound but other than hair and blood, they couldn't find anything to clean, and she only needed a couple of stitches, it was just bleeding badly because it had been a hard blow to an even harder surface and a bad spot on the back of her head. They put on a nice bandage and Jo did feel better, at least a bit. They measured her everything, blood pressure, pulse, they kept her on one of those machines. Callie Torres came in and examined her wrist. It was broken. They needed x-rays. So they pushed her to x-ray. They needed a CT for her head, so they pushed her there. Alex was holding her hand all through it. Callie Torres kept coming to her bed, bandaging her wrist, smiling at her brightly, telling her something about a probable surgery they were gonna look into the next day, because they all didn't want her to lose her surgical potential. _Wrist and all. Right. _They looked at the bruises. The ones around her wrists. And arms. They looked at her stomach, and made her lean forwards slightly to feel up her spine. She heard them whisper towards Alex, whisper that the head injury must have been worse and they had needed those scans yesterday, since she wasn't responsive. Alex kept shaking his head. She was just in shock. She needed to sleep. She'd come around tomorrow. He told them to back off and give her some space. She felt like… an animal… being prodded and poked and looked at. She held onto Alex's hand so tightly, she never wanted to let go, losing that one thing she was still holding onto for dear life. But somehow she knew he wasn't gonna let go either.

"We need to examine her, Alex, maybe you should… maybe you should just step out for a minute?" Jo heard Kepner's voice, suddenly back into their world. She looked over at her tiredly. When the superior doctor saw Jo glance at her, she gave her back a sympathetic look. Or a guilty one. Or a sorry one. She couldn't quite tell. She heard Alex sigh and squeeze her hand. Jo gulped and wetted her lips, trying to form the words. Alex faced her and waited for her words to come out. Jo struggled, they just wouldn't come out. She shaped her lips repeatedly to make them fly out. She gulped.

"It's okay, Jo, you don't have to talk," he shushed her. Her lips trembled wildly. _Had they been trembling all night? _She felt herself hyperventilate again, a little bit. "Breathe through your nose, Jo, come on, it'll be easier," he told her, and she closed her eyes, taking a long breath through her nose. When she opened them again, she put her head down on the pillow that they had put underneath her head a while ago and rolled it over to her side to look at Alex.

"J-j-j-j-juuss…," Jo closed her eyes again, trying to collect herself. She felt Alex smooth his right hand across her face again. "J-j-juuust-tt-t, take me home-m-me," she heard herself whisper and she knew it had barely been breath she had articulated, not having heard any voice to it. She looked up at him, not knowing if he had understood. He shook his head, narrowing his eyes at her.

"What was that?" Jo gulped.

"J-just take me h-home," she told him again, a little bit stronger she found, even though it might have not sounded like it. "Please," she begged him. Alex sighed.

"No," he told her, shaking his head and looking back towards Kepner, giving her a head movement as if to say to let someone in. Jo felt all her insides knot and her outer body starting to shake terribly. Alex turned back towards her, looking worried. For the first time that night, Jo felt big, hot tears escape her eyes and run down her face continuously. "Hey," Alex shushed her, momentarily wiping them away with his thumbs. "Hey, it's okay, you're safe," he told her repeatedly, finally putting an arm around her and holding her closer towards him, sitting himself on the edge of the bed. _Please just take me home. Please. I'm begging you. Please. _Even though her insides were frantic, Jo felt her outsides relax and melt into him, having curled up on his side, pressed into him. It took a while until she had calmed down, but when she had, he looked down at her eyes and then tilted his head. "First we'll need to fix you, okay?" he stared down at her eyes, making her nod slightly. "Then I'll take you home," he assured her. Jo closed her eyes and let out a long breath. _Thank you. _

"Um… Dr. Karev," Jo heard Steph say and she opened her eyes for she hadn't heard that voice in a while. Alex looked over at her. "She's here," she told him and Jo wondered why her friend was being so weird.

"I'm gonna step out for a minute, alright?" Alex turned back to her and whispered. Jo felt everything flare up inside her and shake her head again. _No, no, please no. _"Jo," he sighed. "You need to let them do this and I don't think you want me here while they do… do you?" Jo looked up at him, still shaking her head lightly, and then looked over all the others still there – Edwards, Grey, Kepner and the chief standing at the door, communicating with someone outside. _What were they talking about? _Jo nestled deeper in the heavy blanket they had given her a little earlier, staring at them. It came to her when she saw the doctor they had paged for her examination come in. Jo's eyes fluttered close with fatigue when she knew if this had to be the last exam, she was done for the night. She squeezed Alex's hand and looked up at him tiredly, shaking her head. "Jo," he told her, exhausted it seemed himself.

"He didn't," Jo croaked out, and she could sense every pair of eyes in the room on her. She didn't care, though, since first of all, she was really only telling Alex, and second of all, they all seemed to actually care about her all of a sudden. Even though she had no idea as to why. Alex looked at her unbelievingly. Jo shrugged and repeated herself. "He didn't."

"Jo, let's just check you out, okay?"

"He didn't do it," Jo found a piece of voice in there. Alex narrowed his eyes at her and kneeled down besides her bed, still holding her hand.

"The paramedic said you were found unconscious on the scene, Jo," he told her softly. "You can't know," he added in pained breath, seeming like he really did not want to say it out loud.

"I wasn't while he was there," she told him, only looking at him, blanking out everyone else. "Trust me, he didn't," she told him again.

"Are you sure?" Alex trailed his finger down the side of her face softly. She nodded. Jo bit her lips and there was almost something like a seed of… happiness… or at least peace planted inside her guts now that she saw his reaction to her words… he was relieved. In the midst of all this horror, he at least was relieved that he hadn't gone that far. Jo wasn't strong enough to produce a smile, but at least she could feel it inside her. Alex closed his eyes for a second, halting his hand at her cheek, collecting himself. She watched him as he got up again, bent down to kiss her forehead and then faced the other doctors, shrugging. They all left one by one, Alex tried helping her into a hospital gown, peeling the clothes she was wearing off of her gently, and Jo tightened her own arms around herself in a hug, wanting to detain Alex from looking at all the bruising. He was gentle though, trying to do quick and efficient work, not hurting her too much or anything. When he sat next to her, just brushing his hands up and down her upper arms, as if he was hypnotizing himself, Jo made a painful effort and reached out for him, grabbing his shirt again and pulling him closer, putting their foreheads together. Alex sighed deeply before kissing her cheek and resting there. She hadn't anticipated it, so it came as a complete surprise when he asked her, quietly, in a whisper, without even looking at her. She just nodded, not wanting to go any deeper. Kepner came back in a little later, setting up a line for her and giving her some sedatives that she welcomed gratefully. She had her eyes closed, relaxing underneath Alex's touch, him sitting on a stool next to her bed, running his fingers up and down her face, smoothing them through her hair gently, making her slip out peacefully.

She wasn't fully asleep though when he got up but she could hear him hover in the doorway, talking to other people, so she knew he wasn't gone, he hadn't left her. Everything around her was white. She was in an open, endless, white room. Nobody near her, nobody threatening her, just her. And then she fell asleep into a dreamless state of bliss.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex walked towards the door, watching Jo's by now rhythmic breathing and her battered body underneath the familiar but odd look of the hospital's patient gown on her, tucked away underneath a thick blanket. When he turned his head back to the doorway, he slowed down, finding Mer, Cristina, Arizona, Callie and Edwards stand and observe her as well. Alex made shooing hand movements and left the door ajar, leaning against the outside of it, closing his eyes and letting go of a sigh. When he opened them back up, they were all still watching his face. Before he could say anything though, Hunt stepped closer, looking at him.

"Karev, Wilson doesn't have any emergency contacts listed… do you… happen to know of any family or people… she'd want us to call?" he asked, a little sheepish it seemed. Alex sighed.

"Yeah," Alex told him stupidly. "But they're too far away. Let her call them herself tomorrow," he told him. Hunt nodded jerkily, looking questioningly though.

"You sure about that?" Alex looked back at him in irritation.

"You know, usually if people don't have an emergency contact in there, I think legally you're not allowed to tell anybody else about anything… so, yeah… I'm sure… and trust me," he added. "If you go ahead and call them… or worse, _I _go ahead and call them… she's gonna be crazy mad… and I know you think she's a nice girl but you don't wanna meet her mad…," he shook his head, smiling slightly. His friends chuckled.

"How many times have you done something eliciting that reaction from her?" Mer grinned. Alex rolled his eyes and smiled tiredly.

"How's she doing?" Cristina asked them, having gone off to do her stuff while they had treated her. Alex shrugged.

"She's doing okay," he told her.

"Okay? Are you serious, Alex?" Callie asked him. "She has a really bad concussion with a small brain bleed that has to be monitored - thank God, Derek says he doesn't think he'll have to operate," he added for Cristina's benefit. "A profusely bleeding external head wound, she has broken ribs and bruises all over her back and arms, she has bruises on her neck as if she had been choked. She has a badly broken wrist, I'm probably going to have to operate tomorrow," his friend counted off to Cristina who looked away in anger.

"Who would do something like that?" Edwards whispered. Alex looked her over, realizing how terrible she looked. He watched Arizona stretching out her arm and squeezing her shoulder, looking at her.

"How are you holding up?" she asked her. She definitely had not seen that coming, looking up at the superior doctor in surprise.

"I'm fine," she just said.

"You should go lie down," Mer told her.

"I don't wanna go. I wanna stay with Jo," Steph told them.

"Well, there's a bed right next to hers, make use of it," Meredith replied unaffectedly. She looked in between all of them, apparently not knowing if she was actually supposed to do that.

"What about that angioplasty?" she asked a little stupidly. Cristina chuckled.

"Go sleep, if there's one thing certain about tonight, it's me not letting you do or even be in the vicinity of an angioplasty," she told her. Right that moment, Alex saw the cops from before round the corner towards them, all of them shutting up and watching them come closer.

"Dr. Karev," the cop he had recognized from the car incident months ago came up and shook his hand. He nodded at him politely, waiting. From the corner of his eye he could see all of the women he was just standing with look at him questioningly, as if asking him why in the world that cop knew his name.

"How's Ms. Wilson doing?" Alex sighed.

"She'll be okay," he told them shortly. "You'll get the report tomorrow morning I guess, she'll need surgery, so we can't give it to you right now," he informed them. They both nodded, looking sympathetic. "She's asleep now, we sedated her."

"Was she responsive?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded despite Edwards' and Callie's reproachful looks. He looked over at them and frowned. "She was," he shrugged.

"Did she say anything, anything at all, about what happened?" the familiar cop asked him. Alex shook his head. They sighed.

"It was him, though," he pointed out after a quick spell of silence. "Sam," he clarified for them. He barely saw the other doctors exchanging curious looks, focusing on the police men who both scrunched up their faces, the unfamiliar officer copying this statement down.

"Is this an assumption… accusation? Or do you have actual proof it was him?"

"She told me," Alex gave them back matter-of-factly, leaving them all speechless. The officer interviewing him looked up and he could see the regret in his eyes. They shared a moment of thought. Then Alex sighed. "We never did anything, either," he shook his head. "I should have gotten her a restraining order… I shouldn't have let her go back there… she should have stayed with me," he said.

"Did anything happen between Ms. Wilson and Mr. Forester leading to this?"

"Well, no… not really. But that's the point… he was becoming creepier and creepier. We just talked about it last night. I asked her if he was seriously bothering her. Cause he just… he kept showing up and cornering her… you know not threateningly… but somehow too… like trying it as a nice guy… so she could have never ever said anything because actually... he was just being a nice enough neighbor… cause she's nice… too nice... she'd never have said anything," Alex tried to explain. "He never did anything, though," he said, shaking his head. "So, no… we didn't either," he concluded.

"Can you tell me if these are the items that were missing from Ms. Wilson's car?" Alex looked at a clear bag the officer held up for him, containing some shades, what looked like loose pictures of Jo, a pay slip… Alex scrunched up an read it.

"Well, it clearly says her name on the pay slip," he pointed out. "I mean, I don't usually look at hers, but mine looks the same except for my name and the _God awful _numbers following that dollar sign. The pictures are hers, the shades are hers, I guess, yeah," he said. "I can't remember clearly what she stated missing from the car… but these are her belongings," he admitted.

"We found it in his apartment," the cop told him.

"You searched it?"

"Yes. We got the call a little before seven, and when I heard the address, I immediately requested a court order, just in case, it just seemed weird to me. We found Ms. Wilson unconscious in her apartment. Mr. Forester was gone by then. The neighbor from downstairs, Mrs. Henry, was knocking on her door repeatedly, told us she'd heard yelling and crying. Then she told us, she hadn't been the one calling 911," he repeated for him. Alex frowned at them. "We haven't had any leads but as it looks, he called 911 himself," the cop told him. Alex guts wrenched.

"Mer," he turned around towards her. "Get security," he ordered. She looked at him in confusion but nodded and walked away.

"Mr. Karev?"

"He _liked _her. He was jealous because of me. For all I know he'd have wanted to hurt _me, _not _her_," Alex told them. "If he really did call 911, he's gonna show up in some way or another and try finding out if she's alright," he said.

"You think he's that stupid?" Cristina chimed up, having listened to the whole conversation. Alex shrugged.

"He's infatuated. He hurt her badly because she probably wouldn't reciprocate or something like it… he's sick. She needs protection. And I can't stay here all night, I wanna go get her stuff," he informed them. He looked over at the cops. "Can I? Or is it… a closed crime scene or something?"

"You can get clothes and stuff, of course," he answered him. "We'll have to escort you, though," they informed Alex, making him nod. "Two more questions," the cop asked him politely.

"What is it?" The cop sighed.

"Did Mr. Forester assault Ms. Wilson sexually?" Alex looked at them with the same look as before, but he felt his insides die with this topic coming up over and over and over again.

"As far as we know, no, he didn't, at least she says, he didn't rape her," Alex told them. "Can't tell you though what else he did do… after all sexual assault does not _start _with rape… but you'll have to ask her yourself," he gave them, not blinking an eye once.

"It's standard procedure to get her checked out, you know that, right?" the cop asked him with his eyebrows raised. "You surely arranged that?" Alex looked back at the cops.

"Not yet, no," he confessed. There was awkward silence between them. "She didn't want to... and she's had a really, really bad day. I just wanted her to go to sleep," he explained his motives.

"She was found unconscious, though," the officer countered weakly, looking pained. Alex nodded with pain running through his veins. He really didn't wanna think about it.

"I know. We'll do it tomorrow."

"When can we interview her?"

"Let's see how she does tomorrow, alright?" he asked them. "She'll only talk if she's feeling somehow… I don't know… let's see, okay? I can't promise anything," he told them. They nodded curtly, and he knew they weren't exactly pleased with that answer but accepted it all the same. They walked down the hall, telling him to show up at the scene anytime the next couple of hours. He leaned back against the door frame and sighed.

"Is there anything else we can do?" Mer asked him, putting a hand on his shoulder, when she came back with the securities that took place next to the door. He just shook his head. "They are conferring with the police, they'll get a headshot of this guy and the entire hospital security will keep an eye out for him. These are just for you to know that they are doing what we asked them to," Meredith smiled at him slightly. He looked over at her gratefully and then turned over towards Edwards.

"Will you stay with her? I'll get some of her clothes," he planned ahead, making her nod and walk into the room momentarily. Alex looked after her, his eyes settling on Jo's fragile being, tearing at his heart.

"You'll see, she'll be sassing you back by tomorrow," Arizona told him.

"She'd be a fool to let you have the last word, _ever_," Cristina chimed in, winking. Alex chuckled.

"She'll be fine." Callie smiled encouragingly, too. "I'll make sure of that." Alex nodded, wanting to believe it so much. His head snapped up when Jackson and April came up towards them, Jackson looking through the blinds on the patient room.

"How's she doing?" he asked worriedly.

"Asleep for now," Alex responded lazily, Jackson nodding. The female doctors all slowly said their goodbyes and smiled at him upon leaving. When it was just them guys, Alex sighed, leaning his head against the doorframe and found himself not bringing up the will to leave her here to go get her some personal stuff. He looked over when Jackson stared him down from the side.

"Dude," he started, making him raise his eyebrows. "You're sleeping with Wilson?" he grinned. Alex rolled his eyes, chuckling humorlessly, looking back at Jo. They stood in silence for a while, before he felt Jackson's strong grip on his own shoulder. "She's going to get through this, alright? We'll all make sure she does." Alex pondered his friend's words. He sighed and straightened up, readying himself to go get everything done.

"Thanks, man," he looked over at Jackson sheepishly. He sure wanted to believe those words so much. She needed to get through this. She needed to be okay. Cause otherwise, and Alex could feel it nagging inside him, he wasn't gonna get through this himself.


	23. Bruises all around

[Stephanie]

Stephanie watched as Jo lay peacefully in the hospital bed, on her side, rolled up like an embryo, breathing evenly, apart from all the obvious bruising and oxygen line looking like she was just sleeping off a hard night's work. Jo's hand was lying inside Steph's, and she kept brushing her second hand over Jo's, as if she could do something good with that motion. It struck Steph how fragile Jo looked, how small and skinny, how breakable. She had met Jo as a fierce, strong, resilient person; she had always believed the friend she had made on that first day of their internship was unshakable. Now she was lying in that hospital bed and Steph felt weak herself, as if she should have been there, as if she should have looked out for her. She knew that these were unreasonable thoughts, but her heart went out to Jo, a person she had learned to love so quickly, both of them not having any other person close by when they started their lives out here. Steph felt fatigue come over her. She hadn't slept very well, woken up to every sound in the room, watching undetectedly as Karev had come back, sitting beside her friend all night, observed how he had stared at her, much as she was doing it right now herself. She had observed him adjusting her hair and lovingly stroking her cheek, kissing the tips of her fingers. She had watched as he had fought sleep and finally given in, fallen asleep right at her side, snoring almost imperceptibly before waking again with a start and checking if Jo was still there, still safe. The sincerity of it had teared at her heart.

That night before, when Jo and her had gone out to drink at Joe's, she'd been so worried about Jo, so worried about her entire demeanor, how she had told her all her cares about her sleeping with an attending, her having fallen for him and believing that she had run herself into something crappy, something unreciprocated. Steph had been angry for a second, for Jo hadn't once thought of telling her… and then when she had heard from Yang that it had been going on for so long, she had even found herself become angrier. She had been shocked that Jo would even go there, Jo of all people. She'd had suspected every last one of their intern colleagues to sleep with an attending, but not Jo. Not the one person who seemed to value her career more than any of them she believed for some reason, not the one person who had shown such strength and perseverance and independence ever since they knew each other. And then, upon realizing _who _exactly she was sleeping with… Steph had just been… she'd been completely taken aback. She'd been shocked and a little bit disgusted and completely overwhelmed with that fact. She had never thought Jo would… fall for his… well… charm and antics. _Never_. So, after shots and shots of gin, a very drunken and completely desperate Jo that had retired to an on-call room since she had not managed to stay upright for as long as it would have taken to haul a cab. In the end, Jo had left her worried and confused. _How in the world had she fallen in love with Karev of all people? _

But then she had watched him care for her last night, and her whole world had just… collapsed somehow. Everything she thought she'd by now known of this hospital and its people… everything had snapped out of focus when he saw them interact… when she saw Jo react to Alex, respond to his every move. She had been completely blown away by how many things Karev had known about her and how calm and serene he had taken care of her getting examined and calmed down. And then she had watched him stay with her, all night long, and all of a sudden, she felt so bad. She felt bad for all the things she had ever said about Karev, she felt bad for judging Jo, even though she hadn't done it out loud, but oh, she so had. And the next thing she had wanted to do was laugh, because for some weird reason Steph could not explain to herself, Jo was thinking Alex did not love her back. And that was just… ridiculous. She had thought about how deeply Jo had to have been infatuated to not see how much he wanted her.

Steph gave a very minor start when she felt Jo wiggle slightly, announcing her waking up. She watched her face closely, held her hand softly and tried to give her a gentle warning that she was there, squeezing her palm. Jo's eyes blinked open sleepily, and Steph couldn't tell what she was looking at. Carefully, she shaped a smile on her lips and patted her shoulder lightly. Jo closed her eyes again and exhaled slowly. "Don't move your hand too much," Steph told her in a whisper when Jo tried lifting her left hand that was fixated because of the injury. "The wrist is broken, they're gonna fix it today." Jo looked back at Steph before rolling over onto her back slowly, scrunching up her face at it. "You in pain? I'll get you more morphine," Stephanie asked her timidly. Jo shook her head slightly before trying to sit up. "Let me help you," Steph got up and gently got a hold of Jo, assisting her, so she was sitting upright and adjusted the head of the bed so she could lean back. "You thirsty?" Steph looked at her. She nodded after a second. _Well, at least she's responding to you. That's something, right?_ She held up the cup of water for her, making her sip, watching her scrunch up her face with every single one of them.

"Thanks," Jo whispered in a barely audible rasp. Steph nodded and observed as Jo laid her head back on the pillow and matched eyes with her. Steph sat back down and took Jo's hand into hers again which she didn't fight.

"You gave us a bad scare last night," Steph told her with a timid smile. Jo nodded slightly.

"Sorry," she breathed out. Steph smiled wider.

"Don't you go apologizing," she told her sharply. There was a bout of silence between them, when they just looked at each other. "How are you feeling?" Jo closed her eyes and gulped, and Steph could see the pain behind it.

"Okay," she croaked out, apparently trying to get back to her voice. Steph chuckled.

"You really are indestructible, aren't you?" Jo smiled, making Steph feel better instantly. She reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She watched as Jo tried looking around the room for what she thought had to have been traces of Alex. She stroked her thumb across the back of her hand and smiled. "He's doing morning rounds," she told her. Jo matched their eyes for a second before looking down in embarrassment Steph observed. "He'll be back," Steph added. They stayed in silence for another while before Steph offered Jo to help her wash up and get some of her own clothes on her. When they were done, Jo was sitting on the edge of the bed carefully, looking down at the odd compilation of shirt and cardigan and joggers. Steph observed her amusedly, having hiked her eyebrows. When Jo looked up, she raised her hands. "I'm not responsible, seriously, I'd never make you wear this in the same week," she pointed her up and down. This made Jo chuckle and close her eyes, shaking her head. Steph was just braiding Jo's hair so it didn't stick to the wound, when she saw Alex leaning in the door frame, wriggling his eyebrows at her and smiling, obviously happy with seeing Jo up and sitting. When she smiled up at him sheepishly, Jo turned her head towards the door to see who was there. Steph took a few steps back, leaning back on the table, waiting for the rest of the doctors to come in, watching the two of them unwillingly. Alex pushed himself off the threshold and strolled towards her slowly, taking off his lab coat that he apparently had just thrown over his street clothing, putting it over the end of the bed, rounding it to get to her side.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her quietly, taking the chart from the bedside table, looking at the nurses' notes that had been scribbled in while he had been gone. When she didn't say anything, he looked at her and sat down besides her, placing his hand on her knee, running his thumb across it cautiously. She heard Jo sigh and look over at him.

"Fine," Jo told him and Steph spotted a sassy look on her face, almost making her chuckle. Alex rolled his eyes and gave Steph a glance, sharing a smile, shaking his head at the patient in amusement. Jo scrunched up her face when she made the effort to put her legs across the one leg of his closest to her to face him properly it seemed.

"I'm glad," Alex told her and leaned in, kissing her temple and cheek and Steph was pretty sure he hadn't meant to kiss her lips, in front of herself and potential other doctors that were supposed to come in any minute now, but she watched as Jo tilted her head and made him kiss her properly. Steph felt herself blush when Alex put his arm on Jo's lower back and Jo gripped onto his shirt with her good hand. _Cut it out, you guys. Just… kiss like normal people, will you? _This was so intimate and for a second she seriously did not know what to do. _Walking out now would be even more embarrassing than watching and she was already hoping for the ground to swallow her up. _She felt herself blush even more when raising her eyes back up at them for an instant, seeing the tenderness of their kiss and once they broke it, the look they shared, their faces so close to each other.

"Aaaand I think we're done here," Steph clapped her hands together noisily, so they'd get the clue and stopped roaming each other for now rounds were actually coming in. Jo smiled in a small grateful gesture while biting her lips and looked back towards Torres, Kepner, Grey and Hunt come in, all smiling at her.

"Wilson, it's good to see you up," the chief told her.

"And she's smiling, isn't she?" Torres narrowed her eyes and tried to get a better look of her face. Steph listened as they talked to Jo about her injuries and about the impending surgery that Torres wanted done with by that night, assuring her again and again that it was only a minor procedure and it would not affect her career. She watched as Karev got up after a while of them talking onto her, making Jo look after him, completely distracted. Steph tried hiding a smile and shook her head. _God, Jo hadn't lied, she really was head over heels for Karev. _She turned her head over towards the guy standing in the doorway, shaking hands with someone and her guts dropped when she realized who they were.

* * *

[Alex]

"They'll be done in a second," Alex told the officers from last night. They nodded and stayed outside.

"How's Ms. Wilson?" Alex sighed.

"She's okay," he told them, not really knowing what to say. He smiled at them before going back in and listening to the last few words, watching his colleagues leave and Edwards help Jo back into the bed and say her goodbyes. When they were all done, Alex had gripped the end of her bed, looking at her. Jo matched their eyes, seemingly tired again. Alex jerked his head towards the door slowly. "The police are here," he informed her. She looked down and nodded. "Are you gonna be okay?" Alex observed Jo fidgeting with the blanket, keeping quiet. "Jo?" he asked her again, worried. When she looked up, her eyes looked empty. She shrugged. "It'll be okay. It won't take long, alright? I'll make them leave if you've had enough," he smiled at her playfully. Jo breathed out a humorless chuckle and smiled gratefully.

"Stay?" she asked him quietly, looking up at him timidly. Alex only nodded before getting the police who walked into the room awkwardly, looking Jo up and down.

"Ms. Wilson," the familiar cop greeted her. She smiled at him politely. "I'm sorry we have to bother you again," he said, putting his hat on the table. "However, with what the facts are up until now, we really need to get a statement from you to start the search," he explained. Alex ushered them to sit in the visitors' chairs besides Jo's bed and sat down on the bed when Jo very obviously changed to sitting cross-legged to give him space, putting his hand on her thigh that was wrapped with the blanket. "Okay, so Mr. Karev here has told us it was Mr. Forester who did the attack on you," they plunged right in. Alex almost didn't dare looking over, but since she kept silent, he did, and he saw her nod downwards. "Can you describe to us what happened? Preferably with as much detail as possible, including timing, location, clothing, etc.," he told her. Alex swayed his head over towards the cops, looking at them incredulously. Both their gazes flitted towards him for a second, looking embarrassed. Alex sighed, giving Jo his full attention again. He stroked his thumb across her thigh, squeezing it lightly, trying to tell her he was there, he was with her. Jo kept her eyes casted downwards. "Ms. Wilson?" the unfamiliar cop asked her again.

"Give her a minute," Alex barked over at him without even looking.

"He was smelling my panties," Jo spoke up eventually, making Alex's guts sink dangerously low. _What was she saying? What did this mean? _Alex felt sickened. There was silence, so he thought the cops must have had a similar reaction. "I came home from the hospital and found him inside my apartment, smelling my panties," she repeated.

"Can you give us a time frame here, Ms. Wilson?"

"Uh," she fidgeted with the blanket again. "I drove home around… 4 I guess… yeah… should have been 4.30ish probably when I got there," she told them. One of the cops scribbled everything down. "I unlocked the door and walked in, putting down all my stuff on the table, something was weird… like… I couldn't put my finger on it but something was weird… it _smelled _weird," Jo finally started talking and Alex found himself noticing a pitch and speed to her voice, as if she just wanted to get it over with. It reminded him of when she had told him about her family.

"Can you define that smell?"

"No," Jo shook her head, scrunching up her face immediately, stilling her movements. "It was just… it was an unfamiliar scent in my apartment, it was _him_," she told them. "I saw him from the corner of my eyes, it was dark in my apartment, I never really open the blinds, so first I wasn't sure but when I looked over, I could see him stand inside my bedroom clearly, the door was half closed, though, so I think he hadn't heard me come in. I was… shocked, I guess… maybe thinking for a split second I was dreaming or something… because… I had been drinking the night before and I wasn't feeling spectacular…," Jo reported. Alex listened to her voice and frowned. _She had been drinking? That was the night he had been with her, though, right? She'd gone out to drink after that? _"So I walked closer and pushed the door open which he heard of course and turned around, seeing me for the first time… and he was holding… my panties to his face…," she gulped. "_Used _panties," she added very quietly, sounding embarrassed. He found her looking up at him quickly, and he had the picture right before his eyes. She was talking about the ones they had ripped off of her that night before. "We were both… stunned I guess… we just stood there, staring at each other… I think he was just as shocked as I was."

Jo paused for a while and then sighed. "I stuttered something about why he was in my bedroom and he just said… he thought I was at work… and he kept repeating that I had told him the day before that, that I was on the nightshift and he didn't think I'd be home…," she said, and all of a sudden her whole body started trembling. She pulled her legs up to hold them close to her body and started rocking back and forth. Alex immediately reached out for her.

"Hey, hey," he felt his eyes widen and his jaw tighten when he inched closer towards her and embraced her tightly, rocking with her. "Shh, it's okay." Jo took several deep breaths before she decided to go at it again, bringing it behind her.

"It sounded weird to me what he was saying… as if he wasn't quite… for real," she told them. "I asked him if he had been to my apartment before and he said yes. He actually told me that he has a habit of coming over when I'm at work." Alex gulped, trying to hold the shivering of his muscles back. "I remember backing away and him walking after me, trying to explain. But his explaining wasn't… it wasn't logical… it wasn't… he… he told me over and over again that he hadn't expected me coming home and… he just… he told me he'd have put everything in its right place before he'd have left again," Jo looked up and matched eyes with him. "_As he usually did_." Alex kept on stroking her back, trying to calm down himself. _He wanted to kill that guy. He wanted to hurt him badly. He wanted to… _Alex felt how Jo grabbed his hand that was lying at her feet and squeezing it as if she had heard his thoughts. He closed his eyes and sighed, resting his forehead on her knees, feeling crappy for her trying to make him feel better when actually it should have been the other way around. He listened to her recap, trying to blank out the details she gave them. How he had backed her into the kitchen, even though she had tried going for the front door, how she had tried talking to him reasonably but him coming closer and closer, how he hadn't seemed… quite conscious to her… obsessed somehow… still holding those panties in his hands while trying to explain to her what he was doing in her apartment. He listened as her voice grew weaker when telling them he came so close, too close, so he was pinning her against the fridge, which made Alex bite his teeth together so hard, it almost hurt, since he knew how strong Jo usually was and if she was completely rigid in her neighbor's embrace, all those bruises on her arms and wrists and the fracture were suddenly comprehensible. Alex listened as she described how she had switched between talking onto him reasonably, that he was hurting her and that she wanted him to let her go, and between fighting his embrace. He closed his eyes when she talked about him being completely unresponsive to her, talking onto her as if they were familiar with each other… friends… or lovers even, when he had tried hugging her and told her that she was perfect and he wanted to go out with her. Jo sounded like a robot, telling that story, and he found himself envious of her, because he was bursting himself. She told them about her telling him he was crazy and to leave her alone, him completely freaking out and hitting her against the fridge when she wouldn't hug him back, hence the head wound. Alex looked up at her with pain in his eyes and guts when even imagining how hard that blow had to have been if he had only done it once. Jo followed through, when she had started bleeding and felt dizzy, telling him, Sam apologizing again and again, dragging her towards her bed, telling her she needed to lie down, her trying to defend herself, wanting to talk him into calling an ambulance and feigning the loss of consciousness so he'd wake up and actually do as she wanted him to. She recounted as she had lain there, rigidly, feeling the blood trickle down and seeing him lie down next to her, staring at her, and how she had felt like she wasn't gonna survive this for he was looking at her as if he was going to eat her or something… or lock her away for his own pleasure.

Alex felt his whole face scrunch up with unshed tears when he heard her lips tremble and her voice shiver once she told them that he had started petting her then, started touching her, moving his hands all over her body and exploring her, telling her how beautiful she was. How she had started crying and he had told her, she was even beautiful when she was crying, and that he had never meant to hurt her. At some point he had gotten agitated with her crying and demanded she enjoy this, that she'd never get a guy touch her like that again, that she was supposed to forget about Alex, that he was just using her and oblivious about how lucky he was that Jo was - grantedly incomprehensibly - willing to be with him, getting really mad when she yelled at him that he was crazy and he was hurting her, him getting up on top of her and holding her down with such force, that he snapped her wrist. Since he was sitting in her lap, she couldn't kick, the fracture to her wrist had left her whole body paralyzed and when she had just kept crying, he had started choking her until she had lost consciousness. Alex looked up at her when she lapsed into silence, the room quiet apart from the scribbling of the officer.

"I remember getting back to consciousness and realizing he was gone and I wanted to get up and get help but I couldn't, I was completely paralyzed. And then my phone rang and I realized it was lying on the bed also, I couldn't believe it, after all that, I thought, I was maybe gonna make it out. But I couldn't reach it, I tried so hard but I couldn't reach it," Jo repeated, desperately it seemed. Then she sighed and rested her head back onto the pillow, stretching her legs out, so they were resting in Alex's lap, looking at the officers tiredly. "You tell me what happened next," she prompted them.

"We got an anonymous call at 6.34 p.m. – we believe Mr. Forester called himself," he explained. "We found you and brought you in," the cop did a very short recap. Jo nodded.

"Ms. Wilson," the unfamiliar cop that was taking notes, looked up at her, "as confirmed by your doctors and Mr. Karev here, you haven't had examination following sexual assault," he started. Alex felt Jo tense.

"I don't need one," she just told him dismissively.

"As confirmed by you, after Mr. Forester choked you, you have no recollection until you gained consciousness briefly again later," he sighed, vehemently trying to make his point. "You are required to do these tests if you mean to pursue the offender and I urge you to oblige," he said, staring her down.

"I'd know if he did," Jo mumbled, looking down.

"Ms. Wilson, as terrifying as this may seem, you will feel safer later. Don't you want clarity?" _If that guy thought he was soothing her, he was wrong. _

"I don't want this," Jo kept mumbling. Alex squeezed her knee, trying to catch her eyes. "Isn't what he obviously did enough without counting on him having raped me while I was unconscious?! Isn't _this _enough?!" she raised her voice dangerously, pointing at her wrist and her body.

"We'll talk about it later, alright?" Jo gazed at him with utter fear in her eyes.

"He didn't," she shook her head slightly, trying to keep the tears in, he was sure.

"It's okay, baby," Alex found himself saying. "We'll get to the bottom of this." There was collective silence once again, before the cop spoke up once more.

"I'll need you to answer a few more questions before we leave you alone for today," he told her. She nodded again. "Have you ever been involved with Mr. Forester prior to last night?" Alex stared at the guy. _Was he serious?_

"Involved as in…," Alex started asking him sharply.

"No," Jo answered quickly before he had the chance to escalate. "I barely know him," she added.

"How well do you know him? Can you describe your relationship?"

"I moved in… um… 10 months ago… 11 almost… I met him then… he was always… _nice_… we talked a bit now and then… in passing mostly," she recounted. "I was over at his place once when my heater broke a while ago… I was there for like… I don't know half an hour? We talked… we had take out dinner… that was it," Jo shook her head slowly. "I don't know him." The cop copied that down.

"He had shown interest in her for a while now," Alex spoke up for the first time. "Jo doesn't wanna see stuff like that, I kept telling her but she didn't believe me. The way he'd look at her… admiring her… lurking around so they'd bump into each other… he did all that. It was creepy and we talked about that. I never realized it was so serious, though," he let his gaze fall again, feeling crabby. He sensed as she leaned forward and looked up at her eyes. She held his back with her injured arm and grasped his cheek with her right hand, cupping it, shaking her head. "Hey, careful, you're in pain," he told her, trying to lay her back down but she kept shaking her head, so he stopped fidgeting and looked at her squarely.

"You have nothing to do with this, Alex," she told him. "You couldn't have done anything," she said, tracing her thumb across his face. "You couldn't have known." Jo spoke with the strongest voice he had heard from her all day. Still, he felt his eyelids drop, not bearing her burning gaze. She fought his resistance though, and pushed his chin up gently, before leaning forward and kissing his lips softly. It wasn't a deep kiss but she kept her lips on him for a while longer than he was comfortable with, especially with the officers watching. When she pulled back, she didn't seem bothered by that at all. When one of the cops cleared their throat, she slowly moved her face towards them, waiting for the next question, staying close to him, making him tug her towards him, knowing her safe in his arms. She put both her hands in their shared lap, picking at her make-shift cast.

"So, seeing that you never felt an immediate threat from him – is that right?" Jo nodded. "There weren't any other attacks prior to last night," he summarized. Jo shook her head again. "Can you confirm these are your possessions?" He continued, sounding a bit bored, holding the clear plastic bag out for her that Alex had already assessed the night before. When he looked over, he saw Jo scrunch up her face.

"These are my things… these are… the stolen items from my car…," she switched her gaze from the items towards the cop that wasn't taking notes, the one who had interviewed them, then. "Where did you get them from all of a sudden?"

"We found them in Mr. Forester's apartment," he informed her. Alex heard her sigh and looked over to see her close her eyes, making him tuck her closer and let her lean her head against his shoulder.

"So… we could have seen this coming… is that what you're saying? This has been going on way too long? Coming over to my apartment, snipping small things from the apartment, the car, " she whispered.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Wilson, I really am," the officer replied.

"It's over now," Alex murmured against her temple, kissing it. "You don't ever have to go back there." _He hadn't asked her that but he had brought all her stuff to his place last night, deciding he wasn't gonna let her live there once she was discharged. For once, he really didn't care what she thought. He wanted her safe. With him. _

"Of course we're putting all effort into getting to him at the moment," the cop assured them when they got up finally. "As long as you're here, you'll be safe. And I'm positive it won't take too long to find him. Seattle's not that big of a city," he winked at Jo. They walked out and it didn't even take half a minute before Jo was sobbing into him. Alex held her as tightly as he thought was bearable for her injuries and pain level, rubbing her back and letting his shirt get soaked with her hot tears, mumbling soothing words against her head, rocking her gently.

"It's okay, let it all out, I'm right here, I can take it," he whispered. When he looked at the clock a while later and saw that it was 10.30 already, he looked down at Jo who seemed to have gone limp in his embrace and found her sound asleep. He kissed her hairline before smoothly putting her back onto her pillow, adjusting her bed for her to sleep and tucked her into the blanket, watching her at it for a little bit, his thoughts chasing themselves, going from rage and homicidal instincts to unbelievable pain, seeing his Jo like this. He was holding her hand in his and put down his forehead onto their twined fingers. _Everything was gonna be alright… right?_

* * *

[Jo]

Jo woke with a start and panicked for a split second before realizing, she was okay, she was home at Alex's. She was lying on her side, rolled up towards the nightstand; the blinds having been opened and letting some warm sunlight in. Jo stared at the streams of sunlight highlighting a bit of the room, watched the dust dance within that stream. She stretched the fingers of her right hand and looked up at the nightstand, finding a sandwich and a water bottle sitting there. _So, he was at work, again. _Not because she didn't know, but because there would always be that little bit of hope left that she couldn't get rid of, she turned slightly to roll on her back with some pain behind it and looked if Alex was on the other side of the bed or maybe in the bathroom. Her eyes met the yawning void. Jo sighed and turned back towards the window, gazing out mindlessly.

It had been… weeks, probably. Jo had been discharged a couple of days after the surgery, Dr. Shepherd being positive that the brain bleed did not need any more unexpected operating. She hadn't really thought about going home at all while at the hospital, so when Steph helped her pack her several loose things and they sat her into a wheelchair, she was confused, and embarrassed and… lost. She hadn't known where to go. When Steph and the securities had wheeled her down to the lobby, she had already felt dread set inside her, for believing they were sending her home in a cab, towards a home she couldn't see herself go to anymore, ever again. And then Alex had shown up, parking his car right before the entrance, getting her up from the wheelchair and guiding her towards it. Steph had given her a sad wave as if they weren't gonna see each other in a while, and the securities had wished them luck. By then, Sam still hadn't been found. They had driven home silently, and really, they hadn't talked since then much at all. Once they had been at his house and they had walked into the bedroom, Jo saw all her stuff crammed into the corner on and around the recliner.

"It's just temporary," he had said, and Jo had nodded, even though she had had no idea what that had supposed to have meant. Alex had run her a bath but he had walked out and left her at it, probably not realizing how inconvenient it was to bathe oneself with one hand injured and your head supposed to stay dry. So, it had taken her forever to finish and when she had, she just went back to bed, since he had vanished again and there was nothing for her to do, feeling empty, feeling useless, feeling lonely. They hadn't been kidding at the hospital with the pain. Her wrist was the least problem, but all the bruising and her ribs as they started to heal, they were almost killing her, so she would lie and endure as long as it was bearable to her and then she'd take another pain killer but she'd never take more than two a day, one during the day and one for sleeping. She slept all the time, spiraling into a world of dreams and nightmares and hallucinations, panic. And when she was up, she'd still lie in bed, since it seemed to her that this was the safest place at the very moment. She'd talk to Steph on the phone and she'd text with her sister now and again but she never got to see anyone. She'd go have a shower every new day, changing her clothes and lie back down, read the papers that he'd leave on his side of the bed and nibble at whatever he had prepared for her to eat, her appetite not quite having returned. She'd wait and wait for him to come home, and at some point during the night, she actually got up and went looking for him in a guest room and on the couch, but he wasn't there. So, for the first few nights, she actually believed that he wasn't coming home anymore, sleeping in on-call rooms or God knew where. At some point she had realized, he _was _coming home, though, but he'd sneak in when she was already sleeping and get out early in the mornings without waking her, preparing something to eat and leaving the papers beside her, almost like a new found ritual between them.

She had texted him once, asking him how he had known she tended to hyperventilate. For some reason, in the midst of everything, not having anyone to talk to, not having talked about _it _since the police interview back in the hospital, not having had any input whatsoever, she was wondering about this. She was wondering so many things, like… what was going on with them and what all this meant and if she had just moved in with him and what temporary meant and when this whole nightmare would end. But since he wasn't there to answer all of these questions, she wanted to know how he knew about her hyperventilating, not remembering ever having said or done just that in front of him.

_A – You have nightmares_

Jo had been surprised by that. _She had nightmares? As in before the accident as well? _

_A – All the time_

He had told her. And for some reason, this had actually made her feel better. _Why? _Because it had let her know that he _was_ there… all the time… saving her from her nightmares. He wouldn't say anything like that, admit to anything like that, unless he had it under control. But still, she missed him. She could deal with being hurt, being broken, being homeless, being threatened, being alone, being unemployed, but she couldn't deal with missing him. She missed him so badly, she could have cried. Jo thought back to the day after the surgery, when they had practically forced her into doing a pelvic exam, STD and pregnancy screening, and a general DNA screening, even though she had kept telling them, she didn't need or want one. In the end, she had consented for Alex had looked like he was at his very end, not wanting her to do it either but scared about the fact that there was the slightest chance that the police were right with their crude assumptions. Jo remembered how much she had physically detested those tests, making her retch into the OB/GYN's office afterwards painfully. And then she remembered, how soothing it was to her that the doctor examining her was in no way a person she had to deal with on a day to day basis. She'd have died, probably, hearing Grey or Bailey or Hunt tell her the clinical but at the same time so disconcerting terms of no pregnancy, no STDs and only one person's DNA collected inside her, which was Alex's. She shuddered at the thought of that, finding _Alex's DNA inside her_ which was completely logical and fine, however, she had never wanted to talk about their relationship in terms as it had been put that day. It was soothing to know she had been right, however, it had been Alex's reaction that she had replayed endless amounts of times in her mind ever since. After the doctor had confirmed those results, he had gotten up, walked towards the window, stared out of it and waited until the doctor had left the room. She had actually gotten up herself due to a lack of reaction and slowly and carefully walked over towards him, trying to find out what was going on in his mind. When she had seen him, his face had looked so broken, it had actually torn at her heart. She had taken him into a hug, letting him take it out on her, he had trembled ceaselessly, and when they had finally broken the hug, he had held her head so tightly, kissing her tear-stained cheeks and eyes and lips, over and over and over again, making her almost lose it. The sincerity of what she knew or at least thought she knew was affection towards her had staggered her and for one very long moment she had actually thought all walls between them had been broken down and they had reached a mutual land in which they both knew how much they cared for each other. However, after that moment, he had left and he hadn't come to see her until they had driven home and hadn't spoken ten words since having moved her into his bedroom. So, now, she was desperate, desperate for an explanation, desperate for some clarity cause by all means... she had no idea what was going on.

So she was lying there, staring at the sun. A little while later she looked at the date on the papers, and she realized, it had to have been three weeks, she was due for her check up the next day and she was due to go back to work the next week. She'd taken a leave, voluntarily. Alex had taken care of it with the chief, but she had wanted to herself. She had wanted to give the hospital some time to forget about what had happened, knowing full well that every single person present that day had watched the happenings go down and if there was one thing she could not stand, then it was people staring and whispering and giving her looks of sympathy. So, she rather stayed in bed, curing her injuries, and not having to deal with the fact that she knew she'd be terrified to go out on the street, knowing they still hadn't gotten him, cause otherwise Alex would have said something. When she came out after her shower that day, Jo found herself opening up Alex's drawers and fish out one of his casual shirts, putting it on over a tank top, feeling like this was the closest she had gotten to be with him in ages.

That night was the first night since coming home that she actually woke with a start, waking herself from a nightmare, preventing the worst of it, and looked over to find Alex asleep behind her, looking peaceful. He was wearing a white shirt and some boxers and he was lying at a… safe distance… she couldn't define it any different. His hand was stretched out towards her, as if he had done this for weeks now, reaching out for her for if she was to be calmed down from a nightmare. The rest of his body safely tucked underneath a separate sheet, feet from hers. She scooted backwards slowly, her torso aching with the effort. She had only done two inches when she felt Alex's broad hand on her waist. "Jo?" he asked her worriedly, sleepily. She looked back at him in part relief, for she didn't have to scoot any closer, and pain, for she knew he had to have had three hellish weeks of sleep behind him if he woke with every move she made in bed. She reached down to twine their fingers and pulled on them.

"Hold me," she whispered quietly. Alex scooted closer without losing a single word, embracing her from behind, spooning her tightly, Jo felt herself close her eyes and let go of a breath she thought she had to have been holding for three weeks. She sensed as he wriggled his left arm across her shoulder that was lying down on the mattress, holding her torso to him gently, while he was still holding her hand tightly towards her abdomen, his face nestled in her neck. They fell asleep easily and it was in the morning that Jo was up first and for the first time in weeks she felt herself aroused again, feeling Alex's body pressed up against her, feeling his morning glory poke her softly. She held his arms tighter around herself and tilted her face upwards to kiss his cheek that she could reach. Letting go of his fingers that had twined with hers all night long, she put her hand on his naked thigh behind her, heated from heavy sleep, his fuzzy hair tousled. She smoothed her palm upwards, grabbing a hold of his butt, squeezing it gently. She heard him groan slightly, but she knew he wasn't awake yet, just enjoying the sensations in his sleep, believing it was just a dream. Slowly and rigidly, Jo turned herself around in his embrace, and it wasn't easy, and it wasn't painless but once she was facing him, she had already forgotten all about it. She traced his facial features with her uninjured hand, having thrown her cast across his waist, kissing his chest, tangling their legs, waiting for him to wake. It took a while but she was patient, he had needed his sleep for a while it seemed, and if he had only slept as well as she had last night, she really granted him that. Alex's grip tightened on Jo and he bent towards her slowly, burying his nose in her neck, waking up. She knew it took another while before he was alert and she anticipated him pulling away cause… well… Alex. When he did pull back, she was prepared, having placed herself in his arms so he would be pulling her with him just the same. She smiled slightly, seeing his irritated face.

"You've escaped me for too long," she whispered, their eyes burning into each other. Alex sighed, bringing his hand up behind her and rubbing his face from sleepiness. Jo kept drawing small hearts on his chest, her most favorite shape of all, not because of what it meant, but for its perfect symmetry, looking up at him and waiting. After a while when it became apparent that he wasn't gonna do anything, Jo stretched her toes and pushed herself up, pulling his face down simultaneously and kissed his lips gently. They broke the kiss but never detached from each other's lips, Jo opening her eyes to assess his intentions, meeting his longing gaze, hovering slightly, before they deepened the kiss in unison, Alex holding her so close, Jo's head started swirling and her insides bubbled and everything just felt… right again. Not wrong and hurt and weak as it had felt the weeks before, but just right. Jo ground her hips into his erection, making him moan into her mouth and her guts sting with desire but he wouldn't let her do so for all too long, pulling her back and looking at her lovingly, she thought.

"Stop it, Jo," he whispered towards her.

"Why?"

"We're not there yet," he told her, running his thumb down the side of her neck. Jo felt the feeling resembling heartburn again.

"What do you mean?"

"Jo…," Alex held her closer for a moment, kissing her forehead, her temple and her cheek before holding her chin and talking to her intently. "You've been hurt. You're still in pain, I know you are," he told her. "It's not time yet, you need to get better first, don't rush this," he urged her. Jo shook her head.

"I'm not," she replied. "I'm feeling better than I have since I came home from the hospital," she assured him. "I missed you," she breathed, never losing eye contact.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her insistently. "But I'm not gonna do this, not right now," he gave her with a shake of his head. Jo felt disappointment stuck inside her, looking down. "Don't be like that," he told her with a groan, pushing his lips onto hers in a soft peck, tightening the embrace once again. "I'm not gonna hurt you, do you understand? I'm not even gonna risk hurting you," he told her with conviction. Jo tilted her head and cupped his cheek.

"Alex, you weren't the one who hurt me, you need to stop feeling guilty," she realized what this was about. "You couldn't have known, okay? You didn't hurt me, he did. _Sam did_. You _saved_ me," she told him, nestling closer, nuzzling her nose against his neck before tilting her head up and kissing him again. They kept this going for a while before Alex broke it and rolled over to check the time.

"Let's get going," he announced to her. They both started their morning, for once together, getting dressed and washed and walking downstairs, getting coffee. Jo felt him watch her, closely, knowing full well that she was still in pain and also, her circulation wasn't quite where it should have been, with having been lying in bed for the most part of the previous weeks. They drove into the hospital, and Alex guided her towards their destination, only letting her go when the different doctors started noticing them, coming up to them, smiling and chatting to them, telling her all about how happy they were to see her. Stephanie came up to her and they hugged. So did Arizona Robbins, which was weird but at the same time really sweet. Jo looked back at Alex when said one left their side and he grinned at her sheepishly, making her smile. They waited inside the exam room, Jo sitting on the gurney while Alex kept pacing up and down. She caught his arm after a while, pulling him closer towards her and made him stop twitching. She smoothed her hands across his shoulders when he leaned against the gurney between her legs, and she couldn't resist but rest her head in between his shoulder blades, circling his waist, making him hold her hands, enjoying their intimate togetherness. They listened to their fellow doctors' assessment, they walked to x-ray and CT, until at last, every single one of her examiners was happy and announced a smooth healing process. They had lunch on the porch of the cafeteria, the sun finally stronger with the days passing into June. She noticed how all of Alex's attending friends acted slightly awkward around her, so she focused on Steph and her ramblings about the daily hospital life she was missing out on. She spent some time with the other interns while Alex was checking up on some post-op patients of his, only feeling slightly panicky in the beginning about him leaving her side, feeling the surge of fear inside her for she expected Sam's appearance everywhere and at any time. But she kept it inside her, knowing full well that she was surrounded by people, the hospital watched by security, nobody could hurt her here. Still, Jo felt immense gratitude wash over her when Alex popped his head in after a while and suggested they could go now.

In the car, Alex confessed to her that they were going to the landlord of her apartment, making her heart stop for a second, her face going pale, she could feel it. He had taken her hand, squeezing it, and explained how he had taken care of everything for her, and that she just had to sign the resignation from the lease. When they got there, the landlord looked at her with those sympathetic eyes again, and actually apologized for something, Jo really couldn't figure out for what exactly. She took a deep breath when it was over, and Alex explained to her that he had sold all her furniture as she had apparently told him in a conversation shortly after the police interview she couldn't quite recall now. He'd write her a check soon enough. She was grateful, she was, but it kept nagging at her, that she had no place to go and that the conversation they still hadn't had was becoming more of a necessity with each passing day. She kept quiet in the car for even though Alex was with her and she was in a closed and safe space, she couldn't deal with having the conversation while on constant vigilance. So, when they stepped into the empty house that early evening, the living room bathed in a dream of warm colors due to the sun nearing the horizon, she rested on the arm of the couch and looked at him, feeling the lump in her throat. Alex looked back at her curiously, not knowing what was awaiting him. Quickly, Jo pictured all kinds of distractions or reasons why this conversation wasn't as essential as it really was. All of the arguments she could think of were complete crap. So, she cleared her throat and asked the looming question.

"Can we talk now?"


	24. Run away (with me)

_Guys, please don't be mad with me for not posting regularly. I'm super busy at work right now and I really am trying and don't mean to disappoint you or... I don't know... torture you intentionally. Also, I'm not sure I'll be able to post again this week, but I'll definitely try! No promises though!_

* * *

[Jo]

Jo watched Alex's face following her statement closely. His little wrinkles between his eyebrows emphasized while the rest of his expression stayed the same, eyeing her back closely it seemed, and then he put down the remote controls he had just gotten from the coffee table, straightening up and looking a bit lost. He cleared his throat, looking down for a split second before jerking his head in what she thought had to have been a yes. Alex opened his lips fractionally, seeming to search for words that weren't coming to him.

"That conversation…," Jo tried helping him out. "We had before… everything happened…," she explained. Now she could see a change on his facial muscles and noticed him taking in a sharp breath. "We never finished it…," she pointed out. He was certainly surprised to say the least, probably having thought she was referring to something concerning everything that had happened after their conversation… or maybe what they had talked about early in the morning while being in bed together. Funnily, Jo hadn't been able to think about anything else lately, yearning to finish that conversation so badly, sometimes even forgetting all the so much worse things that she should have maybe or maybe not been pondering about.

"Okay," he gave her with a shrug. "I didn't… think… there was any unfinished business…," he stammered. Jo frowned at him. _Really…?! Had these last few weeks been so hard on him that he had managed to suppress the fact that they had been talking about… about… what had they even been talking? Was she making a big deal about things? _Jo opened her lips wide so say something before closing them again, sighing, finding herself just as lost as he was. "I mean… you're… good… right?" he asked her, insecurely though. "I mean, of course you're not good," he shook his head vehemently, trying to qualify his statement. "With all that happened, of course you're not good…," he rambled himself into a frenzy.

"Alex-," Jo stopped him, shaking her head in a small motion before he ran himself into something both of them didn't need. "It's not about me getting hurt right now, I don't wanna talk about that," she told him clearly. Alex frowned at her. "We were talking about… um… _us_… I guess," she gave him a boost for his thoughts.

"Oh," Alex just said, appearing a bit defeated.

"You don't wanna talk?" she asked him, worry setting in her guts. Alex shrugged.

"I just… don't think there's anything… more to talk about…," he suggested. Jo narrowed her eyes.

"There isn't?" she inquired, full of doubt.

"You're talking about that weird… exchange… we had about… me saying I want you, right?" Alex questioned her back. Jo bit her lower lip, feeling herself becoming nervous, not knowing if she even wanted to know what he was thinking, and nodded. "Well, I told you," he shook his head, closing his eyes at it, as if it was a real effort to tell her again. "I didn't mean anything by it… I was horny and for a second I was… confused because you kept on talking like you were gonna break this off or something… which of course," Alex shrugged, "wouldn't be my favorite outcome of all this… but you know… since we're keeping it casual…," he let that sentence fade away. "I guess anything can happen." Jo sensed how with every word that was coming out of his mouth she became more confused.

"We are?" she asked him silently.

"Yeah… I…," he started, sighing. "Look, I told you this was temporary… I never meant to trap you here, alright? It doesn't mean _anything._ I was… dealing with everything a bit rash… I didn't wanna watch you go back to your apartment, I didn't want for you to ever have to go there again, that's why I brought all your stuff here. I never meant for you to move in here with me or something," he chuckled insecurely. "It was just temporary… and we can figure out how to go about everything from here," Alex explained his motives. Jo looked at him incredulously. _For some reason he just kept running off track. _

"I know that," Jo told him, sighing herself now. "It's not about that, either," she shrugged.

"What is it about then?" Alex stood before her, his hands supported on his waist.

"I just…," she shook her head again. "To be completely honest with you, I have no idea what we're doing… I mean first we talk about dating other people and being casual and then you say you want me and elaborate on how you haven't slept with anyone else in half a year and then you're all mad at me for some reason I still can't grasp and you don't wanna talk even though I'm just… seriously, I don't know my ass from my head anymore. I mean, what is this? Are we... are we still sleeping together? Or is there... um... more to it?" Jo chucked out on bated breath. "Cause...it doesn't stop there. It doesn't stop with you saying you want me. Everything happened then and you're with me and you're all sweet and you're here for me and then the next moment you just… you're gone… and don't talk to me or come see me or anything… imagine my surprise when you _did _show up to bring me home… I hadn't expected that with everything that had happened in the hospital… and now that I'm here… you left me… you completely left me behind… I mean… I haven't seen you in _weeks. _I'm trying to move on and you're just… _gone_… which is… _okay_, you know, since we're keeping it _casual_… but weird thing is… I'm at _your _house, you know? You brought me _here _of all places… I didn't ask for this… _you_ brought me here with all my stuff and… then you just leave… and today… today you were all sweet again and helped with everything and… you know… I just… Alex, seriously, I don't know just _what this is_," Jo let everything out, everything that had been piling inside her. _Maybe now he had something to say. _

"You needed my help… what was I supposed to do? Leave you? Leave you at it? You were beaten and assaulted and… what do you want me to say? Of course I was with you… I'm… what are you saying? You'd have wanted me to go? Leave you?"

"Of course not, Alex, no, I just don't understand," Jo felt herself get desperate.

"Well, what don't you understand?" Alex raised his voice in exasperation. "You were hurt, I tried to be there for you. Don't make a big deal out of it. Nothing more to it than that," he turned towards the fireplace and paced up and down. _So… basically he was saying that all of this had meant nothing and he had done it all because… well… she didn't have anyone else? Or what? What about all those… feels? _"I know the last few weeks were... weird, and... so much happened... and of course maybe... we... I... I... look I know how it must have looked like. I know it must have looked like...," Alex shook his head, struggling for words, "... like... like... like there was more behind it than there really is. But I'm fine, we're fine, I swear, I don't need anything... more... I... I'm fine... there's nothing more to it."

"So… when you… were all… _emotional…_ about my pelvic exam coming back negative in every way possible… that was you dreading that some other guy had spoiled me for you, or what?" Jo hadn't meant to sound so harsh and she realized it even before Alex had turned around sharply and stared her down with a look she had not ever seen on his face before, it was deadly. He was raging. _Whoa._

"Are you freaking serious? Is that what you think?" Alex asked her, running her hand across his forehead, completely angered.

"No, no… I was hoping not, of course I was hoping that there was something else behind it… I just… you talk like… I don't know you're… you don't make sense, Alex," she told him truthfully.

"I don't make sense? What's that even supposed to mean?! I mean, I know what this is, I know what or who we are to each other, but that doesn't make me uncaring about the fact that you've been hurt. I don't make sense? Well, try figuring out yourself for a second," he yelled at her before turning towards the fireplace again, shaking his head. Jo watched him closely, not knowing where to go from this.

"No… right now you really don't make much sense to me… cause… just like I described to you in that speech I gave you a minute ago, one time you're… you're being so sweet and you care for me… and then the next you're… impossible… like… I mean if it's sex that you want… I'm here… let's do it… I offered in the morning… I can't do more than that… I can't give you an intact body right now but I'm willing to give you this…," she waved around with her hands.

"You're horrible," Alex told her, looking at her as if he hadn't ever seen her before. "Why do you keep saying that? It's fine… I don't wanna sleep with you…," he told her.

"Then, why am I here? Why am I still here if you're not waiting for me to get better to have sex with you?"

"Because I need to see you get better, I need you to be good, I hated to see you hurt, okay? It was…," Alex shook his head. "You can stay here as long as you want… there aren't any _conditions_… attached to your stay… I don't mind," he gave her weakly.

"Oh, you don't mind? That's great," she gave him back, feeling how slowly she was giving up on her initiative. Apparently he really wasn't as into her as she was with him. Apparently she had found a really, really good guy who just really, really cared for her well-being and for her safety, _as a friend, _however, did not care about her so much apart from the sex. Or at least didn't care enough. Apparently she had been wrong, and Jo tried to not let it get to her. She knew she was breaking on the inside right now but she wasn't gonna let him see that.

"I don't," he reassured her.

"I'll move to Steph's place then," Jo chucked out while trying to sound unaffected.

"What? Why?" Alex's eyes widened and there were lots of things swimming in there that she just couldn't figure out. "No, Jo..."

"I think it's for the best… as I said before… we're just not on the same page anymore," she told him matter-of-factly. She watched as Alex's shoulders sagged a tiny bit and looked at her as if in pain.

"Jo," he started saying. "I'm sorry… I swear, I'm fine. We're fine. We can just... I mean... I never meant to f-," he started, but she really didn't wanna hear it.

"Don't, Alex, I'm serious, I don't wanna hear it," she stopped him before it was too late. Hearing it from his lips would destroy her more than anything else. "I like you, Alex," she shook her head, trying to make it quick. "But obviously that's not enough. I can't do this anymore." Jo bent down to gather her purse, trying to not show the pain that was shooting through her from her ribs and the pain that was shooting through her veins on her face. She flitted her gaze up to him one more time, seeing his pale face, feeling sorry for just leaving him like that, after all he had done for her. But she couldn't stay. She was so in love with him, it was ridiculous, and even if he was willing to still keep the affair going while knowing she wanted more from him, she knew, she was gonna ruin herself with it, constantly running after him and hoping for more. It wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to him. "I'm sorry, Alex."

* * *

[Andrew]

Andrew fought his way through the incoming crowds on the airport, trying to get to the arrivals sections. Since Jo had let him know she had checked stuff, he had needed to park the car and now he hadn't been too far, so he had decided to welcome her. They bumped into each other as soon as he had made it through the astounding crowd of tourists.

"There you are," Jo called out to him, wheeling her suitcase over, hugging him.

"Couldn't you have just flown into DCA?" Drew asked her in irritation, taking the suitcase off of her hands. Jo shrugged.

"Baltimore's cheaper," she told him, taking a sip of her water.

"What did you do to your hand?" Andrew tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, letting her know with the tone of his voice he was just as bored as back when she had for the 15th time come home from school with bumps and bruises. Jo chuckled at his reaction, very obviously catching his drift and smiling widely, infecting him at it. He felt as she linked her arm with his, clutching to his muscle.

"Luke Wilder beat me up cause I couldn't keep my mouth shut," she teased him heavily, making him snort.

"Again?" he came back, rolling his eyes. Jo seemed rather bouncy as they stepped out into the parking garage and walked over to the car. "Seriously, what happened?" Jo unlatched from his arm and walked straight towards the passenger seat.

"I'll tell you later," she said, opening up the car door. "Everyone will want to hear this and I'm certainly not gonna tell it more than once," she stepped in and shut the door. Drew looked at the closed passenger door and frowned. _That didn't sound good. _He put the suitcase in the trunk and started the car.

"You sure you're okay?" Andrew looked over at her.

"I'm fine," Jo told him with a smile. "I came here as soon as they let me," she winked at him before watching the crowded 295 fly by, heading south towards Hyattsville.

"Work?"

"No… airline," Jo smiled. Drew nodded.

"How is it that a surgeon can just leave her work behind without even blinking twice?" he questioned her, genuinely interested. Jo looked back at him without much expression on her face.

"Are you complaining?" Drew shrugged, shaking his head.

"Not really, no, just asking," he told her.

"I'm on leave," Drew looked over at her in surprise but then nodded when she lifted her cast, realizing that she probably needed that part of her body most at her kind of job. "But then again…," she leaned her head back onto the rest. "I think you gave me enough reason to come here no matter _what _I might have had to do instead," she told him. Andrew nodded, sighing. There was silence in the car, but he saw from the corner of his eye that Jo was watching him.

"You were right," he admitted after a while, trying to focus his eyes on the cars in front of him and the mirrors, not getting choked with what he had just said. When she didn't respond, he glanced over at her quickly, checking her demeanor. She just shook her head.

"You have no idea how much I have wished over the years that you were never gonna have to tell me this," she replied. Andrew chuckled without much humor behind it. "Regarding this, I mean, not in general," she smiled at him.

"No gloating?"

"Gloating?" Jo cut her eyes at him and he could even feel the drop of temperature in the car. "Andrew, we're talking about dad! You really thought all this time that I just wanted to be _right?_ That I wanted to what… win? Oh Andrew… now it's finally hardly surprising anymore that you fought so hard against my opinion… is that what you think of me? That I don't _care_? That I don't have feelings… just because I went to med school? That I don't even think of it as what it is but just a game of right and wrong? That's so bad, Andrew, please tell me I'm not hearing right…," she shook her head all through. Andrew sighed and shook his head also.

"No, no, of course not, of course I know you care… I just… we've been very… well… it's ruined a lot between us," he stated sadly. He sensed Jo nodding.

"How is he? As in… how is he really?"

"It's bad, Jo… it's really bad," he confessed. "Carly doesn't even know yet. She doesn't know you're coming, either," he informed her. Jo nodded.

"Well, she's gonna be in for a rough week. We all are," she gave him before tentatively reaching for his hand. "But we'll do it together, alright? We'll have each other," she promised him before they lapsed into silence for the rest of the hour long ride towards their home.

"We're here," Drew called into the long corridor when heaving Jo's suitcase across the couple of steps at the entrance and walked in casually. Jo smiled at the sight and smell of that house she hadn't stepped into in far too long.

"It smells great in here," Jo stated walking behind him to enter the open living room kitchen dining space.

"Sally's been baking like a crazy woman lately," he gave her with a chuckle, earning a slap to the chest from his wife that was welcoming them with an apron around her waist and her fists placed at her hips, smiling widely.

"It's so good to see you, Jo," she gave her, embracing her in a friendly hug. Andrew got himself some coffee from the drip and leaned against the counter, watching Jo coo at his daughter and pick her up with her face changing from one grimace to the next.

"Hi baby, hi darling," she greeted the baby, making her laugh and screech, patting her fat hands on her aunt's face, making her laugh.

"Carls," Sally stepped out into the corridor for a second, directing her call up the stairs. "Come on down, will you, we have company," she added before bustling over towards the oven again, stooping down and looking at her cupcakes, Andrew smiling appreciatively at her delicious backside.

"What?" Carly trudged into the living room, instantly losing her face and taking a sharp breath, looking like she was panicking at the sight of her older sister.

"Hey sis," Jo tossed over towards her casually, making Drew chuckle, knowing about the discrepancy of characters in his sisters full well, one all happy and mellow while the other was prone to freak and very emotional. He snorted when Jo handed Lyla over to him in precaution with a wink, before she was occupied by the youngest sibling. He watched as Jo chuckled lightly, embracing Carly tightly and swaying her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" the younger one screeched, making him flinch and his daughter laugh and clap happily, and the older sister laugh even louder.

"When did you become such a crybaby?" Jo looked down at her sister, mocking her heavily, making Carly snort in anger, making Jo laugh even more when wiping away her sister's tears. Andrew rolled his eyes at this. _It was true though, he hadn't met two sisters as different as these two. All the emotions and fits and crying spells Carly had been having repeatedly over the years made up for Jo's seeming lack of emotions, at least in _their_ surroundings. _He turned his head when the glass door to the yard was slid open and Daniel came in with a smile.

"I heard we had royalty coming to the house, though I wanted to see that with my own eyes," he grinned widely, walking towards the still hugging sisters slowly, Jo mirroring his genuinely happy face and stretching out her head for him to kiss her cheek.

"So, everybody knew but me? How is it that I'm always the last one to hear about things?" she stomped madly. Jo detached from her and turned over to hug Dan fully, yelping when he picked her up and swayed her, making her laugh.

"Told you it wasn't the best idea," Sally came to stand next to Andrew, watching the scene and taking a sip of his coffee. When Danny let go of Jo, they smiled at each other while Jo was still cupping his head and repeatedly kissed his cheeks, making him roll his eyes.

"What's gotten into her?" he pointed at his sister mockingly before she turned around, still side hugging him, all of them in a cheery mood.

"Guys, get out of my kitchen," Sally ushered them over to the couch, "I'll get the cupcakes and coffee, but this is too much," she unceremoniously dismissed them, bustling around herself.

"What the hell did you do with your hand?" Dan looked over at Jo with a frown, making both Carly and him look at her too. "And your neck," Andrew looked a little closer when Dan pointed it out, getting a glimpse of some bruises that she hurriedly covered with a scarf, feeling his throat go dry.

"Not sure if this is the right timing… we should small talk a bit first," Jo suggested with a slight smile.

"What happened?" Andrew demanded answers. He watched as Jo sighed and bit her lips, casting her eyes at the coffee table.

"Well… don't freak out, alright?" She first looked at him and then at Dan, making them both look at her weirdly. There was an awkward pause before she started with a slight stutter. "Um… I was… I guess…assaulted," she started, making them all widen their eyes and Andrew sensed Sally coming closer and stand behind him, listening worriedly. He gulped. "I…," she shook her head. "…had this neighbor that was… a bit too intense it turns out… he had some kind of obsession with me… and one day I found him in my apartment… which apparently he'd been doing for months at that time… break into my apartment to poke around… and swipe stuff at times… I never realized," she shrugged. "Anyways, I was supposed to be doing night shift but it was early and I was just going by the apartment cause I wanted to have a shower and change clothes… and I found him and it got a bit… out of hand. He was kind of… I don't know… I don't wanna say he's sick or something because I don't know, he just didn't seem well… and while defending myself and trying to make him… go away, I hurt my head and broke some ribs and my wrist," she lifted her cast.

"What the _hell a_re you talking about?" Daniel was the first to speak up, giving her a mad glare. "When did this happen? Why do we only hear about this now? Are you serious, Jo? You need to tell us things like that," he said.

"Sweetie, you really _should _have said something, we would have come, who took care of you? Were you there all by yourself? Did you go back into that apartment later?" Sally questioned her. She shook her head.

"No, no… I… they found me later on and I stayed at the hospital for a bit… the hospital I work at," she explained, making Andrew nod jerkily, feeling terror set inside him. "And then I… um... stayed with a friend. I... um... gave up my apartment," she cut off abruptly. There was silence. Then she looked up and flitted her gaze from face to face and smiled guiltily. "Sorry?" she asked them ruefully. "I didn't wanna worry you guys… you couldn't have done anything from here."

"We would have flown out there," Drew repeated his wife's words. "I mean…," he searched for words frantically, when Carly spoke up, looking pale and… in shock.

"Was it that Alex guy? Was it him?"

"What do you mean was it him?" Jo looked at her in all seriousness. "You mean was it Alex who assaulted me?" Carly nodded insecurely. "No, _no_," Jo scrunched up her face in great pain and disgust, shaking her head wildly. "Of course not," she stressed those last words. Then she sighed, observing their faces again. "It's fine, guys, I swear. I gave up my apartment, the fractures are healing nicely, I'm feeling much better already, trust me. I wouldn't have come on a flight otherwise," she winked at them. "And... I mean they haven't found him yet... so I guess I'm still... a bit... um... uneven," Drew heard her voice become a little more insecure, "but right now I'm here and he can't hurt me and... you know... they'll surely find him soon enough." When nobody said anything, Carly seemed to try to lighten the mood.

"So…," she smiled at Jo in anticipation. "Was Alex your _friend _that you stayed with…?" she wriggled her eyebrows at her older sister. Jo chuckled with narrowed eyes, shaking her head while Sally walked back towards the kitchen and chuckled quietly.

"You really need a boyfriend, you know that?" she gave her back sassily.

"Oh, no, she doesn't," Andrew felt himself awakened by that statement, trying to blank out the anger towards the guy who had assaulted his sister and the helplessness he felt towards the matter.

"I _have _a boyfriend," Carly came back with a pouty voice, trying to make a point.

"Well, _good. _Then stop caring about mine, it's annoying," Jo spat out, leaving Andrew surprised with that statement, watching her blush the tiniest bit, looking something like that statement had just flown from her lips without her meaning to. He chuckled slightly before listening to Sally mixing up the conversation.

"Speaking of which, since we have you here," his wife chimed in when bringing over the cupcakes fresh from the oven, making Jo face her in interest. "You can give her the safe sex talk, right? I mean, you're a doctor and I kinda… failed to give her one years ago…," she smiled at her innocently. Jo snorted.

"And just because you're not a doctor, you don't know how it all works?" Jo sassed her back, making her sister-in-law laugh and go for the coffee, turning back to her cheekily, wriggling her eyebrows.

"I'm not doubting _my_ competences... or _Carly's _for that matter, I just think it'd make Andrew feel a lot better knowing Carly's had the _talk _before," she winked.

"Hey, leave me out of this," Andrew snapped, before Jo turned towards Carly, looking mock serious.

"Do you need a safe sex talk?"

"No!" Carly tossed out hysterically, folding her arms across her chest in a defensive posture.

"Well, _good,_" Andrew agreed. "I think it's a little early to talk about that," he told them matter-of-factly, making Carly face him with incredulity written all over her face, as usual, and all the others crack up in laughter.

"Oh, Drew, I forgot your sense of humor," Jo tossed around on the couch. "She's _seventeen_ for God's sake, did I miss something? You _do _remember when I came home after staying out all night for the first time, right?" she checked with him, still laughing, making him close his eyes and lean his head back onto the couch in irritation, grumbling. "Oh, oh, now that I think of it, I even remember _your _first night out with a girl and you coming home at like… 8 the next morning or something… mom kicked your ass good for that," she added, holding her stomach with laughter, having infected Dan.

"Please, stop," Andrew rubbed his face before he yanked his eyes open with a start when Carly had shoved his shoulder madly. "_What_?"

"That means you've had sex before you were 17 or something," she accused him. "You're one big hypocrite. _You make Kyle and me stand ten feet apart every time he comes over!_" Andrew groaned and cast his eyes over at Jo who was yelping with laughter.

"Oh my God, you _are _a hypocrite," she just rolled around, only looking guilty for a split second when catching Sally's amused eye, "is that a discussion point in this house?" Sally nodded. Danny also following that conversation with a wide smirk on his face.

"Yeah, do explain yourself," he supported their sisters.

"Ugh, shut up everybody, will you?" he rasped.

"Why in the world would you discuss sex with her when you haven't even gotten around discussing safe sex practices?" Jo sobered up a bit, still smirking widely.

"Can we _not _talk about this? This is so embarrassing, oh my God," Carly buried her face in her hands.

"Well, if she's not active, she can't get pregnant. Period," Andrew told her. Jo snorted.

"Jesus, Andrew, she's not gonna get pregnant," Jo told him with an amused frown. "What's gotten into you? She's smart, I think she knows her stuff, don't you, baby girl?" Jo teased Carly with trying to pull her hands down unsuccessfully.

"_Stooooop talking,_" the seventeen year old whined, kicking her feet out.

"Well, on that note," Danny bent over and kissed Jo's head, rumpling her hair, making her scrunch up her nose and laugh, "I'm out," he told them, making her look at him in surprise. "I have a feeling I'm gonna get _my_ girl pregnant tonight," he told her with a wink, getting up. Andrew watched Jo scrunch up her face in disgust and disbelief, slapping his thigh that was closest to her.

"_Ew, _Danny, I _did not _need to know that!" she chuckled. He just shrugged _oh well. _

"I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Dan looked over at Andrew, who nodded; both knowing what was on the agenda. Carly followed Dan's departure shortly, trudging back up the stairs, having had enough for an hour, Andrew anticipating her coming back down soon enough for she never got to see her sister for this long. Sally bent over the back of the couch, sitting Lyla right next to his dad, pecking his lips softly and taking off her apron, walking out onto the porch. He played with Lyla, her having found great interest in his wiggling, waving, looping, grasping hand, and observed Jo who was sipping at her coffee, leaning back into the couch and having put up her feet on the coffee table.

"You two look so in love," his sister stated with a smile, watching him at it.

"Us?" he wiggled a finger in between himself and his daughter with a smile.

"Yeah, that too," she mirrored his face.

"We are…we are," he reassured her after a moment. "Aren't we, sweetheart? Yes, we are, aren't we?" He kept cooing at his daugther in a ridiculous voice, kissing her nose and then cheeks.

"I'm glad," Jo gave him back with a smile. "I'm glad it worked out for you two… eventually… you made her wait for _so_ long…," Jo nodded. "I would have just gone on to the next to be completely honest with you here," she winked at him, making him smile and watch his wife lie down on one of the loungers, enjoying the sunset.

"Yeah, she's...," he mused.

"Perfect," Jo helped him out, making him nod and stay quiet for a while.

"Dan and Marie are actually trying, you know," Andrew cleared that up for her. Jo looked over at him in surprise.

"They are?" He nodded back. "That's," she stuttered, making him raise his eyebrows. "Um," she continued. "Good, I guess? How long have they been going out? I don't even know her," Jo pointed out.

"That's not because nobody gave you the chance to, Jo," he countered, making her nod.

"I know… it seems soon though… does he wanna be with her? I mean… this is a big step, you know…," she had lines on her forehead that told of worry.

"Let him have this, alright? This is the first relationship he's been in, in which the girl has not started running after a couple of months because he was being weird about _something. _Family issues, birthday, his limp… anything really. Marie is a really nice girl, Jo. She gets him and she stays with him and she's like… _well, I can't force you to tell me everything at once, there's too much of it anyways, at least don't lie to me about it_," he recounted. Jo nodded.

"She does sound nice," she admitted. "But still? What's it been? A couple of years? I don't know… it's just… I don't want him to get hurt," she pondered. Andrew smiled.

"He's old enough. And just to be clear on that… we could say the very same about you, missy, you _never _tell us what's going on with you," he tilted his head at her and glanced meaningfully towards the cast, making her sigh. There was somewhat uncomfortable silence, however, the questions were nagging him, and he just needed to ask. "Jo, are you sure you're okay? I mean... are you okay out there? In Seattle? Don't you wanna just... I mean there's always Hopkins... or I don't know... GWU... you don't need to work in one of those tiny, rural, ungripping hospitals around here, but you could be closer to us with working at Baltimore or DC. I just... especially now, do you really wanna be there? Just look what happened with you being all alone...," he let go of all his cares.

"Oh, Drew," Jo smiled at him. "It's so sweet of you to worry, but you don't have to, I swear. I'm good. This could have happened anywhere. And I'm not alone. This doesn't make me wanna leave Seattle. Seattle has grown to be my home. I have my friends there, my work, my...," Jo trailed off, shaking her head. Andrew inhaled somewhat deeply.

"So…," he started awkwardly, not knowing how she would react. Jo faced him curiously, waiting for his question. "What is it?" He let it sink in for a second, making her narrow her eyes. "This... _your_... Alex_. _Did you… have a fight? Did you break up?" Jo yanked back her head and smiled.

"Why?" she just shook her head. Andrew rolled his eyes and tilted his head. Jo tried staring him back down but resolved to glancing down and biting her lip. "How do you figure?" she asked him, drawing shapes on the couch.

"You're not that hard to read… never have been," Andrew responded lazily, making her sigh in exasperation and smile. "How else would I have known about you letting _Luke Wilder _of all people bust your cherry?" He gave her a masterful glance and laughed at her reaction.

"Oh, Andrew," she couldn't help but chuckle, squeezing her eyes shut and shake her head at his choice of words. She fidgeted about for a while before sighing again dramatically. " It's just… a fight. It's fine…," she admitted. "But speaking of which," she eyed him. "You _need _to let her go, Andrew," she looked at him in sympathy. "You know you do," Jo stressed that. He sighed, rubbing his eyes and propping up his elbow to put his head in. "She's seventeen for God's sake... she's gonna have sex sooner or later... if she hasn't already...," Jo continued.

"She hasn't," Andrew told her.

"You think she'd tell you?" Jo questioned him with a patronizing smile.

"I think she'd tell Sally," he replied with certainty. Jo smiled and nodded.

"Well, she's way more chill about it than you are," his sister chuckled.

"She's my baby, Jo," Andrew admitted. "I can't let her go... not just yet," he added sheepishly. Jo tilted her head.

"I know, Andrew," she nodded. "Just... don't overdo it, alright? She's a good girl, and you know that. She's just being a teenager... she's insecure as it is, she doesn't need you to watch her with those eyes at any time of day or night... she needs some time to explore. And that Kyle seems to be a good start. I bet he's a lovely boy," Jo told him. He grunted.

"Yeah, _lovely. _And what do you think he'll do after he got her to do it...?" Jo looked back at him with a frown, a smile and a shake of her head all at the same time, stretching her neck towards him, questioningly.

"Question is, what the hell do _you_ think he's gonna do? I bet that boy doesn't deserve one bit of your negative attitude," she told him pointedly.

"Well... Luke Wilder didn't deserve you, either," he told her poutingly, making her laugh.

"Well, I wasn't planning on marrying him," she winked at him. They both lapsed into silence for a bit. "So...," Jo started another conversation topic when nothing else seemed to be urgent enough as the one obvious thing. "How do you wanna go about dad?" she changed it dramatically.

_Yeah, how _do_ we wanna go about dad?_

* * *

**[A week later]**

[Alex]

Alex stood at the nurses' counter, scribbling post-rounds notes into his patients' charts, checking his surroundings repeatedly, feeling uneasy. Ever since Jo had walked out on him the previous week, he'd felt completely off track. Nothing had been good, of course, everything had been messed up with what had happened to Jo and everything that had followed, her living with him, him not finding the courage to even look at her afterwards, after he had so blatantly confessed to his love for her, not verbally, but with his behavior, loud and clear in his opinion. That one night, when Jo had spoken up about it, when she had demanded answers from him, answers he couldn't find himself being able to give her, everything had cramped up inside him, having realized that he was so close to losing her. Alex had known that, he had just… it had been too much for her and he understood… it was a lot to take to realize your sex affair had fallen for you against all odds, but it had hurt so much that she hadn't even been willing to stay with him until he knew her safe. The way she had looked at him, the way her disappointment had shown on her face, it had crushed him. He had wanted to bind her so desperately, try to make her stay so vehemently, but she had left and it had devastated him. Ever since that night, he'd been mulling it over in his head, the words he wanted to tell her, apologize for hovering and offering her to keep their affair going even though it'd probably destroy him in the end that she just didn't reciprocate those feelings he just couldn't hide anymore… but Alex was willing to do this, just to get her into his arms again, to hold her, to take care of her. He had tried calling her, texting her repeatedly, but she had only replied once, very briefly, telling him she was okay and not to worry. He _was _worrying though, and what was worrying him most was the fact that she should have had her first day of work that day and he still hadn't seen her around. It made his knees weak and his whole behavior uneasy, nervous, to not know her safe, see her for himself, judge her well-being with his own eyes. For all he knew, not that he still had connections to the right people now that they had... split up or something, but for all he knew, Sam hadn't even been caught yet. So he kept looking up and checked his surroundings, disappointment sinking into him with every new try.

It was then, that he doubled back when he spotted Stephanie walk by hurriedly and found himself rushing after her for a lack of knowing what to do about this entire situation. He called after her, making her look back and sigh at the sight of him, hurrying on, only listening to him with one ear. He followed her up towards the lab where she was supposed to get a report.

"How is she?" Alex asked her tentatively, fidgeting with his hands. Steph looked at him with a sympathetic glint to her usually cold, uncaring eyes towards him, shrugging.

"I'm not sure if I should tell you after everything that's happened… she obviously doesn't wanna talk to you if she's not already doing it," she told him slowly. Alex took a deep breath, staring her down.

"Can you at least tell me where she is? Wasn't she supposed to come back to work today? I haven't seen her around," he asked her, hearing the insecurity laced in his voice. Weirdly, Steph looked back at him in confusion.

"She… didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Alex felt himself getting impatient.

"She has extended her leave," Jo's friend told him, making him nod with worry lines on his face.

"What do you mean, she's extended her leave? Intern exams are coming up," Alex looked at her incredulously.

"I know that," Stephanie shook her head and looked troubled. "I've been trying to talk to her, I've been trying to make her see that just because... she's been through a really crappy time she can't just... up and leave and throw away her career... I've been trying to call her-," she started.

"What do you mean, call her? Where the hell is she?" Steph sighed, seemingly defeated.

"She flew back to Baltimore, visiting with family," she told him. Alex felt his face drain.

"What? _Why_? What happened? What's this about?" Steph looked back at him in confusion.

"So you _do _know something about it? She wouldn't say… she got a call from her brother the morning after she came to stay with me… the morning I got some of her stuff from your place last week… I drove her right over to the airport… she was getting a last minute ticket…," Steph recounted. Alex looked baffled.

"Why didn't you say?"

"Why would I have? I thought if she wanted to tell you, she probably would have… right?" Alex bit his lower lip.

"Have you been talking to her? What is she saying?"

"Not much," Steph shrugged. "She does sound weird at times… I just… I figured she doesn't wanna talk about it," she sighed. "Look… she didn't tell me much about what happened between you two…," the doctor told him slowly. "I just… I tried talking to her… because… see... she seems to think that you don-," she cut off when Alex's cell chimed. Alex groaned, before looking down at the unfamiliar number, frowning.

"Hold on a second," he mumbled towards the intern, getting the call. "Hello?"

"_So, _you_ are the guy banging my sister…_," a person on the other end said, making him immediately frown and feel how anger rose inside him.

"Who the hell is this?" Alex found himself barking into his phone. He heard the other chuckle.

"_Andrew… Wilson_," he told him reluctantly. Alex halted, confused. _What the hell was this?! _He looked over at Stephanie who was watching him.

"Is Jo okay?" he found himself asking even though he couldn't figure out why or how Jo's brother was calling him. Steph's eyes narrowed.

"_Did you cheat on her_?"

"What?" Alex was genuinely taken aback.

"_Did you… hit her… or-_," the other guy started talking.

"What the fuck do you want from me? I didn't do anything to Jo, _she _was the one who left without saying a word, I don't know just _what_ she told you, but I sure didn't do anything," he flared up, waiting for a reply, tapping his foot nervously, Stephanie shaking her head at him questioningly. The other one kept quiet before clearing his throat.

"_She didn't_," he told him. "_She'd never say a word_," he confessed. Alex shook his head, completely puzzled by this conversation.

"What is it, then? Is she okay? What's happening?"

"_I don't know how much she's ever told you… about… our dad,"_ he stopped short. Alex just let go of an acknowledging grunt, wanting Jo's brother to elaborate. _"It's bad… he's had several strokes only these last couple of weeks... Jo was right... there was no chance in reviving him... and we're… well, we're talking about letting him go," _Andrew informed him. Alex felt as if knives were slaughtering him.

"I'm sorry, man," he found himself saying, waving Steph off as she silently told him she had to hurry.

"_Jo needs you here,_" Andrew kept on going, making Alex hesitate.

"She does?" Alex's windpipe tightened, thinking about just how bad it had to be if her brother had decided to call _him _of all people.

"_She has no idea I'm calling you… I just… she misses you and she's miserable, she won't tell of course, but she is. And then with what's about to happen… I think she doesn't even realize how bad it'll be... having anticipated this moment for so long now that she's lost complete perspective... she probably thinks, she'll be_ just fine. _But I don't think she will... and_ _she's so far from everyone she really trusts… everyone that knows how to make her feel better… to get through this…," _the guy sighed. "_Look, man, I hate confronting you with all that… I hate talking about it at all… but I watched her reject your calls… and watched her... sit there typing one stupid freaking text over and over and over again until eventually... she never sent it… she's just… she could really need someone and I think you're that someone she wants here," _he explained. Alex leaned against the wall by the lab, astonished by all the guy had enclosed. _Whoa._

"You really think that's a good idea, though? Especially with not telling her? I don't even know if she wants me there… she's very… private…," he gave him back, uncertain about the proposal.

"_Sounds like she trusts you very much… she may be a private person but she _does_ trust you cause she's never talked to anyone about all this… at least before you. I know that for a fact. She wouldn't tell if she's not completely in this, I know that… so… I was just… I mean if you can't I totally get it, I just thought… if it's possible somehow… I'd delay everything… you know… until you're here…," _the guy stammered. Alex sighed, unsure. It broke his heart to actually hear all of this, especially hear all of this from Jo's brother who had realized _despite_ her keeping quiet about it all it seemed. Of course he wanted to go but then again… he didn't wanna suffocate her. _What was the right thing to do here?! And what the hell did that guy mean when saying Jo's 'completely in this'?!_

* * *

_Note: This is the last chapter from the original story that I wrote then, in its entirety, so don't hate me if the style of writing or anything changes a bit, gets a bit bumpy after this. Chapter 25 is about half what I wrote then, and half me completing it now, so it may be the weirdest. I'm not a big fan of it. I've processed all the notes and outlinings and conversations and whatnot that I still had for the last couple of chapters (26, 27) and wrote chapters based on them. I still had a pretty clear picture what I wanted in them... so I just hope I did them justice. So, storywise it should have turned out ok. Writing style... no idea, I kinda can't judge on that. Please don't be too mean :)_


	25. Overkill

_Note: I finished this chapter from my notes on April 23rd, which was a fateful day, it appears, seeing that next morning I felt like watching very similar things on the show. I don't mean to stoke any drama with this, if there's readers out there, who are still vulnerable regarding to what happened to Derek, please skip the Drew part. I never meant to even copy one word out of real Grey's regarding this, and I also thought about changing it but then I would've had to change a lot more... I hope you understand. And yes, it broke my heart too!_

* * *

[Alex]

"Tell me your name again," the lady at the reception desk at Montgomery General Hospital, called Patricia, asked him for the third time by now. Alex sighed.

"It's Alex Karev, but again, I'm not a relative to Mr. Wilson," he told her, trying to stay patient. "And I know he's in the CCU and I know I might not get access to it, I jus-," he explained again, when the mid-forties lady looked up at him in wonder, as if she hadn't listened to him for the last five minutes.

"So, what _are _you trying to find out, then?" Patricia asked him in a sugary sweet purr, making him sick.

"Listen, there's this guy, Mr. Wilson, he's in the CCU and he's about to be taken off life support. And his daughter is my… I'm with _her, _alright? His son, Andrew Wilson… he called me to come here, I just really only wanted to ask if you could give me directions," he sighed.

"Well, Mr. Karev, I don't know what it is you expect," she shook her head. "You said yourself, you're aware of the fact that you can't visit the critical care unit. I'm not sure what you wanna do with those directions you ask for," she smiled at him as if he hadn't just told her that, even if he hadn't even known the guy, a patient he was looking for was about to _die_. Alex groaned, getting out his cell phone, looking down at it, not really knowing if he was supposed to call Andrew… or Jo… or if he was supposed to wait here… or what the hell was going on. The two straps on his right shoulder, his hastily packed gym bag and his laptop case, were cutting into his neck uncomfortably and the weight of them was getting on his nerves. He was still uptight from the God awful plane seat and a bit nauseated from the car ride from DCA. And now he was standing in the lobby of this horribly old and tasteless looking hospital in a town called Olney, Maryland, which he had never in his life heard before and he felt… lost. _Had this been the right decision? _"Dear, have you decided on how I can help you?" he looked back up at the woman, before catching sight of two people walking slowly towards the elevator, doubling back. Alex had only seen Jo's sister once, for a split second, on a video call with awful resolution but what were the odds that some girl that had to have been around that age Jo had described her who he thought he had seen before and had to be at this very hospital at that very moment walked by him, _right?_

"Um, hey," he grabbed his phone and identification from the counter and hurried after them, making them turn around, looking at him questioningly. "Jo's sister," he chucked out awkwardly. "Are you Jo's sister? Jo Wilson?" he asked her, them exchanging a look. The girl nodded.

"I'm Carly," she told him, still curious. Alex exhaled gratefully, closing his eyes for a split second.

"Good," he told her. "I'm Alex," he introduced himself, watching as both of them raised their eyebrows.

"_That _was quick," Carly replied, smiling at him after the second of surprise. "Hi," she held out her hand for him to shake it, very officially. "This is my brother Dan," she introduced the guy standing next to her, who seemed to be somewhat around Jo's age. He smiled as well, shaking his hand good-naturedly.

"Yeah, um… do you know where she is?" Both of them chuckled.

"Yeah," the teenage girl told him and waved him on. "Come on up, she'll be thrilled to see you," the girl glanced at him with an odd look on her face that he could only describe as… girlish. He half expected her to start giggling any moment. They stood in the small elevator awkwardly, way too close and for way too long. Alex felt nervousness creep up inside him and he fidgeted slightly, not knowing what was going to happen when that elevator had taken them to where they wanted to be.

"How's your dad?" Alex asked them, despite wanting to be compassionate rather than nosy, but the silence was unbearable to him. Carly sighed, looking down.

"No change," Dan revealed. "We've talked it out. We're…," Jo's brother sighed dramatically. "…taking him off… as soon as everything's settled with the lawyers and stuff… and as far as I have kept track… Andrew… our oldest brother," he narrowed his eyes at Alex, probably to check if he knew who he was talking about, making him nod quickly, "has done so by today. So yeah… it's not gonna be much longer," he told, lapsing into silence again.

"Sorry," Alex's reply sounded clipped, however he did mean it. This had to be devastating. He glanced at both of them, and when they looked back they both smiled gratefully.

"Thanks… it's just…," Daniel replied with a shrug. "It's not surprising… it's just… so surreal that after all this time we've waited around for him to wake up… he's actually… gonna die," the guy mused. Alex nodded. They all startled mildly when the elevator door announced their arrival and they walked out onto a halfway busy corridor, turning to their right, Carly pushing a bell to be let into the CCU. As soon as they were buzzed in, they walked onto a floor that was much quieter; Alex observed a stretched corridor and a small waiting or visiting area all the way down by the windows, nurses' counters on his left and glass-paned patient units adjacent to one another on a corridor to the right. Alex bit his lower lip, scared almost. _She was not gonna like this, he was almost certain by now. _

"Come on," Carly smiled back at him politely when he had halted for a second, taking in the surroundings, waving him towards the waiting room, feeling the nurses' suspicious eyes on him, not having seen him before. Daniel took a turn to the right instead, probably going towards their father's unit, whereas he followed Carly, who walked up towards a woman, the only person in that room, reading a magazine who had to have been somewhat his age. "This is Sally," she introduced them. "Andrew's wife," she added when he furrowed his brow, not recognizing that name from any of Jo's stories, while that very person put down the magazine and got up, eyeing him as well. "This is Alex, _Jo's _Alex," Carly added, making the woman smile immediately and give him a silent _oh. _

"It's nice to meet you, finally," she shook his hand. "Put down your stuff, I bet she'll be out in a minute, she and Andrew have been talking to the doctor for the last hour or so, they _have_ to be done with it at one point," she smiled, gesturing for him to sit. He did, awkwardly, propping his elbows on his knees, teetering impatiently. They sat in silence for a little bit, before Sally turned towards him again. "She'll be happy to see you, you can stop fidgeting now," the woman told him matter-of-factly, making him chuckle and then lean back onto the chair, rubbing his eyes.

"Has anybody told her?" he asked them insecurely. They both shook their head.

"She'd probably have refused to have you here… I mean, I get it… she's you know… strong and all, she can handle some drama… she's been prepared for that her whole life… but we just thought… or Andrew thought that she might not realize how hard it's really gonna be on her… so yeah, he kept it from her… so did we. She'll be fine," she added. Alex's guts braided themselves into a neat bun meanwhile, Sally's speech _not _helping with his tension in the very least. He glanced up when he saw Jo's brother that he had met a couple of minutes before walk around the corner, giving him the heads up, smiling, before Jo rounded the corner with another guy that had to have been her older brother Andrew, deeply in conversation. Alex's heart skipped a beat when seeing her. She looked… terrible. Of course she was beautiful as always but she looked drained, she looked pale and her usual glow had completely vanished. He got up slowly, Jo not having seen him yet, until Andrew turned his head towards him, realizing the newcomer, making her look over too and halt instantly, her face petrified. Even the glint of her eyes that he usually loved to look at had transformed into a distant shadow.

"Alex?" she looked at him, as if she was debating with herself if he was real.

"Hey," he gave her sheepishly. He was only looking at her but he could make out how every other person in that waiting room, and they all belonged to their little group, had held their breaths.

"What are you doing here?" Jo's voice sounded like she was struggling for air. Alex tilted his head to the side, trying to answer her question without words.

"I called him," Andrew spoke up instead, making Alex look over at him, nodding at the guy he hadn't officially met yet.

"I _made_ him," Sally backed up her husband.

"I stole the number from your phone," Carly chimed up as well, sounding only the least bit guilty.

"I, uh," Dan sounded like he really didn't know what to say, it seemed he just wanted to say s_omething _to bridge the awkward silence. "I walked him up here," he concluded to, and Alex could see Sally smirk at him silently from the corner of his eye. Alex's eyes were back to Jo's, though, and hers hadn't wavered once while her family had admitted to all the doings behind her back. She looked completely stunned, and words were failing her. It was then that he saw her chin trembling terribly and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. They were staring each other down, but he knew she needed to do the first step. _She _was the one needing to accept everything that was going on, and let him be there for her, it was her decision. Alex felt the stab of a knife inside his chest when one big tear escaped Jo's left eye and rolled down her cheek, vanishing on her neck.

"He's dying," she breathed after a moment, making everyone but Alex gasp lightly, realizing that this had never been about him and her but her finally coming to terms and him being the only person in the world she trusted enough to let herself admit that.

"Come here," he whispered, and he knew she probably hadn't heard him, just seen the words fly off his lips, and his hand gesturing for her to come towards him, taking a few steps towards her himself. To his surprise, Jo immediately mobilized and walked up towards him, meeting him halfway and Alex took her into his arms, holding her so tightly, feeling her tremble and lightly sob against his neck while she held onto his back firmly. He shuffled slightly so he could embrace her even tighter; hold her towards his core, whispering nonsensical words into her hair.

"What are you doing here?" he heard her breathe against him after the first shock had worn off, shaking her head on his chest ever so softly, not letting go of him. Alex bent down and kissed her hairline repeatedly.

"I'm here," he just said. "Don't question it," he murmured against her, making her look up at him for the first time. Alex loosened their embrace the tiniest bit, not stepping away from her, to run his thumbs across both her cheeks, drying her tears, burning his gaze into her eyes. "I'm here, okay?" he whispered, a hint of a smile wavering at the corner of his lips. Alex had promised himself he wasn't gonna do this, he had told himself, this was not for the purpose of their reunion, this was just about her grieving, needing a friend. But he couldn't help himself, when she stood there, in his arms, looking up at him with those deeply sad eyes, Alex gulped hard and stopped thinking. He knew they were all watching them, but he didn't care, he didn't care one moment just what they were thinking. He bent down and kissed her lips, pressing them against her with force, making her wrap her arms around his neck and pulling herself up immediately, without a moment of hesitancy.

"Okay," she mumbled against his lips, having softened the kiss shortly and he pulled back, looking her over, before pecking them a second time, and then a third time, before they melted into a hug once again, Alex running his hand up and down her spine, trying to calm her. When they broke, Alex held onto Jo's waist while she dried her face with a tissue that Sally had handed her wordlessly.

"I have _never _in my life," Alex turned his head over towards the Andrew guy. "Not _once_… seen you cry," he nodded towards Jo, making them all chuckle and Jo who was trying to fix her makeup roll her eyes. "Well, not since you were a baby," he added. He walked up to them slowly, eyeing Alex. He almost had to chuckle with that look Jo's oldest brother was giving him, that 'in the midst of approval' kind of look, before he stretched out his hand, which Alex responded to. "Andrew," he introduced himself.

"Alex," he said with a quick raise of his eyebrows.

"Why didn't you tell?" Jo shoved her brother's shoulder.

"We didn't want you to freak out," Carly spoke up for the first time again, Jo having put her arms around Alex's waist after clearing her face and snuggling into his shoulder, side hugging him. He matched their eyes when she looked up at him.

"Why didn't you?" she whispered. He just shrugged.

"You'd have never let me come," he replied quietly, kissing her lips softly.

"You shouldn't have," she shook her head, looking back at him… _lovingly. Come on, am I that bad with emotional expressions? I mean… I'm probably no chief but I can distinguish some looks… like the ones that are practically _screaming _from a person's face… like Jo's at this very moment. She's looking at me like I'm… her entire _world_… How's she not… how doesn't she have feelings for me…? I mean… I don't understand… I know this is emotional and all… I know her dad's dying… I know that… but she's just… the way she's looking at me right now… it feels like nothing else matters…_

_But she has _told _you… so very clearly… that the way she likes you… it's not enough. Stop hoping… she's just emotional… about her dad. _

"I've told you before, I don't want you to be alone in these situations," he responded, running his thumb up and down her side. "I don't care what _you _think my motives are, I just don't want you to be alone," his gaze wavering slightly, uncertainly. She smiled softly, appreciatively, catching the side of his head and pulled him down for another kiss, again, slightly longer than he was comfortable with, with all of the onlookers still staring at them, most probably. When they broke, he looked back down to his own waist. "How's your wrist?" Jo wriggled it, making him scrunch up his face. "Are those soft bandages? When did you lose your cast?"

"Mh, I made them get it off… it was annoying… and they said it's healing just fine," she told him dismissively.

"Here?" Alex asked her unbelievingly. Jo snorted, shaking her head.

"Nah, I drove over to Prince George's in Hyattsville. _This _is just for my dad… his nursing home is in the area… so that's why he's here," she shrugged, making him nod. "And just because we have a really nice hospital back at home, doesn't mean you get to judge," she slapped his chest with a slightly reproachful look, making him laugh.

"So," Carly spoke up again, making them look over at her. "Jo says you're her boss," Alex hiked his eyebrows way up to his hairline and glanced over at Jo who was blushing the tiniest bit, everybody eyeing her amusedly. "Does that mean you're a real doctor? Like… you're done with training?" Alex nodded slowly, his eyes shaped into slits.

"Carly?" Jo asked her slowly.

"Well, can _you _talk to the doctor's, maybe? I mean… I know Jo knows a lot but maybe you know more, you know? Maybe you can talk to that doctor and maybe there's something you can do…," the younger one spat out, naïve hope lacing her voice. Alex felt bad for her. He felt bad for all of them. He sure hoped he wasn't about to burst their bubble, telling them that they should probably stop grasping for reasons and just accept their dad's fate. Jo looked up at him for a second before looking to the floor, sighing.

"Carly," she started again, shaking her head, making him squeeze her shoulder and take over.

"I'm a pediatric surgeon," Alex told her matter-of-factly. "I deal with sick kids," he elaborated, then shook his head sadly. "I can't help your dad. And even if I did treat adults, I'm no neurologist. But I'm pretty sure your dad's doctors are just as competent in assessing his health. Of course I can look over the stuff with you if they give me access, but that's just to explain it to you, and I guess Jo has done so already, hasn't she?" They all nodded at him. Alex bent down to kiss Jo's temple, making her close her eyes. "I'm sorry, you guys," he added with as much sympathy lacing his voice as it was possible to him. He watched as Carly lost some tears too, Danny wrapping his arms around her and swaying her.

"I guess it's time for you to finally do that one last step to close that chapter of your lives," Sally told them in a quiet voice, looking at her husband in pain who was standing a couple of steps away. She walked over slowly, hugging him from the side and kissing his cheek, much like Jo and Alex were still doing it. "It's not gonna get any easier, the longer you wait," she kept on going, making Jo chuckle humorlessly against his chest. "You've been trying that for 19 years now," she pointed out. "It's time." Alex watched as Jo's brother and his wife kissed gently, looking away, feeling like he was intruding a very intimate moment. All of a sudden he felt completely strange. He really shouldn't have come here, he was intruding a family moment. A moment of grief and intimacy and privacy. As if on cue, Jo held him a little tighter, kissed his chest.

"I want you here," she whispered into him, making him frown and look down at her big eyes. "You're not that hard to read," she smiled at him mockingly, seeing his face.

"Maybe I shoul-," he started, making her shake her head.

"You're so weird at times, have I told you so?" she turned around into his embrace fully, cupping his cheeks. "You fly out here to the middle of nowhere… it probably took you all day, too, didn't it? You probably haven't slept, didn't have enough space for your legs and now you're in a crappy, smelly hospital with really bad coffee in the midst of… well… nowhere. But still, you're here, with me, you took all that on you and now you wanna walk away again? You're weird," she assured him. Alex laughed without much humor behind it. "Please don't go," she whispered a little more quietly and seriously. "I need you here," she confessed, putting her forehead against his. "I know this isn't… I know we're not… I'm…," she started stuttering when Alex took her lips into a deep kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm here with you, alright? We can deal with everything else later, okay?" _If that was what she wanted, he sure was not gonna deny it to her. _

"Okay," she sighed, hugging him tightly.

"Jo?" They broke apart when they heard Andrew call out for her, looking back and seeing all Jo's siblings stand by the nurses' counter, next to a doctor. "You ready?"

* * *

[Drew]

The doctor led them on towards their dad's ward, towards his glass cubicle in the midst of so many others. Andrew observed as one by one his siblings trudged after him, and he waited around to form the rear light, taking one more look back, catching a reassuring look on Sally's face, smiling at her gratefully. When they entered the room, Carly and Dan sat on the chairs, while Jo stood next to Dan, putting an arm around his shoulders and him standing next to Carly, holding her hand. The doctor looked down at his chart, noting something. He looked over as he heard Jo whisper towards Dan, trying to make out her words.

"…your fault…," she told him, squeezing his back. "It's not, Danny, it's not. It hasn't ever been and it won't ever be your fault, okay?" Andrew caught her eyes as she looked up from Dan's crouched posture, worried. They both looked over at the doctor who had cleared his throat.

"Do you have any more questions before I start turning off your father's machines that keep him alive for the moment?" he looked at them one by one.

"Is he gonna hurt?" Carly spoke up with a thick voice.

"He won't feel a thing," the doctor reassured her. "See this?" he pointed towards the drip. "He's been given morphine ever since his major stroke in the brain stem. But for this procedure, it's common to elevate the dose," he explained, making her nod. They all waited quietly, but nobody spoke up. The doctor took this as his cue to continue. "Once I have switched off all the life-sustaining measures, cardiac arrest will occur within moments, since without brain function, there is no autonomous life-sustaining. He may seem to take a shallow breath or two but that's just the reflex from removing the intubation," the doctor explained to them slowly, making him nod. He waited for further instructions but there were none. This was the moment, Andrew had dreaded all his life. It had been so long. So long. And now it was supposed to end in a matter of seconds, minutes maybe. As soon as he gave the nod, they'd be orphans, for real now. They'd have lost both their parents. _Willingly. _He couldn't do this. Andrew felt himself freak out on the inside even though his entire outside was just… still. He was staring into off-space, when he heard Jo clear her throat and he looked at her. She had matched eyes with the doctor.

"Go ahead, doctor," she told him quietly, making him nod, before turning over to face Andrew. _Thank you. _Jo smiled thinly, as if she had heard him and he felt the urge inside him to put his hand on top of hers that was resting on Dan's shoulder. They watched as slowly the doctor switched off the machines, one by one. Machines he couldn't differentiate, he didn't know what they were doing. He wished the doctor would say something… but then he remembered what they had been told about brain death. What Jo had repeated for them, as many times as they had needed. Basically, their dad was only hooked up to two things. Oxygen and morphine. Cause that's what the body needs. Oxygen. Everything else was supposed to be regulated by the body itself. He couldn't wrap his head around that and for the first time in his life, he envied his sister for understanding those processes that made life happen. As a last step, the doctor removed the breathing tube, and he watched as his dad did seem to take a last breath. For some reason… he looked relieved. The doctor turned the volume down on the heart monitor, since they all knew what was happening. Andrew felt empty. He felt like he had blinked a split second, and his dad had died.

"Time of death: 16.32," he heard him say. They all sat and stood there, staring at him. Nobody had told them what to do after, nobody. Andrew wasn't even sure if Jo knew. She surely had been in this situation before but she would usually be on the other side, he guessed. He felt Carly grip a little tighter onto his hand. Andrew did not know how long they stared at his dead body, but he could remember Jo moving first, slowly walking up towards dad's lifeless body and taking his limp hand softly, stroking her thumb across it.

"Go look out for mom, will you?" she said, making him crack a smile and close his eyes. When he opened them again, she had turned away and walked outside, closing the glass sliding door to give them some more minutes. They had all said their goodbyes earlier on, having had enough time, so really, at that very moment, there was nothing to say, nothing at all. They'd cried, they'd begged, they'd told him what all to tell mom and grandma and grandpa. They'd told him all their last pieces and stories, they'd done it all. So, at that very moment, that he was dead, they could give nothing to it but their silent mourning. It was Dan who got up next, followed closely by Carly. They both said a quick goodbye, leaving the room, leaving him with dad, all alone.

_I don't know if I did you wrong those last two decades… I don't know if Jo was right, if we should have let you go sooner. I don't know anything about it. I was just trying to get everything right. Do everything as you would have done it. Raise your kids as you had meant to do it. I don't know if I did it the way you wanted me to… and this may sound selfish… but I can't tell you how much you gave me with still being there for me all through it. Listening to my rants and worries when Jo and Dan used to be teenagers, listening to my yells and sometimes even late night cries when Carly was growing out of the baby that was so much more manageable. You helped me through all of it, I don't think I could have done it without you. But now you go. I think I can handle Lyla without your help. I had some practice. And I want you to go be happy. With mom. Or wherever. Just… stay with us, always. _He noticed how a tear loosened from the inner corner of his right eye and run down his cheek, dissolving itself in his beard. Then he smiled a small smile, and left the room, walking up towards Jo who was standing at the counter, filling out forms.

"Where's Dan and Carly?" he asked her slowly.

"Out," she nodded towards the waiting room before glancing over at his face. "Go ahead, I don't mind," she told him. Drew kept looking at her, not really processing anything in his mind, before bending down towards her and kissing her cheek softly. Jo smiled slightly. "Go," she told him.

"Jo?"

"Hm," she sounded so tired. When he didn't respond, she looked back up and Drew slowly moved into a hug, making her sigh and reciprocate it fully after a moment, embracing him tightly. They stood there for some long moments before he pulled back.

"Thanks, little one," he told her, making her smile genuinely. He nudged her side before walking out into the waiting room too, making them all look up, but he only had eyes for Sally who looked deeply troubled, probably in worry about where he had been left at. He walked over to her swiftly, lounging down next to her and let her take him into an intimate embrace where he stayed for a long, long while. Andrew felt Sally's soft fingers go through his hair, the same motion over and over and over again, making him sleepy. Still, he looked over at Dan and Carly who were sitting opposite them on some uncomfortable looking chairs, his heart breaking for both of them. He startled when Dan got up after a while but relieved when he saw he was embracing Marie who had just walked in. They stood there, hugging, forever, making Andrew love his potential sister-in-law even more. He faced Carly again, now sitting all alone, her head bent, and waited until she looked up again and matched her eyes with his, tilting his head to make her come over and sit on the couch with them. Carly instantly got up and cuddled up into Sally's side, starting to sob quietly. He sensed as Sally put a tight arm around baby girl and kissed her forehead repeatedly. Andrew wriggled and sat up a little straighter, putting an arm around Sally's shoulders now while stroking Carly's head that had found its way towards Sally's lap, lying down on the couch. Everything was so… quiet. He smiled at Marie, waving at her when she broke from Dan before watching her walk over towards Alex, who looked quite uncomfortable on that second couch by the window, not knowing any of them, introducing herself. They smiled at each other politely, before Marie sat down with Dan on the chairs, him putting an arm around her and her leaning on his shoulder, snuggling into him. It wasn't much later that Jo came out of the CCU, walking up to him.

"They're processing the death certificate right now," she told him without much facial expression. "And some other stuff. I just filled out all the forms they gave me," Jo added. "Not sure what else," he nodded at her. She walked over towards the other couch, sitting down next to Alex who had put an arm out and leaned her head back, closing her eyes, crossing her feet. "Oh, and I told them to go ahead and cut into his brain," she chucked out lazily some time after.

"You did what?" Andrew almost choked on his own spit, seeing from the corner of his eye how Dan and Carly stared Jo down as well. She didn't even open her eyes, just shrugged.

"His organs were way passed viable for donation… but you know, I agreed to give them up for science. He doesn't need them anymore," she said. There was a slightly awkward pause.

"Don't you think we should have talked about this?"

"Ugh, Andrew," Jo sighed, opening her eyes and looking at him in annoyance. "I'm so sick of talking about every tiny little thing. You haven't let my voice count the last twenty years, so this time I just wouldn't have yours," she glared at him. Andrew couldn't believe this. She softened her features and he could see exactly that it was because Alex had looked over at her and squeezed her waist that he was holding. "Look," she started up again. "Apart from the last year, dad's brain and body has survived bunches of stuff, even though it wouldn't function as it should. If there's anything, anything so small, the doctors can take home with them from his body changes, I will wish it to anyone. Maybe the next 6 month old, 8, 9 and 17 year olds do not have to go _such _a rocky path. He's dead, Andrew," she told him quietly. "There's nothing more we can do," she told him. They stared at each other for a minute before she leaned back again, closing her eyes and curled into Alex, having lost her shoes. The minutes ticked by slowly, them all dwelling about silently. Jo had dozed off, and so had Carly. Dan and him had called some people. The nursing home, the mobile nursing, friends of their dad's, some that have checked in with them regularly over the years, even long after their parents' accident. It took Andrew about 10 minutes to get over himself and call his grandparents in Florida, the ones that had never participated in any of this. The call was awkward, his grandmother expressed her sympathy but she really didn't sound like it, she sounded as usual, guilt-ridden but too proud to take back past actions. The call lasted mere seconds. Maybe a minute, he couldn't tell. He watched Alex gently place Jo on the couch while getting up and leaving the waiting room for a while, coming back with coffees and waters for all of them, also bringing pastries, seeing them all famished. He was grateful, smiling at him appreciatively and tucked in, just as all the others did. Alex sat back down on the couch, putting his arm around Jo again, who had turned around on the couch meanwhile. She was now curled up on the side of him, her head nestled on his shoulder, her back grazing his torso while facing the wall. Alex wriggled closer, snaking the arm around Jo's body, holding her to him. Andrew didn't know if it was reflex or if she was awake but she held onto the arm immediately, holding it to her chest, before putting her left one around his waist. Carly was the one who spoke up first, her head propped up on Sally's lap, still, her legs smoothed out, hanging from the arm of the couch, facing Alex and Jo.

"So, are you freaking out yet?" Carly grinned at him widely, making both Sally and him roll their eyes and Dan, who was sitting on the opposite side, chuckle.

"About what?" Alex asked back, sipping at his coffee.

"This," she pointed at their situation.

"I'm a doctor," he pointed out for her, seemingly not comprehending her point.

"Family stuff… all _this_," Carly stressed again. There was a pause.

"Nah," he continued then. "I've had my fair share of family drama back where I come from. There's not much that can freak me out anymore," he winked at her. Andrew looked down at Carly, seeing her bite her lips.

"Do you have any sisters or brothers?"

"One of each," he smiled at her and took another sip, keeping his replies short but polite.

"How old are they?"

"My brother's 30, my sister's 22," he told her dutifully.

"So… how old are you?" Carly blushed slightly, grinning. Alex chuckled and smiled back, wriggling his eyebrows at her.

"Carly," Andrew gave her a slight warning.

"It's fine," Alex shook his head. "I'm the oldest," he told their youngest, making her look up curiously.

"Sooo… you're like… 31," she continued the questioning. Alex laughed.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he winked at her. There was another pause, Carly probably thinking about her next query.

"Well, at least you're not some spoiled only child," she told him, making him chuckle again. "But this must be so weird to you… like… I'm sorry you have to see all that… we're all pretty messed up," she said, making Sally click her tongue in disapproval and Andrew flick the top of her head with his fingers. Alex just laughed.

"Don't worry," he told her again. "I've dealt with it all." Carly looked at him in uncertainty. Alex sighed, it seemed like he didn't know what to give away. "I was a foster kid like you guys," he told them, making Andrew raise his eyebrows and all others stare him down as well. He just smiled. "My parents weren't… _as fit_ to raise three kids as one might wish," he enclosed.

"I'm sorry," Carly told him, probably feeling bad for pushing.

"You're okay," he said.

"Do your siblings live in Seattle as well?" Alex shook his head.

"I'm from Iowa. My mom and my brother both live in a psychiatric nursing home. My sister's started college, she's had a good foster family for the last part, so she's comfortable there," he nodded at them, making them all more uncomfortable by the second.

"Well, no surprise you guys hit it off from the start," Sally smiled at him, trying to end the subject.

"Oh, I didn't know about any of this…," he told them, making Andrew nod now, slowly, not having expected that. "Until Jo's birthday," he broke off. "Jo did know about me having been fostered as a child. But she never knew my whole story until that time also…," he elaborated. Andrew looked him over. He seemed to be a nice guy. Maybe he shouldn't have judged him so bad. He seemed to endeavor. Even though he sounded like he was just talking because he didn't want silence to embrace them again, not really wanting to talk about all that stuff.

"This is just a day full of surprises," Andrew spoke up at last, making them all look at him insecurely. "I mean…," he shook his head. "It seems I don't know my sister _at all_," he elaborated. Nobody said anything, everybody waiting for him to continue. "Like… I've never seen her cry because of this… it wasn't just me saying it… I'm serious, I've never…," he shook his head. "I didn't think she cared about it that much," he admitted. "As bad as that sounds." Alex nodded jerkily. "And then… I just thought… she'd put as much distance between her past life and her present life as possible… not only geographically… but also… you know… I mean I'd have never thought she'd hook up with a foster kid," he chuckled, making them all raise their eyes at him. "I'd never have thought she'd… go into detail about what happened with anyone… I'd never have thought she'd… I mean…," he rambled, looking up at the guy, the words of explanation having ceased.

"There's a reason why she went to med school, you know that, right?" Alex told him. Andrew scrunched up his face. "I mean…," he shrugged, looking down. "She mentioned that you weren't ever happy with that decision," he confessed. Andrew nodded.

"Okay," he said. "What's that?"

"She was trying to cope with your dad's condition," he told them unceremoniously.

"Cope?"

"Yeah. Every person mourns differently. Copes differently… Jo's been trying to get behind all that. Jo's been trying to find out what it is that makes him vegetative or comatose… so she could fix him eventually," he said.

"But she's still in training? She doesn't do brain stuff, does she?" Dan spoke up for the first time.

"No," Alex shook his head at him. "She's probably realized pretty early on in med school that there just isn't much she can do," he narrated. "But she still does log an excessive amount of neuro at work," he informed them. "You know how there's different specialties at hospitals? So, during your residency, which is the surgical training, you rotate in between those that the hospital offers. At some point your own specialty just emerges. Like I'm a pediatric surgeon now. And she's logging lots of neuro. She never misses the neuro conferences, she never misses the seminars or the lab hours. I think she believes that's the only way she's allowed to… _hope_… or grief… I'm not entirely sure," he told them, all of them completely taken aback. They looked up when he chuckled sadly. "She went full on crazy a few months ago when I had this kid in treatment… the girl has a brain disease… and Jo just... she was… she just…," he looked down at her lovingly, smiling at her. "I didn't realize it then of course… but she just gets so into it if it's brain stuff… she really gets going. She'll research and go all out. It's like a fire driving her…," he explained. "And I think your father's death is hitting her harder than you might think," he added quietly.

"So… you're saying… she went into medicine to save our dad?" Dan checked with him. Alex shrugged.

"I guess so. As said, everybody mourns differently," he said. Andrew scrunched up his face.

"What do you mean, you guess so?"

"Well," Alex snorted. "She doesn't talk about it if that's what you think," he laughed, making Andrew look at him with wide eyes.

"So, that's all just guesswork?" he asked him incredulously.

"Well," Alex shook his head. "I do think I know her somewhat well…," he smiled. "But you can go ahead and confirm it with her," he winked at them. Andrew rolled his eyes.

"She'd never talk to me about that… she'd kill me if she knew we were talking to you… about it," he said. Alex scrunched up his face.

"Oh, she's not sleeping," he raised his eyebrows, making them all look down and blush. Andrew held his gaze, a tiny bit speechless. He watched as Alex looked down at her and Jo kissed his shoulder before turning her face around, smiling at him slightly.

"I… didn't realize that," Andrew admitted sheepishly before matching eyes with Jo, holding the gaze for a while. _He really had done her wrong. All this time. All these years. He had blamed her for going off, leaving them… getting into med school. Ugh. Forgive me?_ Jo smiled at him slightly wider. He watched as she got up slowly, stretching and taking a sip of Alex's coffee, frowning at the bad taste of it, rubbing her face. She faced him then, Alex's hand resting on her thigh, way too high for Andrew's taste, and they looked at each other for a while, before they kissed, making him look away finally. Jo got up and walked out of the waiting room and it was then that the doctor came back with the death certificate and all other information, again, expressing his deepest sympathy and explained to them how to go from this. They packed up all their stuff. They walked out of the hospital. It was dark, after eight. He didn't know what to think, what to feel. When he crossed the threshold to walk outside, a sharp gust of wind made him shiver and he looked back, feeling empty. Everything was over now. Everything was done with. He'd raised his family. He'd done his parents justice. Now it was time to handle his own life, his life with Sally, his life with Lyla and her future siblings. And of course Carly, who had just linked her arm with his, watching him. He bent down to kiss her temple, making her smile. He wondered how she was feeling. She had no memories of their father awake. She hadn't known him. He'd always asked himself if she was just… going with the mourning… or if she was mourning for them… or what exactly it was about with her. Until that moment, when she looked up into his eyes, he could see it. She was telling him so clearly. She was mourning for her dad. Andrew was Carly's dad. Always had been. There had never been a doubt. Only, they had never talked about it, since there had always been her real dad, still alive, still surrounded by his kids who were hoping for him to wake up, whereas Carly had tried showing him over the years that no matter what was going to happen, he'd always be her dad. But now, that biological one was gone, and the only one that had ever mattered was holding his baby in his arms. He smiled back at her. "I love you, baby girl," he pinched her cheek, making her roll her eyes and smile, nestling her head into his shoulder. He watched Alex and Jo, Dan and Marie, and he squeezed Sally's hand within his, making her smile over at him. _Everything was going to be okay. Cause they always had been. Okay. Cause they had each other._

* * *

[Jo]

They sat in the car, silence engulfing them. Carly had curled up against her, having made her put an arm around her little sister watching the dark road ahead from her seat in the middle of the back of Andrew's car, not really noticing his and Sally's appearances in her peripheral vision, just looking out into the darkness, losing herself in her hazy mind-set. Alex was sitting to her left, since she was slouched a bit over towards Carly, her left leg was draped over Alex's and he kept holding onto her knee, running his fingers across it. They hadn't talked. Jo had no idea how long he'd be staying, what his intentions were… how he was feeling about all this. Upon seeing him, she'd just relished in the situation, sensing the raw emotions that were almost choking her, letting them go with his support, finding immense comfort in his arms, on his shoulder, in his words, in his eyes, on his lips. All day she hadn't questioned it, she'd just taken a cleansing breath with the immense soothing of him being there and hoped, he knew what he was doing, since she didn't feel at all like she'd be able to think for both of them at the moment.

She couldn't arrange fairness, or truce or anything like it between them at the moment, she just couldn't. She was head over heels in love with him and Alex offering himself like he did momentarily; it was all she could have ever asked for. Jo didn't know what had changed in between them that he now went as far as flying across the country just to hold her in his arms. Jo knew that they had formed a pretty tight bond, they'd formed a friendship, and she knew, he probably cared for her a lot, so in regards of knowing who he really was, it didn't surprise her that he was here but she sure hoped that he knew what he had gotten himself into. Because if he was still only doing it because they had been sleeping together for ages, she couldn't and wouldn't give that back to him. Not anymore. As much as she wanted to, but she needed to guard herself. She was in way too deep than for this to be a casual or even serious sex relationship. All those thoughts, though, they were all hazy, they were just as silent as the car they were driving in, they were there, but then they weren't. Everything was a blur. Jo had realized that she had to let herself grieve for once. Even though it had been over for so long already, she'd never let herself do just that, so now, now that she had her family's and most importantly Alex's back, she just wanted to let herself fall, even if it was only for a day or a night. She just needed to cleanse this wound that had been getting filthy over the years, so filthy, that at times she hadn't even been able to distinguish anymore, if it hurt or if it didn't, if it was old pain, or recent pain, if it was gone, or just mended temporarily.

When they arrived at the house, Jo walked into it mindlessly, heading towards the room she'd been occupying for a while now. Nobody cared to switch on the lights, and they all turned into their separate rooms, Alex slowly walking after Jo. She sat down on the edge of the bed, not really knowing what to do with herself, breathing slowly, staring ahead at the dark room and the trees in front of the window, the different shades of black blurring in front of her eyes. She felt as Alex sat down next to her tentatively, looking down when he put one of his big hands on her trembling one, embracing it. Jo sensed as a big tear came down on her cheek, surprising her, she hadn't thought she'd cry over this again. She again found herself questioning the fact that she was grieving, and what it was concretely, that was making her as apathetic as she felt. The tear fell down onto their twined hands and she had to crack a smile, even though after a minute she realized, she hadn't really, she'd just felt the emotion of it inside her. It was too cheesy, really. Alex wriggled slightly and pushed her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear and pulled her closer, so she was resting her face on the crook of his neck again, losing more tears. They sat like that, forever it seemed, until all tears were gone, and they just swayed, Alex rubbing his hands across her back steadily.

It was then, that she realized, how messed up it really was, that Alex was sitting here besides her, on the edge of a bed, in a dark guest room, of a dark house, in the middle of nowhere, in the state of Maryland, holding her. It was then, that she realized, how she had never once brought a guy home, had never once been so careless about the fact if her family saw her touching, hugging, kissing another person, saw her emotions written all over her. It was then, that she realized how messed up it was that they had spent so much time together, gotten to know each other quite well, and Jo had fallen in love with Alex so deeply, in the natural course of how everything had gone down between them… whereas Alex seemingly hadn't. It was then, that she thought, it didn't make sense, and it was then that she had the one thought, that'd let her mind and body, every cell, fill with oxygen and thrive, get back to life again, get out of her hazy thinking. She felt the onset of a smile again, inwardly rolling her eyes at herself. _She'd just been flat out wrong._ _He was in love with her. Alex was so clearly in love with her as well, but he just couldn't say. So, that was the reason why he had been showing her. In his ways. Over and over and over again. Sleeping with her, and her only. Giving her the courtesy to always protect her from potential, but then again, non-existent, STDs. Bringing her back to the house. Going over to hers. Worrying and protecting her from Sam. Caring for her when she was devastated, when she was lonely, when she was desperate, when she was hurt. Not letting her go. Deciding stuff for her. Ending the contract on her apartment. Not being mad about going through his files. Defending her to attendings, his friends. Letting her whine and rant and bitch. Suffering through her moods, her mockery. Flying after her. Talking to her family. Putting up with their questions, defending her. Holding her momentarily. Holding her at night. Holding her always. Comforting her. Marvelling at her. Kissing her. Making love to her. _Jo swallowed, breathing in Alex's scent, the one thing that would stay with her, that would get her through everything else. Knowing he was there. _And he would be too, right? _Jo didn't feel like she was having the greatest brain output that night, so she couldn't be sure. But at the moment, it felt like she really had been… _well, she'd been wrong. _She tilted her face upwards to look at him, watch his composed features, look into his kind eyes, felt his arms holding her so gently. This wasn't the moment, though, for them to talk, this wasn't right. She tried putting all those feelings into her eyes, making him feel loved and welcomed and appreciated, so much, it hurt. Alex inched down and touched her lips softly, for a split second, as if he were agreeing to her plan. They both got up, and Jo walked into the bathroom, splashed some water onto her face before studying her own face in the mirror. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the picture of it, brushing her teeth and walking back out into the room, lying down onto the bed, not even taking off her clothes and scooting over towards the wall, resting on her side. Her closed eyes burned like hell. Her face, even though she had just washed it, felt sticky from dried tears. Her nose felt stuffy and her sinuses swollen. Her body felt so weak. She dozed off for a while, but woke up again and again, feeling Alex's knee that was brushing against hers, him having laid down next to her, on his side, facing her, his knees bent just like hers. She felt the calm of her steady heartbeat, her deep breathing, the unbelievable safety she felt, lying in the darkness, looking at Alex, knowing everything was going to be okay. _Somehow. Some time. At some place. Just the two of them._

* * *

_Note: Third to last chapter, guys! Hope you're prepared!_


	26. Dawning

_Guys, thank you so very much for your kind words and support for this story and my writing in general! This last chapter got incredible exposure and even more wonderful reactions out of you and I'm so grateful! I can't stop reading all your kind words, it really means so much to me, especially because I didn't think this very story would be such a hit with you guys! I didn't wanna (and I didn't have the time :/ ) to react to all your reviews independently since the story's almost over and of course as usual I'll totally touch base with you all once it's over! I'm so excited you guys enjoy this! Hope the last couple of chapters will be just as enjoyable for you!_

* * *

[Jo]

Jo woke up and without opening her eyes she knew it was still dark outside, still dark in the room they were laying in. She needed a minute or a little longer until her senses had sharpened enough and she could make out Alex's slow, deep breathing, could feel his knee touch hers, just as they had fallen asleep. Jo was still lying in the very same position, on her side, her back to the wall that was emitting a chill, facing the room, facing Alex who was lying facing her, she knew it without even opening her eyes. She had placed her left hand on her own thigh, whereas her right hand was placed against her stomach in a protective posture. Alex was lying close, she felt how her head was touching his elbow, she thought he had to have propped it up as a pillow for himself to sleep on. His elbow and his knee were the only spots though that touched her. But they were so close. She felt closer to him than in months. She felt his warmth, she felt his breath, she smelled his scent, perceived his barely noticeable snore that nobody in this world would hear, but she did, since she was so used to it. Jo slowly opened her eyes, squinting them together again to get the sleepiness from her eyes, instantly feeling better when seeing all of the things she had imagined behind her eyes were actually reality, Alex lying there, in front of her, touching her with his elbow and knee, resting his free hand right next to his torso, on the mattress, looking peaceful. He hadn't taken off his clothes either, it seemed, and they hadn't bothered to crawl underneath the sheets. They just rested, the bedding untouched, next to each other.

Jo didn't have to look at the clock, she knew exactly what time of night it was. It was probably about thirty minutes before dawn. The next couple of hours were Jo's favorite hours of the day. It wasn't dark, but it wasn't light either. It was dawn, and there were so many comforting things about dawn. Jo's eyes slowly accustomed to the still darkness in the room, focusing on Alex, smiling, actually feeling the smile on her face for the first time again. Not on her lips, no, on her face. On her cheeks, in her eyes, within her. She felt it everywhere. There was nothing more she wanted to do than reach out and touch him. She would have, totally, he was hers. For what she cared about, he was hers. Nothing else mattered, he was hers. She could touch him anytime. She felt the smile widen with that realization. She hadn't even talked to him, but she was so sure, she had never in her life been surer. She was so sure he was hers. And it filled her core. It filled her everything. So, yes, she could touch him, but she didn't want to ruin this. This was so special. This was so perfect. She just wanted to stay like this forever. Jo closed her eyes, thinking about the previous day, feeling the heavy guts inside her pull again, and gulped. _Her father was dead_. And with that, she dozed off again.

It wasn't all too long after, Jo knew, because it hadn't dawned yet. Minutes, maybe, after which she woke up again, the dread of the next days and weeks spreading inside her. The dread of having to spend her life without either of her parents, without worrying or taking care of her hospitalized dad. She tried to slowly replace the comfort she'd always, stupidly but also understandingly, felt for she still wasn't orphaned, for still having this back up, although comatose and strapped to a bed, that she had felt for years, with the relief of her dad finally finding some rest, all of them finding some rest. She took a deep breath and tried cleansing herself. Everything was going to be okay. She dozed off again.

Next time, it still hadn't dawned yet, but she knew, this had to be the onset. Because once she opened her eyes and stared directly into Alex's, she could make out his features better than before. The depth of his eyes made Jo lose herself within them. They stayed lying, staring at each other, neither of them reaching out to touch the other. Just sharing that intense gaze, making Jo go dizzy. It felt so good to have him there. Jo closed her eyes again. As if she were waiting for him to or she knew somehow, she sensed his fingertips on the back of her hand, the one she had rested on her own stomach, gently grazing them back and forth. Jo stayed completely still, enjoying the slow advances, enjoying his feathery light touch on the back of her hand, spreading towards her forearm, his fingertips drawing light lines on her, back and forth. The softness of his hands on her gave her a high, it made her feel so… it made her feel like they really connected. She traced Alex's steps in her mind when his touch got slightly firmer, cupping her hand now with his, slowly threading his thumb into her palm and turning over her arm, lying it down on the mattress between them, smoothing it out underneath, doing the same swishing, petting motions as before. He ran his entire palm down hers, stopping at her fingertips before going back and entwining their fingers, whereas Jo didn't participate, she just let him do this, her arm relaxing at his touch. Her whole body relaxing.

After a moment, Alex smoothed his hand up Jo's arm, she felt him go a tiny bit further, running across the short sleeve of her shirt, cupping her shoulder and then running his fingertips down the inside of her arm again, way down to her fingers, entwining them again, squeezing them lightly, before repeating the motion upwards, slowly advancing on her cleavage. Innocently though, he ran his hands across it, exploring her soft skin. Suddenly, additionally to the increasing mixture of comfort and lust inside her, Jo felt a chill, realizing Alex had gently pulled down the cardigan Jo had been covered with tentatively. She opened her eyes lazily, watching him having propped his head up on his elbow now, observing her calm state, placing the piece of clothing behind her. It was then, that for the first time, Alex made another step forwards, as if he had waited for her to express her acceptance somehow. He brought his hand back up to her cleavage, smoothing it across it, shoving her loose, casual shirt off her shoulder, bending down sluggishly and kissing her collarbone, burying his head in her neck. Jo felt a surge of sexual tension inside her, shuddering, closing her eyes and arching her neck, pulling her shoulders back and curling her toes, straightening both her legs to deal with her arousal, rubbing them together in pleasure. When she felt Alex's head pull back from her neck, she pushed her eyelids back and looked at him, trying to make out what he was about to do next. He placed his big hand on her waist, moving in, making her think he was gonna kiss her finally, fooling her though, when he nuzzled his nose against hers before kissing her cheek and then both eyes. Jo grasped onto Alex's shirt mildly, trying to express her wanting more of this, trying to tell him wordlessly not to stop, to stay with her, to comfort her, to be with her.

As if he just didn't dare kissing her on the lips, Alex bent down to her cleavage again, kissing her neck ever so softly and continued a trail down towards her breasts, nuzzling his nose in between them, pecking both her left and right boob, still confined in her bra and shirt. She could feel his hand having cupped her head, slightly swishing his thumb back and forth in her hair, not impatiently though, but soothingly it seemed. When his right hand that had been resting on her waist struggled to go underneath her shirt, Jo closed her eyes and when she felt him squeeze her waist and then go down a little further, brushing his thumb across her loin and grabbing her hip, she felt herself writhe, his lips at her neck again, kissing feverishly, almost on top of her already. Jo picked up her arm and ran her fingers through Alex's smooth hair and down his neck, which he took as a sign and shifted his weight, landing in between her legs, eliciting a moan from her lips, busying himself with her button and zipper. As if Jo's moan, Jo's proof of voice, had enhanced Alex's courage, he shifted upwards now, his lips hovering against hers, making her reach out for him first now, engaging themselves in a kiss that quickly went from timid and soft, hauntingly beautiful to deeper and more intense, even dramatically passionate, desperate, Jo moaning into Alex continuously, feeling her entire body on burning needles all of a sudden, wanting him so much, she couldn't breathe. The sentiment deepened, Jo's arms having hooked around him, holding his waist tightly, while their legs had entangled on their own accord. Alex was holding Jo around her shoulders with one arm, holding her to him, while he grabbed her butt, rolled them to the side only a tiny little bit and pushed his groin into hers making her groan, her lips emitting sounds of pleasure and longing without any reason other than the sensations of him and her together behind it, holding him so tightly towards herself, to never even have to let him go again.

Their touches were deliberate, but so gentle, so timid really, Jo's insides started buckling with the intensity of her longing, of the love for the man in her arms. When he looked up at her next time, Jo slung her arm that she had around his waist up and around his neck, pulling him closer and kissing his lips again, desperately now, feverishly, feeling his breath sharpen, his teeth graze her lower lip in passing, his facial muscles exert themselves with exhaustion, kissing her so hard, putting so much emotion into it. With Jo holding him close the way she did, Alex could let go and busied himself with hooking his thumbs into her waistband and tugging on it. The feeling of pressure against her lower abdomen made her sigh into the kiss and his eyes opened, his burning into hers with passion. They didn't lose a word even though their touches and gazes spoke volumes. Alex didn't get very far with tugging down her pants, seeing that he was too busy admiring her, smoothing her hair from her face, swooping down to kiss her chin and then a trail over towards her ear. Alex's penis bulged greatly making her hold him tighter even, rub against him, clenching her muscles down there rhythmically in anticipation. She watched Alex's eyelids drop with every second of them just feeling each other up, staring at each other, and he kept his left arm right next to her head, cupping her neck, running his thumb across it sideways, while bringing his right hand between them, gently but firmly pulling down her pants and underwear for real now before opening his own button and fly and grasping his penis from underneath his boxers, circling his tip against her. His pants were getting louder, her grip on him tighter and she could feel how ridiculously wet she'd gotten, only from staring and pressing up against each other. Alex propped up on top of her, and Jo didn't even care how they were still both dressed with their shirts, Alex still wearing his pants when he guided himself down towards her, his fingertips testing her before sliding himself in steadily, inch per inch, Jo's muscles stretching around him, making her widen her eyes with the feeling of it, the feeling of total bliss and ungraspable arousal, ending it in a guttural sound once he was in all the way. Jo was holding him so tightly, she could feel the button and zipper of Alex's jeans rub uncomfortably close to her entrance, looking down and trying to move it but Alex was faster, stilling her movements and pulling the jeans down one more bit. Afterwards he leaned over her, so that their faces were only inches apart, close enough to feel connected but apart enough to watch each other's facial expressions.

Jo brought up her hands to hold onto his back, when Alex started moving back and forth in a rhythmically slow but intense motion deep inside her, immediately making her close her eyes, scrunch up her face and chuck out syllables of pleasure, digging her fingertips into his flesh. Her head swirled and she felt the heat take her over, the steady humping leaving her trembling in only a minute. Once she felt capable to, she opened her eyes and watched his distorted face, the exhaustion of satisfying them both immensely, going so deep, his face red and his breath hot and ragged. She smoothed her left arm across the fabric on his back and brought her right hand towards his base, rubbing her thumb across the back middle section of it while he kept up his motions, making him open his eyes and match them again. The thumping of Jo's heart felt unnatural to her, her arousal ridiculous, her orgasm too close. After a second, Alex moved closer and placed his forehead on hers, Jo cupping his cheek, breathing against each other, Alex's chucks mingling with Jo's high moans. She felt him pull his penis out now, halting with his tip at her entrance, and go in again, repeating that full stroke for a few times, Jo's hand clutching his neck now, cramping and feeling the fluid trickling from her insides, sighing with pleasure.

"Alex," Jo breathed and it didn't even classify as a word for there was no voice to it but only emotion, begging him to come closer, stay with her while she focused on his body instead of her swiveling mind. Alex cupped her hip in return, bending it slightly to hit her deeper still, fill her wholly, knowing her body and how both of theirs worked together like his pant pocket. Jo sensed how with every next stroke she got runnier and her insides started going overboard with all that was happening. She looked up at him, giving him unintentional deer eyes, making him bend down and kiss her so deeply, she could barely reciprocate, only sigh and moan, somehow in the back of her mind knowing she should try to keep it in with her family all around them but on the other hand not caring enough to let it influence their encounter. Jo grasped Alex's ass, getting irritated with his boxers covering about half of it. The kiss turned sloppier and Alex rested his lips against her temple, his raspy intakes of breath loud in her ear. "Uhh," she cried with desperation in her voice for she couldn't take it anymore, "hhhh," she let out before pushing her lips into a narrow line, squinting her eyes close and her toes curled on both feet, her orgasm coming on strong, making her shake underneath him. Alex groaned when he sped up and slipped out unintentionally with her convulsions, spilling himself on her.

He had propped himself up left and right of her head, looking down at the mess they had both created, breathing heavily and closing his eyes and for a split second, Jo actually thought he was gonna pull another apologetic line that had been getting on her nerves lately. To the contrary though, he gently laid down in her embrace, both of them still trembling, both of them spent, and at that moment, Jo realized she had tears brimming her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his head, kissing his hairline, wiping away the stray beads, finally conceiving that despite all the drama and the heartache and everything going on in their lives, they had found each other in the midst of it, never believing they could work, but having done so from minute one. Jo thought back to that hotel room, shaking her head, smiling lightly, kissing his hair again.

It wasn't much later, the room still semi-dark, when Alex straightened up a bit, propping back up on his elbows, and smiling down at her slightly, seeing her red-rimmed eyes and following them with his thumb softly. Jo just smiled back and shook her head, trying to tell him that she was fine, that he was the one that actually made her okay. He bent down and kissed her lips ever so gently, running both his palms across her forehead, removing her hair and kissing her there too. Jo blinked for a second and missed how Alex started moving downwards, Jo's gaze following him curiously before leaning back, smiling to herself and trying to relax from the day. She yanked her eyes back open when Alex left the bed as a whole though, propping up and meaning to say something when Alex just got up and pulled his shirt over his head and lost his jeans for good now. She beamed at him, before he came back and started at the inside of her knee, kissing up a trail, doing the same on her other leg, before he finally, slowly, softly came face to face with her entrance, kissing her, licking her, making her eyes flutter shut and her vocal chords chime up again. She arched her back when he circled her and sucked her, taking care of her with the sincerest form of kindness she thought she'd ever known or experienced on and to her body, just as the last 30 minutes or so had happened as well. Alex trailed his fingers up her hips and underneath her shirt, grabbing her waist, holding her, his rough, strong hands contrasting with her silky skin. Jo put her hands on top of his, rubbing them, before smoothing them up his arms and holding onto his biceps, digging in her fingers, grasping them, cheering him on and calming herself at the same time with it. Never had she thought would she have ever experienced a difference in how guys touched her, treated her, kissed her, slept with her, and most of all, spoiled her... down there, she'd never thought there was a difference. But even in doing that, Jo could feel with all her billions of body cells how much this classified as making love, how Alex, at this very moment, was comforting her, was trying to tell her to relax and forget and just... let herself fall. And never had she thought could one person make her feel this way, actually leading her on to... feeling good, feeling safe, feeling whole again. With him, everything felt right, everything felt whole, nothing was wrong or missing.

Jo heard her breathing go shorter, her mouth go dry and everything inside her bubble up. Alex had brought his hands to her abdomen, where he rested them around her bellybutton, the warmth of them making her sweat the tiniest bit. When she hit peak for the second time that night, Alex started kissing her softly, slowly, finishing the act, but she knew he wasn't done, he was just getting started. He slowly kissed up her belly and took the shirt with him, making her take it off, letting her open the clasp to her bra and peeling it off slowly. He kissed her upper stomach before taking her right breast into his hands and kissing her underneath it. Once, twice, three times, kissing a trail around it before going across and sucking her nipple for a moment, letting it go and doing the same to her left breast. Jo's mind circled with the overload of sensations. Alex had done this to her hundreds of times, he loved taking the time to explore her, to kiss her, to run his nose and lips to all her places, even underneath her boobs, it got her so high, every time.

It wasn't long before he had moved up towards her, them melting into a tight embrace and kissing, rolling around the bed mindlessly. Alex's tongue was seducing her with the greatest sensuality, she almost couldn't take it. When they broke for a second, they smiled timidly at each other, Jo shaking her head before Alex's lips touched down on hers again. When she took another starting breath, Alex smiled and put his finger against her lips.

"Don't," he whispered, pecking them again. "Let's not talk," he told her. "I know," he reassured her. Jo frowned slightly.

"I'm actually not sure you do," Jo gave him back and she realized that this was the first thing coming out of her mouth since she had told Andrew back in the hospital that they were going to give up what was left of their dad to science.

"Do we have to talk about everything?" he whispered back, the mood friendly, their noses only inches apart, their voices so soft, so quiet. Jo chuckled mildly.

"We never talk about _anything_," she pointed out, making him join in and kiss her again. They pulled apart after a moment and stared at each other, Jo's eyes glistening. "Thank you," she mouthed, not knowing what else to say. Alex gave her a lopsided smirk.

"You don't have to thank me every time I do that," he winked at her, referring to something she had once told him, long, long ago. Jo cracked a smile and observed his features. She wasn't sure if he even realized what he was saying. With loving her as he had, comforting her as he had, and him basically saying... he'd do that for her, anytime, whenever she needed it, for the rest of time. He had no idea what he was saying. But she knew that he meant it, he meant it deeply. The world really was a lot more colorful once you could see through the sex and realize what really all was about.

"Kiss me," she told him, and he did, and everything blacked out for her after. She did have blurry memories of it later, she remembered clearly how she had felt, how they had moved together, but the exact movements were shady to her. She remembered wanting him so much it hurt. She remembered him taking her from behind, hugging her, massaging her boobs, bothering her clit, kissing her neck, she remembered how she was clinging to his arms and shoulder and buried her nails into his skin, she remembered his harsh breathing in her ear, his groans, him moaning her name that gave her butterflies. She remembered feeling so loved that night, from beginning to end, peaking at dawn. She remembered his last kiss to her temple and how they were dozing off in each other's arms, the birds starting to sing and the night coming to an end. She remembered thinking, everything's clear now. Everything's light. _This would be their day_.

* * *

[Carly]

Carly was doomed. She slowly walked up the stairs towards the bedroom floor, trying to not hit the stairs with the creak. She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't deaf. She couldn't have been sure but she thought she'd heard some commotion in the early morning hours and she'd definitely known just what that had been about. Not that she had heard anything specific but she had heard. She hadn't known where it had come from, either; she'd just tried to blank it out, nothing good coming from depicting sex noises and which sibling they were coming from. Carly took a deep breath and knocked on the guest room door quietly. _Sally surely had to hate her. For something. Had she forgotten to take the trash out? Or had she disregarded curfew or something? Ugh, why did _she _have to go get them? _No reaction. Carly pushed her lips together, thinking. If she were to enter now, she'd surely find them… naked or something. And she really didn't wanna see that. But then Sally would just send her up here again until they had been woken for good. She was notorious like that, once talking about food. So, Carly knocked again, in vain. She took a deep breath, before narrowing her eyes and quietly pushing down the door handle, poking her head in. She tried making out if they were decent or at least covered, and relaxed when she saw they were, but stopped at the doorframe, seeing them together, her heart thumping a bit faster and smiling sheepishly. _They were kinda cute. Jo really deserved this._

Carly observed as they lay in bed together, Alex on his back, topless, the sheets covering the rest of his body fortunately, his left arm stretched out towards the wall, while his right arm was wrapped around Jo who was lying facing towards the window, facing away from him, clasping to the arm tightly, the sheets tucked underneath her armpits. They were both breathing evenly, she thought she could make out a light snore on Alex's side. Carly's eyes roamed the room, seeing what looked like Alex's shirt hang from the end of their bed and his jeans lying in a puddle on the floor, same with Jo's stuff, Carly looking away blushingly when spotting her sister's underwear. She sighed.

"Jo," she started saying, but she knew that they couldn't have heard her, the call a whisper, nothing more. To her surprise, Alex's breath hitched for a second and he rustled slightly, making Jo move in return, sighing in sleep. "Um, Jo," she tried again, a little louder, but she really didn't dare. Even though she was aware that maybe it was for the best to just wake them with one loud and clear call. Anyways. She didn't have much luck, however, she watched as Jo started groaning quietly and moving a little more, before eventually rolling backwards, which didn't work very well because Alex was blocking her, making her scoot around so she was finally facing him, still having her eyes closed and Alex rolling towards her as well, putting his arms around her, making her nestle in his neck. When he rolled over towards her, Carly had a slight panic attack cause she anticipated the sheet wouldn't cover his backside with rolling towards Jo, but then she realized, he was wearing boxers. _Phew. _

Carly just wanted to raise their attention again, when she embarrassingly watched them as they arranged themselves better and Jo scooted up to kiss Alex on his lips, throwing her arm across his waist and holding him between her shoulder blades. She felt the onset of a heavy blush, when they both smiled and then deepened the kiss. Jo moaned sleepily into it before they broke it and a few soft pecks followed, Alex mumbling something and her nodding to it, Carly didn't get the words exactly. When they made to kiss again, Carly cleared her throat uncomfortably, making them both yank their heads in surprise, Jo's hands immediately going up to her already covered cleavage.

"Um, hi," the younger one said sheepishly.

"How long have you been standing there?" Jo asked her groggily, trying to calm down from the initial shock moment. Alex laid back down on his pillow, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Carly just bit her lower lip and shook her head.

"Um," she started again. "Sally says she wants you to come down have breakfast," she informed them. Jo's shoulders noticeably sagged and she looked exhausted. "Dan's coming over with Marie and… um… you know how she gets," Carly swallowed her last few words. Jo groaned and laid back down, turning towards Alex's torso and letting him wrap her up in a hug again. When she didn't reply, Carly coughed again, her face bright red by now.

"We're coming, don't fret. Just give us a minute," Jo whined back, making Alex chuckle and kiss her head, him being the one who looked over at Carly now, winking at her and nodding his head with a roll of his eyes, mocking Jo's resistance. Carly smiled. _He really was a nice guy. _

Twenty minutes later, Jo trudged down the steps and walked into the living room, still looking tired as hell, but dressed and combed and washed, followed by Alex. They both smiled slightly, joining the others at the table.

"Can I help with anything?" Jo asked towards Sally who was bringing stuff to the table which was already completely filled, no space left – muffins, English muffins, rolls, bacon, sausages, pancakes, fruit, eggs, waffles, coffee, everything one could imagine delighting the eye. When she looked over at Jo's plus one, his eyes were bulging. She watched as he leaned forwards and whispered something into her ear, making her chuckle and nod. "Sally's the owner of a bakery and café," she informed him now for everyone to hear. "You're sitting right at the source," she told him, Sally winking at him good-naturedly. When the patio door opened, Andrew came in carrying a loudly roaring Lyla, big tears running down her chubby cheeks. Carly scrunched up her face, having heard this too many times, but watched all the others turn their heads and adopt a sad pout on their faces, wanting to know what was going on.

"What's up my love?" Sally instantly turned and asked with wide eyes, looking in between her daughter and her husband.

"Bee sting," Andrew looked irritated and close to panicked.

"Bee sting?" Sally barked back at him, putting the coffee pot down.

"Yeah, you think she'd cry like that if a fly bumped her forehead?" he snarled back, making Carly raise her brows, trying not to laugh. _Parenting sometimes made Andrew so mean. _

"Don't snark at me," Sally gave him back. Carly already anticipated the next comeback when she turned her head over towards Jo in surprise.

"Have you removed the sting?" she asked him.

"Um, no," Andrew gave her back dumbfounded. "Oh fuck, no, get it out, we have to get it out," he panicked, making Carly snort quietly, knowing she'd be the next yelled at victim if anybody saw her being amused about Andrew.

"Calm down," Jo told them, walking up, Alex following her. "We have Dr. Alex right here," she smiled back at Alex mockingly. Since the guy was standing with his back to Carly, she couldn't see his face, but she thought he had to have rolled his eyes, since he did a small head movement and Jo grinned back at him widely, her eyes sparkling. Andrew interrupted their little banter rudely, barking at them.

"Can you smart ass doctors help now or what? My kid is in pain," he yelled. Jo pulled down the corners of her lips, trying to hide a chuckle.

"Get me some ice," Alex told her before walking up to the crying child, held by her mother who was kissing her head repeatedly and scurried around by her dad. "Hey there, sweetie," he soothed the little kid, bending down to look at her face and smiling, Carly thought. "It's okay, we'll get it out in a second, alright," he seemed to check all her surfaces, finding the bee sting on the backside of her thigh, close to her knee pit. "Ouchy, hm," he kept on babbling, just swishing his thumb across the sting, making the black thingy fall down from what she watched. "Alrighty, let's go over to the sink, huh? Let's wash your leg, hm? That'll cool it down a bit," he talked to her, walking with Sally and Lyla, taking the soap and washing, as he had said before, gently dabbing it dry afterwards. He lifted her leg again to look at it closer, picking at it for a second, getting the rest of the stinger out, before smiling at her. "All done, sweetheart," he told her. Lyla had stopped crying so hard, the remainder of her tears sticking to her cheeks and chewing on her fingers. "Aunt Jo here brought you a cool pack, that'll make you feel better, you think so? Hm?" The little one nodded tentatively, making them all smile and Alex wrap the cool pack into a towel and around the toddler's thigh. "That good?" he asked her. Lyla buried her head in her mom's neck, making them all laugh and Alex rumple her hair.

"That's it?" Andrew looked at them with wide eyes. "I just completely freaked and you just scratched that thing out, washed it and put ice on it?" He asked them incredulously, making them all laugh.

"Well, yeah," Alex nodded.

"But you're a doctor," he told him, almost accusingly.

"Um, yeah," he said. "Doesn't mean we do anything differently than you do," he wriggled his eyebrows. "She's fine. We'll just watch if she's reacting allergic or anything but we'll keep an eye on that," he winked.

"And with saying _we _you mean… you and Jo?"

"Well, and you and Sally, and anyone really… it's not that hard to catch," he told him. Andrew looked kinda bummed.

"So… your job's not all that fancy after all," Andrew chimed up again, when they all sat at the table. Jo chuckled, shaking her head. Alex snorted.

"Well, you probably wouldn't ask a pediatric surgeon for his opinion on a bee sting… usually," she pointed out, making them nod and smile. Andrew looked sheepishly.

"Right…right… surgery," he caved in at last. They all tucked in and had some good times, chatting and laughing, Sally telling Alex about her business, everyone tentatively asking Alex stuff, repeatedly earning mad glares from Jo. When they were all stuffed, leaning back and sipping at their coffees, Dan chimed up first.

"So," he smiled, looking over at Marie and putting an arm around her. "We should probably be prepared then…," he said. They all looked over curiously, awaiting explanation.

"Prepared for what?" Sally asked.

"Well," he nodded over at Lyla, who was sucking at a water bottle and cuddling into her mom. "There's a lot more to having babies than… actually having babies it seems," he gave them, making them all chuckle.

"Well, yeah," Andrew rolled his eyes. "It doesn't stop at the obvious fun part," he wriggled his eyebrows, making Carly blush. _Why did they always have to say things like that out loud? Andrew and Sally were the closest thing to parents she had and she just didn't wanna know that. She didn't mind too much with Jo and Dan, she didn't have to hear it, but still, she didn't mind so much but Andrew and Sally… were a whole different level of awkward for her. _

"I mean, you didn't even know what to do when your daughter got stung by a freaking bee," Dan shoved his brother's shoulder good-naturedly, both of them chuckling.

"Well, you'll have some time to wrap your heads around that," Sally just smiled back at both of them lovingly. "Andrew just reacted like a true _daddy_," she added teasingly, looking over at her husband with a smirk.

"That's not necessarily true anymore, though," Marie voiced for the first time, awaiting their reactions. "I mean… we won't have _that _much time to wrap our heads around the whole parenting thing anymore." They all looked at her, smiles gone from their faces.

"What?" Carly was the first to chuck out.

"What do you mean?" Sally asked them in disbelief.

"Dan?" Andrew joined in. Dan and Marie smiled.

"Well, we're actually, officially having a baby," Dan told them ceremoniously, making them all laugh and yell and widen their eyes.

"Are you serious?" Dan nodded.

"That was fast," Jo spoke out for the first time, reminding them of a conversation a good week before that when he had told them they were trying. Daniel rolled his eyes. "Congratulations you guys," she added with a wide smile, all the others chiming in with nods and congratulations. "I'm so happy for you," she commented. They both smiled and looked at each other, seemingly the happiest couple on earth.

"Your dad would have loved this," Sally told them after a moment. "He really would. This is a really nice way to say goodbye. Having so many new members joining our family," she told them, all of them nodding, before Carly furrowed her brows.

"Wait, what do you mean? _So many_?" They all followed Carly's gaze towards Sally, who just smiled and then shrugged, looking rather innocent, before looking over at Andrew who smiled as well, stroking his wife's knee, seemingly reassuringly.

"_What_?" Carly spat out. "_Are you freaking kidding me?_" Sally and Andrew both shook their heads at her.

"Sorry, it's gonna get a lot more exciting soon it seems," Sally told her with a smile and a long shrug.

"You're pregnant as well? You're pregnant... again? Are you kidding me? That just… that can't be possible," Carly called out, completely baffled, making them all laugh out loud and everyone congratulating the next couple. "But _she's _already _so _loud," Carly pointed over at Lyla, pouting.

"Carly," Andrew whined but Sally just put her hand on his and shook her head smilingly. Carly took a deep breath, trying to cope with all the news. Still, the mood was very joyous and bright, and when she finally sobered up and turned towards Jo and Alex who were sitting to her left, she could only think to say one thing.

"Don't tell me you're pregnant as well," she gave them with a slightly bored voice. Jo, who had just sipped on her coffee, spluttered it all over her shirt, making them all chuckle, but Alex didn't let any emotion show on his face, just handing her a napkin. Carly watched Jo glance over at him for a split second before glaring back at her.

"_I am not_, thank you very much," she told her with burning eyes. Carly raised her eyebrows and looked at her older sister mockingly. _Ha! Years and years and finally she had found something she could irk Jo with. _

"Oh, don't you guys want kids?" Marie chimed up innocently, Carly having to hold the laughter back for Jo's look said everything. It was clear that Jo would have snarled something if it hadn't been the one person talking she knew least from that table. So she tried staying polite.

"Um, hasn't come up," she said, taking a deep breath and blushing slightly.

"It's probably hard having kids while you're still in training, right?" Sally chimed in, apparently oblivious to Jo's situation.

"Um, yeah, I guess," she barely gave back, reddening deeper.

"But you're a trained doctor, right?" she turned towards Alex, making Jo snap for air, wanting to intervene. "It wouldn't be such a big problem, right? And Jo'll be on maternity leave too, I mean," Sally harped on in pure interest.

"I think Jo just needs more time to get used to living a surgeon's life before we can talk about kids," Carly heard him say and yanked her head over in surprise, seeing him turn his face over towards Jo and wink at her, holding back laughter as well, making Jo look at him with narrowed eyes, hating him for participating in this mockery.

"How about we talk about those babies that _are _about to join this family instead of torturing me through this conversation?" she sighed, the whole table erupting in laughter.

"Oh, I think you'd make a good mom," Andrew participated, making her groan. "No, seriously, you were always better with those kinds of things... dealing with Carly sick and stuff... I _suck_ at it as I demonstrated a while ago," they laughed in unison. "You'd do just fine." Jo rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, and a pediatric surgeon," Sally chimed up. "You'd make a dream team." Carly watched as Jo looked over at Alex who just grinned at her and she smacked his chest, making him laugh even more and moved to put his arm around her and pull her closer to kiss her cheek.

"Stop it," she whined, people having way too much fun with her fidgeting, Alex it seemed too. Carly smiled. _She seriously hadn't thought this would go that way. Ever since that one phone call on Jo's birthday, she'd thought, maybe they were only sleeping together... but then with everything that had happened, Alex coming after her, Carly having been able to watch them, and now this, her opinion slowly changed._

"You're just so easy," Alex shook his head at her and collected another light swat. "Three babies in one family would be way too much, I promise," he nodded at her mockingly serious now. Carly had to laugh, he really knew how to get to her for some reason and it was fairly amusing.

"Aww, did we make you uncomfortable?" Carly sassed over towards her, earning a slight slap on her thigh as well. "Guess how I feel all the time when you guys never stop about me and Kyle and _you know what_…," Carly spat out towards her sister, making her raise her eyebrows really high and tried not laughing. She kept watching when Jo turned back towards Alex and they engaged in a quiet conversation. Carly had never seen Jo with any other guy, she had never seen her in some form of relationship, she surely… now that she thought about it… didn't know her sister very well. She did know her, of course, but she didn't know her… like this. And then, of course, she'd never dare say she knew Alex. She'd met him a day ago, but for some reason… he was very uncomplicated and just fit… they'd had some rough hours together, and she didn't know if it was her being too impressionable, but she had taken to him immediately. And now, looking at those two… she got butterflies herself even when those two were looking at each other.

She detached her gaze from the couple to look over the rest of her family. Sally holding onto an almost asleep Lyla, Andrew petting the kid's head and their fingers still thread, Dan and Marie looking at each other lovingly. She loved seeing them all happy. Finally, they'd all found peace. Carly had been so worried what would happen to her brothers once their dad had died, but now she could feel relief spread within her. Everything was going to be okay. Everything was perfect. Everyone was happy and _that_ made herself very, very happy. _Maybe,_ just maybe, one day, she'd be just as in love as all her siblings seemed to be. She was sure of it.

* * *

[Alex]

Alex and Jo slowly walked down the platform on which his train to Baltimore was supposed to halt in a few more minutes, both of them rather silent. Alex had picked up his stuff after breakfast and Jo and Carly had driven him over to New Carrollton where he was supposed to get on. Had he have counted all the times Jo had offered to drive him up to Baltimore herself, he wouldn't have been able to carry his luggage by himself. He had declined, over and over and over again, since he knew, as much as she wanted to do this, she was supposed to be busy with the ramifications of her father's death, funeral arrangements and the likes, and as little as he liked the thought of her having to deal with that, he knew she had to. And he wanted her to engage with her siblings and keep the connection they had rediscovered in the past hours up. He had enjoyed the stay very much, and also, he had not felt one second of regret coming after her, seeing her reaction to him. Now, though, it was time for him to go and luckily, he had arranged to meet with some people at Hopkins, giving Seattle Grace a reason to let him leave without any notice and still being able to work. So, they were walking down the pretty empty platform, having her sister wait in the car. He sensed Jo fidgeting besides him but didn't dare look over, instead he busied himself with looking at the announcements.

"You didn't have to go all overboard this morning, you know," Jo smiled over at him tentatively, making him match their eyes for a moment. He looked away and grinned. "I mean, I know it's fun to put people on the spot but…," she added.

"I didn't think it appropriate to say a baby is the last thing on our minds when sleeping together as we usually do without much of anything else to it," he countered, making her tilt her head.

"Oh, Alex," Jo gave him back sighing, and he couldn't figure out what the tone of her voice revealed about her statement.

"Sorry for making you uncomfortable," he said, feeling a small blush in his cheeks. He looked up again and then checked his watch. _Three minutes. Come on, how about you don't leave me hanging. _

"That was not the reason why I was uncomfortable," Jo gave him back. "Whatever the reasons behind any of my relationships are, I don't like discussing my sex life with my family. They might not have a problem with it, but I do," she elaborated. Alex flitted his eyes over at her face, assessing her. She looked insecure too, pulling at her fingers and dragged her feet all over the place, moving the gravel about.

"Maybe we shouldn't have…," he started, his voice weirdly bumpy. "I mean… last night… was," he said, trying to find a way through it, voicing that they maybe shouldn't have been as potentially loud.

"...wow," Jo breathed, and they matched eyes, staring at each other for a long moment. "It was amazing."

"Yeah," Alex gave her back weakly, looking back down, his heart thumping wildly. He took a deep breath and checked the clock again, 2_ minutes. _He heard the announcements over the speaker and just wanted to say his goodbyes, when she spoke up again.

"You know, you really did ruin me for every other man," Jo whispered. Alex felt everything inside him freeze. _Why would you say that? Why do you keep on reminding me that you never wanted to have anything to do with me in first place? Why did you sleep with me then, why? Why if you don't even like me? Why do you keep saying stuff like this then?_

"Yeah, whatever," Alex turned around, stretching his neck out to see the train arriving, missing Jo's confused look.

"No, I mean that, you know… nobody has ever treated me like you do… I'm not only talking about in bed… I mean… I never thought you'd-," she tried explaining, but Alex knew he didn't wanna hear it, shook his head and held up his hand for her to stop, looking back at her. She looked completely startled, speechless.

"I'm glad I came," he started, wanting to clarify some things once and for all. Jo nodded, seeming suspicious though. "I'm glad I could make you feel better for a while," he added, holding up his hand once again when she opened her lips to say something, silencing her at the first syllable. "But I'm leaving now and I think it's best if we leave it at that," he said, frustration and anger lacing his voice. Jo looked completely taken aback.

"What, Alex, wait, why are you so mad? I don't understand, I never said I didn't want you here," she advanced slowly. Alex looked to see if the train was coming to a halt soon, sighing.

"I know, but still, I'm sorry I just forced myself on you, I jus-," Alex tried again.

"You didn't, though, Alex, you didn't," Jo shook her head, taking a step forward and trying to put her hand on his chest but he wouldn't let her.

"I know right now everything's just different cause there's so much going on but I've told you before, I will be there for you no matter what and it doesn't have to mean anything, we'll just go back to before once this is over, I jus-," he interrupted again.

"Alex," Jo chuckled, "will you let me say something as well? I never _said_ that I don'-," she got cut short when the train slowly moved into the station and tooted loudly and Alex took his chance to barge in again.

"It's fine, it is, you don't need to explain yourself, I just… The only thing I'm sick of is you saying you want someone like me and I ruined you for other guys and nobody's ever gonna live up to what we have but at the same time you're not willing to give me a chance, you know," he looked back at the train that was slowly coming to a stop.

"No, Alex," Jo sounded frantic.

"It's fine, I know I could have broken it off millions of times and I just... couldn't and I didn't, and I know it's my own fault that I let myself get dragged into this, I know that, I just…," Alex groaned when the train stopped and the doors opened, people getting out, "I know we were only having sex and I'm so sorry, I swear, I never, seriously, I never meant to make your life hell, I didn't mean to... fall for you, I didn't, I swear, I just," he shook his head, but so did Jo when he stepped onto the train, looking back.

"Alex, let me-," she tried once more.

"I'm sorry that I fell for you, Jo. I'm sorry that it drives me completely nuts knowing somebody has touched you and I can't… I can't even look at you because I'm just so _mad... _at him, and myself, and I feel like you judge me for what he did cause that was horrible and I couldn't protect you and because I wasn't there for you, and…I'm just so sorry... I totally fucked this up, I just… I couldn't help it, you were there all the time and you were just… I was… you _made _me fall in love with you, I swear I didn-," he looked back at the conductor.

"Sir, in or out?"

"Um in," he took another step up, before the door closed and he moved to open the window, Jo looking completely out of her mind.

"God, Alex, stop! You still don't get it, do you? Listen to me," she almost yelled at him.

"I know what you're gonna say-"

"No you obviously don't," Jo barked back. "I-"

"I know you told me that liking me wasn't enough, I know that, I'm not expecting anything from this, I just can't help it anymore, I _had_ to say it… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I just… the sex is great, seriously, it's amazing… it just led to so much more and I wish I wouldn't have but… you're perfect, Jo, to me you are perfect… all of you… not just the sex part… you're just perfect, I don't wanna change anything about you," he rambled, already cursing himself inwardly for saying stupid stuff without inhibition. _Again. With the difference that he was rambling furiously whereas that first time he had only chucked out three little words. This was gonna end so bad. _He watched as Jo started walking when the train started leaving slowly. "I just really hope you know how perfect you are, cause you deserve to know and I really hope some man… will tell you that at some point… some man that you actually _want _ yourself," he spat out the window, before the conductor squeezed by him, giving him a pathetic look, shaking his head. When he looked back out at Jo, she was smiling, which threw him completely off. _What the hell was she smiling for?_

"Alex, I-," was all he could hear, since that moment the conductor snapped the window shut and they gathered some speed. Alex couldn't make out what she was mouthing but he saw her tapping her phone, probably telling him to take her call. He looked down and waited for it to ring, which it did, weirdly though, it was Meredith.

"What?" he barked into the phone, walking into one of the compartments that was empty, and tossing his stuff on the seats next to him.

"_Are you with Wilson?"_

"Just left," he told her.

"_Has she been called? About that Sam guy?" _

"What? What is it? What happened?" Alex felt himself getting frantic.

"_He came by the hospital today," _he heard Mer say, his insides squeezing and his throat holding back vomit. "_I wouldn't have recognized him from the picture they circled but he asked for Jo and he was all weird, and it just… it was obvious,_" she narrated.

"What happened?"

"_Security did spot him, called the police, arrested him_," she gave him the recap. Alex exhaled slowly.

"You heard anything else?"

"_No, that's it. They said they'd get in touch with Jo though, so maybe you should ask her," _Mer told him, making him nod. The feeling of guilt spread inside him and he rubbed his face. _Fuck. Seriously, perfect timing. _Now he had yelled at her for he had fallen in love with her which she didn't reciprocate, and now this. She had to feel _horrible_, absolutely horrible. "_You okay?" _

"Um, yeah," Alex realized he was still on the phone. "Thanks, Mer," he told her.

"Are you guys okay?"

"Um, sure," Alex replied curtly, not in the mood to elaborate on it. "I'll get back with you later," he told her, hanging up. He bit his lip when opening the message thread with Jo, seeing three messages.

_J – Seriously Alex, pick up_

_J –Pick up your damned phone_

_J – You can't seriously think we're not gonna talk about this_

Alex sighed and unwillingly hit the call button and listened to the beep. _Nothing. _He ended the call and looked out the window, sighing. He didn't wanna talk about it. Not anymore. He didn't wanna get his hopes up and then be disappointed again. He was so done with that. She'd told him, clearly, the way she _liked _him was just not enough. So, yeah, she did care for him and she did want him around, and maybe she did find comfort in being with him, sleeping with him, but it just wasn't enough. And every time he was with her and tried convincing himself of something different, he was wrong. Cause she _liked _him. But she didn't _love _him. It had taken him so incredibly hard, when he had realized that she was not in love with him, as he had been so certain about, when they had shared all these moments together at the hospital, at the house. When she had told him that she _liked _him... his world had collapsed. So, no, he didn't wanna talk anymore and he didn't wanna hear all her explanations how she would do anything to fall in love with him too but she just couldn't and how about staying friends. He did not need that. Seriously. He felt dread coming back into his systems after he had gotten out his frustration about their situation. They'd arrested Sam. They'd finally locked him up. She was safe. She was finally safe. Alex let go of a much needed breath and put his face into his hands before his phone buzzed again.

_J – They found Sam_

_A – I heard_

_A – You okay?_

_J – I will be _

_A – You need anything?_

_J – I need you to listen to me. I don't care what you think, I don't care what all you've fabricated for yourself about how I feel about all this, I want you to listen to me and I don't care at all for doing this on the phone, so I'm coming up to Baltimore tonight and we are gonna talk. _

_A – Jo…_

_J – No, I don't wanna hear it. Seriously. You're doing me wrong. I won't have it. Gotta go. See you tonight._

Alex gulped and trembled with his knee. _What was that supposed to mean now? _Why _was she all of a sudden so short-spoken? And how was he doing her wrong? It wasn't… right? No, he couldn't get his hopes up again… she wasn't… she just liked him, that's all it was. They were friends… that's why she enjoyed him comforting her and stuff… that's all. _Alex felt fear set inside him. _What was it gonna be?_

* * *

_Note: One more to come! Hope you guys have enjoyed this!_


	27. A new day

[Jo]

Jo felt her head spin. Those last few months, weeks, days, hours, everything was too much. She'd gone into that internship with the thought of wanting to excel at what she'd been doing already. She had wanted to build onto her medical career, she'd wanted to do something that mattered, something that would help millions of people in the end. Her hopes and needs had built to dreams that were barely realistic anymore but all that hope and imagination kept her going, all those dreams had spurred her career, had made her susceptible to all kinds of knowledge, and had made learning and practicing easy. All she had wanted was move to Seattle and get into her work, head first, bolting through her residency, succeeding at her work, realizing her dreams. That's all she had ever wanted. Make things better. For her, for her family, for all people. Never had she thought about meeting someone like Alex.

She'd met bunches of guys during schooling, during her internships. She'd hooked up with some, she'd gotten involved with some, but none of them had ever really left an impression, left her distracted or longing for more, for bigger things, better things, never once had she met someone that had let her know that there were other things out there rather than work and success, things that _did _matter. But then she had met Alex, and as clumsily they had started out, as smoothly their togetherness had become. She'd found herself wanting him so much, longing for him, yearning him, she'd panicked when first realizing that she'd started feeling that… that thing people talked about. Looking at a person and forgetting about everything else. Holding a person and never wanting to let go. Being with a person and starting to not mind so much that one's career wasn't all there was to life. She'd panicked and then she'd gotten a grip on it since she'd realized how much Alex was enhancing her career, not in the obvious way but with supporting her and encouraging her and being there for her always, she'd excelled in a way that she could have or would have never dreamed of before.

All that sounded so easy, so smooth, so uncomplicated; however, everything was far from easy, smooth or uncomplicated for them. _Why? _Jo couldn't quite grasp that. So, with that mind-set, emotional frame, emotional hurricane within her, she'd slid into the matter of having to confront her own and her family's emotions and past, a thing she'd feared forever would outrun them at some point. But it wasn't only her dad dying, but it was her mom dying, her grandparents dying, their family being ripped apart all over again. It was her entire childhood all over again. The hurt and the darkness, the fear of drifting apart, the fear of being alone, of having no one in the entire world, the hurt of developing different mind-sets and drifting apart because of that. The pain of watching your siblings trying to tackle the world day by day and failing over and over and over again. The nagging responsibility inside oneself, the guilt. The guilt of having left people behind. And at one point, realizing, you've left yourself behind in the midst of all of it. And in the midst of finding yourself again, you get ripped from all your roots. Your dad dying. Your one true love telling you he won't ever love you back, even though that might not even be true but as your reality always plays in your head, no matter what reality is the truth, that is the truth for you. Your truth will always be in your mind, your reality will be the one conjured in your mind. And in the midst of dealing with that, your obsessed neighbor taking everything from you that you've built yourself really is just the hot and heavy chocolate drizzle on top of a great big sundae of sorrows. The roots you've tried to lay. The roots those are so essential to actually build and carry a new life. And again, _her dad dying._

So, Jo was standing on the platform, the train thundering by her, rushing out of the station, herself staring down at her phone, reading Alex's attempt to argue with her, feeling agitation set within her, irritation, really. There was one thing, she had learned from all this. _Don't let them take all your roots. Don't let them decide about your life. Take action. Do it for yourself. If you wanna preserve what's important to you, you have to do it yourself. _Jo felt like everything was thundering down onto her. The conversation she'd just had on the phone with the police officer reporting Sam's arrest to her, telling her he had been very apologetic and had asked to see her, that knowledge rammed to the back of her mind, Alex the only thing she could think of at the moment. All the hopes and expectations. How she only wanted him. Needed him. Loved him. Jo finished typing up the last text, walking slowly towards the exit, when suddenly she looked up and Carly was standing there, waiting, looking anxious.

"Hey, did I take too long?" Jo asked her with a slight tilt of her head, narrowing her eyes. "You okay, sweetie?" she added quickly when seeing her face, reaching out for her little sister, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders and walking on with her, observing said one's nondescript gaze. She pocketed her phone and watched the other one nod.

"You look kinda… are _you _okay?" her sister asked her tentatively. Jo matched her sister's eyes and shook her head slightly, confused.

"I'm fine, why are you asking?"

"I saw you guys… fighting," Carly mumbled, her arms still crossed on her chest. Jo felt a smile on her face and squeezed Carly's shoulder.

"Aw, sweetie, that wasn't a fight," she reassured her, making her look up at her puzzled.

"It wasn't? But it didn't look good…," she confessed to her spying. Jo chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"Don't you worry about that," Jo told her.

"But I do, tell me what's going on," her sister begged her now, loosening her arms and putting one around her sister as well. "You looked so in love and so… fine… just this morning," she told her sheepishly. Jo smiled.

"And what you saw makes you think this has changed?" Carly shrugged. Jo looked towards the car, smiling. "Again, don't worry about it. We're not fighting. Alex is an idiot, that's all," she gave her with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"What does that mean? Did he… do something?" the young one asked uncomfortably.

"No," Jo shook her head and scrunched up her face. "We'll be fine. Just a little disagreement," she squeezed her upper arm again. "But you know how stubborn the Wilsons are," she winked at her. "I'll always make him agree with me in the end."

"And you're sure that it'll be fine? How do you know?"

"Because I know us," Jo gave her back, feeling how the smile widened. "I know _us,_" she repeated the statement for herself, not getting enough of saying it. "Everything's gonna be alright. Today's a good day," she said, climbing in the car and closing the door behind herself. The feeling of security, of love, flooded Jo and for a second she felt a tiny bit drunk, unable to drive the car. She smiled to herself, smiled about the fact that a minute ago she was overwhelmed with every tiny little emotion tumbling down onto her but now, now that her sister had brought up the matter, had shown worry, she'd completely, truthfully and securely been able to answer her, that everything was going to be okay, that they were going to be just fine, and all she felt inside her was love. They drove in silence for a little bit before Carly chimed up again.

"He's cute, you know," she pointed out quietly. Jo chuckled and flitted her eyes over for a second.

"How long did it take you to shape that thought?" Carly's cheeks reddened.

"Well, he's _old_," she admitted, making Jo laugh out loud, genuinely amused.

"Sweetie, you're just super young," she gave her back.

"He must be a lot older than you are, too, though," Carly gave her a pointed look. Jo rolled her eyes. "Is he Drew's age? Cause that's _old_," she rambled on.

"Well, I'm a lot older than you are, Carly," Jo gave her back. "It's not like he's twice _my_ age."

"Oh, so he's twice _my _age?" Carly turned back towards Jo unbelievingly. Jo smiled and shrugged her shoulders, basically agreeing to that thought. There was another long silence between them until they had reached the town of Hyattsville.

"Tell me," Jo turned over in her seat when she had parked the car at the funeral home. "Why don't you want Drew and Sal have another baby? What's this about?" Carly groaned and unbuckled her seatbelt but stayed put, thinking it seemed.

"I don't know," she said a moment later. "One's enough. And they _just _had Lyla. She's only a year and a little bit," she argued. Jo narrowed her eyes, watching her. "What?"

"Carly, listen to me," she told her. "If you let him, Andrew would bunker you up until you were forty," she started, making Carly snort. Jo's eyes and voice softened when she saw Carly bite her lip and struggle with her fingers. "You were his first baby and you'll always be his first baby. He's not replacing you with Lyla and the baby," she explained. "He's not. He-," Jo got cut off by Carly.

"Soon, they'll want me out of the house to make room. And I mean… Sally must be uncomfortable with me and all and… with the babies… and Dan having babies… and you and Alex being all… unbearably in love," she ranted on, making Jo raise her eyebrows, "I'll have nowhere to go," her voice died a little bit, and she cast her eyes down.

"How can you even think that? I don't understand," Jo shook her head, taking her hand. "I know it's always been complicated, and I know you've always been insecure about where you belong, but that's completely unfounded. Andrew has always been your dad, and I don't even know why you stopped calling him that, you did for years," Jo pointed out. "And Sally… you're doing her wrong too," she put her little sister on the spot. "She's never been anything but loving towards you. She's so sensitive around you and she's so caring, and for all I got to see the last weeks, she really grew to be your mom, too, even though she might not have always been here, ever since you were born," she put her in a rightful place. "New family additions don't change anything about that. Look, Sally and Andrew are so happy. They have their own family. And you are _part _of that family. I mean, of course, we all are family, but you guys, you're a family on your own, just like Dan and Marie and their baby are."

"And just like you and Alex are? Is that what you're saying? Alex is your family?" Jo sighed.

"Look, I don't know where this is coming from," Jo nudged her little sister and then chuckled. "You'll be done with high school in no time and you're probably going off to college and you'll be moving out and you'll be wanting to have your own life, your own… boyfriend or… family… career…," Jo told her. "I don't even know why you're not excited about that," she observed as Carly put her head back on the rest and closed her eyes. Jo ran the back of her index up and down her upper arm.

"What if I really do have a different dad? What if it's true what they say? What if… what if Andrew doesn't wanna be my dad anymore after finding out that I'm not even all your dad's daughter?" Jo gasped quietly.

"Oh, Carly, that's where this is coming from?" Carly nodded tentatively. "Oh, sweetheart, no! I didn't even know they told you in the end," she had to express her surprise for a moment, making the other one roll her eyes.

"I'm gonna pretend this is not another thing that everybody knew _but _me _despite _the fact that it concerns _only _me," she chucked out madly.

"Look, it doesn't matter _who _your biological dad is. If it matters to you, go ahead and find out. Andrew _will _support you. But what if it is true? What do you think happens then? You think Andrew cares? You think he'll… I don't know what you think he'll do, what _do_ you think?" Jo shook her head with a frown. Carly just shrugged. "Nothing is going to happen. You know why? _Because Andrew's your dad_," Jo stressed that statement. "Look, for what it's worth, Andrew's seriously been breeding over this for years now. You know why he never found the guts to tell you?" Carly shook her head. "Cause he was scared that you would run from him. He was scared that his little girl would… just leave him," Jo smiled. "He's scared, Carly, all the time. He doesn't wanna let you go. He thinks you're gonna leave him. He thinks he's gonna lose you," she told her. Carly scrunched up her face.

"I would never do that," Carly sounded taken aback. "He's my dad." Jo smiled at Carly's epiphany. _They were a weird and messed up family. But they were just that. A family. _She looked back at her curiously, when Carly snapped her head back over. "When did you get this good at communicating?" This made Jo laugh out loud.

"Oh, trust me," she shook her head. "I'm not," she chuckled. "But it's easier to contemplate things from a little bit of a distance." Carly looked at her with a frown now.

"So… are you guys taking a break, then?" Jo laughed again, suddenly feeling so easy. Everything was easy.

"No," she shook her head with a wide grin. "We're not taking a break. Alex and I are…," Jo mused.

"_…__family_," Carly ended her sister's thought. Jo looked over, and contemplated this, her head falling onto her shoulder. Then she shrugged.

"Maybe," she told her, watching as Andrew and Dan rolled into the parking space besides them, and opened her door. "We might be." Jo walked over towards the guys, standing next to Daniel, watching as Carly purposefully walked up towards an oblivious looking Andrew and hugged him tightly, leaving him in complete surprise but slowly embracing her, putting his head onto hers. Jo smiled at them and side hugged Dan. She loved her family, she did, despite all differences, all history, the distance. She did. _But maybe Carly was right. S_he had Alex, and Alex was her true family. There wasn't anyone else Jo needed but him. These past months had shown her just how much they were each other's family_. How much she needed him. _Jo felt so relieved. This really was a new day. A day on which undoubtedly she had learned to embrace what was right in front of her. Now she just had to make sure Alex knew of it as well. And _that, _she wasn't sure how long would take. _Ugh,_ _you idiot. How can one be so blind? _Jo chuckled, thinking about him. _On the other hand, this might make me love you even more. Oh, Alex._

* * *

[Alex]

Alex sat in the cab, watching the streaks of raindrops running down the car window diagonally with the speed they were driving, the window condensed with the sudden change of weather and drop in temperature in Baltimore. His thoughts were tumbling over in his mind, not being able to get into proper order. He was tired of this day, confused over all the tidbits he had gathered about what was happening between Jo and him. He was exhausted, really, from them going back and forth, never quite knowing what was happening. He looked down at the envelope in his hands, the one the nurse at Hopkins had given him after his surgery telling him this was a message from his colleague. He'd frowned at the nurse, not immediately getting the drift, quietly opening the white envelope and feeling his eyes widen when seeing a condom inside, a condom labeled with sharpie, a heart and an address scribbled onto it neatly. He'd taken out a hotel room swipe card, looking at it confusedly, sighing when realizing what Jo was trying to tell him. Alex looked up when the cab slowed down, entering a hotel kiss and ride, and spotted the familiar green lit letters on top of the building he was being led to. When the cab halted, Alex paid and got out, taking a deep breath. The lobby boy held the door open for him and he entered the lobby slowly, walking towards the elevators, remembering the path well, looking left and right, feeling the stabbing in his guts, recognizing the hotel bar Jo had refused to go to, spotting the door towards the staircase in which they'd first talked to each other, joked together, the staircase on which he had first attempted flirting with Jo, her sending him packing. The entire building was the personification of how their romance had started, how they had gotten to know each other better. Alex's guts dropped when he entered the elevator and pushed the button to the 18th floor, remembering exactly where he had to go. _What was she trying to tell him with this? What was expecting him here? _Alex gulped heavily, trying to keep his emotion in. He felt overwhelmed, exhausted, confused, irritated, scared. He sighed heavily when the door dinged and he walked out, taking a left and passing three doors before standing in front of his destination, fidgeting with the hotel card. _Was he supposed to let himself in? _He knocked apprehensively, twice, not being able to make out anything on the other side of the door. _What was this? Was she setting him up? _

Alex waited for another couple of seconds before sliding the card through the machine and watched the light turn to green, operating the handle and pushing the door in, meeting an empty room. He let the door fall close, looking around, his eyes roaming the familiar room, the desk at the window, they'd first used to get to know each other better, the mini bar they'd plundered to ease their nerves the tiniest bit, the spot they'd first kissed in, the bed they'd first had sex in, the view they'd talked about so much and had led to all kinds of other stories they'd talked about eventually. Alex bit his lower lip and felt his heart flutter the tiniest bit when thinking about how they had started out, how distant his mind-set back then seemed to him now, how far that one night seemed to him now, how much had happened since then. Alex took a cleansing breath, taking a few steps into the room and putting down his bags on the edge of the bed, placing his hands on his waist and narrowing his eyes to an item he couldn't remember having been there the last time he was in this room. He walked up to a flip chart that was written all over in Jo's neat handwriting. He tried to decode her mysterious scribbling, seeing an A and a J adorning each top corner of the paper, lots of arrows and thoughts noted down underneath them. Alex shook his head at the mind map, feeling irritation growing inside him. _What the hell was this? Why had she led him here when she wasn't even showing up herself? _

That moment, he heard the faint click of someone having swiped their room key and turned to look at Jo entering the room, her gaze down, snapping up when she realized his presence, instantly recording a smile on her features. Alex just stood, looking at her, awaiting an explanation.

"Hey," she seemed relieved somehow, as if she hadn't been sure if he'd show up after all. Alex narrowed his eyes at her, when she placed the room key and what looked like the car key down besides his stuff, walking up to him. "How long have you been waiting?" she asked him with a wrinkled forehead. When he didn't say anything, she sighed. "Sorry, I've been spending all afternoon in here since I didn't know when you'd be done and I just had to get out for a bit, I was going stir-crazy. Of course, I managed to be out at the exact time you came here," she chuckled insecurely. When Alex still didn't say anything, Jo looked up at him with big eyes, looking nervous.

"What is this?" Alex chucked out after a long silence, staring at each other.

"Well," Jo started out, flitting her eyes down to the floor nervously before matching them with his again. "I…," she gulped heavily, blushing slightly. "…wanted to return the favor," she smiled. Alex furrowed his brows. "You know… with our history of hotel rooms it seemed fitting… especially with this one," she looked around, her gaze getting caught on the bed. Alex watched her, before sighing and rubbing his forehead, shaking his head.

"Jo, I don't really know why you keep-," he started but stopped when he felt Jo put her hand on his chest and looked up at her, startled. Jo smiled at him.

"Stop talking," Jo was shaking her head as well. "I think we've established by now that we're terrible at communicating," she told him. Alex narrowed his eyes, not knowing where she was going. "Well," she rolled her eyes, "I still think you're the more terrible part of us," she laughed but her features softened when she caught a glimpse of his reaction on his face. "I'm kidding, Alex," she whispered. They stared at each other for a minute. "And besides, it's my turn." Alex looked at her and she could see that he was grinding his teeth together. "Look… I just… before I say what I wanna say… the thing I've wanted to say forever now and you just don't _let _me… I just wanna ask you… what is it do you think this is?" Jo looked at him with wide eyes. Alex felt a lump in his throat and gulped heavily.

"I know that even though I've fallen for you, this is not going anywhere… so _this _really is just sex… I know that, don't worry," he told her flatly. Jo rolled her eyes.

"I didn't wanna hear _that_ again but yeah, thanks. Um… I was just wondering… I mean… we've been… we've been doing this for so long now," Jo shook her head to emphasize her statement. "And we've been through so much… you know… being together and then being apart and I've told you how I had missed you when you were gone for a while and how I just couldn't sleep with any other guy and then everything happened with Sam and we lived together for a while and we…. I mean… I was completely depending on you, I wouldn't have made it without you, they would have had to strap me down and sedate me in first place probably… and then everything happened with my dad and you _came _here and you _stayed _and I…," she shook her head now more than ever, before stopping and sighing. "I just don't get what exactly you think I feel towards you? I mean… what is it you think about me? I mean, as amazing as the sex is and as much as it was the reason for this for the longest time, but seriously… we've long passed that state of our relationship… so what do you think? Do you think I'm… I'm using you for surgeries? Or… my career in general? Um… your house? Or what do you think I want from you if it's not a relationship? If you're so sure I don't reciprocate your feelings?" Alex looked back at her face when she stopped asking all her questions, not knowing what to say. _She had a point there… what did she want if she's not in love with him?_

"I… I don't know," he shook his head, biting his lip. Jo tilted her head and smiled sadly.

"Exactly," she nodded, her smile wider now.

"Can you just say what you want to say and then let's move on," Alex told her, his voice completely emotionally void suddenly. Jo tilted her head, pain shooting through her face, instantly nervous.

"Right, I will. Um, thing is," Jo cleared her throat, Alex spotting a speckled blush rising on her cleavage, neck and face. He watched and listened to her take a shaky breath before she matched eyes with him. "I love you." Alex felt himself go completely rigid, and Jo's hand that she still rested on his chest burn uncomfortably, his instincts telling him to take a step back, which he did after the initial second of shock and surprise. Jo let go of some accumulated air through her nose and slowly let her head fall to the side, looking at him compassionately, her arm slowly sliding down. Alex knew his face was stone and his windpipe was tightened and every muscle in his body was tense, and he knew she could see and feel it. Alex yanked his head back slightly when he observed Jo close her eyes as if in relief and chuckle, putting her face inside her palms and rubbing it. She shook her head and laughed. "Man, you have no idea how good it feels to just say that out loud," she shook her head and put down her hands to look at him with a wide smile. Alex felt his jaw clench.

"If you think you're being funny-," Alex pressed out, however, Jo immediately stopped him, her face going from relief and happiness to something between panic and anger.

"No, Alex, _no_," she took a step closer but he held out a hand for her to keep her distance, making her sigh. "Will you ever let me finish my thoughts?" She looked at him desperately with the hint of a smile playing the corners of her lips. He didn't know what to say. When they stared at each other again silently, Jo adopted a look of what he defined as… _love _on her face. _Could it be true? _"Look," Jo pointed her head over towards the flip chart and chuckled. "I actually made a mind map to sort all my thoughts and just… write down everything that has happened between us… cause seriously… as much as I don't wanna admit it but I didn't realize it either, for the longest time. So, I just write everything on here that went down between us… starting right _here_," she blushed slightly, flipping through the papers.

"Jo," Alex groaned.

"No, it's my turn," she turned back to him sharply. "Everything that has happened, everything that's going on between us, I didn't realize it for the longest time, either, Alex, but you never once gave me the chance to explain myself. You have this attitude… you have this… you are so opinionated about me and what _I _think, what _I _feel. But you never once let me say anything myself. You… I mean… you've been accusing me now of… God knows what and you haven't even let me talk. So now, I'm gonna talk and you're gonna listen, if you want to or not, you're gonna stay in here with me and you're gonna listen to what I have to say and you're gonna respect that. I'm sick of you believing bullshit about me, seriously, Alex, I'm so sick and tired of you treating me like I'm not in this just as well and as much," she blew up at him. Alex frowned, feeling insecure all of a sudden. _Had he done her wrong after all? _They stared each other down for another second or two before he nodded jerkily. "Good," she let go of the breath she was holding, smiling mildly. "Look, we've both acted like complete idiots," Jo started, laughing. "Of course I didn't realize this the longest time myself, but this was never just sex. This," she pointed in between them, "_us_," she took a step closer, "it was never just sex. Of course I didn't wanna realize and it appears you didn't either, but we were set up to fall in love with the way we behaved towards each other," she explained to him as if it was completely crystal.

"And yes," she laughed again, looking at the bed, "I never meant to fall for you either, I wanted you to distract me, for God's sake," Jo slightly pushed her palm into Alex's chest accusingly, making him chuckle softly, rolling his eyes, making her features immediately soften for getting a genuine reaction out of him. "I wanted you for sex, I knew you'd do your job… I never thought… not in my wildest dreams… I… I never thought we could have what we had these last months, what we had instead. I never thought I'd learn to love you the way I do, I never thought you were what I was looking for… what I needed. Look, I'm not mad at you, I just… apparently we were both walking into this blindly and never realized that we were both falling desperately. And all of it… all this… it turned out so messed up… I totally thought that you knew about me being in love with you, I mean I tried telling you all the freaking time… I thought you were saying… hey it's okay that you want more of this than I do but we can still keep up with the sex, you know?" she told him, his eyes fixed on hers, his whole body transfixed to the spot. "I thought you knew… and I totally panicked when you didn't like me back… when you said… all the stuff about… it being temporary and… the way you kept repeating we were _just fine _the way we were."

"I thought you wanted to break it off cause you realized I was in love with you," Alex slowly formed his thought.

"But I didn't, Alex, don't you see," Jo took another step closer. "I didn't once realize you were in love with me," she reassured him. "I just…," she looked down, shaking her head. "Alex," she turned it up to match gazes with him. "I've never felt so loved. Even though of course I didn't realize that you were in love with me, which sounds so ridiculous right now," Jo snorted. "But I've never in my life felt so loved by anyone before," she told him, her voice on the verge of breaking. "When I'm with you, all I know is that I'm safe and that I'm loved and that you'd do anything for me and… the way you look at me… it just…," Jo gulped and Alex could see her eyes glazed over. "I feel like you really love me… like… all of me. I feel like there isn't anything you'd want to change about me, just like you said, I've never felt that way before… like… like I'm enough for you. Like I deserve… to be loved like that," Jo kept shaking her head, losing a tear, wiping it away swiftly.

"How could you not know how much I love you when you felt like that?" Alex asked her, making her laugh.

"Why are you asking me that? I just told you I don't know why… and… I know I acted like a complete idiot," she admitted. "I know that now… I was just… I was so scared, Alex," she looked up and what he saw on her face made his insides cringe. He took a deep breath, rubbing his forehead, trying to think this through. _So… she'd been in love with him for a while now, thinking he just wanted her for sex and didn't say anything because she was scared he didn't feel the same way and would break it off whereas it was the very, very same for him? Was that what she was saying? That was seriously messed up! _ He looked up when Jo bridged the last bit of space between them and put her hands on his waist, running her thumbs across his abs. He watched her shake her head while she seemed to stare at a spot on his chest. When he was sure there wasn't anything else coming his way, he sighed and guided her chin up to look at him, running his thumb across her cheek.

"Jo," he started, shaking his head himself now. "You don't really love me, do you?" he asked her shakily, making her scrunch up her face.

"Um, yes, I do, trust me," she spat.

"It's okay, Jo, you don't have to… say that," he stuttered.

"Aaand you're doing it again."

"What?"

"Assuming things you just can't know," she gave him back. Alex bit his lips, chewing on that thought.

"But Jo, you said the way you like me wasn't enough… and now all of a sudden you love me?" He watched as Jo's eyes widened at this and her face morphed to amused laughter.

"Oh my goodness, is that what you think I said?" Alex inched his head to the right and looked at her sideways, narrowing his eyes.

"Well, that's what you said," he confirmed slowly. Jo closed her eyes and let her head fall onto his chest, laughing, shaking her head.

"No," she laughed uncontrollably now. "No, Alex, I did not say that."

"You said it yourself, of course you did, you said _I like you, but obviously that's not enough_," he recited the line he'd played back and forth in his mind for weeks now, the one exclamation that had devastated him and still did every time he made her say it in his mind over and over and over again.

"Alex," she stopped laughing and cupped his cheeks now, looking at him seriously. "What I meant to say was, while I like you very much, you don't seem to like me back, which would be a serious problem for establishing a relationship. I was saying one-sided affection isn't enough to keep this going," she declared. Alex felt his guts drop, looking at her incredulously, not knowing if he was feeling more stupid for having completely gotten the message wrong or if he was more shocked that this could actually mean… they were… this was… "See, I thought while I was falling in love with you, falling for you head over heels… you only wanted sex… I was thinking while I was completely in over my head with my _boss _of all people, you were trying to keep me around fo-," she tried clearing it up once again but Alex didn't care anymore what they had once thought, how wrong they had both been about each other. He rumbled down and cut her off, kissing her deeply, immediately getting an intense response out of her, her arms clasping around his neck and him picking her up, putting everything into that kiss that he had wanted to tell her for ages now. They stood there kissing for the longest minutes of their lives probably, both of them keeping up with deepening the kiss, embracing each other closer, never wanting to let go. Alex smiled when he heard her moan into the kiss and soften it a bit, still holding her so very closely and putting her down on the floor again, breaking their lips but keeping their foreheads on each other, nuzzling their noses together. "About time," Jo breathed against him mindlessly, making him chuckle, for they were standing in the very same spot as they had for their very first kiss together, they were just as passionate and she had recited just what she had said after their first kiss. And everything was just so… incredible. "Alex," Jo sighed.

"I love you," he whispered, before kissing her again, making her laugh, which kept him from catching her lips and kissed her cheek instead, her temple, sensing her shaking her head continuously before looking at him again.

"You're an idiot," she told him with a pouty lip, pulling him into another kiss.

"So are you," he gave her back between pecks. Jo chuckled.

"I know," she whined. When they looked at each other, Jo traced her thumb across his face and he realized how her face scrunched up in what looked like pain.

"Don't cry," he murmured towards her, smiling.

"I can't help myself," Jo gasped, tears running down her cheeks, pulling him closer and Alex resting his forehead against hers again. "I love you," she breathed against him, kissing him with salty lips.

"God, I can't listen to you...to us... anymore," Alex told her, making her look up at him in panic. He laughed. "This is so ridiculous," he said, infecting her.

"I know, right?" she chuckled slightly, before they both sobered up, staring at each other's eyes, both of them overwhelmed with the emotions of the day. "We're not the sappy, teary-eyed, cheesy couple from next door… this is not what we are, we're… we're…," she halted. Alex nodded.

"I know, we're not. We're just _us_," he nodded. Jo smiled before they melted into a tight hug. He sensed as she kept kissing his neck, roping herself up towards him as if wanting to get closer to him continuously. "I love you," he told her again, dead serious, not caring about how idiotic they both sounded. "I'm not going anywhere, Jo," he assured her. "I love you."

* * *

[Finally in unison]

_We all think we're going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives. _

Alex and Jo lay on the bed, staring at the window front that was washed down with rain from the outside, the streaks becoming thicker towards the bottom and melting away towards the streets, gathering into puddles that of course, they couldn't see from their position on the bed. Watching the rain pour down, though, calmed them immensely. As if in trance, following the orders of the rain, Alex traced streaks up and down Jo's arm with his fingertips, holding her tightly towards him. It was comforting to lie there, feeling how Jo's back perfectly adjusted to his chest, warmth engulfing them, watching the cold weather outside, cuddling in between the sheets of the hotel bed. It was overwhelming to have her lie in his arms, knowing, as of this moment, she was actually his. There were no more doubts, no more arguing, she was his, and it overwhelmed him. He kissed her neck for the umpteenth time, holding her a tiny bit tighter, Jo's fingers reciprocating that sentiment and firmly held onto his arms. Funnily, looking back on their developing relationship over the months, all they really did was sleep together, whereas this time, they hadn't even gotten to it, getting distracted so much with breaking their kisses to stare at each other, tell the other nonsensical stuff mostly, touch each other. Now they were staring at the rain, together, feeling like everything was right in the world.

"Are you freaking out yet?"

Alex sighed against Jo's neck at hearing the words, kissing her again.

"How many times are you planning to ask me this tonight?" he gave her back, making her smile and shrug. "Are you?" She shrugged again, making him pull her even closer and kiss her again, stretching his neck to get to her cheek and temple.

"I'm scared," she admitted quietly after a while.

"I know, me too," Alex agreed. "This is big," she nodded at his words. "But being scared is not a reason to freak out. We'll do just fine, we've been doing this, it's nothing new," he reassured her.

"What if you stop loving me from one day to the next?"

"Hell freezes over," Alex gave her back dryly.

"No, I'm serious, Alex," Jo snapped at him. There was a slight pause, Alex just nuzzling his nose on her shoulder, letting her think it through. "I've never… I haven't… I mean…," Jo grumbled. When she spoke up next her voice was so quiet, Alex could barely follow. "There hasn't ever been a person in my life, saying they love me…," she confessed. Alex closed his eyes, trying to blank out the pain in her voice and the pain that was settling inside him. "Ever."

"I love you," Alex repeated. He sensed Jo's smile, even though he had his eyes closed.

"So you keep saying," she whispered, making him puff out a hot cloud of breath through his nose with his smile, kissing her shoulder over and over and over again. "And you…," her voice was so soft, almost insecure. "You keep telling me that… that… you love… like… _all of me_… and I don't even know what that means, seriously! But then… when you look at me… I just really feel… I feel like… you really do love all of me… as in every tiny little bit… every facet… every mood… every clipped toenail…," she sighed.

"Well, I don't know about that," Alex had arrived at her neck now, sucking at it when she chuckled. They stayed in silence for a bit, Alex sucking and kissing her neck while Jo had brought up her hand to cup his head while he did so, eliciting moans from her, sighs, their untroubled existence only ending when they heard an irritating buzz from besides them. They both looked down at the vibrating phone lying in front of them on the comforter that was announcing a message for Alex. Jo felt him huff against her, and she bit her lower lip before she slowly turned around in his embrace.

"Hey, so… can I ask you something?" she looked down at his chest where Alex was holding her hand. Alex didn't say anything but when she looked up at his eyes, she realized he was waiting for her to do so. She blushed slightly, making him raise his eyebrows, before getting it out, though. "We're… we're exclusive now, right? As in… you know…," she stuttered. Alex snorted.

"I'd think so after all this freaking neverending confusion," she cracked a smile at him when he leaned down and touched their lips together ever so softly before pulling back again and matching eyes. "Why?"

"Umm… so…," Jo blushed harder, averting her eyes and fidgeting. "Can I just… umm… can I ask about Lucy now? Can I be… umm… I guess… jealous now?" Jo smiled a sheepish smile when looking up at him, making him throw everything away and laugh out loud, holding her towards him, hugging her. When he pulled back, she was pouting. "Don't laugh at me… I'm just… look… she's texting you _all _the freaking time," she made her point.

"Oh, so you know about that?" he winked at her, making her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, I can see it flash when it comes in, I've never read them, no worries," she told him. Alex smiled.

"There's no need whatsoever to be jealous, even though," Alex cranked his head and looked at the ceiling. "I might even like that… just a little though…," he smiled at her. Jo chuckled and looked down, feeling stupid. Alex cupped her chin and guided up her eyes, their gazes melting into each other. "She's no threat to you whatsoever, Jo," he reassured her, making butterflies circle her stomach. "Mostly she just keeps in touch about the project. And when she's not, I've told her before that we're over, so over. But it doesn't matter anyways cause I don't even have eyes or ears or lips for her… you just capture me wholly…," he admitted, making her smile.

"I do?"

"You do, absolutely," Alex nodded, before they leaned in for the next kiss, their craving towards each other never seeming to stop.

"Do you think it's only gonna be a… a… fling? You know… I mean… do you think it'll last…?"

"How should I know?" Alex gave her back. "I have no idea… but Jo, we've only been doing this for about seven months… and I just told you that I love you…so…," he told her matter-of-factly.

"I know," Jo scrunched up her face. "I know," she repeated. "I've been thinking the same thing… this is so weird, like… I've been with other guys for years and I didn't once say it… or feel it much for that matter… but with you… I'm serious… I'm not just saying that. I _love _you," Jo nodded. "And I just… I'm scared that it'll overwhelm you… that it'll be too much," she explained.

"It's a lot, yeah, but I want this, Jo. I promise you I want this. I want _you_. So please… can we just leave it at that cause I'm having a really hard time not getting exasperated with all this talk about how much I love you and how much you love me and how we're gonna stay together forever and how we're gonna have five kids and two dogs and a hamster and how we're gonna grow old together, sitting on a porch, picking at each other lovingly," Alex gave her a piece of his mind, making her cackle.

"I never said all that," she noted, having raised her eyebrows towards her hairline. "You just made that all up," she winked at him. "You wanna tell me something?" Her grin spread across her face. Alex rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," he told her before taking her into a deep kiss. When they broke it after several minutes, out of breath, a layer of their clothing lighter, pressed up against each other, Jo mumbled against his lips.

"Remember our first time? The first time you kissed me like this and I just couldn't cope?" Alex smiled against her, making Jo mirror it, and he nodded. "It's so crazy to think where we were back then and where we are right now… I mean… look at us! We just… we could have never guessed how this one night would change our lives so drastically… right?"

"Mhm," Alex agreed with his eyes closed.

"But the way you kissed me….," Jo mused, getting cut off by Alex kissing her, Jo's hands anchoring in his hair, pulling him closer, kissing him deeper, letting go of the moan she needed to get rid of.

"Like that?" Alex breathed in between, his hands wandering off, down her spine and cupping her ass.

"Exactly," Jo's eyes rolled back into her orbs. "I never meant to… I… I never even thought about going into a relationship again… not now… not like this…," she added.

"Not with me?"

"Well… no… I never thought so, no," she agreed. "I mean… seriously?" she pulled back an inch to focus on their conversation. "How's everyone gonna react?" she asked him, insecurity lacing her voice. "Or do you plan on keeping us secret again?" her face fell for a second. Alex smiled and rolled his eyes.

"We did not just go through all this to keep this an affair. I'm so over that, just so you know," he told her. Jo laughed.

"Good, good. I don't want that either. I wanna be with you… always. But… seriously, how are we gonna do this? You're an attending… I'm an intern… how's everyone gonna react? They're not gonna like this," she pondered.

"Just don't freak out, alright? They already know anyways… they all do, even Hunt knows… they all saw us and they all know we're a thing… and especially with us making it official, they _can't _say anything."

"But what if they do? I don't wanna be the intern everybody looks down at because they think I'm sleeping my way up," she whined.

"Well… you didn't exactly think this through, right?" Alex laughed. "I mean, nobody's gonna think anything about you sleeping with me because I'm your boss… there's always been people sleeping around no matter who they were… but you do know that they're all gonna make fun of you for falling for _me_? As in… the guy everybody's had sex with…," he told her. Jo looked back at him in pain and then cupped his cheeks, staying silent for a while, and then shaking her head.

"Don't worry about me thinking like that for a second, alright? I know you, Alex… I don't care how many people you've slept with back there… they don't know you. _I _know you. I don't care what they think about me, I wanna be with you and I will be. Don't worry for a second that I won't wanna be with you. I do. Always. I want this, I want you. And I don't want it for a little bit or a little while, I'm in this. I mean it, Alex, _I'm in this. _All the way," she told him with emphasis, picking up on his own insecurities.

"Okay," he accepted her speech in a hushed voice. They lay in silence for a long, long while, hugging, kissing and staring at each other before Jo smiled up at him again, going through his hair.

"So…," she dragged that statement. "When you say, you take or you want all of me… does that mean you even take me without the sex… as in compared to what we were doing lately?" Alex yanked his head back and frowned at her.

"What about _all of you _don't you get?" Jo threw her head back and laughed joyfully, making him smile as well. When she quieted, they inched back together again, rubbing their noses against each other.

"So, I don't have to be scared that you'll never touch me again?" Alex chuckled.

"Yeah, as if," he told her, both of them laughing and Jo eventually initiating a longer kiss, rolling them over for him to touch down between her legs, both moaning. When they pulled back one last time to look at each other, they both smiled widely, losing themselves in the other's eyes, realizing the truth about each other, the absolutely terrifying and at the same time incredibly comforting truth about what had become of them. And even though they had needed too long, and then again not long at all, to get there and neither of them had expected this turn, they looked at each other now and knew, that there wasn't anything or anyone else meant for them, they were meant to love each other.

_When something begins, you generally have no idea how it's going to end. The dump you were going to live in becomes your personal hell. The family you thought you had evolves and builds their own, leaving no space for you. __The home you've called just that for years turns out to be a shell filled with empty rooms. The family that you thought was never gonna hoard around you, comes in as your new roommate. Your new roommate turns out to be your new family, your new home. And the one-night stand you were determined to forget becomes the love of your life._

_-The end._

* * *

_That's it! And that'll be it for a while! Thanks for reading, you guys!_

**_Afterthoughts._**

#1: Weirdly, there should have been an Amber/Aaron part in this story, I can remember it clearly I just… I can't seem to find it and during re-reading I kept waiting for it to come up but it never did and now it just crossed my mind that I must have deleted it… I remember the scenes perfectly well, Aaron coming to visit and meeting Jo at the house and then spoiling their secret at the hospital with recognizing her from the house… very weird but yeah… as said, I must have deleted it…

#2: Some of you were confused about how/when they were falling in love... I hope that got cleared up. If not, similarly to Change of Plans, I have this timeline (which in this case covers what they were feeling for each other in different settings and over time) that I'm happy to share if someone's interested. Just let me know and I'll send it to you if you have an account.

#3: I wasn't 100% pleased with the last three chapters, I'm still not. Therefore, it makes me immensely happy that you seem to have taken to them exceptionally well! This will also be the reason why I'm not planning to write anything much in the immediate future because I have limited time and even though I probably _could _put out, but I'd never be satisfied with the outcome because I don't have the time to give my all to writing. I just know, I could have done so much better, and that bugs me, so next time I'm gonna publish something, whenever and whatever that might be, I will surely take the time to.

#4: Speaking of which, I created this poll thingy... this is the first time I do this and I hope it works as I imagine... anyways, even though I'm currently not planning to write anything, I have juggled about some ideas and I've thought about what I'd like to write and since there were suggestions/prompts about what to write in the reviews now and again, I thought I'd take your opinions into account. So if you wanna give me input on what you like reading, please vote on that poll on my profile. I'd really appreciate that!

#5: Again, thank you so much, all of you! Every single reader means the world to me, you have no idea!


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